Building Bridges: How to Turn a Conversation to Spiritual Things

For some of us it is easy to talk to our friends about everyday subjects, weather, weekends, family, sports, but we are at a loss when we want to bridge the gap between everyday life and the Lord.

Do you remember the principles of evangelism that we learned from studying the life of Jesus?

1. curiosity aroused;

2. problem pointed out; and then (maybe),

3. the answer is given.

What we are going to discuss in this lesson is the first principle: curiosity aroused.

How can we take an everyday situation and make a comment based upon that situation that will cause our friends to ask us what we meant?

How can we ask them a question (again, based on an everyday situation) that will cause their thoughts to leap into the realm of spiritual things?

Floyd makes an excellent point in the beginning of this chapter. Many people are scared of turning a conversation to spiritual things. And because of this they use excuses to avoid doing so.

What are some of the excuses that people use to avoid turning conversations to spiritual things?

- I don’t have the gift of evangelism.

- I am an introvert not an extrovert.

- I am not a people person.

Here is what Floyd says about these excuses:

Let me emphasize at this point that the ability to turn a conversation around to spiritual things is not a “gift.” It can’t be found in any of the gift passages in the Bible (I Cor. 12 and so on). But it can be learned!

The only requirement is that you be concerned enough about the salvation of your unsaved friend to practice thinking through your own everyday situations and plan ahead what you would like to say in each situation.

The following conversation steps will guide you through the process from talking about the weather to discussing the gospel. This process is universal. It doesn’t depend on your personality. Anyone can carry on a conversation with another person using these four steps, if he or she practices the steps ahead of time.

The Overview

Surface Talk- Is the person alive? Talk about the weather, sports, and so on.

Personal Talk- Will the person open up? Talk about family, jobs, or interests.

Religious Talk- Any interest in spiritual things? Talk about religion, churches, or church activities. (If your friend is not interested at this time, retreat to step two!)

Spiritual Talk- Is the person seeking God? Talk about what Christ has done for you; ask his or her view of Christianity. Then invite them to study the Bible with you or give the gospel. (If your friend is not seeking at this time, retreat to step three!)

What do you think about his advice to retreat?

Acts 18:4 ESV

And he reasoned in the synagogue every Sabbath, and tried to persuade Jews and Greeks.

Acts 18:6–7 ESV

And when they opposed and reviled him, he shook out his garments and said to them, “Your blood be on your own heads! I am innocent. From now on I will go to the Gentiles.” And he left there and went to the house of a man named Titius Justus, a worshiper of God. His house was next door to the synagogue.

Acts 18:8 ESV

Crispus, the ruler of the synagogue, believed in the Lord, together with his entire household. And many of the Corinthians hearing Paul believed and were baptized.

Colossians 4:6 ESV

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

1. Surface Talk with our acquaintances opens the door to conversation. We do this all the time, often without knowing it.

2. Personal Talk is the step of discovery. We want to know as much about our acquaintances as possible before moving on to more serious topics. We want our friends to open up about themselves.

3. Religious Talk moves the conversation in the direction of the gospel. We are not going to give the gospel at this point. We have to find out if they are interested in spiritual things. Even our relatives, whom we think we know so well, maybe seeking the Lord but may never have anyone to talk to about it. This step is very important. Don’t hurry on to step four, yet.

4. Spiritual Talk will discover if our friends are seeking God or just dabbling in religious ideas. There are lots of moral people who don’t want God to mess up their lives. Is the person truly seeking God, or is he happy to be just a religious person? At this point you have to decide what you want to offer your friend: the whole gospel or a Bible study. When the Lord first met people, He spent more time making them thirsty for Him than He did telling them how to get into heaven.

Surface Talk

Have you ever had the experience of standing next to a complete stranger and there is that awkward period of silence? The silence most often makes people uncomfortable.

In that kind of situation you will one of two things. How could you respond?

1). You will step away from that person creating distance. OR 2). You will begin some kind of conversation.

If you begin a conversation, what kinds of things do you typically talk about? Weather, news, sports, traffic, etc.

Floyd says this about these kinds of surface level conversations, “This level of conversation is the perfect starting place for an evangelistic conversation.”

In this level of conversation, Floyd has one goal. What do you think that might be?

The only goal at this point is to mention something more personal about yourself than the weather: family, school, work, neighbors, pets, or anything that opens your life up just a little to this acquaintance. Just mention it, don't give your life story! Then, casually ask the acquaintance about that same area of his or her life. For example, after you mentioned the weather, say,

“Yes, I’ve lived here for [it doesn’t matter how long], and I think that the weather is [it doesn’t matter what you think about the weather]. Have you lived here long?”

Telling the person something about yourself gives you the unspoken right to ask that person the same thing. There are infinite possibilities for moving from surface talk to personal talk, as long as you remember your goal.

What is the goal? You want to find out as much as possible about your friend. Your goal is not to talk about yourself, but to LISTEN to what they have to say.

“If you practice listening to people, you will make enormous progress in your evangelistic efforts.”

2. Personal Talk

What kinds of topics constitute personal talk? What do you talk about at this level?

A person’s birthplace, hometown, family, education, work, vacations, retirement, interests and hobbies, music, artistic abilities, politics, cooking, history, and sports of all kinds. One very good subject to talk about is weekends and the free time. Ours has become an entertainment society.

One very important point is to find out the person’s first name and use it off and on in the conversation. A person’s first name is one of the most important words in his or her vocabulary. Be genuinely interested in that person.

Throughout this level of conversation, watch the person's body language: eyebrows going up and down, eyes looking away from you, smiling or frowning, nervous tapping of the feet or fingers, harsh or smooth voice tone, high or low voice pitch. You want to discover if the person is comfortable with the direction of the conversation.

Why is this important?

What should you do if the person becomes vulgar in his vocabulary?

Ask yourself this question: Is this the normal this person expresses themselves?

Here is Floyd's advice:

“If this is how he normally talks, don’t take offense and don’t correct him. Keep listening and keep the conversation going. If he is trying to offend you (which is very rare at this level of conversation), start using “God talk” immediately, such as “The Bible says . . .”; “Jesus always . . .”; or “God wants us to . . .” and so on. This will usually cause him to leave.”

What excuses do we usually use to avoid engaging in this kind of conversation with strangers?

Floyd’s response:

This level of conversation is very easy to learn, especially if you will carry out a little experiment with yourself. For the next week, spend thirty minutes a day starting conversations with strangers or acquaintances about surface topics and moving on to personal items. Then ask questions about their interests and do not talk about yourself. Try it! You will eventually see common interests develop.

3. Religious Talk

This is where we move the conversation to spiritual matters. Do most people like talking about spiritual things?

“This is categorically wrong. Even atheists like talking about their views of God! They may be irrational, but they love a listening ear. Although most people may not respond positively toward the Gospel, they do appreciate having someone ask them about themselves and listening to their ideas or their problems in this life. A listening ear may be the very thing that causes a person to seek God.”

If you do get to the level of religious talk and the person seems cool or antagonistic, retreat! Back down to the personal talk level. We are not called to push the gospel anyone.

How do you transition from personal talk to religious talk?

How did we transition from surface talk to personal talk? you make a statement about yourself and then you ask the other person a question about that same area of his or her life.

Same approach in bridging the conversation to religious talk.

“Well, on weekends we usually [it doesn’t matter what you do] on Saturday, and then we [eat out in a restaurant, have friends over for lunch, whatever] after church.”

Wait a few seconds to watch for body language, then continue with, “Do you attend church?”

Regardless of the answer, say, “I see. Have you ever read the Bible?” Regardless of the answer, say, “You know, I’m always interested in other people’s viewpoints on what’s in the Bible. Would you have time for us to get together just one time to read a passage together? I would really appreciate listening to what you think about it.” Emphasize the “just one time” so the person can see that you are not trying to drag or seduce him or her into a lifetime cult.

Here’s another example: “I really enjoy reading, especially books that make me think. What do you like to read?” His or her answer.

“Do you ever read any philosophy or religious books?” His or her answer.

“You know, I'm always interested in other people's viewpoints on what's in the Bible. Would you have time for us to get together just one time to read a passage together? I would really appreciate listening to what you think about it.”

See how easy that is? And if you practice having these conversations with imaginary people, it will really start to come naturally. Remember your goal: getting your acquaintance to read the Bible with you just one time.

What do we do when our acquaintance responds with silence?

Smile and back down to the previous level of conversation. People are still noticing your witness! Don't feel guilty and don’t press harder. Don't become discouraged and quit witnessing altogether. Leave the results to God. Many people may not want to talk about religious topics. Don’t fret. Just accept it and keep looking for seekers.

What should we do if the person becomes aggressive?

Stay friendly and break off the conversation as politely as possible. People respond negatively for a number of reasons. They might have had a bad experience with someone pushing religious views on them, and they now associate any conversation about spiritual things with that bad experience. You can easily help them overcome this by remaining friendly and not pushing the conversation any further. You might even mention that it really bothers you when people try to push their beliefs on you! This will usually disarm them and you might be able to resume the conversation a less tense level.

4. Spiritual Talk

This is very similar to religious talk, but on a deeper level. It takes some wisdom to notice is the person wants to proceed with the conversation.

How can we tell?

“Does this person's actions and attitudes indicate that he or she wants to talk about spiritual things?” If you sense an openness after the religious talk, you can move to spiritual talk by going in a number of directions.

You can invite him or her to visit your church. However, this might be too threatening at first.

You can ask the person two questions:

1. “If you were to die today, could you say for certain that you will go to heaven?”

2. “Why should God let you into his heaven?” This question lets you know what the person is trusting in.

You can share the whole gospel with him or her. If you choose this route, keep the message as simple as possible, use illustrations for each point and, if the person is open to it, repeat the main points of the Gospel a number of times from different angles.

You can ask the person to read the Bible with you one time to see what God has to say about the things that you’ve been talking about. If this approach seems a little frightening to you at the moment, then you might invite the person to an evangelistic Bible study that is being led by someone else. This approach could give you the experience you desire to lead your own study in the near future.

If you are inexperienced at this, moving the conversation to spiritual things, one of the best things you can do is to PRACTICE thinking through the four levels of conversation ahead of time. The key is to remember your immediate goal: make you friend curious enough about spiritual things to want to read the bible with you.

Practical Ideas

I would encourage you to read this section of Floyd’s book for yourselves. It will give you some good ideas for how to bridge conversations to spiritual matters. It will require you to read and practice if you want to actually use it in real life. Chapter 5, pg. 65 ff.

Reading

Let people see you reading your Bible is a natural way to make them curious enough to ask you what you’re reading.

What do you do when someone comes up and asks you what you are reading?

Once you have answered a curious observer with the two words the Bible, the door is open for you to ask, “Have you ever read it?” No matter what answer he or she gives, you can reply, “I’ve found the Bible to be very interesting and helpful.” With a few more comments, you can easily ask, “Would you like to read the Bible with me?”

Reading has proved to be one of the best springboards available to us. It does not matter what people read. If they like to read, you can talk about your or their reading interests.

For example, after becoming friends with a student in a class I was taking, we discovered that we both loved to read. After comparing books we had read and books we would like to read, I asked him if he liked to read a book with someone and then discuss it (or argue about it!). He said yes, and so I asked him if he had ever read and discussed or argued about the Bible, and would he like to do so with me? He said that he preferred to choose a different book, so I asked if we could read two books by switching off every other week.

He agreed and chose a philosophy book that nearly did me in! The outcome was that I learned a lot of philosophy – and I often complained to my wife about its uselessness – but my friend eventually received the Lord! My friend and I still laugh today about his choice and how thankful he was that I agreed. In the beginning he did not understand the Bible, and I did not understand the philosophy book. He came to an excellent understanding of God’s Word, and I did not come to an excellent understanding of philosophy, but I learned how he thought. He will be with me in eternity.

Employment

Ask your friends the following questions or make the following statements:

“Is work an end in itself?

Is there more meaning to my work than just receiving a paycheck?

Have you ever wondered what God has to say about work?

Do you think that God made work as punishment for man’s sin? (No, He didn’t! Adam was given work in the garden before he sinned. The fruit of his work became harder to obtain after the fall.)

The Bible has some very interesting things to say about the one extreme of laziness versus the other extreme of working too much. Would you like to read the Bible with me to discover God’s view of employment?

God even says some unique things about employers. Have you ever wondered how our employment or the work we do here on earth will affect eternity?”

Hobbies and Sports

How can we use our hobbies or sports as a bridge to a spiritual conversation?

“I really need a day off (a day of rest, a hobby, a sport). It takes my mind off my weekly routine.” Then follow up with some of the following questions: “Do you think we need rest and relaxation? Why or why not? Maybe we should always work seven days a week. Do you believe that God made us to rest or to work?”

You might ask, “Do you ever wonder where we get our different interests? Why do some people like flying kites and others weaving baskets? Is each person unique? Why or why not?”

“Why do some people run from one hobby (or job) to another, never seeming to be satisfied with life? What do you think makes a person satisfied with life?”

If you can get your friend to ask you if you are satisfied with life, tell him that you find satisfaction reading what God says about man in the Bible. This theme can go in a number of profitable directions. Think through the topic ahead of time with your friend in mind (i.e., his job, his hobbies, and his satisfaction or dissatisfaction with life) and plan your questions accordingly.

History

Discussion of war and the total lack of security in this world can lead to a conversation about false hope. Many Europeans asked me what I thought about the Gulf War in early 1991, and I replied, “When it’s over, there will be another one somewhere else.”

False hope is another line of discussion. People have said to me, “I hope there’s not another war in Europe.” I ask them what grounds they see for having this hope, and this leads us back to what the Bible says. Think up a number of different examples of false hope in your own realm of experience and bring the conversation around to the Bible.

Other excellent topics that he gives include: Science, Politics, Money, Sexuality, Academics, Housekeeping, Weather, Health, Death, Philosophy and Religion.

In my experience, religion, politics, money and sexuality have been the topics about which most people get upset. Keep in mind that some people may need to be upset to drag them out of their mental lethargy. In some situations, you may need to pray for bravery on your part. You’re not alone; the Apostle Paul asked for such prayers for himself (Eph. 6:19).

Remember: think through your possible conversations beforehand as much as possible. The possibilities are endless. You will gain confidence, and bridge-building will become easier the more you do it. This ability is not a gift, because it has been learned by different people with different personalities. It is simply a matter of practice. Eventually, you may even find yourself looking for different bridges; the old ones have become boring! When this happens, do not fail to recognize the joy you have begun to experience in your witnessing.

Do It!

1. Pick one topic of discussion about which you feel comfortable talking. Pick one person with whom you would like to talk, using this topic of conversation. Plan a time to get together with him or her, over coffee or tea, at lunch break, or during an evening. Make it as convenient as possible for your friend. Write out five questions you can ask during the conversation that will make your friend think about more than just the topic at hand.

2. Look at your five questions and ask yourself, “What answers or objections will my friend give?” Write out responses to these answers and objections. Keep this thinking process going until your mind screams at you, “I’m tired!” Call your friend and make the appointment.

3. Before your friend arrives, pray that the Lord will guide your thoughts and comments.

4. ROLE PLAY. This is one of the most effective ways of training yourself to witness! If you have a Christian friend who wants to witness to his friends, get together with him and role-play different witnessing situations.

One of you can play the part of an unsaved person and come up with objections to reading the Bible, why the Bible is not to be trusted, why organized religions are bad, and so on (i.e., all of the objections your unsaved friends have made or might make. Brainstorm!). The other person then can try to think up questions to ask in response to these objections. Stay away from giving answers. Questions are better for making your friends think.