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(1 Peter 3:7) What is a Biblical Marriage? (Part-2)

1 Peter  •  Sermon  •  Submitted
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1 Peter 3:1-7 is one of the major New Testament texts on marriage. This text should encourage us with a Biblical pattern of marriage. Even when our spouses fail us, we can fulfill our roles because we have entrusted ourselves to the care of God. Verses 3:1-6 challenge the wife to faithfully subject herself to the husband's authority. Verse 7 challenges us to honor Christ.

Notes & Transcripts
INTRODUCTION:
If, I was to ask you,
I was to ask a group of Christians,
how does a Christian worship God?
How would you answer.
I imagine we could make a list and it would include a lot of things.
A Worshiping Christian:
Praises God by music.
Reads their Bible.
Spends Time in Prayer.
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Attends church so they can participate in that worship with others.
We may even say, they obey the
5) moral commands of God.
We may even say, he obeys the 5) moral commands of God.
But what is amazing is how often faithful Christians do those things,
but neglect their marriage!
They praise God by music.
Read their bible.
Spend time in prayer.
And often have a very moral life.
- Yet, there marriage is terrible.
Sometimes marriage is rotten because of hidden sin at home.
Everything seems fine, but the home is filled with disgust, malice, and anger. They have neglected to put to death their sin, and live the new Christlike life promised to believers.
This is a serious problem.
- Sometimes marriage is rotten because they have neglected their marriage.
The marriage is rotten, not so much because of the sin of each spouse,
but because there is not the Christlike love that we are told to have in our marriage.
The marriage is rotten, not so much because of the sin of each spouse, but because there is not the Christlike love that we are told to have in our marriage.
They may have a very civil marriage. And in fact, people outwardly may look at the marriage and say it is a great marriage.
But the sad reality is that they are simply cohabitors.
There marriage is an arrangement of mutual coexisting and nothing more.
It lacks the Christlike love for one another and desire for one another.
These are the two extremes in which our marriages can fall.
Corrupted by Sin or corrupted by apathy.
May I contend,
that there is a better, more fulfilling, God-exalting marriage then either of these two examples.
that Marriage ought to be more than simply cohabitation.
Our text this morning helps us understand what a Biblical Marriage looks like!
1 Peter 3:1–7 ESV
1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
CAVEAT: Now last week, we looked at first 6 verses - the role of the wife, but this week we will focus on v. 7 - The role of the Husband.
According to Peter’s challenge,
CAVEAT: Now last week, we looked at first 6 verses - the role of the wife, but this week we will focus on v. 7 - The role of the Husband.
1 Peter 3:7 ESV
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
The first way a husband should be faithful is by:
1 Peter 3:7 ESV
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
The Message of 1 Peter b. Consideration of Wives by Husbands (3:7)

Knowledge of God distinguishes Christian love from pagan lust. That saving knowledge enables the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.

Certainly, the Gospel is at focus in this passage. Peter has been working through relationships that the Gospel ought to change.
Relationships that can be transformed by the work of the cross.
We saw this in our relationship with rulers.
We saw this in the relationship between slave-owner and slave.
We know see this in the relationship between wives and husbands.
So this is in view here, but Peter is telling us to live with an understanding of our wives.
Do you husbands, live with your wives in a reasonable way; understanding her needs as a wife?
This text tells husbands to consider the needs of their wives.
Ephesians 5:24 ESV
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
What needs does your wife have?
What needs does your wife have?
Now I admit,
Your wife has:
The language here describes marriage as more than cohabitation and mutual provision.
Believe it or not,
your wives need more than a good pair of boots, a tarp, and a backpack.
Is this not how we often treat our wives sometimes?
ILLUSTRATION:
I knew one husband, who kept a separate accounts that he would not allow his wife to touch.
He would give a certain amount of money per month for food, clothing, and gas.
And like most husbands, he did pretty good job at guessing for the car, but he was terribly off on what the family need for food and clothes.
And she was struggling to provide.
And I remember him asking me what I thought, because he could not understand why his wife was frustrated.
Gentleman,
Provide for your wife. Understand her physical needs, and meet them.
Understand,
The physical provision of the husband is commanded in Scripture.
1 Timothy 5:8 ESV
8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
CAVEAT: This is not to say, wives should never work outside of the home. But is declaring who’s primary role in the family is to provide for the family.
The Husband - and husbands can neglect our wives by failing to meet their Physical needs.
Now wives,
I caution you to not use this verse as a way to manipulate your husband.
Because often husbands are responding to a covetous wife.
Certainly, male and female can suffer from covetousness! It affects us all.
But I bring this up now,
because this is a place in which a wife can frustrate her husband in his role
by demanding more than he can provide or wisely should provide.
The husband is responsible to provide for their wives, but wives should also be subjecting themselves to their husband and entrusting their welfare to God.
So is it possible for a wife to frustrate her husband with her physical needs?
Absolutely, and you should love your husband enough not to do that.
But is the physical need the only need of the wife?
And the answer is no.
She also has:
ILLUSTRATION:
Those married, Do you remember what it was like for you as newly weds?
Let’s just say we all had a lot of learning and growing with one another.
We all have our newly wed stories as we learned more about our new husband and new wife.
Perhaps one area that surprises many husbands is the emotional needs of their wife.
Perhaps one area that surprises many new husbands is the emotional needs of their wife.
CAVEAT: Now I want to begin by clarifying that what we call emotions is often simply just our perception of reality.
This is good/bad, pleasant/unpleasant, and that is something that I perceive.
I feel sad/happy, loved, unloved.
But in fact emotion and feelings is more than just perceived feelings.
One author has proposed that emotion would include:
perceptions
desires
beliefs
Attitudes.
(David Powlison, borrowed from “Toward a Theology of Emotion”, Sam Williams, Biblical Counseling Coalition)
So as I say that, I want to emphasize that our wives have emotional needs beyond just the moment to moment perception.
There are desires, beliefs, and attitudes that they need to hear from you.
For the Christian Husband,
There are two main emotional needs that have been addressed in Scripture.
Our wives need companionship.
Many scholars have noted that God’s creation of marriage in the Garden between Adam and Eve demonstrated their mutual need for companionship.
EXPLANATION:
You see, in the Garden Adam was charged with naming all the animals.
And when he had done that, he noted that none of them were like him.
Genesis 2:20–25 ESV
20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
Genesis 2:20-
So God perceived a need of companionship and created a companion for Adam.
So we should not be surprised when our wives desire companionship.
So our wives, need companionship.
And in fact, men may not think they need it, but God
Built into the
Us Men think we don’t need it, but by God designed the woman to be help meet to us in this way.
Husbands are you a companion of your wife?
Remember this is more than coexistence, because they were told they would be one flesh; which means you share more than physical substance.
You share emotional companionship.
CAVEAT: Now I want to address a common error. To often we try get companionship from our spouse that should only come from God. For sure, husbands and wives should be companions, but they should also not be selfish in that companionship. There are times when we are disappointed in our spouse because they cannot meet the needs that only God can meet.
This means, Wives, be careful that you are depending on God for your ultimate emotional needs and not your husband, because he cannot satisfy your longing for God.
Husbands, don’t simply coexist with you wives. Don’t neglect your wives. You both have the emotional need for companionship.
What is more, it was God who perceived Adam’s aloneness and hence created the woman. The biblical text gives no indication that Adam himself was even conscious of being alone or discontent in his singleness. Rather, God is shown to take the initiative in fashioning a compatible human companion for the man.
What is more, it was God who perceived Adam’s aloneness and hence created the woman. The biblical text gives no indication that Adam himself was even conscious of being alone or discontent in his singleness. Rather, God is shown to take the initiative in fashioning a compatible human companion for the man.
[Kostenberger, Andreas J.. God, Marriage, and Family (Second Edition): Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation (Kindle Locations 407-410). Crossway. Kindle Edition.]
Our wives also have the need to be loved by their husbands.
Ephesians 5:25–28 ESV
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Ephesians 5:25-
Gentleman,
you need to demonstrate Christ-like love to your wife.
This love should be demonstrated in your
desires,
belief’s,
attitude,
and actions.
You need to cultivate a love relationship with your wife.
- I say relationship because she should be your companion.
- I say love because you are supposed to love your wife as much as Christ loves her.
You should love your wife and act on it through words and deeds.
Further, how do you express the love for your wife. By And your love should be demonstrated by the action of words and deeds.
What is more, it was God who perceived Adam’s aloneness and hence created the woman. The biblical text gives no indication that Adam himself was even conscious of being alone or discontent in his singleness. Rather, God is shown to take the initiative in fashioning a compatible human companion for the man.
On one hand, God’s Word is filled with love language for people.
[Kostenberger, Andreas J.. God, Marriage, and Family (Second Edition): Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation (Kindle Locations 407-410). Crossway. Kindle Edition.]
John 3:16 ESV
16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
John 3
Kostenberger, Andreas J.. God, Marriage, and Family (Second Edition): Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation (Kindle Locations 407-410). Crossway. Kindle Edition.
But understand, that his love was demonstrated by words and deeds.
We ought to do the same thing.
Now Perhaps that person you married is not easy easy to love. May I remind you that you are to love like Christ loved the church, sinners who were enemies of God.
That is our model and example. That is the footsteps of Jesus that we are to follow.
MacArthur makes a great list of what Christlike love is. I don’t have time to fully demonstrate his point, but he challenges husbands from What Christ like love is.
Christlike love is a:
Sacrificial love
Protective love
Caring love
Enduring love
Do you sacrifice for your wife?
Do you protect your wife?
Do you care for your wife?
Are you steadfast in your love for your wife?
This is the high-calling of marriage. A husband loves his wife like Christ loved his wife. We ought to meet the emotional needs of our wives by being a loving companion.
CLARIFICATION:
Now a husbands calling is irrespective of his wife.
But I would hope that a wife would not want to frustrate her husband,
but encourage him to be the husband God has called him to be.
Ladies,
be careful that you lives that encourage rather than discourage your husband to love you.
Just because he is called to love you sacrificially, making the first step, does not mean you can’t live a life that honor’s God and encourages your husband.
Husbands also ought to meet your wives
- Spiritual Needs.
Now at first, that might sound wrong.
Isn’t God supposed to meet our Spiritual needs?
And of course the answer is yes.
Futher, it is entirely possible for us to try to satisfy those needs in our spouse.
However, a husband’s role is much like the Pastor’s role.
Can I as your Pastor satisfy you Spiritual needs?
Can I as your Pastor satisfy you Spiritual needs?
No, I am simply an under Shepherd leading and encouraging the flock to the Soul Satisfying God.
No, I am simply an under Shepherd leading and encouraging the flock to the Soul Satisfying God.
Husbands, have a similar duty.
We understand this because God placed the husband in the Leadership role of the family.
Who is responsible for leading and guiding, the family to God?
We understand this because God placed the husband in the leadership role of the family.
The Husband.
We understand this because Pastors, “Shepherds”, are meant to be model Christlikeness
- And so a husband has a responsibility to be an under shepherd, encouraging his wife towards love, trust, and obedience to God.
- A husband has a responsibility to point their Spouse to the Gospel and the riches of Christ.
EXPLANATION:
Now what the look like might be different for each family
Now what it looks life for husband to lead his family spiritually might be different for each family.
Why?
- Not every person is married to a wife of the same Christian maturity.
Some have unsaved wives. Some have wives who have known the Lord 2x as long as their husband.
Not every person is married to a wife of the same Christian maturity.
- Further, every person learns and grows in different ways.
We all grow through the Holy Spirit by the Word, but some do better working in a group. Others, need the quite time before God to really grow.
So,
Some Husband may lead his wife in a Bible study
while others
might just encourage her in her own study.
Nevertheless, every Husband should be encouraging their family to be faithful to God.
So,
And of course, that only works if he is actually being transformed by the Gospel himself. He will never be sinless, but he does need to have a passionate love for Christ if he is to lead his wife to a passionate love for Christ.
So to bring this together.
Peter has commanded us to " live with your wives in an understanding way”
What does that mean?
We as husbands live knowing and providing for the:
Physical
Emotional
and Spiritual
needs of our wives.
We need to be careful that we are not neglecting our wives, but as the leader of the home, are faithful in our role by encouraging and providing for our wives.
And if you are not doing this, understand this is sin.
We might not see it with the same kind of clarity as lying and stealing, but it is in the eyes of God sin to not lead your family in an understanding way.
Our text, also tells us that Husbands should be
In the same way, husband are under shepherds of the family. Spiritual leaders of your home.
1 Peter 3:7 ESV
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
What does it mean to honor your wives as the weaker vessel?
For most of us, our wives are weaker.
How are they weaker?
For most of us
What does it mean to honor your wives.
Not intellectually - for right after this we are told that we are joint-hears in Salvation if we are believers in Christ.
If it is not intellectual, than how else are our wives weaker?
Really, the context leads us to two possibilities - physically and emotionally.
In this statement, I am not sure we clearly know which he is referring to. Perhaps both.
Generally for many of us, our wives are physically weaker and emotionally weaker.
But may I dare say that generally that may be true, but may I also say I have meet wives who are stronger physically and emotionally than their husbands.
I think he is making this general statement to emphasize the husbands role.
What is the husbands role?
To honor his wife.
Remember, this is not about superiority verses inferiority. I made that point last week.
The main point is that we as men should treat our wives with honor.
ILLUSTRATION:
At home on my desk I have a long glass bottle.
And in that bottle is black sand from the Island of Maui. We gathered the sand on our 1 year anniversary in Maui.
So the bottle is not worth that much, nor the Sand is worth that much.
But to me, it is valuable. It is something special that I shared with my wife, during special moment in my life, from place that is special, that I probably will never return to.
That Bottle is valuable to me.
Because of my attachment to it, I treat as something priceless.
It is placed on my desk towards the back, in a place where I don’t think I will put anything near it. All so I can make sure nothing happens to it.
I honor that bottle by protecting it and putting it at place of honor on my desk.
Do you honor your wife as much as you honor other things in your life?
May I dare say, Apart from Christ himself, nothing in your life should be more precious and deserving of honor than your wives.
Ephesians 5:25 ESV
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
That should place your wife as the most valuable object of your earthly life.
Which means, you love her by honoring her as the most precious object in your life.
Can you say that you honor your wife more than anything else in the world?
Would your wife say that you honor your wife above all other earthly objects?
That is the kind of honor that Peter is describing here.
As I say that,
Wives, do you conduct yourself in a way that makes him want to make you the most honored object of his life?
Certainly, the calling of husband is to show unconditional, sacrificial, steadfast love for our wives. That is what Christ did.
However, a wife can make that a blessings or seemingly a curse.
You, see it is difficult to honor a wife who is selfish, bitter, angry, and deceitful.
Yet, if the wife does her role, it is a blessings and privilege to honor your wife. A husband does not have to choose to honor this way, he wants to because she is price-less help in his life.
Now back to husbands,
how does someone honor their wife?
The basic idea of honor is to show deep respect and concern for someone.
That is what is meant here.
Which means it starts with a heart attitude of love and concern by the husband for your wife.
It is not only action, but also an attitude.
Husbands, if you struggle with desiring to honor your wife; than recognize that you need to change your heart.
This is what God has called us to do. Honor your wives.
Yet, an attitude alone is not sufficient.
If I love my wife, but don’t show it, than have I truly honored her?
I must have both the right heart and the right actions to truly honor my wife.
However, once we establish the right heart attitude, than there is a natural question.
What outward actions demonstrate honor to my wife?
And that is different for each wife.
This is why Peter said we must live with our wives according to knowledge of them.
You need to honor your wife in a way that meets her needs and actually communicates honor.
Which is why we need to know and meet the needs our wives.
I have included some suggested application on the back of your bulletin, but I commend you to study your wife and know how to make her feel honored.
Certainly, honoring is not all about feelings, but a neglect to consider your wife shows a neglect to truly honor her.
So I encourage you husbands to consider these applications and your wife.
This is a list that can help you better honor your wife.
Stuart Scott, Exemplary Husband, says,
We ought to be faithful in our role has husbands by honoring our wives
We also ought to be faithful in our role, recognizing we are
ILLUSTRATION:
Many times sports teams will have a stunning player. An amazing athlete on their team. But that one player doesn’t equal championships.
A team of players working together, equals championships.
How many teams have been upset by a loss to a inferior team because the opposing team showed great team work.
Our marriages are like that.
I remember playing football in High School, and our team nearly beat the 6-time division champions.
It shouldn’t of happened, but your
Sometimes marriage is described as a battle of the sexes, or the great ball of chain, imprisonment.
But what those expressions really show is an ignorance to the equality of marriage.
Two married believers are described as coheirs in the Christian life.
1 Peter 3:7 ESV
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Remember, I said marriage is not about superiority vs. inferiority.
And when we treat each other as lesser people, we defraud each other.
It is not about whether
I win the battle of the sexes
OR
Who is the one with the ball and chain.
It is the fact that we both are equally blessed and transformed by the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Peter’s point,
Do your role in marriage because you are equals on the same team.
For sure,
We have different roles.
- The husband is the head of the family, called to love his wife sacrificially.
The husband is the head of the family, called to love his wife sacraficially.
- The wife is the help-meet, the 2nd in command, called to submit and entrust herself to her husband in the same way she does to Christ.
They are different roles, but they are on the same team.
Let us not forget that.
, , , and all describe believers as running the race.
God has called us to live for him, glorifying him in all that we do.
Therefore, We are co-team mates and co-winners in the race God has set before us.
Let us encourage one another, serving one another in our roles in marriage, remembering we are on the
same team
in the same race,
and will share in the same reward.
Will impede prayers. Marriage imposes obligations on both partners.
Let’s run with our spouse as team mates, coheirs of the Gospel. CONCLUSION:
Let’s recall what 1 Peter tells us.
PROPOSITION: We should be faithful in our role in marriage
TRANSITIONAL STATEMENT: And this text tells us how a husband and a wife can be faithful in their marriage.
Marriage imposes obligations on both partners.
1) Wives should be subject to their husbands.
A) Faithful in Placing Yourself under the Authority of the Husband.
B) Faithful Despite Sinning Husbands.
C) Faithful by Purified Respectful Conduct.
D)Faithful through Spiritual Adorning.
2) Husbands should honor by:
A) Knowing the needs of their wives.
- Physical Needs
- Emotional Needs
- Spiritual Needs.
B) Honoring Their Wives
C) Running as Coheirs of the Gospel.
Remember, each of us are team players with different positions. We only run the race well when we our faithful to our role in marriage.
Can a baseball do well if the first-baseman is distracted?
Can a football team do well if the quarterback throws the ball in the wrong direction?
If you are married,
then run the race as coheirs.
Wives, do your duty and encourage your husband.
Husbands, do your duty and encourage your wives.
Husbands, there is an important warning in our passage.
1 Peter 3:7 ESV
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Does that mean that God cannot will not listen to your prayers because of sin in your marriage.
No.
What this is saying is that marriage is a big deal to God. And if in our marriage we chose sin, than God will be more focused on removing that sin, then blessing you with your requests.
He will always love you as a loving father, and as a loving father, he will withhold the good so that you will correct your wrong sinful choices.
Husbands and wives,
To fulfill the purpose of God, giving him glory with our lives.
tells us that our marriage is a picture of Christ and his church.

There is a danger in the feminist mood of today that some people will jettison such a passage as this from their working canon of Scripture. Some may do so blatantly, but evangelical Christians are more likely to ignore it quietly.

if you will allow the Gospel to transform your marriage;
(Howard Marshall)
Then your marriage will be
will be a personal blessing
a personal blessing and companionship
a great help in this race
and give God glory.
According to Paul in Ephesians 5,
God see’s marriage as an illustration of Christ and the church.
There is no greater way to demonstrate honor and glory to God then to allow the Gospel to create a wonderful union between a husband and wife.
This is the biblical pattern in marriage.
Wives, I challenge you to live out the Gospel by being faithful in your role as a wife.
Husbands, I challenge you to live out the Gospel by being faithful in your role as a husband.
PRAY-PRAY-PRAY-PRAY-PRAY
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