Some Heavy-Lifting is Required

Steve Bowyer

Words & Works of Jesus • Sermon • Submitted 2 months ago • Presented 2 months ago

Matthew 18:15–35

Forgiveness

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Why are We Here?

What are we doing here? Why do we exist?

To give me a platform to pontificate and orate my peculiar beliefs?

To give Linda an opportunity to exercise her pipes?

To get you out of bed on a Sunday morning and make you sing in public even if you don’t like singing in public.

Missions program. Support missionaries.

The food!

Seriously, why is MPCC here?

“It’s good to go to church. We need a little religion in our life.”

But, it’s not even that.

We have a mission, we believe, that God assigned us to do here. This is our part of the world. Remember Acts 1:8. Jesus said, you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, then Judea and Samaria, then to the outmost part of the earth.” Well, this is our part of the earth to individually and collectively tell our stories about our personal experiences w/ Jesus.

If you’ve been thru our membership, you may remember that we have a mission statement. It’s good for all us to have a little understanding of this just so we’re all on the same page. We do a lot of good things, but this is the #1 priority of our church:

Our mission is to lead those close to us closer to Christ.

Everything we do leads to this. If you know Jesus already, then we will help you get to know Him better. If you don’t know Him yet, then we will introduce you.

Getting to know Jesus better is growth. Personal growth. Stronger and deeper faith.

We have 4 core values that all contribute to progress in getting to know Jesus better. They are:

Maturity, Identity, Humility, and Community.

See these as 4 lanes on the road to getting closer to Jesus. We all need t/b making progress in all 4 lanes.

They are all equal in importance and value.

How? Each core value has a primary means of progress. There are multiple ways to make progress in these areas, but each one has a primary means.

The programs are all centered around these means of Bible study, prayer, service, and fellowship events. All equally important in the overall programming of the church.

This is how we do it.

And, we have a vision of what we want to see happening here at the church and everywhere church ppl gather.

Our vision statement is, we want to be a church that the ppl close to us love to attend.

This shows up clearly in the 30 minutes before worship when I’m standing at the back and everyone is coming in w/ smiles, hugs, handshakes, and conversations. The noise is music to my ears.

We were once setting up for a movie night outside in the parking lot one summer. Jim and John Wilson are setting up the projector and sound system. Sara is popping popcorn. Everyone is arriving and setting up their camping chairs in the parking lot. And I hear someone say, “I love my church.”

It’s a movie night. But ppl want to be here when we are doing the things we do.

I want to focus this morning on one of these core values and the importance that Jesus placed on being a community and having unity.

Nobody in this room is perfect. We all do things and say things, usually unintentionally, but sometimes on purpose, that offend and hurt others in this room. It happens. We need to take these things we do seriously, do less of them, and resolve all of them.

Sometimes things can just be let go. B/C we care about ea other, we forget them and move on. But, there are those things that have the potential to create a significant rift in the relationships in this room. These must be dealt w/.

As a church, we are unified. We share unity. We are a community.

But, to continue to be this community and maintain our unity it requires all of us to do some occasional relational heavy-lifting to resolve the inevitable conflicts that arise.

Always remember, Jesus lifted much more for His relationship w/ you than He would ever ask you to lift for your rel w/ anybody else.

This doesn’t mean we will all be best friends. We all have our own personalities, interests, and hobbies. We like and do different things. But, it does mean we will always enjoy being around each other when we gather to do what we do here at MPCC.

Why are we here? To lead our friends and neighbors here in MP closer to Jesus.

How do we stay here? One thing we must do is maintain the unity in our community by doing the heavy lifting these friendships require.

The passage we are in this morning is Matthew 18. Here, Jesus deals w/ the very heavy lifting what our responsibility is when someone offends us, hurts us deeply.

You will notice that the primary responsibility lies w/ the one who is offended, not the offender. But, this is how Jesus says we can maintain the unity and community we have here.

First, as always, let me set the context.

Context

Jesus took advantage of teachable moment, a situ that had just occured. I talked about it last week.

Chronologically, it happened just before what I’ll be talking about today. But Matthew didn’t record it. Mark did. And that last thing Jesus said in that passage was to be salty and always maintain peace among the Xians.

There was another guy who was casting out demons in Jesus’ name. He was not one of the discs. He was doing it on his own. But he was successfully doing it.

He was obviously a believer in Jesus. And to be able to succeed he had to be completely dependent on Jesus to do the work thru him even though Jesus wasn’t there w/ him.

The discs confronted this guy and stopped him. They said it was b/c he was not one of them. Buy, he was. He wasn’t a disc like these 12. But he was a believer like them. And he was succeeding where they had failed.

Remember, when Jesus came down from the transfig w/ 3 of them and the remaining 9 discs were unable to cast the demon out of the boy.

This other was succeeding where they had failed, they stopped him b/c they said he wasn’t one of them, wasn’t doing it right, but he was doing it right when they were not.

Jesus explained to them that “this kind only come out by prayer’. That is, you can’t do it. You pray and ask me and I’ll do it thru you.

That’s what the other guy was doing that they were not. It didn’t matter they were the chosen 12 and he was on his own.

I will admit I am going to read between the lines here a little bit. Apply some common sense that is not written about in your bible. Bear w/ me. I think we could all agree on this.

It seems to me the discs were jealous. He was succeeding where they had failed. They had just argued and asked Jesus which one of them would hold the highest position in the kingdom. Their pride was exposing them and it was hurting them.

When our pride gets involved and we see someone else benefiting from what we believe we should be doing, then we get jealous. We covet what they have. We think they don’t deserve it. They shouldn’t have it. We should.

That other guy was no doubt being recognized for his ability to relieve ppl by casting out their demons. The discs were being recognized for their inability.

Coveting, and closely related jealousy, is one of the big 10 sins. Thou shalt not covet. It’s #10.

So, I believe, the discs sinned in their hearts when they saw that other guy succeeding where they failed. They shut him down.

I believe he would have been offended by that. What was he doing wrong that they would shut him down?

When someone sins, they don’t sin against another person, they sin against God. But the sin can have offensive consequences that effect other ppl.

Jesus had just said keep the peace in the church among the Xians.

We really have no idea how this was resolved and what happened to that other guy. This is something we will all find out when we get to heaven. Put him on your list of ppl you want to talk to when you get there.

Lazarus, what was it like?

What we do know is right after Jesus taught the discs about the responsibility of the heavy lifting when someone does something that offends you deeply. They had just offended a man. There would be many times when they would be offended. No one is immune from either side.

Neither are we. What do we do?

First, work hard at restoring the person who sinned and offended you. The goal is restoration and reconciliation of the relationship.

Work at Reconciliation

Matthew 18:15–20 NIV

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

Jesus laid out a 3-step process w/ the goal of restoring the relationship.

The whole purpose of this is not to control anybody, kick ppl out of the church, or exclude them from anything. The goal is to reconcile.

I will also admit, in over 30 years of ministry, I have never experienced step-3, and only rarely experienced step-2.

I know of only one case that went to all 3 steps and it did not end well. There was no reconciliation. People were so hurt by then that the church was divided and remained that way for years.

These 3 steps are hard work. Heavy lifting. And almost no one is willing to do all that is required to get to this point.

Let’s look at this.

If a Xian sins. This does not apply to anyone who is not a Xian and not a member of the church. This is for the purpose of maintaining the unity of our relationships in the church.

If they sin. It’s got to be a significant one. This is not a difference of opinion. We don’t “agree to disagree”. Either it’s a sin, or it isn’t.

Sins are not accidental or inadvertent. Sins begin in the mind. The head thinks about it and heart engages emotionally. It is significant, not minor.

So many minor offenses can be overlooked and overcome. Conversations can be had where the air gets cleared.

This is even where reconciliation of a major rift begins.

Step 1, start w/ a private convo.

Don’t talk about them to anyone else. Go straight to the one who offended you. Talk it out. This is not easy. If you’ve been offended, then you have to face and admit your were hurt, it matters.

If you are the offender, you have admit you did it. And, you did it on purpose. You lied. You gossiped. You slandered. You took that thing that wasn’t yours. You slept w/ someone’s wife.

Right here is why most of these situs don’t go any farther. It’s too hard to go there and it’s too easy to go somewhere else.

Jesus places the responsibility to initiate this conversation with the offended person. That’s hard. To initiate, it brings up all the hurt feelings again.

Jesus places the responsibility of reconciliation on the offender. They must respond by owning their behavior. Admitting it was wrong. Apologizing for it and committing to not doing it again.

Think of a man having an affair. Usually, he is quick to apologize. He feels the guilt. He knows what he has done is wrong. But typically, what he is most sorry for is getting caught, everyone is mad at him, his kids won’t talk to him, his friends have left him.

He’s not really sorry for the affair. His marriage was in trouble for a long time. He wasn’t getting what he needed from his wife and he found in the arms of another woman. He doesn’t feel sorry for that. So, why go any farther.

This is heavy lifting. And all parties must be motivated to unpack the pain and the reasons for the behavior to get to the reconciliation.

If you’ve ever had a doctor clean out a wound you know how painful it is. But you also know the wound must be cleaned if it is to heal.

Jesus said step 2 is to bring witnesses. One or 2 people who could hear the situ for themselves and help both parties understand how to reconcile.

They cannot be prepared ahead of time, or biased. Their involvement is to hear fresh, for the first time what occured and help convince the offender of their responsibility to repent. And, maybe, to help the offended sort thru what does not need to be addressed.

But, again, I’ve hardly ever seen this step take place. Most don’t get this far.

Then, step 3, present the case to the entire church, just doesn’t happen at all. It’s too easy for the offender to leave the church on his or her own. Why bother w/ the pain of dealing w/ the offense.

I’m not saying it’s right or justified. I’m saying this is really what usually happens.

B/C, it’s too hard and the parties involved, at least one of them, does not want to put the work in. That’s just reality.

If the offender repents. That is, they own their behavior, admit to it, apologize for it, and change their ways, committing to never do it again. Then, over time prove they meant it, then the relationship can be restored to its former way. Maybe even better and stronger for having worked thru this and survived.

Jesus’ point is reconciliation and restoration.

Sins like this don’t happen in vacuum, nor are they confined to just the 2 principle parties. It always involves more ppl. It creates fissures and cracks in relationships all around. PPL take sides.

In the case of an affair and a divorce, custody of the children is a big enough battle. But who gets custody of the friends?

In the interest of unity of the community of believers in the church, our priority must be reconciliation and restoration so all parties even tangentially involved can find closure and a return to normalcy in the fellowship of the church.

The offended need to make their feelings known. And the offender needs to apologize for this to happen.

The obvious question then, is, what if they never apologize? What if they never own up to it or change their behavior?

Are we free to continue to plot our revenge? Fantasize about their demise? Pray that God would smite them in the most painful way?

Not really. Holding grudges like this only hurts the holder.

Forgiveness is unconditional. Reconciliation is very conditional. But we can recover emotionally when we forgive the ppl who hurt us deeply.

Work at Forgiveness

Matthew 18:21–35 NIV

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

So, why did Peter start here at 7?

The Jewish tradition required at least 2 times. To be truly magnanimous, then a 3rd time.

So, Peter, thinking he was being incredibly generous and to impress his teacher, he chose 7.

Jesus’ response was 70 x 7. Not literally, 490 times. But the meaning was Jesus expects us to forgive each other every time. It is unlimited in number.

The assumption is the offender repeats his offense. And, the offended is called on by God to forgive them every, single, time.

Why?

Jesus then told this parable. Pretty straight forward.

In the parable, the king represents God.

The servant, who in modern terms, owes the king more than $1M. Obviously, impossible to ever repay. It doesn’t matter how he incurred this debt. But he did.

In c.1, it was acceptable to sell all the possessions of someone so deep in debt and sell the individual and his family members into slavery to help offset it.

The servant represents us, you and me. The $1M debt, that is impossible for us to ever repay, is the debt and deficit we incur because of our sin. Impossible for us to repay.

We, when we gather and worship here, we sing, we pray, we study, we communicate to God that He is the most valuable thing in our lives, and we beg Him to forgive our sins.

He is gracious. We don’t deserve it. He still wipes the slate clean. Simple, right?

Then, the servant has a fellow servant that owes him. 100 denarii. About the equivalent of one third of an annual salary. Say, $30,000. About the price of a used car. Possible to pay back. But a challenge.

The servant, who reps us, even tho his fellow servant begs in the same way for mercy, does not forgive the debt but punishes the person who owes him.

Jesus’ point is this. Anyone who has experienced the grace of God, the forgiveness of God of a debt they cannot repay, must forgive everyone who hurts them an unlimited number of times, whether they apologize or not.

To not forgive, to hold a grudge, is an indication that you do not appreciate the debt you created w/ God and grace w/ which he has forgiven you.

If you do not forgive, then you need to consider the real possibility that you have not come to faith, have not been forgiven by God, and you are only being religious w/out the relationship w/ Jesus.

This kind of forgiveness, in this quantity, is incredibly heavy lifting. But it is necessary to maintain the unity and community of the church.

Holding a grudge is the kind of thing that had a wide-reaching effect in your life.

We heard it said many times, holding a grudge is like taking poison expecting the other person to die.

It hurts you. But it also works its way into every area of your life. It hurts your marriage even if you spouse is not the offender. It hurts your friendships w/ ppl who love you and support you. It will even hurt your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

The only way to heal is to forgive.

What does it mean to forgive? We are wired for a sense of fairness. We expect things to even out. Not forgiving is believing you are responsible to even things out. Revenge, vengeance is your responsibility.

One big clue that you have not forgiven someone, you dream about, fantasize about, wish for bad things to happen to them.

Forgiving them, gives the responsibility of evening things out to God and letting him handle it. Move on. Let it go. You have confidence and trust in God to do exactly the right amount of the right thing make things even w/ them and w/ you w/out making things right between you.

No. they don’t deserve it. Neither do you deserve the heavy lifting Jesus did on the cross for you.

But if we all make it our priority to not sin first of all. But, when we do, own it, apologize for it and make it right.

If we are offended by another member’s sin, our commitment is to forgive.

That does not mean the relationship gets restored or completely reconciled. While forgiveness is unconditional. Reconciliation is very conditional. Maintain healthy boundaries in the relationships in your life.

If you let someone in and they took advantage, don’t let them in again until they commit to not doing what hurt you the last time.

None of us is perfect. We are going to do things and say things that hurt each other. We don’t owe it to anyone else here in the room to resolve these things. We owe it to Jesus to do it.

Most everything can be resolved w/ an honest, open and humble convo.

But then, if we would all commit to doing the heavy lifting req’d to maintain what we have here, then this church will always be a place where all our friends love to attend and place where we all look forward coming every Sunday morning.

Applications

Don’t Sin

Nobody is perfect. We will all do stuff and say stuff from time to time that is offensive. We will let our guard down and do these things on purpose.

We just will. But with the strength and courage Jesus provides, we can keep our guard up more often.

Sin less tomorrow than you did today.

You know what you do. Maybe nobody else does. But it is effecting you in more ways than you realize. Access the resources God provides and stop doing it.

Tough Conversations

If you need to resolve something take the initiative and reach out.

Yes it’s hard. The pain can be intense and quick to hurt. But the pain of denial, putting it off, avoiding the person and the subject, while not as intense and quick, is longer lasting and more harmful.

Rip the bandaid off. Be humble, loving, and make reconciliation and restoration your priority, not trying to control the behavior of or the activities of the other person.

Do you need to initiate a conversation w/ someone?

Forgive

Let it go.

This may be the hardest thing you ever do in your life. Someone has hurt you. They refuse to apologize. Or, they hurt someone you love.

Maybe they are long gone. Maybe they still live close by. Either way, you doing more harm to yourself if you hold that grudge.

Pray. Ask God to help take away your desire for revenge. You must surrender that desire for God to take it away.

It will probably come back, more than once. Repeat the prayer. Replace the desire for revenge w/ a prayer for God to bless that person.

This is not the southern term when you say “God bless you” but mean “God smite you.” Mean it.

God will heal your heart. He will take away the pain and help you overcome the emotional anchor that is weighing down your soul.

Give it to God. Let it go. Let Him handle it. He will do the right thing in the right amount to make things even in their life and yours even if things are not right between the 2 of you.

Who do you need to forgive?