My Bad!
Notes
Transcript
He was a man who had sold out his nation. Not only did he use his position of power to support the party that was tearing his nation apart, he used his position of power to rob his countrymen, building a comfortable life on the skeletons of his family and his friends.
He loved money more than his country. He loved money more than his family. He loved money more than his God.
We would call him a scoundrel, a lying politician, a sell-out. Everything that is wrong with the system.
He was given a job to collect taxes for his country. The party in control of the government allowed tax collectors to pad the government numbers, collecting more than necessary and keeping that excess for themselves.
Understandably, these tax collectors were hated for their abuse of power for their own wealth.
He was addicted to money, which caused him to ruin his nation and his family.
Not a good guy.
One day, he heard that a famous preacher was coming through his town. For some strange reason, he wanted to see him.
Unfortunately, the crowd around the venue where this preacher was, was too huge and he could see the guy.
Did I mention that he was very short?
Nothing against the short people in the room. But, this man was known for only two things: he was sold his nation out and he was very short.
He couldn’t see the guy, So he climbed a tree in order to see the preacher.
Then, the preacher walks through the crowd and stands below the scoundrel’s perch and yells:
“Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today!”
Everyone around begins to mutter at Jesus. Why would he spend time with such trash? Doesn’t he know who that man in the tree is? Doesn’t he know what he has done?
Zacchaeus comes down from the tree, in awe at the mercy of Jesus Christ and says:
But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.”
Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”
Zacchaeus, after meeting Jesus, realized his sins and turned from them. But, was not content with turning from his sins, he wanted to repair the damage that his sin had caused. He repented and sought reconciliation.
Addiction experts call it the process of amends.
Let’s see where we’ve been:
We are powerless
God has the power
We must trust Him in faith
We must make a fearless moral inventory
We must be people who confess
We must be people who repent
We must be people who follow
We must be people who forgive
We must be people who make amends
Broken relationships teach us that life is all about us, that we don’t have to care about the other person. I just care about myself and what makes me feel good. Which is exactly what leads us into sin and addiction.
We make direct amends whenever possible, submitting to God, His Word, and biblical counsel.
Let’s look at our text:
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Such a short simple verse, and yet so hard to practice.
Pray
A. Call to Make Amends
A. Call to Make Amends
Paul said:
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Now, we all know that there are situations where people do not want to be friends, they do not want to reconcile. Maybe its because they have refused to repent of a sin that they have done. Maybe it’s because they have refused to forgive us for sins that we have committed. Whatever the reason, there are relationships which are impossible to reconcile.
However, Paul did not say, at all times live at peace with everyone. He said: if it is possible, as for as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
It’s called keeping your side of the street clean.
I’ve gotten my kids addicted to watching Andy Griffith. Great show. From time to time, either Floyd the Barber or the man who owns the grocery store, will be outside their establishment sweeping the sidewalk. Everyone in that town had the responsibility to keep the sidewalk in front of their own store clean. If everyone did it, the streets would be clean.
As far as it depended on them, the streets would be clean.
They focused on cleaning their own spot, leaving the other parts of the sidewalk to those owners.
As far as it depends on us, we are to live at peace with everyone. We take what we are responsible for, whether it is offering forgiveness, as we discussed last week, or whether it is seeking reconciliation with those we have hurt.
Jesus said:
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
What does reconciliation mean?
Simply, it is to restore harmony or friendship between two entities formerly divided.
Forgiveness is a choice to release someone of their debt. Reconciliation does not have to occur. Reconciliation is when both sides understand truly what happened and work together to restore that relationship.
For reconciliation to truly occur, the offended party must step up and make amends. Its the second step in reconciliation.
Consider our salvation: Jesus died on the cross, earning our forgiveness, he took our punishment on himself. He made the way for us to be reconciled with God.
When we turn to him in faith, accepting his gift of salvation, the Holy Spirit is given to us, whereby we realize all the ways that we have sinned against God. He convicts us.
When he comes, he will prove the world to be in the wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment:
Which causes us to repent, to confess as we discussed several weeks ago, agreeing with God in how he sees our sin. Reconciliation happens through that process of salvation, we see what we have done and we come to God as the only one who can heal us.
In the same way, reconciliation happens when we who have offended finally realize what we have done and we drop everything and go to the one we have hurt, seeking peace with them.
This isn’t easy. Truthfully, if left to ourselves, we will want to run the opposite direction. Forget what happened. Why? because we are scared of what will happen when we admit the harm that we caused.
But God says: as far as it depends on you, live at peace with all people.
2. Steps of Making Amends
2. Steps of Making Amends
Now, what is this process of reconciliation. When God convicts us of how we have hurt someone else, what is the process of reconciliation?
Well,
First, we don’t say: “I’m sorry.” Sorry is an emotion and has nothing to do with repentance.
We first take out a sheet of paper. We write down what we did, why it was wrong, how it made the offended feel, and what we are going to do about it.
We don’t do it just for sins that people know about. Sometimes we hurt people without them knowing it was us. Sometimes we hurt people without them knowing they were hurt.
If God convicts of us something, we will take the step to own that sin and make amends. We don’t do it to restore our image. We don’t do it to wound someone else. We don’t do it so that they will make amends if they hurt us. We don’t do it to punish ourselves for our sin. We do it because God has called us to live at peace.
Here are some characteristics of Biblical Amends
A humble attitude of repentance, love, and obedience
An honest and specific confession of sin
An apology
A request for forgiveness
Willingness to make restitution for losses
Readiness to share Christ
Steps of Change.
Making amends shows that we understand as much as we are able what we did and the impact of our actions. We show that we want to rebuild trust by making restitution. Just like Zacchaeus paid everyone he had cheated four times the amount he had took.
After we write down what we did, why it was wrong, how it made the offended feel, and what restitution we should offer, we then write in the margin when we are going to talk with them. And we tell someone about it. Left to ourselves, we will not willingly make amends. We all need accountability.
Sometimes, we cannot make amends face-to-face. In those situations, we can write a letter.
What does the amend process look like? Well, here is a short video of a letter of amends:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOac0oGqAmI&t=12s (4 minutes)
The process of amends is very humbling, but it is so good to see God work through reconciliation.
Unfortunately, there are times when amends cannot happen. The person you hurt is dead, and now you have to live with regret. You can still write that letter to them, find some close friends and read them the letter, and cry together, and pray together.
Perhaps the person is still alive, but it wouldn’t be wise to make direct amends. Perhaps there was sexual sin and the person is now married to another person. Perhaps the person was physically abusive, or the person might hurt people in their family or yours. Perhaps the person broke the law with you and would stop you from confessing to authorities.
There are many reasons when you would not make amends face-to-face, or right away. Always talk over these situations with a trusted, Godly friend or mentor. In these types of situations, write a letter and hold onto it, praying that god would give you an opportunity to live in peace with these people.
We never avoid making amends because we are trying to avoid difficult situations, like divorce, damage to a career, financial hardship, or jail.
We step up because God is calling us to live at peace. To live with truth. To seek reconciliation.
3. Results of Making Amends
3. Results of Making Amends
So, we prepare. We pray. We confide. And finally, we take the plunge and talk to the person we hurt.
From time to time, Maggie and I have couch talks. We don’t have as many as we use to have. Either we have become more busy, or more sanctified, or more callous. Who knows.
But sometimes we still have those couch talks. We sit down, and I know that I should say something, and I really do not want to.
But, after listening to her talk about life for about 15 minutes, I finally butt in and say: I’ve got to say something.
Maggie, I didn’t treat you right this morning. I was stressed about what I had to do today and I allowed my stress to affect my words. What I said this morning and the way I said it was not loving, in fact it was very hurtful. I can imagine that it made you feel inferior and not valued. Please forgive me. I am going to try to let you know how I am feeling when I am stressed before it builds to the point of affecting my words and my tone.
Now, sometimes, the amends will be greater, because it has to do with our addictions, or perhaps we broke the law, but we still have to say them, seeking that peace.
After we speak, we are silent, allowing the person to process what we said. Often people will need to see us living faithfully before they become willing to trust us again.
Hopefully, they will receive our confession and steps of trust with forgiveness, allowing for reconciliation.
Often people will need
Perhaps, they will confess their own hurt that they have done towards us, allowing us to vocalize forgiveness. Which would be great!
Sometimes, even though we have come humbly, confessing, and offering restitution, they will respond in anger. Which is when we remember the first part of our passage:
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.
We acknowledge again that we hurt them and their feelings are justified. We hope that sometime God will bring them the healing that they need, so that they could forgive us. And we still offer our restitution.
Sometimes, through amends, we will receive consequences that we do not want. Perhaps imprisonment, divorce, job-loss.
Previously, we’ve kept sin hidden to avoid consequences and to protect the false world build around our cover-up. We lie to protect our lives, live in inauthentic relationships, and medicate ourselves to escape the burden of our guilt and shame.
God wants to free us from the cycle of sin. When we decide to quit hiding sin and trust our lives to Christ, he leads us to spiritual freedom by directing us to live in the truth. Embracing this spiritual freedom brings new life—even when it costs us the world we have been managing.
Some of us might be hiding sins that we committed years ago, and confessing and making amends could bring life-changing consequences.
One addiction expert writes this:
Remember that God is good.
Pray for God’s power to overcome sin and heal the damage caused by that sin.
Our job is to be faithful to God, not to manage consequences. We entrusted our lives to him, so we follow him and allow him to be God.
Don’t go through amends alone. God has designed us to live in community. Fellow Christians give us the strength to say no to sin and to continue through the hard steps of following Jesus.
Don’t settle for less than God’s best. Even when it feels like you may lose everything, follow Christ. His path is a path of blessing.
Cut off all ties to the sin that trapped us previously and do as much as is appropriate to make restitution for our sins.
Remain devoted to Christ and follow him. As others see Christ in us, God will bring healthy relationships built in truth and love.
It is a messy process. But, it is necessary as we turn from our sins and turn to God, seeking relationships for his glory and our good.
I’m grateful that Jesus came for the mess.