Marriage and the Church
Notes
Transcript
Call to worship
Welcome everyone!
LET US STAND AND WORSHIP!
“What a beautiful Name”
Words and Music by Hillsong
PRAYER OF PRAISE FOR WHO GOD IS
Lord,
“What a beautiful Name”
Words and Music by Hillsong
“What a beautiful Name”
Words and Music by Hillsong
PRAYER OF ILLUMINATION TO OPEN OUR HEARTS
Lord,
SERMON
Introduction
This morning we will finish up chapter 5 of Ephesians, leaving us one final chapter to study together when I return from vacation.
The subject this morning is marriage. There are several chapters in the Bible that teach about marriage, but this is one in Ephesians is the most unique because it describes how Christian marriage paints a picture for the world of the relationship between Jesus and the church.
Over and over in the Bible, the church is called, “the Bride of Christ”.
For I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy; for I betrothed you to one husband, so that to Christ I might present you as a pure virgin.
“Let us rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready.”
When we begin to follow Jesus, we are making a lifelong commitment to be married to Jesus for the rest of our lives regardless of what life throws at us. Jesus now becomes first and primary in our lives over every other relationship and over every material thing.
As the perfect bridegroom, He is steadfast in His faithfulness towards His bride. He will never leave her, nor will He ever forsake her, nor will He ever get upset and abuse her, or ever do anything that will harm her. He sacrifices everything so that she will be presented pure and blameless at the marriage supper of the Lamb.
In the same way we will see today that a Christian marriage is based upon the same principles of Jesus and the church.
To the wives: BE SUBJECT TO YOUR HUSBANDS
To the wives: BE SUBJECT TO YOUR HUSBANDS
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Explanation
Paul is speaking to the married Christian women at Ephesus. And we are to interpret this as a word for ALL Christian wives today. This is not a teaching based upon their culture, or those days, but teaching based upon the biblical model of marriage.
(v 22) “wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord”
“be subject”: To yield, or surrender to the authority of another. The idea is to take a subordinate role toward another individual.
When a wife “subjects herself” to her husband, she yields to his leadership or “headship”. (For the husband is the head of the wife)
When God create man and woman, He sis not create them to be the same. He created them differently, gave them different roles Is the family.
The role given to the husband is to be the “head” of the wife. That is a leadership position of the family.
The role of the wife in the marriage is to yield herself to her husband’s leadership.
How does a husband lead?
He does not lead as a dictator. He is not the judge and authority of all matters in the home and of the life of the wife.
But as head of the home, he does take the initiative as the leader in matters of the home.
The spiritual direction of his family
Disciplining the children.
Making sure the family is taking care of financially
Protecting the family from harm
Making sure the family is practicing good stewardship of the finances and possessions
Making sure the family does not drift into sinful practices
Leading through family crisis when they come
With headship comes responsibility, and the responsibility must be embraced by the husband
This does not mean that the wife is passive. Marriage is not a dictatorship!
Genesis 2:18 (NASB95)
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper (assistant) suitable for him.”
Notice when God instituted the first marriage, he gave Adam an assistant, NOT A SERVANT.
She was to assist him in daily matters of life.
She was given to help Him, and he needs her help!
‘Marriage is to be a team effort, the two working together as one
Now what do you do when there is a disagreement between the husband and the wife?
Let’s say you and your husband are discussing the budget.
You disagree on something.
Here is what it means for the wife to submit: You are willing to let your husband have the final say AS LONG AS IT IS NOT SIN
The wife, by faith, is to yield to the headship of her husband and say I trust you, and because God has ordained the marriage to function this way lets do it your way
It goes on to say, “wives, be subject to your husbands….as to the Lord”
He is not saying that the wife is to subject herself to her husband in the same degree that she does to the Lord Jesus Christ.
He is saying that in subjecting herself to her husband, she is acting in obedience to Jesus.
When the wife lives with her husband with a submissive heart, she is living in obedience to Jesus.
She is honoring Jesus with her life and in her marriage.
She is following God’s model for marriage
When a wife refuses to subject herself to her husband, she is living in disobedience to Jesus.
This is not just disagreeing with her husband
This is rejection of God’s biblical model for marriage.
“Wives be subject to your OWN husbands”
Wives it is not your call to be subject to every man in the church
This is clear as day in the Greek, “YOUR OWN HUSBAND”
And I am glad it is in there because men can have the tendency to make all women feel inferior simply because they are women
No man should have an attitude of superiority over other women.
Men and women are completely equal in God’s eyes and should be in our eyes.
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
The only man you have a responsibility to subject yourself to is your husband!
He is your head, no one else
The submissiveness of the wife should be voluntary
The submissiveness of the wife should be voluntary
(v 23) “For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is also head of the church….but the church is subject to Christ”
I want us to think about how Jesus is the head of the church
The head means the one who leads it, and the body is subject to the head.
Jesus leads this church. It belongs to Him, He loved it, died for it, and leads it to function as His body in this world.
As the body of this church we are to live submissively to Jesus who is the head
That means when Jesus moves us to serve, to forgive, to teach, to decorate, to evangelize, to disciple, what do we do?
We say yes Lord, I am here to love, serve and obey You, so I will do whatever You want.
I know that it is my duty to obey You and I know that You have my best in mind so I will freely and joyfully submit to Your leadership.
The same is for the pastor.
I do not get to determine the direction of the church, I pray and discern God’s will for us, then we all follow the Head together
QUESTION: How many of you have ever been forced by Jesus to do something In the church?
In my entire Christian life, Jesus has never ever ever forced me to do one single thing.
He did not force me to get baptized, he did not force me to repent, he did not force me to become a deacon, he did not force to teach the youth, he did not force me to preach, he did not force me to start this church.
Everything I have done was out of a willing heart to please Jesus because of my love for Him!
Being under the headship of Christ is absolutely voluntary.
Application
It is that kind of subjection that the wife is to have for her husband.
She is to assist be his helper, but when there are disagreements she is to joyfully allow Him to be the leader!
To submit with bitterness, or grumbling, or the cold shoulder is not really subjection at all.
There is no difference in the murmuring of the wife who submits to her husband than the murmuring of the children of Israel against God who was leading them into the Promise Land
Your joyful subjection to your husband’s leadership is an act of faith to Jesus.
When you let your husband lead, and you are willingly to follow, what you are doing is placing your faith directly in Jesus and His Word
And the Bible says, “Without faith it is impossible to please God”
When you submit yourselves, you are saying Jesus I trust you in this marriage, I trust that you will work everything out for my good, I trust that You are in control and you will take care of my joy, my desires, my hopes, my dreams, and my spiritual health, and the things that are out of my control are IN YOUR HANDS
And what areas should the wife be submissive in?
(v 24) “so the wives also ought to be to their husbands in everything”
There should only be one line that you will draw in which you will not allow your husband to lead you into: SIN
He is to be the head in all matters unless he leads you away from Jesus
That is where you draw the line
Because your primary allegiance is to the Lord Jesus Christ
To the husbands: LOVE YOUR WIVES LIKE CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH
To the husbands: LOVE YOUR WIVES LIKE CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church”
Marriage is not a one way street. Just as the wife is to submit to the husband, so the Husbands are called here to love their wives.
How do we love them? Love them sacrificially
(v 25) “Just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her”
Jesus has given us the model of love that He expects from the husband by the way that He loved the church
How did He love her? He loved the church sacrificially! By giving Himself up for her. By dying on the cross to bring salvation to the church.
HUSBANDS must love their wives with a sacrificial love
Make your wife #2 in your life
Not #2 as in right behind yourself….but #2 as in right behind the Lord Jesus Christ
If we love our wives sacrificially, then we will be willing to give up our lives for hem just as Jesus gave up His life for His bride.
Think about all that we will give up for lesser things:
Many husbands will give up 50-60 hours a week at work for a new car, or a boat, or a house, or something they really want.
We will give up much of their free time for a hobby or sports or to their friends
Husbands will give up thousands of dollars for material things.
QUESTION: How much do you sacrifice for your wife?
When our wives want to talk we need to put down the phone, turn off the TV and talk with them
When our wives have needs we need to be sure we are doing what we can to meet those needs
We need to give our wives the ability to have heir own lives. To have their own hobbies and things they enjoy doing, and husbands should be willing to make sacrifices for those things
When our wives are overwhelmed with housework we are to sacrifice our own plans to help them
We should make financial sacrifices for them!
Be willing to take them on a date
take them on vacation
let them shop for some special things for themselves.
Don’t make them feel guilty about doing something for themselves
A wife should come before work, school, friends, sports, hobbies, dinner, kids…everything EXCEPT JESUS
And the husband who does not love his wife in this way, and lives selfishly will end up with just that: HIMSELF
I have seen this with my own eyes. Husbands who live for themselves, thinking only of themselves, sacrificing only for themselves will ultimately end up with themselves
No one wants to die a lonely old man, So love your wives sacrificially
Husbands must also love your wives with a sanctifying love
(v 26-27) “so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless”
Jesus did not just love the church sacrificially, but He also made her holy
The primary duty of the husband in a marriage is to con tribute to the sanctifying process of his wife. The husband is to be intentional in helping the wife grow spiritually!
How does the husband do this?
First off by living a life of holiness himself!
He must live His life to please God For and foremost!
He lives a life of purity!
He lives his life as a biblical example of a man of God.
Rarely will the spirituality of those being led rise above their leadership.
That is true for the church and that is also true for the home.
He lifts her up in prayer
Husbands need to pray for their wives
Her name should be on your prayer list
Pray that they constantly be made more like Jesus
Pray specifically for the things they struggle with
Pray for wisdom on how you can love them better
Protect her from stumbling
And if that means that you have to say hard things sometimes and then get your butt chewed out then so be it
But you be the watchman for your wife, not the legalist or hypocrite, but the watchman
AND DON’T YOU EVER BE THE PERSON WHO LEADS HER INTO SIN OR TEMPTS HER TO SIN
One of the most unloving things a husband can do is pull his bride away from the Lord Jesus.
And sin will do it every single time
He is to love her voluntarily and joyfully
Ephesians 5:28–30 (NASB95)
So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.
Just as the wives were told to subject themselves to their husbands out of their own free will, so the husbands are to love their wives freely and joyfully
Wives should not have to tell their husbands to love them
Wives cannot force their husbands to love them
The husband is called by God to love her in obedience to Jesus Christ
He is to love her joyfully, and thank God for her every tome he thinks about her
Take the initiative to buy her flowers, to take her on dates, and tell her you love her without any expectations of getting something in return
The Goal of Marriage: ONENESS
The Goal of Marriage: ONENESS
For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
Explanation
Here is one of the most glorious verses on marriage in the whole Bible.
Given in Gen 2, when God instituted the first marriage: “For a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”
The goal of every Christian marriage is that the husband and the wife BECOME ONE!
You will never experience this great unity in your marriage until you follow these principles we discussed today.
Paul repeated them so we understand this must take place to achieve this:
If the wives do not subject themselves to their husbands they will not become one
If the husbands do not love their wives as themselves they will not become one flesh
Truth: God made us different, gave us different roles, so that He could make us ONE
You cannot take two men and make them one flesh
You cannot take two women and make them one flesh.
You can only take a submissive wife and a unconditional loving husband, put them together in a covenant marriage and make them one flesh.
And this model fits perfectly together to create a marriage that mirrors Christ and the church.
“This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.”
What Christian marriage does is show the world a living example of the relationship between Jesus and the church
Jesus loves the church sacrificially, He gave His life up for her, He sanctifies her, and cares for her and nourishes her, He leads her, and He has her best in mind! She is His bride!
And when husbands should love their wives sacrificially! And they nourish her and help to sanctify her, and love them like he loves his own body!
And the world sees this kind of marriage that stands in such great contrast to the marriages of the world, and it testifies of the relationship between Christ and the church.
At the same time, the church lives in subjection to Christ.
Not with a restful, bitter kind of subjection but with a joyful peaceful subjection knowing that Jesus has their best in mind
The same way the wife lives in subjection to her husband.
And the world sees this great union that is a great mystery and testifies of the relationship between Christ and the church.
Conclusion
I want to say this to both husbands and wives as we close today: You spouse can only give a fraction of the love and care and permanence that Jesus can give you
You will never be loved like Jesus loves and cares for you
No man or no woman will every bring us the fulfillment that Jesus gives
You will never be left alone when you are married to Jesus
You will never have to worry about having your needs met when you become the bride of Christ.
His love is unconditional, His sacrifice is life changing
And He will love you until the day you die and you meet Him face to face and go to be with Him forever
If you have not given Jesus your life, start there.
This marriage only happens in Christ
When you have Jesus, the rest will
But without Jesus, it will never be what it could be in Jesus
~PRAYER~
RESPONSE
PUBLIC INVITATION
“What a beautiful Name”
Words and Music by Hillsong
OFFERING
We will now worship the Lord through our tithes and offering.
BENEDICTION
Numbers 6:24-26 “The Lord bless you, and keep you; The Lord cause His face to shine on you, And be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His face to you, And give you peace.’”