Never Alone

When I moved to BR, I was alone and lonely. I got an apartment with a BR, Kitchen, Bath and a den area. My furniture was the back-porch furniture from my parent’s house. I guess my mom got some that was better. My kitchen table was an old cafeteria table the hospital where my dad worked threw away. It kind of rocked and there was nothing I could do about it. I worked 16 to 18 hours per day so all I did was work, eat and sleep for about a year.

I was alone and lonely. Maybe you have felt that way…

The world is full of lonely people.

You may be in a marriage, but you’re lonely.

You lost a spouse last year and you’re lonely.

Maybe you went through a divorce and you feel rejected and lonely.

You are a single mom and your baby… just moved out and went off to college. You’re lonely.

I remember one summer, my girlfriend had broken up with me… my family was out of town on vacation (I could not get off work) and I got so sick that I thought I would die and no one would know for days. I was lonely.

Maybe you have battled this feeling all of your life that no body cares about you. You may even feel that if you died, no one would miss you. Maybe you don’t know why you are still here.

Listen, lonely people are every where. Lonely people have few external characteristics other than a downturned face, sad eyes… You may see someone every day at work or in your neighborhood that’s lonely. You may be sitting a couple of seats from someone who sat separated because they are lonely.

More and more people say they lack companionship.

A 2020 Cigna insurance survey said…

3/5 Americans say they are lonely.

That’s a 7% increase from 2018.

People from all walks of life experience loneliness. Prosperity cannot insure against it. Position can’t rise above it. Power can’t stand before it.

Can anybody anywhere under any circumstances be more miserable that someone who thinks that no one cares about them?

Lady from Rotterdam who was dead in her apartment. In 2013 construction workers in Rotterdam, Netherlands, went to a 74-year-old woman’s apartment to replace her gas pipes. When she repeatedly failed to respond to her doorbell, they called the police, who found a pile of the woman’s mail inside the door. Then they found her decayed corpse. With some of the mail ten years old, they realized that was how long she’d been dead.

10 years she had been dead, and no one noticed. Can you imagine how lonely she must have been?

NYT said that we are experiencing a loneliness epidemic.

Loneliness can shorten a person’s life span by as much as 15 years.

Dr Vivek Murthy, former Surgeon General said,

“During my years caring for patients, the most common pathology I saw was not heart disease or diabetes… It was loneliness.”

Jan 2019 US Health Resources and Service Admin said,

2/5 Americans report that they sometimes or always feel their social networks are not meaningful and 1/5 said they felt lonely of socially isolated.

According to the US Census Bureau, 28% of older adults live by themselves.

1/6 Baby boomers live alone and 1/2 of these felt lonely.

1/2 people in America do not know who lives next door.

Gen Z - (18- 22) or a Millennials (18-37) highest rate of loneliness.

The crisis of loneliness is a huge threat to public health… just as series as obesity or substance abuse.

Lonely people are more likely to become ill, experience cognitive decline, and die early than those with more social lives.

Poor social relationships are associated with 29% increase in risk of coronary heart disease and a 32% increase in the risk of a stroke.

Feeling lonely results in a 60% increased risk of functional decline & a 45% greater risk of death.

If you battle loneliness, you are in the same company of the man who wrote Psalm 102:6-7 Imagine you are a counselor and someone says to you that they feel this way.

Psalm 102:6–7 NLT

6 I am like an owl in the desert, like a little owl in a far-off wilderness. 7 I lie awake, lonely as a solitary bird on the roof.

What is his problem? Loneliness.

He felt like an isolated owl and wondered out loud … Who gives a hoot?

Now you may hear some of this and go, “That’s exactly how I feel.” If that’s the case, you are in the right place this morning.

Let’s look at several truths about loneliness.

1. Let’s see the problem of loneliness.

There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely.

You can be alone without being lonely.

Some people are fine with being alone and do not feel lonely. Some people are loners. They actually like it.

There are times when we need to be alone. You cannot have a real intimate walk with God without being alone with Him.

You can be lonely without being alone.

You can be in a crowd of hundreds of people but still feel lonely. I guarantee you that there are people who go to movies, surrounded by people, or to a ball game and are surrounded by people but they are lonely.

Henry David Thoreau once said,

A city is a place where hundreds of people are lonely together.

Talk about how lonely I was when I moved to BR.

Loneliness is not just lonesomeness. It’s a feeling of being alone, cut off, un-needed and maybe even un-necessary.

The silence of loneliness is defining.

You can hear it at night as you crawl into a bed half empty, because your spouse has left or passed away.

You can hear it in a home that is quiet, because all the kids have moved out and you finally realize why an “empty nest” can be sad.

You can hear it in a mailbox that’s empty, at Christmas or your birthday.

You can hear it in a computer because your email inbox is empty.

You can hear it in a phone that never rings because no one seems to call anymore.

If you have not been there… lonely… It’s a feeling that you can’t escape. It’s a unique feeling.

We are all born with a desire to be noticed, to be liked.

Sigmund Freud told a story about a young boy who was expelled from school for bad behavior. He stood outside the school and threw pebbles up against the windows.

Finally, the principal went outside and confronted the boy. “Why are you throwing rocks against the windows?” The boy answered saying, “Because I wanted everyone to know that I’m still here.”

So many of us still carry pebbles in our pockets because we want people to know that we are still here.

The reason we hate loneliness is that it is so destructive.

Loneliness is destructive to our health.

It can do all sorts of damage to our psychological health and to our minds.

There was an article for the Australian Psychological Society and here is what is said.

Most general practitioners struggle with “frequent attenders.” While this group represents just 10% of all patients, they make up 50% of their appointments. Frequent attenders typically have complex and chronic health problems and often both physical and mental conditions.

One of the major causes of frequent uses of healthcare is social isolation.

One of the causes of suicide is feeling lonely.

Loneliness increases the incidence of death no matter wha the cause.

Blacks - loneliness doubles the death rate.

White - loneliness is responsible for an 84% increase in death rate.

Loneliness is associated with a 40% increase of Alzheimer's.

Regardless of where you are or what your circumstances look like, loneliness is a problem. It affects our mental health, our emotional health, our spiritual health and even our physical health. It’s a widespread problem and that’s why we are addressing it today.

2. Let’s state the presence of loneliness.

Tell me why you are lonely. We can begin to win the battle over loneliness when we learn and understand why we are lonely.

We can’t deny the existence and the effects of loneliness.

Have you ever noticed that the Best commercials on TV are beer commercials. Have you ever noticed in these commercials, no one is ever drinking alone. They are always drinking with someone else and they always are looking like they are having fun.

They are telling you that if you are lonely, come to the bar. They are not just selling beer, they are selling companionship… community… connectedness.

Did you know that there are all types of loneliness? Sometimes loneliness is just a state that will pass while other times it will last a life time.

There are different kinds of loneliness according to Columbia University.

Transient loneliness last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours.

Most people periodically will experience this type of loneliness.

Situational loneliness results from a significant event.

You are lonely because your spouse dies, or your kids move away, or you move to a new location and you don’t know anyone.

I experienced this a lot when I was younger. I had perfected getting dumped in High School. And every time that happened, I felt lonely.

The worst is…

Chronic loneliness is where someone feels lonely 2 years apart from a traumatic event.

This is where we become preoccupied with ourselves and our problems. In practice, people often determine to be lonely. Some people are lonely because they choose to be lonely. They will tell you that they are loners. For others, it may be due the a fear of being hurt. It could be due to a wound from the past and they are self isolating to protect themselves.

Regardless of the reason, they are lonely because in some way, they choose to be lonely.

I believe that perhaps the greatest cause of loneliness is lack of an intimate relationship with God.

The greatest cause of loneliness is lack of relationship with God.

Have you ever thought about the emotion Adam experienced when he ate the fruit God told him not to eat?

What did he do when he sinned? He went and hid. He isolated. He told God that he was naked and he was afraid. He had fear and loneliness. Why? He been cut off from God? His actions had caused a wedge between him and God.

We have a hole in our hearts that only God can fill.

We try to fill it with other things but it doesn’t’ work. There is no greater loneliness than when you feel cut off from people and from God who wants to live in you.

So if you are battling loneliness, take stock as to why you are feeling lonely. Are there things that are causing you to feel lonely that you can correct? change? that you can deal with and manage?

So you are lonely. You don’t want to be lonely. If that’s you,

3. Let’s stop the power of loneliness.

How do we do this? Loneliness is a vacuum and a void that we must learn how to fill.

It’s amazing how much people will do to get rid of loneliness.

A man went to a Psychologist and asked him if he could give him a split personality. The Psychologist asked, why do you want a split personality? The man replied, “because that way, I would have someone to talk to.”

It’s amazing the length people will go to to get rid of loneliness. You don’t need a split personality to deal with loneliness. You can reach up and reach out.

1. Reach Up to the Lord.

Jesus understands your loneliness. Psalm 102:6 is a Messianic psalm. It’s a prophecy about Jesus and how he would feel when he took our sins on himself.

Psalm 102:6 NLT

6 I am like an owl in the desert, like a little owl in a far-off wilderness.

Psalm 102:8–10 NLT

8 My enemies taunt me day after day. They mock and curse me. 9 I eat ashes for food. My tears run down into my drink 10 because of your anger and wrath. For you have picked me up and thrown me out.

Jesus felt thrown out. Do you remember what Jesus said in his loneliest moment while he hung on the cross.

Matthew 27:46 NLT

46 At about three o’clock, Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?”

Think about it, the loneliest moment anyone could ever experience was when Jesus was on that cross. At that point, he was separated from God in all of history. He was separated from the Father who had loved him for all of eternity past and into the future. but at that moment, He turned his back on Jesus.

Jesus was the loneliest person who has ever lived or ever will live.

It’s one thing for a friend or even a spouse to say they don’t want you, but can you imagine, what it must feel like for the heavenly father to abandon you? He experienced the ultimate loneliness.

Now let me say this, if you are not a follower of Jesus, you are not only alone but will be lonely for all eternity. People talk about partying in hell. There will not be any parties in hell. In Hell, the ultimate punishment is loneliness. Hell is for people who have told God, I don’t what anything to do with you.

If you are a child of God, you will not be lonely because you are alone.

You enjoy the permanent company of God

Hebrews 13:5 NLT

5 Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.”

God the Father will never abandon you.

We enjoy unbroken fellowship with Jesus.

Matthew 28:20 NLT

20 Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

Jesus said he will be with us to the end of the age.

We enjoy the continuing presence of god in the Holy Spirit.

John 14:16 NLT

16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you.

You may feel lonely, but you are never alone.

2. Reach Out to someone else

2 Corinthians 1:4 NLT

4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

Reach out to someone else who is hurting more than you are… who is lonelier than you are. Befriend them and become a blessing to them.

Consider the fact that when you minister to someone else who is lonely, there are now two people who have been cured of their loneliness… you and the other person.

When you help someone else, two people are cured of loneliness… them and you.

Conclusion

A woman named Virginia became pregnant in 1939 when she was 16 years old. In that day, it was a public shame to be an “un-wed mother.” She was deserted by all of her former friends, and when most of her family turned their backs on her, she was a social outcast. she felt all alone. Loneliness was killing her she said.

She even contemplated suicide. but she heard a voice say, “Virginia, you are not alone if you have me.” She kept hearing it. At that point she began to seek a relationship with the Lord and she asked Jesus to come into her heart and life.

She told her pastor, that was over 50 years ago and today I still know that as long as I have Jesus, I am never alone.

That lady is right. You will inevitably feel alone and lonely at some point in your life. But you are not alone.

Facts are more important than feelings. And the fact is that…

The moment you come into a relationship with God, you will never be alone.

Prayer time.

Reach Up to God

Reach Out to someone else

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