Emotion Wheel: Regret
Notes
Transcript
Emotion Wheel: Regret
Emotion Wheel: Regret
When Jesus had finished saying all these things, he said to his disciples, “As you know, Passover begins in two days, and the Son of Man will be handed over to be crucified.” At that same time the leading priests and elders were meeting at the residence of Caiaphas, the high priest, plotting how to capture Jesus secretly and kill him. “But not during the Passover celebration,” they agreed, “or the people may riot.” Meanwhile, Jesus was in Bethany at the home of Simon, a man who had previously had leprosy. While he was eating, a woman came in with a beautiful alabaster jar of expensive perfume and poured it over his head. The disciples were indignant when they saw this. “What a waste!” they said. “It could have been sold for a high price and the money given to the poor.” But Jesus, aware of this, replied, “Why criticize this woman for doing such a good thing to me? You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have me. She has poured this perfume on me to prepare my body for burial. I tell you the truth, wherever the Good News is preached throughout the world, this woman’s deed will be remembered and discussed.” Then Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve disciples, went to the leading priests and asked, “How much will you pay me to betray Jesus to you?” And they gave him thirty pieces of silver. From that time on, Judas began looking for an opportunity to betray Jesus. On the first day of the Festival of Unleavened Bread, the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Where do you want us to prepare the Passover meal for you?” “As you go into the city,” he told them, “you will see a certain man. Tell him, ‘The Teacher says: My time has come, and I will eat the Passover meal with my disciples at your house.’ ” So the disciples did as Jesus told them and prepared the Passover meal there. When it was evening, Jesus sat down at the table with the Twelve. While they were eating, he said, “I tell you the truth, one of you will betray me.” Greatly distressed, each one asked in turn, “Am I the one, Lord?” He replied, “One of you who has just eaten from this bowl with me will betray me. For the Son of Man must die, as the Scriptures declared long ago. But how terrible it will be for the one who betrays him. It would be far better for that man if he had never been born!” Judas, the one who would betray him, also asked, “Rabbi, am I the one?” And Jesus told him, “You have said it.” As they were eating, Jesus took some bread and blessed it. Then he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, “Take this and eat it, for this is my body.” And he took a cup of wine and gave thanks to God for it. He gave it to them and said, “Each of you drink from it, for this is my blood, which confirms the covenant between God and his people. It is poured out as a sacrifice to forgive the sins of many. Mark my words—I will not drink wine again until the day I drink it new with you in my Father’s Kingdom.” Then they sang a hymn and went out to the Mount of Olives. On the way, Jesus told them, “Tonight all of you will desert me. For the Scriptures say, ‘God will strike the Shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’ But after I have been raised from the dead, I will go ahead of you to Galilee and meet you there.” Peter declared, “Even if everyone else deserts you, I will never desert you.” Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, Peter—this very night, before the rooster crows, you will deny three times that you even know me.” “No!” Peter insisted. “Even if I have to die with you, I will never deny you!” And all the other disciples vowed the same. Then Jesus went with them to the olive grove called Gethsemane, and he said, “Sit here while I go over there to pray.” He took Peter and Zebedee’s two sons, James and John, and he became anguished and distressed. He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” Then he returned to the disciples and found them asleep. He said to Peter, “Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour? Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!” Then Jesus left them a second time and prayed, “My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done.” When he returned to them again, he found them sleeping, for they couldn’t keep their eyes open. So he went to pray a third time, saying the same things again. Then he came to the disciples and said, “Go ahead and sleep. Have your rest. But look—the time has come. The Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Up, let’s be going. Look, my betrayer is here!” And even as Jesus said this, Judas, one of the twelve disciples, arrived with a crowd of men armed with swords and clubs. They had been sent by the leading priests and elders of the people. The traitor, Judas, had given them a prearranged signal: “You will know which one to arrest when I greet him with a kiss.” So Judas came straight to Jesus. “Greetings, Rabbi!” he exclaimed and gave him the kiss. Jesus said, “My friend, go ahead and do what you have come for.” Then the others grabbed Jesus and arrested him. But one of the men with Jesus pulled out his sword and struck the high priest’s slave, slashing off his ear. “Put away your sword,” Jesus told him. “Those who use the sword will die by the sword. Don’t you realize that I could ask my Father for thousands of angels to protect us, and he would send them instantly? But if I did, how would the Scriptures be fulfilled that describe what must happen now?” Then Jesus said to the crowd, “Am I some dangerous revolutionary, that you come with swords and clubs to arrest me? Why didn’t you arrest me in the Temple? I was there teaching every day. But this is all happening to fulfill the words of the prophets as recorded in the Scriptures.” At that point, all the disciples deserted him and fled. Then the people who had arrested Jesus led him to the home of Caiaphas, the high priest, where the teachers of religious law and the elders had gathered. Meanwhile, Peter followed him at a distance and came to the high priest’s courtyard. He went in and sat with the guards and waited to see how it would all end. Inside, the leading priests and the entire high council were trying to find witnesses who would lie about Jesus, so they could put him to death. But even though they found many who agreed to give false witness, they could not use anyone’s testimony. Finally, two men came forward who declared, “This man said, ‘I am able to destroy the Temple of God and rebuild it in three days.’ ” Then the high priest stood up and said to Jesus, “Well, aren’t you going to answer these charges? What do you have to say for yourself?” But Jesus remained silent. Then the high priest said to him, “I demand in the name of the living God—tell us if you are the Messiah, the Son of God.” Jesus replied, “You have said it. And in the future you will see the Son of Man seated in the place of power at God’s right hand and coming on the clouds of heaven.” Then the high priest tore his clothing to show his horror and said, “Blasphemy! Why do we need other witnesses? You have all heard his blasphemy. What is your verdict?” “Guilty!” they shouted. “He deserves to die!” Then they began to spit in Jesus’ face and beat him with their fists. And some slapped him, jeering, “Prophesy to us, you Messiah! Who hit you that time?” Meanwhile, Peter was sitting outside in the courtyard. A servant girl came over and said to him, “You were one of those with Jesus the Galilean.” But Peter denied it in front of everyone. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said. Later, out by the gate, another servant girl noticed him and said to those standing around, “This man was with Jesus of Nazareth.” Again Peter denied it, this time with an oath. “I don’t even know the man,” he said. A little later some of the other bystanders came over to Peter and said, “You must be one of them; we can tell by your Galilean accent.” Peter swore, “A curse on me if I’m lying—I don’t know the man!” And immediately the rooster crowed. Suddenly, Jesus’ words flashed through Peter’s mind: “Before the rooster crows, you will deny three times that you even know me.” And he went away, weeping bitterly. Very early in the morning the leading priests and the elders of the people met again to lay plans for putting Jesus to death. Then they bound him, led him away, and took him to Pilate, the Roman governor. When Judas, who had betrayed him, realized that Jesus had been condemned to die, he was filled with remorse. So he took the thirty pieces of silver back to the leading priests and the elders. “I have sinned,” he declared, “for I have betrayed an innocent man.” “What do we care?” they retorted. “That’s your problem.” Then Judas threw the silver coins down in the Temple and went out and hanged himself. The leading priests picked up the coins. “It wouldn’t be right to put this money in the Temple treasury,” they said, “since it was payment for murder.” After some discussion they finally decided to buy the potter’s field, and they made it into a cemetery for foreigners. That is why the field is still called the Field of Blood. This fulfilled the prophecy of Jeremiah that says, “They took the thirty pieces of silver— the price at which he was valued by the people of Israel, and purchased the potter’s field, as the Lord directed.”
I mentioned that for most of my life I struggled to be in touch with my emotions.
I linked an emotionless life to godliness.
I believed that God was able to move past emotions and simply make the decisions that needed to be made.
And I learned something about emotions from my friends at DM:
***Emotions are information***
We are going to take one primary emotion around the center of the wheel each week and explore it through a biblical character.
Last week we did Happiness.
This week, we are going to cover a category of Disgust, Regret.
Regret is not on this chart, but it is on others.
Let’s be interactive.
When I say ‘regret’ what is the first thought in your mind?
Was it a person? A situation? Yourself?
And object, like money, house, car?
How about here in church?
If I were to suggest ‘regret, God, scripture, Jesus’ do any of those conjure a different answer in your mind?
How many of you associate regret with God?
Let’s dispel that idea right now.
But it is challenging, because we don’t really see God taking on this emotion.
The verse below is a close one, but honestly, we are not sure what to do with original language (Hebrew or Greek)
Genesis 6:5–7 “The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And the Lord regretted that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart. So the Lord said, “I will blot out man whom I have created from the face of the land, man and animals and creeping things and birds of the heavens, for I am sorry that I have made them.””
In the text here, you can pickup a sense of disgust, our primary category.
But is it really disgust?
We could read this to say that the LORD was disgusted by what he saw and he experienced regret.
So, let’s take a look at some differences in this emotion and how it can play out in our lives:
Typically, but not always…
Disappointment and regret arise when an outcome is not what we wanted, counted on, or thought would happen.
With disappointment, we often, but not always, believe the outcome was out of our control.
With regret, we believe the outcome was caused by our decisions and actions.
Dr. Brown supplied that information. Making me think…
What is or was the catalyst that led to the un-wanted outcome?
For God, in this Genesis passage, the catalyst is rebellious divine beings who left their territory in the unseen realm, came to earth, and brought a new level of evil into the lives of humanity.
Meaning, our understanding of the passage is complicated because the humans, the divine beings, and God all play a role.
Is God taking responsibility for the outcome?
He determined to add humanity to his divine family, yes…
Yet, if you add children to your family is it your responsibility to ENSURE they get along and behave?
If yes, then you want robots
If no, then you want humans
You can see how this is complicated in your life.
If you wrestle with this, you might, nay, you need to talk to an uninterested third party to help you sort it out.
Because…
Disappointment sucks
Regret can be torture
Relationally
Mentally
Physically
Regret can be a weapon
Used against others
Used against you
Used against yourself
Dr. Brene Brown wrote in Atlas of the Heart, “While some people disagree with me, I firmly believe that regret is one of our most powerful emotional reminders that reflection, change, and growth are necessary. In our research, regret emerged as a function of empathy. And, when used constructively, it’s a call to courage and a path toward wisdom.”
She speaks of the idea of living with ‘no regrets’ as equal to living a daring and adventurous life.
She disagrees.
The idea of ‘no regrets’ does not mean living with courage…
Men’s Christian Conference…
It means living without reflection.
To live without regret is to believe we have nothing to learn, no amends to make, and no opportunity to be brave in our life.
She mentioned we avoid regret because it often comes with…
Self-blame
Sometimes guilt
The most often regretted thing is often the failure of courage:
To be kinder
To show up
To say how we feel
To set boundaries
To be good to ourselves
To say something scary
I have met fathers who regret how much time they worked and how little time they spent with family.
I have personal experience with that.
My father voicing that to me, which was the bravest thing I ever saw a man do
And me, saying the same thing to my children when I spent many weeks and months on the road.
Regret is a powerful instructor, just as it was in our story about Jesus:
Jesus did not regret the perfume being poured on him.
Jesus did not regret picking the twelve, even though he knew they would abandon him.
The disciples don’t show regret at their exhaustion or even when they slice a guys ear.
Jesus shows disgust when they do cut a guys ear.
But we see it in the obvious and not so obvious place:
Peter weeps bitterly, regretfully, because he had no courage and even uttered a curse of death upon himself.
And the unexpected is Judas, whose courage leads to regret, which strengthens him to take his own life.
Genesis 6:5-7 “The Lord saw that great was the evil of humanity on the earth, and that each thought formed in their heart was evil every day. And the Lord compassionately loved that he had made man on the earth, for He was tormented in His heart. So the Lord said, “I will wipe clean from face of the land the humans whom I have created; humans and animals and creeping things and birds of the heavens, for I am compassionate because I have made them.””
You see, God wouldn’t be tormented in his heart if he did not love humanity.
If he hated them, he would simply let them suffer, but he does not.
Think of what they must be doing to each other to bring God to this point?
The emotional flag, data point, of regret can lead to healthy love for God, others, and yourself.
I wonder if Peter had time to reflect on that moment.
I am sure he did…
Did regret become a mental weapon formed against Peter?
Did the others chastise him for it?
I think Peter let regret instruct him through the Spirit of God:
Now, who will want to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it. So don’t worry or be afraid of their threats. Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your hope as a believer, always be ready to explain it. But do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear. Then if people speak against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ. Remember, it is better to suffer for doing good, if that is what God wants, than to suffer for doing wrong!
Emotion Wheel: Regret
Emotion Wheel: Regret