Essentials of Fatherhood
Notes
Transcript
There is an epidemic of fatherlessness in our country. It is estimated that nearly 1 in 4 children in America are growing up in fatherless homes. I want to share some staggering data with you. 85% of children with behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. 85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes. 90% of homeless and runaway children, 71% of all high school dropouts, and 63% of all teen suicides have an absent father as a common denominator. Teenage girls are seven times more likely to become pregnant. Kids without fathers in the home generally have lower academic performance, lower self-esteem, and lower life expectancy.
On the other hand, children who grow up with a healthy relationship with their fathers are more likely to see the reverse of these statistics. Children who have an involved father are at far lesser risk for substance abuse, physical abuse, incarceration, teen pregnancy, and suicide. They generally have greater academic performance, earn greater incomes, and have a generally higher self-esteem and life expectancy. The value of an involved loving father cannot be overstated. That is because we know that God has ordained the father to set the standard for the direction the household will go.
Today, we will talk about the role of the father, and the essentials of fatherhood. Gentlemen, if you are a father, then these are some essentials to being a great father.
Learn to follow Jesus
Learn to follow Jesus
I know this sounds simple, but this is really where it begins. A godly father knows how to follow Christ. The text we have looked at over the last two weeks helps us understand there is a hierarchy of leadership. Christ leads the church, and Christ leads the home. A godly father recognizes the chain of command and submits himself to the leadership of Christ. This is beyond attending the various programs the church offers. A man can sit in services and bible studies and still be no closer to God than the one who never attends at all. Rather, a godly father prioritizes and pursues his own relationship with Christ as the foundation for every other relationship in his life.
But Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray.
After He had sent the crowds away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray; and when it was evening, He was there alone.
In the early morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house, and went away to a secluded place, and was praying there.
It was at this time that He went off to the mountain to pray, and He spent the whole night in prayer to God.
Jesus was a busy man with a large following. There were always places to go and people to heal. As often as he prayed for people and with people, he prioritized time where it was just him and his father. Jesus knew it was critical that he have a strong relationship with his father. If it was important for Jesus to invest personal time with the Father, how much more so is it important that we learn to walk with Jesus?
If you want your children to have a deep personal relationship with the Lord, you must have one. If you want to know how to raise your kids right, then there is no greater consultant than the One who knit them together in their mother’s womb. The author of life loves your child more than you do, but he has called you to shepherd your children and help them grow in Christlikeness. This is a monumental task and becomes impossible if you do not know how to walk with Jesus.
Model Godly Character
Model Godly Character
It is not enough to know what is right. Everyone knows that we must also do what is right. But doing what is right is tricky. If we are not careful, we can boil down the Christian faith to a system of ethics that merely seeks to modify behaviors. But our faith is more than that. It is a call to be transformed into the image of Christ. It is a call to emulate the king so that the truth may be revealed through us and the ministry of reconciliation will succeed.
It is never enough to know what the word of God says. It must be put into practice. One of the greatest problems American Christianity in particular has is that so many people in the church do not look and act like Jesus. We all fail at this, but there should be measurable progress in the life of every believer in growing in the character and competencies of Jesus. Day by day, Jesus should be taking more control of our lives. This only happens when we are actively learning to follow him.
But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.
For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please.
But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law.
Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality,
idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions,
envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
Here, Paul is drawing a distinction between the characteristics of one who lives according to the flesh, or the unregenerate person, and the one who walks by the Spirit. As you come to faith in Jesus, the Holy Spirit begins to do his work, and the first list is replaced by the second.
Fathers, through your own personal walk with the Lord, you should be regularly putting to death that which does not match with godly character. One cannot hope to be successful in forming the character of his child if he does not possess the character he is trying to build.
Children are not fools. They may not be very bright at times, but they are not fools when it comes to spotting a fake. If you say with your mouth that godly character is important, yet fail to exhibit godly character, your children will eventually realize the discrepancy and then your words will be discredited by your actions.
I have heard a number of stories of people who fell away from the faith when they reached adulthood. While we could cite reasons of intellectual challenges or scientific claims, the reason this group left the faith was because they saw a discrepancy in who their parents were on Sunday and who they were Monday through Saturday. Everyone has a tendency to put on a mask when they come to church and pretend that everything is okay. But if your house does not reflect what is proclaimed on Sunday, your children will spot the phony in you. This is why it is critical that you allow the Holy Spirit to do his work in helping you take off the old man and put on the new man, being transformed into the image of Christ.
Provide safety and security in the home
Provide safety and security in the home
A good father understands it is his responsibility to provide safety and security to those in his home. Yes, wives share in this responsibility, but God has placed the father as the head of the home. With that comes the responsibility to provide safety and security in the home. Making sure a child is safe is not merely protecting from outside threats, but making sure your children have everything they need to grow into healthy and stable people. This is not just protection from bad guys, but providing food, shelter, clothing, education, and everything else a child needs to grow and thrive.
A couple months ago, I preached a sermon about prayer from the sermon on the Mount. We will revisit that text for a moment.
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
“For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
“Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone?
“Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he?
“If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!
We see the example Jesus uses of fathers who know how to give good gifts to their children. If even evil people know how to do this, how much more so will God! As God is the giver of good gifts to his children, so should we give good gifts to ours. Failure to do so is disobedience to God. There is not a godly man on the planet today that does not provide for his kids. If there were, then he is not godly.
Dads, it is your responsibility to make sure your children are fed, clothed, and have a place to sleep at night. Your children are your responsibility. They are given to you by God. Children are not a burden, but a blessing. Do everything you have to do to ensure your children never miss a meal and they feel safe at home.
Paul writes to Timothy, his son in the faith,
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
While this talks about financial responsibility, the implications go far more. Dad, provide for your kids.
Personally oversee spiritual development
Personally oversee spiritual development
Of all the things you can outsource and delegate, this is one thing you cannot. Dads, it is essential that you take responsibility to personally oversee the spiritual development of your children. Of all the things a father is supposed to do, the Bible says much about your responsibility to develop your children spiritually. There is another sermon that will talk about discipleship in the home and what that looks like. It will be based off Deuteronomy 6. But for today, it will provide the foundation for understanding the biblical mandate.
“Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one!
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
“These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.
“You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.
Every Israelite was taught this and every Israelite parent knew it was their responsibility to pass down not just national heritage, but spiritual heritage. The father is the head of the home and it is primarily his responsibility to pass down a Christian heritage to his children.
The last couple weeks, we saw what Paul had to say about husbands and wives. In the next chapter, he has a couple things to say about children, but look at what he has to say to fathers.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
We provoke our children to anger when we insult them, when we are harsh, or we use excessive disciplinary measures, humiliate them, apply inconsistent or unfair discipline, or abuse our authority. We should not do any of those things. But the other half of the verse tells us what we should do: train them in the ways of the Lord.
We teach our children the word of God. We teach them how to read the Bible. We teach them how to apply the scriptures. We teach them how to serve in the church and the community. We teach them to place Christ first in everything.
Spiritual formation also requires discipline. Failure to discipline fails to achieve spiritual formation. I have known fathers who shy away from disciplining their children. But the book of Proverbs helps us understand what a father’s role is in disciplining a child for godliness.
First, discipline is necessary.
Do not hold back discipline from the child,
Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die.
You shall strike him with the rod
And rescue his soul from Sheol.
Regardless of the method of discipline you use, discipline is necessary. Discipline in your home is the path to godliness, as it teaches children there are boundaries.
My son, do not reject the discipline of the Lord
Or loathe His reproof,
For whom the Lord loves He reproves,
Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.
God disciplines every one of his children, especially fathers. But fathers also demonstrate love for the Lord and love of the Lord in how they discipline. The methods you choose need to be appropriate, consistent, and effective. Fathers are to take a primary place in disciplining their children.
For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin;
and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
Nor faint when you are reproved by Him;
For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines,
And He scourges every son whom He receives.”
It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?
But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.
Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live?
For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness.
All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.
Discipline is not fun, but it is essential to the upbringing of a child. The issues we have in schools today are in large part because there is no discipline in the home. Christian fathers cannot neglect this aspect of their duty. A Christian father will not pass on this responsibility to his wife, another family member, the school teacher, or anyone else. He shoulders the burden of responsibility. He is the father. His child was given to him.
Godly men step up and take care of their families.
Men, we must acknowledge that when we try to live life our way, including raising a family, we cannot do it alone. We need supernatural help. When we try to do things our way, it leads to brokenness. God had a design for how the world was supposed to work, but we rejected that design. Broken relationships are the consequence of rejecting God’s design. What part of your relationship with your wife or with your children needs to be placed back under the authority of God?