The Godly Wife
Notes
Transcript
What is a woman? This is a question our society is confused on today. With the issues surrounding transgenderism and blurring the lines of gender roles, we have politicians, professors, and everyday people who cannot define what a woman is. Just like being a man is more than biology, being a woman is more that biology. God has made women unique, and today we are going to talk about a woman’s unique contribution to the family.
We return to last week’s passage today:
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Last week, we talked heavily about what makes a godly husband. While it was not designed to be a sermon that provides six easy steps to being a godly man, it provided some essentials to living out what a godly husband should look like. A godly husband owns the responsibility to lead, models sacrificial love, and understands the one flesh dynamic. What we do to our wives, we do to ourselves. Today will focus primarily on the wives, but gentlemen, this does not let you off the hook this morning.
Paul’s instructions in this passage are rooted in acknowledging that God has established a created order. He has a design for how the world ought to function. The current state is that of brokenness as both man and woman have chosen their way over God’s way. The tensions we have in marital relationships come directly from the consequences of the fall in Genesis 3. The Bible teaches us that just as Christ is the head of his church (responsible for leadership, protection, sanctifying, etc.), the husband plays that role in the home. Therefore, wives are subject to their husbands, but we are going to talk about what that means.
If women are to live out their God-given purpose, they need to remember three principles for being a godly wife.
Women are cherished, valuable, and critical to the mission of God.
Women are cherished, valuable, and critical to the mission of God.
When we read Genesis 2, God created the man, Adam, then said it was not good for him to be alone. Now remember, this is not a mistake on God’s part. He did not forget to make a woman. He did not make a mistake. Rather, he forms the rest of the animals, brings them before Adam, and Adam gives them names. God is helping Adam exercise dominion by allowing him the authority to name the animals. God said he was going to make a suitable helper for him. The entire animal kingdom are helpers, but they are not suitable helpers. They can help with a variety of things. We use cattle, sheep, horses, donkeys, and all sorts of animals for all sorts of things. But they cannot help Adam exercise dominion. They cannot help Adam be fruitful and multiply. They cannot help Adam with companionship. Therefore, it was not good for man to be alone. He needed a suitable helper. So God put the man to sleep, removed a rib, and used it to fashion the woman.
Ladies, I want you to remember something. Woman was God’s idea. Adam didn’t ask God to create a woman. There is no indication that he was even aware he was alone. God took the initiative. God had the perfect design plan. God knew man was going to need woman. God knew man was going to need a helper suitable for him. God knew man was going to need someone coequal, so God gave man the gift of woman. Adam took one look at Eve and said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man.” Don’t miss the gravity of this statement. I don’t think Adam was simply making a statement. I think in his statement he saw beauty, he saw value, and he saw an image bearer of almighty God standing before him. Adam saw his wife without any of the stereotypes or cliches you and I have carried for our entire existence. Adam saw his wife for exactly what God intended her to be: an indispensible part of the mission of God. Ladies, you are cherished. You are valuable. You are critical to the mission of God.
The word helper in Genesis 2 does not mean one who is subordinate or inferior. Rather, it carries with it the idea of being opposite, but on equal standing. The role of woman from the outset was to be a co-laborer and collaborator alongside her husband. The problem is the fall of man brought sin in the world and turned harmony into chaos. While we have never experienced true harmony between man and woman, husband and wife, the value of a woman and her importance to the mission of God has never changed. Ladies, I want you to hear first that you are cherished, valued, and critical to the mission of God.
A godly wife follows godly leadership.
A godly wife follows godly leadership.
As we look back at the text in Ephesians, The instruction Paul gives to wives is to be subject, or to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. We can’t stand that word. Submission carries such a negative connotation because we equate submission to slavery. But this is not Christ’s desire for wives. Submission to your husband does not make you a slave to him. That is an abuse of the authority God has granted him. So much has been misunderstood when it comes to understanding just what authority a husband has over his wife. Like I said last week, a husband is given authority to lead the family in the pursuit of Christlikeness. Nowhere are we given the authority to make our wives submit to our selfish pursuits.
Ladies, it is your calling according to the word of God to choose to subject yourself to your husband’s leadership. In God’s original design, he ordered it so that the husband would submit to him, and lead his wife in that same pursuit. Again, the problem we have with this is we assume a woman’s role is that of a servant, and not a leader, but it is both. Wives are to share in the work of leading the home while simultaneously recognizing God has uniquely placed the ultimate burden of responsibility on her husband. Remember, due to the fall, there has been an ongoing struggle between man and woman that has greatly distorted God’s original design. We must read these verses in context of the whole letter. Paul is writing in Ephesians how God, though Christ, is bringing everything under his authority. Everything is being brought back into unity under Christ, including marriages and families.
A godly wife models godly leadership.
A godly wife models godly leadership.
Let’s get one thing straight. A wife’s call to subject herself to her husband’s leadership is not a call to abdicate her own godly leadership. If part of God’s mission is to bring marriages back in line with his original design, then we have already seen that a wife’s role is to lead alongside her husband. Not in place of her husband or in subordination to her husband, but alongside her husband. The husband and wife share the call to leadership in the home, though through their unique character and qualities.
Ladies, no major decision should be made in your home without your input, your advice, or your counsel. Your husband should be the kind of man that seeks those things from you. You were created for a purpose. You were given to your husband for a purpose. God did not intend for you to operate as a puppet, but rather live out your calling as a collaborative leader in the home. As Adam and Eve were created to exercise dominion over the whole earth in partnership, so you and your husband should reflect that ideal in your home. The godly home acknowledges the high calling of husbands to own the responsibility to lead his home by modeling sacrificial love and acknowledging the wife’s responsibility to share in that responsibility while recognizing the husband’s ultimate authority when it comes to ruling that home.
Verse 33 says,
Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
I want you to take note of the word respect. The original word’s basic definition is fear, but not like we commonly understand the word. It does not mean that a wife ought to be afraid of her husband. The usage of the word here is just like its usage in Proverbs 1:7, which says,
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge;
Fools despise wisdom and instruction.
This fear is not a run and hide kind of fear. Rather, it is a posture of reverence. We do not fear God because he is scary. We revere God because of who he is, what he has done, and the position he holds as the creator and judge over the universe. We must have a profound respect for God and his position as creator and judge. We must have a profound respect for Christ and his role as head of the church.
Could you imagine if the church was the head of Christ and we told him what to do? That would be absurd! It is very simple for us to understand we do not call the shots when it comes to Christianity. Christ calls the shots and it is our job to conform to what Christ has commanded. In the same way, Christ has placed the husband as head of the home and like I said earlier, a godly wife follows godly leadership.
But there is a caveat here. Look at verse 24.
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
So, ladies are you required to do everything your husbands say? NO! Here is why. The command calling wives to subject themselves to their husbands in everything assumes that husbands have submitted themselves to Christ. So, ladies you need to understand something. You are responsible to God before you are responsible to your husband. The problem with your husbands is that we are not Jesus. We make mistakes. We act selfishly. We misunderstand you. We don’t always treat you like we should. But Jesus is none of those things. Remember that your first loyalty is to Christ and to follow his commands. Your responsibility to your husband comes second.
If your husband is not leading in godliness, you are obligated to follow Jesus first. Just like we are to resist government laws that would violate biblical mandates, ladies, you are called to follow biblical commands if your husband leads you to do something that would violate scripture. If your husband will not lead, it is your responsibility to lead. If your husband does not want to go to church, you know you ought to disregard any instructions that would have you stay home. If your husband will not own the responsibility to teach your children the tenets of the faith, you must. If you do not have a husband, then you must provide as much leadership toward godliness in your home as you can muster. If you have a husband who is not leading, pray for him, encourage him, and help him own his responsibility to lead. You are his helper.
Ladies, we need you. I need my wife to help me be a better leader. I need my wife to support me and encourage me. I think every man has a tendency to ignore his responsibility because that was Adam’s sin. Jesus helps us overcome that, and he gives us our wives to help us, support us, and encourage us. Pray for us. Pray we would lead you in godliness. You are cherished, valuable, and critical to the mission of God. He has also created you to lead either in singleness or as a helper to your husband. Live out that calling to the best of your ability. The church stands by you to help you in that pursuit.
I want to recommend a couple resources to you. Both are accessible on RightNow Media. The first is Kingdom Woman by Tony Evans and his family. It is six sessions on what it means to be a kingdom woman. I encourage you to check that out. Ladies, perhaps you want to do this together and meet together to talk about being kingdom women. The second is His Needs Her Needs by Bill and Joyce Harley. This is designed to take couples through a six session series on building a strong and happy marriage. It is based off a book and has workbooks available. I highly recommend it if you are married and want to make your relationship stronger. When we pursue godliness together, especially in the context of our marriages and families, it will become a powerful testimony to the authenticity of our faith to everyone else.