Wives & Husbands
Notes
Transcript
Good morning!
If we haven’t met…
My name is Chris , I’m the pastor of Gateway Chapel, the lovely church family that gathers in this building. We are a church that seeks to encourage each other as we hear, love, and obey Jesus together.
If you’d like to know more about following Jesus with us, there are this connect cards in the seat backs. There is a QR code that will take you to a link that will give you several options that looks like this - a link for giving, a link for prayer requests, as well as a link if you are new to sign up for the weekly email and ask us any questions to let us know how we can serve you. If you’re not a fan of QR codes you can simply fill out the card and slip it in the black box by the library.
Just a couple things and then we are going to dedicate Poppy Doherty to the Lord!
It is already Palm Sunday which begins Holy Week. It snuck up on me I don’t know about you. But consider worshiping us this Friday at our Good Friday service at 6pm as a way to reflect on Jesus’ death and God’s love and a way to prepare for joy on Easter Sunday. There will be childcare Friday night but Sunday we are giving our kids volunteers the day off so we can all worship together as a family.
Every Sunday we spend a few moments united in prayer for our city, region, world, and our church family.
And this month we are lifting up our city.
So would you join me in praying for Sumner this morning.
Food Bank
For a smooth transition as we change over to an appointment-based system for clients.
For God's continued gracious abundance of food supplies.
For guidance and wisdom as the we (board of directors) develop our future-state vision at the end of April.
School District
About 1 out of 10 students struggle significantly with anxiety and depression. This is a major area of concern and priority in the school district. They have an all-day training coming up on May 11.
About 250 students are currently homeless. There is a need for more low-income housing in the area. Many families have had to leave the area to find housing they can afford so students have to travel significant distances to get to school or attend a different school.Wisdom, open hearts and grace for district leaders as they make decisions daily that affect students’ lives.
Baby dedication…
1 Peter (The Witness of Christian Wives (3:1–6))
1 Peter The Witness of Christian Wives (3:1–6)
Peter offers his own strategy: wives do not submit solely because society demands it but because it may be evangelistically effective
1 Peter (The Witness of Christian Wives (3:1–6))
When these wives submit to their husbands it could minimize backlash that might come their way. It would be typical for those with more power in society to dismiss, or even harass, those with less power, especially if they do not share the same beliefs.
1 Peter The Witness of Christian Wives (3:1–6)
The question here is, “to whom is a wife’s reverence to be directed, to God or to her husband?” In light of the admonition at the end of the section (v. 6), as well as Peter’s other usage (1:17; 2:17, 18; 3:14, 16), this is fear that is directed toward God. Unbelieving husbands are witnessing in their wives what a life devoted to Christ might look like.
1 Peter The Witness of Christian Wives (3:1–6)
With regard to clothing in the first century, “To a degree difficult to fathom today, a person was her clothing.”
1 Peter The Witness of Christian Wives (3:1–6)
The point once again is that she respected Abraham’s position in society. It certainly is not to suggest that husbands are always right and wives simply must do as their husbands say. Indeed, in the stories of Abraham attempting to pass off Sarah as his sister instead of his wife (Gen 12:9–20; 20:1–18), it is clear that Abraham did not do the right thing, but it is also clear that Sarah’s position in society afforded her few options. Rather than view Sarah as weak, we are to see her as strong enough and faithful enough to keep peace with her husband and submit to God’s plans.
1 Peter The Witness of Christian Wives (3:1–6)
Christian wives are to have faith that their conduct can win over even potentially hostile husbands.
1 Peter (The Witness of Christian Husbands (3:7))
Christian husbands are to take their behavioral cues from Christian wives, who in turn take their cues from slaves. The submissive actions of the slaves follow the righteous example of the Lord Jesus who endured torturous treatment without retaliation. In each case—Jesus, slaves, wives, husbands—the emphasis is on respect, consideration, and the resisting of one’s vindictive or heavy-handed urges.
1 Peter The Witness of Christian Husbands (3:7)
Perhaps there is subtle counsel that one’s greater position in society or physical strength does not factor into one’s status before God. Men may be physically stronger than women and may have enjoyed culturally greater prestige, but in the eyes of God women have no disadvantage.
1 Peter A Hermeneutical Challenge: Applying the Biblical Household Codes Today
Consequently, “Christian men and women are called by the household codes to live out their marriages in a way that honors the gospel in today’s social order.… Therefore, the specific expressions of appropriate submission must be culturally defined.”
1 Peter Power and Position Vis-à-Vis the Household Codes
We should also take into account Peter’s context: Christian wives, from their lowly position in society, had the honorable task of trying to win their unbelieving husbands to Christ; meanwhile, Christian husbands had to forfeit heavy-handedness and honor their wives as sisters in Christ.
I
In my first year at Western Seminary, I was writing a paper and decided to use a big word.
The big word was PENULTIMATE.
I thought I knew the meaning of the word PENULTIMATE because I know the meaning of the word ULTIMATE and it’s ULTIMATE!! So if you include PEN which obviously means, you know, PEN, and you tack it on ULTIMATE it must mean PENULTIMATE like the ULTIMATE thing.
So I was excited to use my big word and said something like the most important or PENULTIMATE thing we learn here is…and send in the paper.
I got my grade and was marked down a couple points.
And the prof said, “Chris, I don’t think you know what PENULTIMATE means.” Penultimate is not ULTIMATE but the one before the last thing. Like third base is the penultimate base on the field. Like the third quarter is the penultimate quarter. The episode before the season finale is the penultimate episode.
I thought I knew what penultimate meant. I misused the word because it sounded like one meaning but actually it meant something else.
WE
Perhaps one of the most misused words in Christianity is the word, “Submit.”
Submit.
I imagine as I say the word ‘submit’ we have different reactions.
Perhaps your a gal and you hear the word submit and you have a physical reaction. Your blood pressure just went up a few points.
Maybe you hear this word and you view it positively, it’s how you’ve thought about marriage and relationships and there is no negative reaction.
Maybe you hear submit and you think, “Fight the patriarchy!”
Maybe you’ve had someone in your life use this word, you can still hear them say it in a harmful way and anytime you hear it a whole host of painful memories come to life.
Whether it’s from your marriage, previous marriage, your home now, your home growing up…this verse is going to drum some things up in many of us.
GOD
In 1 Peter 3:1-7, Peter tells wives to submit to their husbands.
What does he mean?
1 Peter is all about life in exile.
Following Jesus as sojourners, citizens of another kingdom.
What does it look like to be chosen exiles in holy matrimony? How do we do that as wives? As husbands?
How are we to represent Jesus to the world in the home?
If I can sum up what we’re going to hear this morning before we look at it more in detail it would be this. Peter says, “Wives and husbands - be good to each other.”
He addresses wives and husbands.
TRANSITION - FIRST, WIVES…
1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
All the single ladies, Peter has not forgotten about you, and the principles from this passage in terms of honor and respect of others apply to many relationships in life.
1 Peter is for all believers - single, married, rich, poor, young, old, Jew & Gentile….
We’re calling this series on 1 Peter, “Hope as Exiles.”
The main thrust of the letter is about hope - even this one.
Christians in Asia Minor were experiencing persecution which Peter calls a “fiery trial.”
Peter’s aim in writing the letter was to encourage suffering Christians to stand firm.
He calls them chosen exiles - honored by God and rejected by the world, just like Jesus was.
Imagine being a new believer and you are being reviled (3:9), slandered (3:16), maligned (4:4), and even accused of being criminals (2:12, 14; 4:15). In certain instances, such as relationships between masters and slaves (2:18-20) or husbands and Christian wives (3:1-7), there was a threat of physical violence (4:1). This caused Peter’s audience to be grieved (1:6; 2:19), fearful (3:6, 14), bewildered (4:12) and anxious (5:7). As a result of this, believers were ashamed of their faith (4:16), tempted to resort to revenge (3:9; 2:23) and even resort back to their old way of life by abandoning Christ (1:14; 4:2-3) which was the goal of their enemy, the devil (5:8-9).
And so much of Peter is reminding us that in that tension, here’s who you are: chosen exiles, beloved, heirs with Christ.
And how do you live in this world? That’s the section we’re in 1 Pet 2:11-4:11, by and large you submit and you suffer because it’s the counter cultural way of Jesus.
Peter begins with likewise…
Our passage is a continuation of an argument that began with citizens in submission to the government and then slaves in submission to masters (which, Dave did a fantastic job preaching on that last week) and now with wives to your own husbands.
Christian husbands are to take their behavioral cues from Christian wives, who in turn take their cues from slaves. The submissive actions of the slaves follow the righteous example of the Lord Jesus who endured torturous treatment without retaliation. In each case—Jesus, slaves, wives, husbands—the emphasis is on respect, consideration, and the resisting of one’s vindictive or heavy-handed urges. - Dennis Edwards, 1 Peter
Gals you set the pace in the passage for representing Jesus at home.
You are no less valuable when it comes to living like Christ.
Peter has just finished talking about Jesus in the preceding verses.
21 For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. 22 He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. 23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. 24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. 25 For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
This passage follows his instruction to slaves but it is the focal point of our passage as well.
Gals and guys, everything we hear this morning has to be through this lens.
Gals - your ability to respect and honor husbands hinges on how much you are amazed by this Jesus who trusted himself to God even as he died on the cross.
Guys - your ability to love your wives in an understanding way hinges on how in love you are with this Jesus.
This is not a passage about how to have a happy marriage but how to be good to each other because Jesus has been good to us.
Having said that…
These next 7 verses make me uncomfortable.
I’m not a marriage expert. I’m a flawed husband.
More than that, gender is an extremely controversial in society and the church. Roles of men and women are hotly debated, even before Barbie debuted in theaters.
There are die-for issues in Christianity: gender roles is not one of them.
At Gateway we affirm affirm affirm the equality of men and women and the diversity of roles namely male eldership in the church.
But it’s not the hill we’re going to die on.
I hope that if it came to it I would give me life not for my stance on men as elders but that Jesus came in the flesh, submitted himself to the Father, was respectful and considerate even to those who didn’t deserve it and died in my place and your place to make purification for sins and was raised to new life so we have a living hope in Him that we too will be raised one day.
The goal of 1 Peter is to see your life: wife, husband, father, mother, sister, brother, single, divorced, employed, unemployed, rich, poor, young, old, through the lens of Jesus. To be good to each other even when people aren’t good to you.
Back to our passage -
Wives
Peter addresses you first! It’s counter cultural that he addressed wives at all.
Imagine being a Christian woman in the first century.
Perhaps you’re sitting on the hard ground in the house church you meet at fully expecting this letter from Peter will be directed to the men, the leaders, the rich…and then you hear the person reading the letter talk to slaves and you’re like “Whoa, that’s surprising.” And then he says, “Wives” and you’re just shocked. Peter wrote to me?
Peter gives them honor, esteem, and speaks to them as free moral agents.
As such, Be subject to your own husbands…
Here’s our phrase in the ESV which is often translated submit.
What does it mean to submit?
First, let’s consider what it does NOT mean…
First,
Submission is not a woman thing. It’s an everyone thing. It’s a Jesus thing!
Peter does not use the word “submit” solely—or even predominately—for women. Submission is offered as a strategic way of life for all men and women. In so doing they could glorify God and simultaneously minimize the conflict that they might face, particularly from those who were above them in the social hierarchy. - Dennis Edwards, 1 Peter
He tells citizens to submit, slaves to submit, young people submit to elders. And everyone in the faith should clothe themselves with humility towards everyone else. Submission is not just a wives thing it’s an everyone thing out of devotion and love for God.
Submit does not mean you cannot make decisions.
Submit does not mean you cannot share your feelings.
Submit does not mean you cannot disagree.
Submit does not mean give up your personality, leadership abilities, strengths, and passions because your husband gets all those things.
Submit does not mean obey even in sin.
Submit does not mean inferiority.
What does it mean?
If you do a simple word study you’ll see the word means to be subject, to subordinate, it involves recognition of an ordered structure, or even submission in the sense of voluntary yielding in love.
It’s ultimately an act of obedience to Jesus.
Jesus submitted to the Father. Think of his prayer in the garden of gethsemane. He gave the Father his feelings, his desires, his trust because he was in a loving relationship with the Father who cared, understood, and protected him. And submission for Jesus was painful.
This verse has been and I imagine is still used to hurt women.
This passage does not mean wives stay with an abusive husband for Jesus.
Sin is sin. We don’t condone it. We don’t cover it. Abuse is wrong and the overarching message of the Bible is God saves the oppressed and removes the oppressors.
This passage does not condone abuse nor does it tell a woman today to stay with a man who is abusive and I’m sorry if you’ve been told otherwise.
And,
consider what it might have been like for the gals reading Peter’s letter. They couldn’t leave their husbands. Where would they go? Following Jesus for some could mean giving up their safety. You do not worship a different god than your husband. And Peter says, I want to give you hope. You still have a role to play. You can still represent Jesus even when it seems like your life is hopeless.
Peter’s reason for wives to submit is not because it’s a cultural norm.
1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
The first reason is evangelism!
Peter is speaking to Christian wives with non-Christian husbands.
So gals if you’re married to a Christian husband, this passage doesn’t technically apply directly to you.
Peter is speaking to wives who can smell the incense in their homes where their husbands still worship the little household gods on top of their mantle. And the idea that a wife would worship another god besides her husband was crazy!
From Plutarch, the ancient Greek scholar -
“A woman ought not to make friends of her own, but to enjoy her husband’s friends in common with him. The gods are the first and most important friends. Hence, it is becoming for a wife to worship and to know only the gods that her husband believes in, and to shut the door tight upon all strange rituals and outlandish superstitions.”
Cato’s 2nd century farming manual - “Let the slave woman remember that the dominus attends to the worship for the whole household.”
Peter wants these wives to influence their husbands for Jesus.
The second reason was safety.
Peter is writing to women in danger. They are not worshiping their husbands gods. They feel afraid, anxious, worried that their husbands might leave them and in that world that’s a brutal place to be. Peter is giving them hope. I know it’s hard now but wives this fiery trial is preparing you for a day of glory and honor when Jesus returns.
How should these wives win their husbands to Jesus?
Without a word.
Why without a word?
Imagine you’re a gal and you’ve heard about Jesus the Messiah and you’ve gotten baptized in the river in town, begun meeting in a local house church, and you come home one day and tell your husband, “Babe, I have hope that I want you to share!” And he looks at you with dead eyes and says, “What? You worship Jesus? The dead rabbi?”
And you’re ticked, “Don’t you get it? Your false gods are dead! You fill in the blank.”
Peter says rather than reminding your husband over and over how disappointed you are that he doesn’t do what you want him to do, focus on living in such a way that convinces him even more than words.
Peter gets more specific…
3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—
Super fun as a guy to talk about women’s clothing.
I imagine myself right now in just a field of explosive land mines trying to dance around them all.
Something I read which was interesting is that in Greco-Roman society to a degree that’s hard for us to fathom a woman was her clothing. What you wore defined you. Nice clothes, upper class! Plain clothes, poor. What you had on - your clothes, hair, jewelry, defined your worth and place in society.
If you braided your hair today or wore jewelry, you’re not in sin. Because if that were true, anyone wearing clothes is going against the passage! The point is where are you placing your identity, your worth, and your value. What part of you gets the most focus?
4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
This does not mean a good wife is silent and kinda mousy.
Jesus called himself gentle. He ain’t mousy!
A gentle spirit is a Christlike spirit.
Quiet is also linked with the idea of a humble and contrite. You’re someone who doesn’t work to draw attention to yourself.
He continues…
5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Again, Peter is giving women hope.
You feel hopeless? Sarah felt hopeless. Her husband lied and said she was his sister TWICE. Has your husband done that? But Sarah didn’t have many options as a woman in her society. So strength for Sarah was following her husband even though he was far from perfect.
Some of the women to whom Peter was writing were legitimately frightened. In the world’s eyes, they had no power. They were not free moral agents, they were property! You can’t worship your own gods, make your own choices, choose your own path. You’re a woman!
Peter says no, wives are daughters of God and show their strength as they do good.
Gals of Gateway -
God loves you. Jesus honors you. The Holy Spirit fills you.
And God is asking you to be good to your husbands.
For most of you, your situation is not their situation. And yet principles apply.
Maybe your husband doesn’t value the same things you value. Your husband needs to change in one, two, five, fifty different ways.
Consider instead of telling him over and over about how he might change, but instead letting your focus be leading the charge of representing Jesus and letting your inner life speak for itself.
He knows he’s’ failed. But your call to love him is not based on his competence. It’s on Christ’s example.
FIRST WIVES AND NOW HUSBANDS.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Six verses for gals and one for guys? What’s the deal?
Remember 1 Peter is a letter written to people on the margins of society. So Peter gives more space and time for wives who were likely experiencing more oppression.
Likewise…
Peter says - wives be good to your husbands and now he’ll say husbands, be good to your wives! But how does he say that?
Live WITH your wives…
Don’t just live with your hobbies, your work, your friends, in front of video games, in front of the TV, on your phone, checking your March Madness bracket…
In an understanding way…
Be considerate of…
How can a guy understand a woman? By asking questions. By paying attention. Help me understand, what does that feel like, tell me more about that. Repeating back to her what you hear.
Don’t live in a controlling way where you fix all her problems!
Showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel…
This is the verse you all have up on your fridge.
Weaker vessel just means that in general women are physically not as strong as men.
This does not mean they are emotionally, spiritually, or intellectually weaker. Just read the Bible and see stories about great women of faith it’s not how the Bible sees women.
This is extremely counter cultural for Peter to say this. Men consider themselves the DOMINUS!
The other night I took Norman for a walk.
But when I started it was light out so I didn’t bring my head lamp.
But about halfway it started getting dark and I didn’t have any light.
I wasn’t worried. I just tought, “Oh, darn.”
I think about that situation - walking alone in the dark - differently than a gal.
And how much more so in Peter’s day
And so he says understand them, consider them, honor them, don’t talk down to them just because they don’t share the same advantages as you.
Why are men to honor their wives?
Since they are heirs in the grace of life.
We’re on equal ground. There’s no pecking order. Women are not inferior. This was not the view of the day. Peter is changing the world.
And how about the kind of threat at the end - so that your prayers won’t be hindered.
There’s some connection between God answering prayers and men being considerate of their wives.
Guys of Gateway
Let’s stop manipulating, controlling, or belittling our wives and instead try understanding them.
Peter does not say that we are to make sure our wives submit. And if we demand submission we are not being the kinds of men God wants us to be. Let’s be the kinds of men people want to follow.
Peter instructs wives and husbands to be good to each other.
And if you’ve been married for long, you know how hard that is.
I imagine you don’t have to try hard to remember times when you were not good to your spouse.
I know many instances come to mind.
We want our own way, and this is not the way of Jesus.
And the good news of Christianity is not that you get to go home and try harder for Jesus.
The good news is Jesus did what we couldn’t do. He is who we could never be.
Jesus is both the example and the power to live this out.
He is the example because He submitted himself to the Father. Without a word, Jesus was led to his own death and died for us on the cross. He didn’t worry about His outward appearance, but was beaten beyond recognition and by his gaping wounds we are healed. He did what was right and did not fear even death itself.
Jesus is the example to live in an understanding way. He lived as the weakest vessel. He was hungry, poor, rejected, betrayed, kicked, punched, spat upon, and murdered. He took our weakness so we could have his strength. He didn’t use his power to push people down and smite his enemies, but his power was shown in his willingness to serve others and save us from death.
He is the power because through faith in Him we are given his Holy Spirit! And as we grow to love Him and show Him honor then we will grow in doing the same for our spouses.
Well if you’ve learned anything today I hope you don’t misuse the word penultimate.
And I hope we don’t misuse the word submit.
It’s not a woman thing, it’s an everyone thing. It’s a Jesus thing.
Wives and husbands - be good to each other because Jesus was good to you.
Communion
Benediction