Deeper Relationships

I’m a fixer. It’s hard for me to listen without fixing things. Since that is my best, I want to give that to my wife…but she doesn’t want a fixer. She wants a connection.

Building relationships is hard work. But when they work, it is the best part of life. Truly.

This is because we are relational creatures. We were created for relationships, in the image of God who is in an eternal relationship - Father, Son, Holy Spirit.

We go back to the beginning in Genesis. Here the Bible records that God created us for relationship, male and female, in the image of God. But soon after, things went arry. In chapter 3 we read about the fall.

Genesis 3:8–13 NIV84

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

What happened when they were in trouble? they blamed others. Trouble caused them to turn their back on the relationship.

SO, what brought trouble into their lives? You could say, Satan, you could say God because he is in total control. But ultimately, I believe that while circumstances got difficult, what caused them trouble was looking for something they already had. Adam and Eve thought they might be able to be like God”, they would be significant, have meaning, if they ate this apple.

The root of their problem is that they simply failed to understand who they were, and because they didn’t understand themselves, they were led to try to be someone they weren’t and the relationship God had created them to live in was broken. We are at risk of doing this same thing as well.

It makes sense, if we don’t know ourselves, we will look to enter relationships to give our lives meaning.

We tend to do this too.

So how do we get our relationships back? How do we reclaim healthy deep relationships?

The key to deep relationships is to Understand You.

The key to deep relationships is Knowing You

I believe the key to great relationships requires us to be able to loving others, and to love others, we have to love ourselves, and to love ourselves we must first knowing you.

If you don’t understand you, you will look for others to explain you. We look to other people to give our life meaning. We run around looking for Jerry McGuire

You remember the movie right, he had fallen in love, went to his girl and told her he wanted to get married.

You... complete... me.

That’s where the scripture we have been centered around comes in.

John 10:10 NIV84

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Jesus came, not to give our lives meaning, but to call us back to the meaning that we were created with. WE are children of God. You are a child of God.

All this didn’t come about by accident. We didn’t come about by random fall out from a big bang.

Humans didn’t just show up - accidentally - after years of evolution.

You are here on purpose.

The God who created the universe is your father.

The Created they eye

God sacrificed his son so you could be forgiven, redeemed, and blessed

God created the earth to be a blessing for you

God created people for you to experience relationships.

God so wants you to have a full life that he punished his son for you.

Relationships are the place that God has ordained for us to live this full life as we grow deep together.

Relationships are a place to Grow Deep Together.

Relationships are the place that God has ordained for us to live this full life as we grow deep together.

The launch pad to taking our relationships from shallow to deep might sound strange.

We think that if we want better relationships with others, then maybe we should learn how to talk to others. How to remember names. How to tell jokes. How to be a better conversationalist.

But that is not it. That’s the trap we run into. We need to start with us. We know something isn’t right, but instead of jumping on what seems right. Scripture calls us to grow.

Romans 3:22–24 NIV84

This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Grow

We need to grow up. Scripture says that when we are children we think like children and it’s OK. But as we grow up, we need to grow up in our thinking too. One sign of maturity is that we can reflect on our lives. So to deepen our relationships, we need to mature our understanding. We need to start by deepening our relationship with us.

What makes me tick?

What are my issues?

At Celebrate Recovery, we talk about taking an inventory of our lives. It takes getting really honest with ourselves.

This is vital because we can’t love others without first loving ourselves.

Unhealthy relationships are made up of unhealthy people.

rose colored glassess

Working with engaged couples trying to help them come to understand themselves before they can begin to understand each other.

Coming to realize that yes something could happen that might cause me to love them less…because I have insecurities.

Once I grow into understanding who I am and I can then Grow deep in my understanding of what God has done.

John 1:12–13 NLT

But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. They are reborn—not with a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan, but a birth that comes from God.

Grow Deep

Growing deep in your relationship with God means that we begin to understand

God’s love for me,

God’s sacrifice for me

God’s sacrifice for me,

God’s provision for me

The fact is none of us have been loved like the way God loves us before. It’s not something we have experienced. Our parents, at their best gave us a glimpse of this, but they made mistakes. Some of them made a bunch of mistakes.

I love my kids. I remember one time when my son was like 3-4. we were wrestling, playing, and he bit me. HARD. Now I knew my son loved me. I knew I loved my son. But in a flash I had a thought that was scary. I wanted to get even. I say it was instinct, but I know now it was sin. It was pride in my heart. It was based in fear because I didn’t understand who I was at the time nor did I understand fully how God loved me.

In every relationship I’ve ever been in, I’ve tried my best, i’ve fallen short. But God hasn’t

Grow deep together:

He loved us before we even knew he existed.

We came to be aware of his love and yet we rebelled.

His response, keep loving us.

We responded to his love and instead of taking us for granted.

He loved us even more.

It is out of this love that he created has enabled me to live in relationship with others. When I rely upon God’s holy Spirit to guide us in relationships we will grow deep together.

Ephesians 4:16–18 The Message

He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love. And so I insist—and God backs me up on this—that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd. They’ve refused for so long to deal with God that they’ve lost touch not only with God but with reality itself.

Grow Deep Together

The fact is we were made for relationships. We were made to live in deep relationships.

When grow deep in our understanding of ourselves and in our understanding of God we come to know what we actually need from relationships and just as important, what we bring to relationships.

Deep Relationships are God’s intended place to become fully alive. It’s the place we can give ourselves away and be given to.

They are the place that I can be the fool.

Can I be the fool?

I can’t believe you do that. Culture says its foolish to give your time to others.

Who can I count on?

When we grow deep together, we stop looking for others to give us what we need and we begin to look for ways that we can give their lives meaning.

Who can I count on?

Who counts on me?

Not just in marriage or in friendships, but also in the church as a family. When I’m not getting what I want, instead of leaving to find someone to meet my needs, I step up to help the other.

Michelle helps me feel and I help her rationalize.

I help here separate problems and she helps me see the big picture.

You may be single, how do I deepen my relationships?

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