Sermon Tone Analysis
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Root of REAL peace
John 14:27 - God wants to give us REAL peace
Genesis 32 - REAL peace and hope stem from:
God is there
God is at work for His glory
God is at work in me
Nature of Conflict
We are in a series looking at REAL peace.
In this world we have conflict, and in our homes we have conflict.
Spark - Diffferences, Mis-communication
Fuel / Gasoline
Anger (Proverbs 15:18)
Greed (Proverbs 28:25)
Gossip (Proverbs 16:28)
Dishonesty (Proverbs 6:12-15)
Selfish desires (James 4:1-3)
Oxygen - Hate (Proverbs 12:10)
Today we are going to look at
Responses to Conflict
The Slippery Slope Diagram from Peacemaker Ministries' Resolving Everyday Conflict material helps to summarize typical responses to conflict.
Escape Responses
Just avoid, flee, don't deal with it, sweep it under the rug
Wrong thinking: Conflict is wrong.
People should just agree
Trying to work it out will lead to more conflict
Denial
All good on the surface... but often this is like a dormant volcanoe that is building steam
Flight
Legitimate when just temporarily removing oneself from the situation to collect emotions and thoughts, or to avoid serious threats.
Too often it is what Kevin Johnson calls Peacefaking .
And, often avoids real growth and healing that God wants to work in me, and others.
Attack Responses
Only interested in winning the conflict
Blaming
Assault
Manipulation, Intimidation
Verbal - sometimes direct verbal assaults, other times veiled (sarcasm) Even though you say you didn't mean it, the damage is done.
The assault was effective.
Physical -
Litigation - court of public opinion, and legal court
Attacks all focus on the other person.
Escape Responses are Peacefaking.
Attack Responses are Peacebreaking.
Neither brings REAL peace, nor do they bring reconciliation.
As we saw before, God is the giver of Peace, and His desire is to give us peace.
He is at work for His glory, and He is at work in us.
As the giver of Peace, He wants us, his children to be like Him, and be Peacemakers.
What is a Peacemaker?
Someone who makes Peace...
I like the way Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson put it in their book, Resolving Everyday Conflict:
Peacemakers see conflict as an opportunity to solve problems in a way that not only benefits everyone involved but also honors God.
-Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson, Resolving Everyday Conflict (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2011), 37.
Peacemaking Responses
While Escape and Attack responses focus on me and you, Peacemaking Responses focus on us.
What are Peacemaking Responses?
God gives us direction in His Word for Peacemaking Responses, which we will be looking at for the next several weeks.
Here are the principles we will be examining:
Go Higher
How can I focus on God in this situation?
How can I reach for a higher goal than just self-preservation, or winning the conflict?
Get Real
How can I own my part of the conflict?
Gently Engage
How can I help others own their contribution to this conflict?
Get Together
How can I give forgiveness and help reach a reasonable solution?
We will unpack these principles over the coming weeks.
But I want to start into the first one today...
Go Higher
In a conflict, all my attention is on the here, the now, the situation, the conflict at hand.
Where I need to go, where we all need to go is higher.
Flying in plane example.
Get above the clouds and can see clearly.
Driving through the fog and suddenly it lifts.
Remember, God, who gives peace, is here and is at work.
So...
Where is God in this?
What is God doing in this situation?
Big Question: How can I please and honor God in this situation?
Ken Sande who cowrote Resolving Everyday Conflict wrote:
I’m not an easy person to argue with.
I often let pride rule my heart.
I use my verbal skills to defend myself and make others look wrong.
Worse yet, my training as an attorney has equipped me to use leading questions to back people into a corner.
No one has suffered more from these skills than my wife, Corlette.
One morning she and I got into an argument over some trivial thing.
After we traded a few jabs, she retreated to the bathroom to collect her thoughts and pray while I stood in the bedroom, planning like a prosecutor.
I was just about to walk into the bathroom to lay out my case against her when the Lord brought a penetrating question to my mind: How could I glorify God in this situation?
I pushed the thought aside.
I wasn’t the least bit interested in glorifying God at that moment.
My only concern was winning my case against my wife!
But God pressed in with the same thought, this time in the form of a question I often use when mediating between people: “How could you please and honor God in this situation?”
The Holy Spirit took all the wind out of my sails.
“Lord,” I confessed, “please forgive my pride and self-righteousness.
I know it won’t honor or please you if I use my verbal skills to force Corlette to say I’m right.
Please help me to admit where I’ve been wrong.”
With a much different attitude, I went to her and said, “Corlette, I was so wrong to get defensive and blame you.
Will you please forgive me?” Corlette had been expecting a full-bore attack.
Now she was stunned by my words.
Her face softened.
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