Emotion Wheel: Sadness
Notes
Transcript
Emotion Wheel: Sadness
Emotion Wheel: Sadness
I mentioned that for most of my life I struggled to be in touch with my emotions.
I linked an emotionless life to godliness.
I believed that God was able to move past emotions and simply make the decisions that needed to be made.
But I found myself struggling with that belief.
Eventually, I grew up and discovered that I did feel things.
But I had no language for how I felt.
Until one day, I discovered something on the internet.
It was called an emotion wheel.
Here is what one looks like.
I used to be embarrassed to admit that I needed something like this to put a name to how I felt.
Then I noticed how many of these exist on Google. Try it. Google emotion wheel, click on images, and see how many exist.
What this told me was many, many people need help 1) naming what they feel, and 2) communicating how they feel with others.
I guess I am not alone!
And I learned something about emotions from my friends at DM:
***Emotions are information***
We are going to take one primary emotion around the center of the wheel each week and explore it through a biblical character.
Last week we did Regret (Surprise).
This week, we are going to cover Sadness.
Disney Movie: Inside Out
Let’s be interactive.
When I say ‘sadness’ what is the first thought in your mind?
Was it a person? A situation? Yourself?
And object, like money, house, car?
How about here in church?
If I were to suggest ‘sadness, God, scripture, Jesus’ do any of those conjure a different answer in your mind?
How many of you associate sadness with God?
Let’s dispel that idea right now.
The first occurence of ‘sadness’ in relation to God happens in Jer 3:12
Go, and proclaim these words toward the north, and say, “ ‘Return, faithless Israel, declares the Lord. I will not look on you in anger, for I am merciful, declares the Lord; I will not be angry forever.
Now, you might say to yourself, “Jeremy, I don’t see the word sadness there!”
You are correct. You don’t see it in English. Because you don’t see the original.
Go and recite these words to the North, and you say, “Turn from turning Israel! Declares the LORD. I will not cause my face to fall for you because I am loyal loving kindness, declares the LORD. I will not bear a grudge for an age.”
Jesus wept…but it is complicated
Jesus wept.
Is he weeping for sadness, anger, unbelief…
That said, I want to tell how difficult it is to nail down this concept of sadness!
It relies entirely on context, except for weeping…that we can nail down easily.
But the reason for weeping is also based in context.
Weeping for death
Weeping for anger
Weeping in fear
Weeping in disappointment
Weeping in joy
Is weeping always sadness? No. Does it include sadness? Yes
Let’s read a story about hope, joy, sadness, fury, and deceit.
One day when Isaac was old and turning blind, he called for Esau, his older son, and said, “My son.”
“Yes, Father?” Esau replied.
“I am an old man now,” Isaac said, “and I don’t know when I may die. Take your bow and a quiver full of arrows, and go out into the open country to hunt some wild game for me. Prepare my favorite dish, and bring it here for me to eat. Then I will pronounce the blessing that belongs to you, my firstborn son, before I die.”
But Rebekah overheard what Isaac had said to his son Esau. So when Esau left to hunt for the wild game, she said to her son Jacob, “Listen. I overheard your father say to Esau, ‘Bring me some wild game and prepare me a delicious meal. Then I will bless you in the Lord’s presence before I die.’ Now, my son, listen to me. Do exactly as I tell you. Go out to the flocks, and bring me two fine young goats. I’ll use them to prepare your father’s favorite dish. Then take the food to your father so he can eat it and bless you before he dies.”
“But look,” Jacob replied to Rebekah, “my brother, Esau, is a hairy man, and my skin is smooth. What if my father touches me? He’ll see that I’m trying to trick him, and then he’ll curse me instead of blessing me.”
But his mother replied, “Then let the curse fall on me, my son! Just do what I tell you. Go out and get the goats for me!”
So Jacob went out and got the young goats for his mother. Rebekah took them and prepared a delicious meal, just the way Isaac liked it. Then she took Esau’s favorite clothes, which were there in the house, and gave them to her younger son, Jacob. She covered his arms and the smooth part of his neck with the skin of the young goats. Then she gave Jacob the delicious meal, including freshly baked bread.
So Jacob took the food to his father. “My father?” he said.
“Yes, my son,” Isaac answered. “Who are you—Esau or Jacob?”
Jacob replied, “It’s Esau, your firstborn son. I’ve done as you told me. Here is the wild game. Now sit up and eat it so you can give me your blessing.”
Isaac asked, “How did you find it so quickly, my son?”
“The Lord your God put it in my path!” Jacob replied.
Then Isaac said to Jacob, “Come closer so I can touch you and make sure that you really are Esau.” So Jacob went closer to his father, and Isaac touched him. “The voice is Jacob’s, but the hands are Esau’s,” Isaac said. But he did not recognize Jacob, because Jacob’s hands felt hairy just like Esau’s. So Isaac prepared to bless Jacob. “But are you really my son Esau?” he asked.
“Yes, I am,” Jacob replied.
Then Isaac said, “Now, my son, bring me the wild game. Let me eat it, and then I will give you my blessing.” So Jacob took the food to his father, and Isaac ate it. He also drank the wine that Jacob served him. Then Isaac said to Jacob, “Please come a little closer and kiss me, my son.”
So Jacob went over and kissed him. And when Isaac caught the smell of his clothes, he was finally convinced, and he blessed his son. He said, “Ah! The smell of my son is like the smell of the outdoors, which the Lord has blessed!
“From the dew of heaven
and the richness of the earth,
may God always give you abundant harvests of grain
and bountiful new wine.
May many nations become your servants,
and may they bow down to you.
May you be the master over your brothers,
and may your mother’s sons bow down to you.
All who curse you will be cursed,
and all who bless you will be blessed.”
As soon as Isaac had finished blessing Jacob, and almost before Jacob had left his father, Esau returned from his hunt. Esau prepared a delicious meal and brought it to his father. Then he said, “Sit up, my father, and eat my wild game so you can give me your blessing.”
But Isaac asked him, “Who are you?”
Esau replied, “It’s your son, your firstborn son, Esau.”
Isaac began to tremble uncontrollably and said, “Then who just served me wild game? I have already eaten it, and I blessed him just before you came. And yes, that blessing must stand!”
When Esau heard his father’s words, he let out a loud and bitter cry. “Oh my father, what about me? Bless me, too!” he begged.
But Isaac said, “Your brother was here, and he tricked me. He has taken away your blessing.”
Esau exclaimed, “No wonder his name is Jacob, for now he has cheated me twice. First he took my rights as the firstborn, and now he has stolen my blessing. Oh, haven’t you saved even one blessing for me?”
Isaac said to Esau, “I have made Jacob your master and have declared that all his brothers will be his servants. I have guaranteed him an abundance of grain and wine—what is left for me to give you, my son?”
Esau pleaded, “But do you have only one blessing? Oh my father, bless me, too!” Then Esau broke down and wept.
Finally, his father, Isaac, said to him,
“You will live away from the richness of the earth,
and away from the dew of the heaven above.
You will live by your sword,
and you will serve your brother.
But when you decide to break free,
you will shake his yoke from your neck.”
From that time on, Esau hated Jacob because their father had given Jacob the blessing. And Esau began to scheme: “I will soon be mourning my father’s death. Then I will kill my brother, Jacob.”
Look at the last quote.
I will mourn and I will kill.
What is wrapped in weeping and sadness is a sense of powerlessness
Powerlessness:
“Anguish not only takes away our ability to breath, feel, and think, it comes for our bones. Anguish often causes us to physically crumple in on ourselves, literally bringing us to our knees or forcing us all the way to the ground. The element of powerlessness is what makes anguish traumatic. We are unable to change, reverse, or negotiate what has happened. And even in those situations where we can temporarily reroute anguish with to-do lists and tasks, it finds its way back to us.” Dr. Brene Brown
I read Dr. Brown’s section on sadness and she told a story. She posted a question to her social media accounts and asked what people’s favorite sad movie was.
Know what was in the list? Answered by adults?
Inside Out, that little pernicious adult cartoon wrapped in kid’s clothing.
Sadness is not wonderful.
It is important and necessary
Sadness is normal, and in Christianity, we have been taught that sadness is near sinful.
“God wants you to be happy!”
A fruit of the Spirit is Joy, so you are not fruitful
Just get over it
Sadness is NOT depression
Sadness is NOT grief
Sadness CAN BE positive
A professor at the Univ. of New South Wales in Sydney, Australia (Joseph P. Forgas) remarked:
“Though much has been made of the many benefits of happiness, it’s important to consider that sadness can be beneficial, too. Sad people are less prone to judgmental errors, are more resistant to eye-witness distortions, are sometimes more motivated, and are more sensitive to social norms. They can act with more generosity, too.” Dr. Forgas
There is a reason we like sad movies:
From hundreds of thousands of responses…people like
To be moved
To feel connected to what it means to be human
To be connected to each other
Like Surprise, Sadness amplifies the emotion that follows.
Like Esau, he was in anguish, overwhelming sadness, and the next emotion, anger, was amplified into a desire to murder.
But time…is a funny thing…
About twenty (20) years later after the Jacob and Esau incident…
Then Jacob sent messengers ahead to his brother, Esau, who was living in the region of Seir in the land of Edom. He told them, “Give this message to my master Esau: ‘Humble greetings from your servant Jacob. Until now I have been living with Uncle Laban, and now I own cattle, donkeys, flocks of sheep and goats, and many servants, both men and women. I have sent these messengers to inform my lord of my coming, hoping that you will be friendly to me.’ ”
After delivering the message, the messengers returned to Jacob and reported, “We met your brother, Esau, and he is already on his way to meet you—with an army of 400 men!” Jacob was terrified at the news. He divided his household, along with the flocks and herds and camels, into two groups. He thought, “If Esau meets one group and attacks it, perhaps the other group can escape.”
Then Jacob prayed, “O God of my grandfather Abraham, and God of my father, Isaac—O Lord, you told me, ‘Return to your own land and to your relatives.’ And you promised me, ‘I will treat you kindly.’ I am not worthy of all the unfailing love and faithfulness you have shown to me, your servant. When I left home and crossed the Jordan River, I owned nothing except a walking stick. Now my household fills two large camps! O Lord, please rescue me from the hand of my brother, Esau. I am afraid that he is coming to attack me, along with my wives and children. But you promised me, ‘I will surely treat you kindly, and I will multiply your descendants until they become as numerous as the sands along the seashore—too many to count.’ ”
So, Jacob works his plan to divide the camps, send some out first, see what happens, and prepared to escape.
He has been escaping for 20 years…His mind is racing.
Jacob sends three servants with a bunch of gifts to Esau before they met.
It is during this period that Jacob and God have a wrestling match, but that is for another day.
And the time as arrived…the brothers are going to meet for the first time in twenty years.
Then Jacob looked up and saw Esau coming with his 400 men. So he divided the children among Leah, Rachel, and his two servant wives. He put the servant wives and their children at the front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph last. Then Jacob went on ahead. As he approached his brother, he bowed to the ground seven times before him. Then Esau ran to meet him and embraced him, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him. And they both wept.
Then Esau looked at the women and children and asked, “Who are these people with you?”
“These are the children God has graciously given to me, your servant,” Jacob replied. Then the servant wives came forward with their children and bowed before him. Next came Leah with her children, and they bowed before him. Finally, Joseph and Rachel came forward and bowed before him.
“And what were all the flocks and herds I met as I came?” Esau asked.
Jacob replied, “They are a gift, my lord, to ensure your friendship.”
“My brother, I have plenty,” Esau answered. “Keep what you have for yourself.”
But Jacob insisted, “No, if I have found favor with you, please accept this gift from me. And what a relief to see your friendly smile. It is like seeing the face of God! Please take this gift I have brought you, for God has been very gracious to me. I have more than enough.” And because Jacob insisted, Esau finally accepted the gift.
The sadness that sparked hatred in the young man Esau, given time, has transitioned to kindness.
Dr. Brown wrote, “When I am really scared, worried, overwhelmed, stressed about what’s happening, and trying to find perspective, I ask myself: Will this issue be a big deal in five minutes? Five hours? Five days? Five months? Five years?”
How about twenty…
Emotion Wheel: Sadness
Emotion Wheel: Sadness