Push Away the Pull of Punishment
Notes
Transcript
Handout
A man in Spokane (Mr. Russell) had arranged for the minister from Fourth Memorial church to have his wedding. The day came and the minister didn't. The minister sent a replacement. The man was upset, and never forgot the incident. 30 years later Carolyn had a garage sale. My mother was there helping. A neighbor came over and they introduced themselves. He said, "Underhill, are you related to a minister?" "Yes, my husband is one. "Well, I could tell you a thing or two." Mom said, "Go ahead, I've heard it all." "30 years ago he was supposed to marry..." and he told his story. Mom asked, "How long ago was that?" "30 years" he said. "Well, it couldn't have been my husband. We only moved here 25 years ago." For 30 years Mr. Russell had been bitter at the wrong man!
Story of Ron killing their baby and telling Amy why
Anger and bitterness are closely related. They are close but different. Here are a few differences.
Anger leaves quickly; bitterness lingers indefinitely.
Anger leaves quickly; bitterness lingers indefinitely.
Most of the time you can count to 10 & get past your anger, but you can count to a million and never get past bitterness.
Most of the time you can count to 10 & get past your anger, but you can count to a million and never get past bitterness.
We can control anger; bitterness controls us.
We can control anger; bitterness controls us.
Anger may control you temporarily; bitterness will consume you totally.
Anger may control you temporarily; bitterness will consume you totally.
Anger is about the present; bitterness is about the past.
Anger is about the present; bitterness is about the past.
Anger takes up only today; bitterness is about the past.
Anger takes up only today; bitterness is about the past.
Anger is above ground; bitterness is underground.
Anger is above ground; bitterness is underground.
Now, what is bitterness?
Bitterness is harbored hurt hidden in the heart.
Bitterness is harbored hurt hidden in the heart.
Of all the emotions, this one is perhaps the most dangerous. Why? Because bitterness is an acid that destroys it’s own container.
Boudreaux and the dynamite under his shirt.
I know that there are probably some who hear this message are being held in bondage by bitterness.
Maybe you are bitter towards God because of a tragedy in your life that he didn’t prevent.
Maybe you are bitter towards a spouse who left you for someone else and made you a single parent raising children on your own.
Maybe you are bitter towards a company that fired you with no severance pay even though you served them faithfully for years.
Maybe you are bitter towards someone physically or sexually abused you but never admitted it and will never be brought to justice.
Maybe you are bitter toward your father who never gave you approval or a mother who never affirmed her love for you.
Maybe you are bitter towards a church because of a bad experience.
The Bible says a lot about the danger of bitterness and gives us some practical wisdom for how to deal with bitterness. If you are struggling with bitterness but if you apply these three pieces of wise advice, you can push away the pull of bitterness.
1. Discover the root of the bitterness
1. Discover the root of the bitterness
15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
The metaphor of bitterness being like a root is great because the root of a tree though it is not far from the surface also reaches deep into the ground. You see the branches and the leaves, but the root that you do not see is just as real as the rest of the tree.
Bitterness is just like that. It’s never far from your lips and your actions, but it reaches deep down into your life.
Just like any root has a seed and lives in soil, so does bitterness. What is the seed of that bitterness? Where does it come from. Remember, I said earlier that bitterness is harbored hurt hidden in the heart.
The seed of bitterness is your hurt, and the soil of bitterness is your heart.
The seed of bitterness is your hurt, and the soil of bitterness is your heart.
When people become bitter, they allow their hurt to plant itself in their heart and grow roots. But then they water it, fertilize it, feed it and it grow entangled with it. When that happens, the fruit becomes a bitter as the root.
The fruit of bitterness is negativity, a critical spirit, judgmentalism, fault finding, and revenge. The invisible root is made visible by the fruit. That’s the thing that’s interesting about bitterness. While it is a root that we can’t see, it always bears fruit that we can see.
Bitterness will find it’s root in your heart, but it will bear fruit in your life. That’s why so many people have a quick temper, are inpatient, are depressed, have a negative attitude, and even physical problems. The seek treatment from doctors and therapists, but that only deal with the symptoms so the problem is never solved.
To solve the problem, you have to get to the root of the problem. You have to get to the root of your bitterness because bitterness is always a problem of the heart.
Years ago in a village in a remote part of Africa, children and adults were becoming sick with nausea. As time went on, the sickness spread and people began to die. When the disease spread to the main city in that area, they sent experts to figure out what was causing the problem.
They discovered it was the water was contaminated. The village got it’s supply of water from a mountain stream fed from a spring. So they went upstream to see if they could identify what was causing the pollution.
When they got to the mouth of the stream, everything looked ok so they sent divers down into the spring to see what was causing the pollution. What the divers discovered was shocking. A large mother pig and he baby piglets were wedged right in the opening of the spring. They had fallen in, drowned and somehow they became stuck.
All of the clear and pure water was being contaminated as it flowed past the dead pigs. When they removed the pigs, the water began to flow clean and pur again and the sickness went away.
The problem wasn’t on the surface of the water, or even in the water. The problem was at the spring where the water came out. That was the root of their problem.
Very few bitter people will ever admit that they are bitter. You can’t see the root of it, but you can see the fruit. So what each person must do is uncover the root of your bitterness.
Why is it so important to find the root of bitterness? Let’s look at the results of bitterness.
2. Understand the Results of Bitterness
2. Understand the Results of Bitterness
15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
A bitter root bears bitter fruit, and every where you go, bitterness will go with you and cause you trouble. It will impact every area of your life. It will impact your relationship with God, with others, and even yourself. It will affect you on the inside and the outside… mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Bitterness will affect you mentally.
Bitterness will affect you mentally.
As the root of bitterness grows, it takes up more and more soil in your heart. It’s like Kuzdu. Kuzdu will take over a forrest and bitterness will take over your mind. When you are bitter towards someone, you think about them all the time. You picture them in your mind. You dream about how they could be hurt or how you could hurt them. You spend your waking moments thinking about how you can get even with them.
When you have an internal conflict because of an external conflict you have had with someone else, it will affect you psychologically until you resolve it.
When you have an internal conflict because of an external conflict you have had with someone else, it will affect you psychologically until you resolve it.
There is a term for this. It’s called the Zeigarnik Effect discovered by Bluma Zeigarnik. This says that your brian will remember unresolved issues until you resolve them. It keeps them active in your consciousness until you resolve the conflict. Once the problem is resolved or the task is completed, your brain will no longer give it priority attention.
This why many times you cannot sleep when you have something that hasn’t been resolved. Your brain will keep it active until it’s resolved.
Did you ever run into someone and just could not remember their name, and then an hour later, it came to you? That’s the Zeigarnik Effect. Your brain would not let it go.
Bitterness has the same effect on your brain and your mind will not let it go until you resolve that bitterness.
Bitterness will affect you emotionally.
Bitterness will affect you emotionally.
Bitterness acts as a depressant. You will never meet a bitter person who is happy. Bitter people are critical, negative, fault-finding people with a victim mentality.
One mark of a bitter person is that they blame everyone else for their problems. They blame and shame. They never are responsible for anything. It’s always someone else’s fault. They are always the innocent party so they do not think that they have anything to ever apologize to anyone.
All of this why bitterness is so dangerous. It will cause you to tear up your whole kitchen to kill a roach. It will turn you into an emotional suicide bomber.
Boudreaux with the dynamite.
You want to hurt others but you wind up killing yourself. Someone said,
A bitter person is someone who drinks poison and expects the other person to die.
A bitter person is someone who drinks poison and expects the other person to die.
Nelson Mandella said
“Bitterness only hurts one’s self. If you hate, you will give them your heart and mind. Don’t give those two things away.”
“Bitterness only hurts one’s self. If you hate, you will give them your heart and mind. Don’t give those two things away.”
Bitterness will affect you Physically
Bitterness will affect you Physically
Your body was not designed to nurture bitterness. Your back was never meant to carry grudges. There are over 50 diseases, ranging from ulcers to HBP that can be caused by bitterness.
Chronic anger ranks up there with cigarette smoking, obesity, and a high fat diet as risk factors for early death.
University of Michigan tested women. They found that women who harbored suppressed anger and bitterness were three times more likely to have died during the 18 year study than those who did not harbor bitter hostility.
Frank Minirth and Paul Meier studied 10,000 patients who said they were burned out. The top three reasons for the burnout was not stress or over work. The number 1 reason for physical and emotional burnout was bitterness. Being unwilling to forgive others and let go a grudge was the main cause of burnout.
Bitterness will affect you Spiritually.
Bitterness will affect you Spiritually.
14 Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. 15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
Bitterness causes inward turmoil and outward conflict. But bitterness also affects our upward relationship with God. you will not find peace, joy or even happiness no matter how hard you try when you are bitter.
Bitterness will not only ruin your life right now, it will follow you to the grave.
Following the death of a 94 year old woman who never married, there was a note in the bulletin. There will be no male pallbearers. They would not take me out when I was alive; I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.
That’s funny, but bitterness is not a laughing matter. It not only hurts you, but it hurts others as well. Remember, Hebrews said that the poisonous root of bitterness corrupts many. It will hurt your friendships, your marriage, your relationships with your kids, your relationships at work… it will mess up your life.
How do we defeat bitterness in our lives? We have to uncover the root of the bitterness and then get rid of it.
3. We need to remove the Root of the Bitterness
3. We need to remove the Root of the Bitterness
Someone once said bitterness is like being in prison. But unlike prison, you are the prisoner and the jailer. You control the door to the jail cell.
Listen to me.
The only way to be free from bitterness is to release the person you are bitter toward.
The only way to be free from bitterness is to release the person you are bitter toward.
When you set them free, you will be free. If you refuse to let them go, they you will also remain a prisoner. Think about it. You are the one paying the price for your bitterness. You are the one losing sleep. You are the one developing ulcers and other physical illnesses. You are the one who cannot enjoy life because you live under the weight of your bitterness.
15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
As Barney Fife would say, You have to nip it. Nip it in the bud.
Now to do that, you have to remember, bitterness doesn’t show outwardly. It’s a root that’s underground. To find it, you have to dig it up and throw it away. That’s the only cure for bitterness.
It’s like getting a Root Canal. The dentist removes all of the decayed nerve and pulp from inside the tooth. He cleans ot out completely so that there is no decay left. Then he seals it and fills it. It’s not pleasant, but it’s necessary sometimes to save your tooth.
It’s the same principle spiritually, but how do we do that?
1. Forgive the person who hurt you.
1. Forgive the person who hurt you.
It’s not easy but we have to do this.
Forgiveness is giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.
Forgiveness is giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.
If you do not forgive, you will fall short of the grace of God according to the writer of Hebrews. Here is what the writer meant. Until you realize how God has forgiven you, you will not be able to forgive others. When you experience the grace and forgiveness of Jesus, you can’t help but forgive others.
Maybe you can relate to this story that was part of a sermon on an anniversary of 911.
An American soldier was serving in Afghanistan when he received a Dear John letter saying she had found someone else. He was devastated. To add insult to injury, she asked him to send the picture of her she had given him because it was her favorite picture and she wanted to use it as her engagement photo in the paper.
His buddies came up with a plan. The collected photos of girls from all their fellow soldiers put them all in a box and sent them to her with this note.
Please find your enclosed picture and return the rest. For the life of me, I can’t remember which one you were.
Please find your enclosed picture and return the rest. For the life of me, I can’t remember which one you were.
Listen, that’s funny and most of us can relate. My dad in WW2 … they would put the pics on the outhouse wall. But the truth is that revenge doesn’t work. When you try, you drag yourself down to their level. But you can forgive the person by the Grace of God. Once you have experienced the forgiveness of God, you can forgive others.
2. As much as possible, try to forget the offense.
2. As much as possible, try to forget the offense.
God forgets our sins. Isa 43:25
25 “I—yes, I alone—will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again.
We can’t actually forget, but we can make the choice to stop thinking about them. Bury them.
Now I know some things are so serious and hurtful that they probably should be remembered so that they don’t happen again. Physical and emotional abuse need to be remembered to the degree as to not let that happen again. You can forgive and even begin healing but you do not let the person back into your life.
But bitterness in your heart needs to be released. look at what Paul said in Eph 4:31
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.
Get rid of means to dispose of or to bury. This means you get rid of that I have to get even feeling you carry around. You need to bury that root of bitterness and cover up the grave.
Louis Zamperini - by Laura Hill. Louis Zamperini was a famous Olympian who later was captured as a prisoner by the Japanese. When the head of the prison camp, known as the Bird Man, found out who he was, he made it a point to make Zamperini’s life a living hell. He began to hate this man with everything in him. He survived his captivity and returned home, but he brought his bitterness with him. Soon it overwhelmed him and he drank heavily. He dreamed about killing this man over and over again.
One day he went to a Billy Graham Crusade where he heard the Gospel. He experienced the forgiveness of God and the grace of God. Years later, Zamperini returned to Japan to carry the Olympic Torch for the USA. He wondered if his brutal prison camp warden was alive and where he lived. He found out where he was and prayed as he went to visit. Here is what he wrote to this man.
As a result of my prisoner of war experience under your unwarranted and unreasonable punishment, my post-war life became a nightmare. It was not so much due to the pain and suffering as it was the tension of stress and humiliation that caused me to hate you with a vengeance.
Under your discipline, my rights, not only as a prisoner of war but also as a human being, were stripped from me. It was a struggle to maintain enough dignity and hope to live until the war’s end. The post-war nightmares caused my life to crumble, but thanks to a confrontation with God through the evangelist Billy Graham, I committed my life to Christ. Love has replaced the hate I had for you. Christ said, “Forgive your enemies and pray for them.” As you probably know, I returned to Japan in 1952 and was graciously allowed to address all the Japanese war criminals at Sugamo Prison…I asked then about you, and was told that you probably had committed Hara Kiri, which I was sad to hear. At that moment, like the others, I also forgave you and now would hope that you would also become a Christian. Louis Zamperini
Zamperini carried the letter with him to Japan and asked to meet with Watanabe. He angrily refused. Someone gave the letter to Wantanbe but he never replied to hit.
Both of these men are now dead, but one of them died free of bitterness.
You can be full of bitterness and empty of Jesus or full of Jesus and empty of bitterness.
You can be full of bitterness and empty of Jesus or full of Jesus and empty of bitterness.
But you cannot be both. Being bitter is no way to live nor is it any way to die. But by the Grace of God, you can push away the punishment of bitterness that no only affects you but affects others too.
You may think that you don’t want to let them off of the hook. They hurt you and you don’t want to let them off of the hook.
Let me get real practical here.
How to Handle the Hook
How to Handle the Hook
Make a list of all the offenses caused by your offender.
Make a list of all the offenses caused by your offender.
Imagine right now that a hook is on your collarbone. Then imagine all the pain attached to the hook as a result of the wrong that was done by them to you.
Imagine right now that a hook is on your collarbone. Then imagine all the pain attached to the hook as a result of the wrong that was done by them to you.
Ask yourself, Do I really want to carry all that pain with me for the rest of my life. The Lord wants you to take your pain from the past and release it into your hands.
Ask yourself, Do I really want to carry all that pain with me for the rest of my life. The Lord wants you to take your pain from the past and release it into your hands.
Then taker the one who offended you off your emotional hook and place your offender onto God’s hook. The Lord knows how to deal with your offender, but he will do it in his time and in his way.
Then taker the one who offended you off your emotional hook and place your offender onto God’s hook. The Lord knows how to deal with your offender, but he will do it in his time and in his way.
Prayer