Can You Hear Me Now?

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Notice what he said, let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth. Do not say anything that tears down, that breaks down, or is harmful to the other person. Can your words hurt others, Yes! But you have a choice look at how The Message, a translation of the Bible

The Message Chapter 4

Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.

Vulture: Pick, Pick, Pick.

They pick people apart.

Gary Chapman tells the story of Brad was a husband who had never maintained steady employment. His pattern for several years before marriage was part-time jobs, none of which lasted more than six months. He did not own a car when they got married, and he still lived with his parents. After marriage, he constantly blamed his wife for everything. It was her fault that he ran out of gas while driving the car she owned when they got married. It was her fault that the electric company turned off the power when the bill was not paid, and it was her fault when his clothes were not washed in spite of the fact that they lived seven blocks from a washing machine and he was gone in the car all day Saturday. “She should have walked to the laundromat” was his reasoning.

His wife, Madelyn, who suffered from low self-esteem, vacillated between two patterns of response for years. She would simply accept his judgments for awhile, and then when the resentment built to a certain level, she would leave him for three or four weeks. When her loneliness eventually overwhelmed her, she would come back, and the cycle would start again.

Do you pick, pick, pick?

Chapman, Gary. Covenant Marriage: Building Communication & Intimacy. Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2003. Print.

Cow Bird:

A friend of mine who is now with the Lord, Jerry Anderson, was a genius at this. Jerry was my pastor for many years. Jerry was a student of nature. He was also a student of people. One day, I was in his study while he was watching a cowbird laying an egg in a wren’s nest outside his study window. As a student of nature, he knew that cowbirds do this. They’ll lay their eggs in another bird’s nest and when the cowbird eggs hatch, the baby cowbird will be larger than the other chicks in the nest and, eventually, the baby cowbird will starve out the other baby birds. Jerry watched later in the spring as this large baby cowbird was being frantically fed by a much smaller wren. He watched as this mother wren flew frantically all over the church yard trying to get enough food to keep that baby cowbird happy.

There are some people who are that way. They have to always be the center of attention, and the starve the others around to death. Like the cow bird they take, take, take.

Do you take, take, take from your relationships. What are you putting?

Owl

Covenant Marriage: Building Communication & Intimacy Owl: “Let’s Be Reasonable”

The owl is Mr. or Mrs. Calm, Cool, and Collected. This person shows no feelings; he says the right words; he reveals no emotional reaction when his spouse disagrees with him. He is more like a computer than a person

Covenant Marriage: Building Communication & Intimacy Owl: “Let’s Be Reasonable”

A wife once said to me, “My husband drives me crazy being so reasonable. He takes hours explaining things to me as though I am a two-year-old who knows nothing. He never gets upset with me. He lets me speak, but he hears nothing I say. Consequently, most of the time I don’t even say anything. It does no good.”

The Message Psalm 140

They practice the sharp rhetoric of hate and hurt,

speak venomous words that maim and kill.

Proverbs 15:4 NIV

The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.

Do you crush the spirit of others?

With Jesus Help Aim for Healing Words

Proverbs 10:11 NLT

The words of the godly are a life-giving fountain; the words of the wicked conceal violent intentions.

Proverbs 15:4 NIV

The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.

Ephesians 4:29 NIV

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Communication: Key to Your Marriage 6. The Finer Points of Communication

Admit Your Mistakes

A lot of people find it difficult if not impossible to say: “I’m wrong; you may be right.” If necessary, practice saying this sentence so that you will be able to say it when it fits a disagreement or discussion with your spouse. When you honestly own up to knowing that you are wrong and the other person is right, you improve communication a thousandfold and deepen your relationship with your spouse.

When appropriate, ask for forgiveness.

Proverbs 28:13 The Living Bible

A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance.

The Living Bible, Paraphrased Chapter 28

13A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance.

Does your words build people around you up?

Communication: Key to Your Marriage 6. The Finer Points of Communication

Sometimes you will have to admit you are wrong in the face of your spouse’s criticism, and this is never easy. It also can be tricky. Be sure not to play the “I know it’s all my fault” game with your mate.

Proverbs 23:12 The Living Bible

Don’t refuse to accept criticism; get all the help you can.

Proverbs 25:12 The Living Bible

It is a badge of honor to accept valid criticism.

Think before you speak

Proverbs 13:3 NCV

Those who are careful about what they say protect their lives, but whoever speaks without thinking will be ruined.

Proverbs 21:23 NCV

Those who are careful about what they say keep themselves out of trouble.

Use your words carefully

Communication: Key to Your Marriage 6. The Finer Points of Communication

Some counselors suggest that during a difficult discussion you each should use no more than 10 words each time you say something.

Does your words build people around you up?

Communication: Key to Your Marriage 6. The Finer Points of Communication

Avoid Nagging and Its Variations

Proverbs 10:19 The Living Bible

Don’t talk so much. You keep putting your foot in your mouth. Be sensible and turn off the flow!

Proverbs 16:24 NIV

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Listen before you speak

Be A People Person Chapter 1: What Draws Me to People?

A husband is watching television and his wife if trying to engage him in conversation:

Wife: Dear, the plumber didn’t come to fix the leak behind the water heater today.

Husband: Uh-huh.

Wife: The pipe burst today and flooded the basement.

Husband: Quiet. It’s third down and goal to go.

Wife: Some of the wiring got wet and almost electrocuted Fluffy.

Husband: Darn it! Touchdown.

Wife: The vet says he’ll be better in a week.

Husband: Can you get me a Coke?

Wife: The plumber told me that he was happy that our pipe broke because now he can afford to go on vacation.

Husband: Aren’t you listening? I said I could use a Coke!

Wife: And Stanley, I’m leaving you. The plumber and I are flying to Acapulco in the morning.

Husband: Can’t you please stop all that yakking and get me a Coke? The trouble around here is that nobody ever listens to me.

Do your words build people around you up?

Here is a prayer I think we can all pray.

Psalm 141:3 NIV

Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.

Related Media

Related Sermons