Unlikely Brothers

Humans are wired for relationships with other people. Some people seem to be friends with everyone and have at least some type of connection with an enormous amount of people, while others may only have one friend or spouse with whom they forge a deep, rich relationship. But, nonetheless, we’re all built for relationships. If you think about it, it’s even something that God himself tells us when in the Garden of Eden who looked to Adam, having been made in his image, and said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” And so, this desire for relationships is hardwired into us, and over the course of our lives we spend an enormous amount of energy and thought and worry and time and money pursuing meaningful relationships.

Here’s the thing about relationships though: Our relationships with others bring to us a joy that we can’t find anywhere else, and at the same time, our relationships bring to us pain and sorrow that rock us to our very core. And, such is the case with our relationships with one another in the church. Nothing brings unity and passion and joy in a church like friendships and authentic relationships. And, nothing can bring sorrow and division and ineffectiveness into a church like unhealthy and unforgiving relationships with each other. So, this morning, I want us to turn to a small book that many of you may have forgotten was even in your Bibles — Philemon — so that we can see how the Gospel is intended to shape our relationships with each other.

God’s Word

Read Philemon

Fellowship Isn’t Fried Chicken

Eugene Peterson says that the “Love of God affects daily relationships.” And, there is perhaps no place in the whole Bible where this is better demonstrated than in Paul's letter to Philemon. Paul is writing this somewhat unprecedented letter to a close friend, and he’s writing on behalf of another close friend. The purpose of addressing Philemon about an issue that was both socially complex and personally painful for him. Philemon was an apparently wealthy man. In a day in which is was common for a family to live in a single room, he had a house that was large enough to house his church. He had what must’ve been a large estate and had slaves and servants that worked for him in the management of his estate. And, one of those slaves, Onesimus, had caused him a great deal of frustration and had ultimately robbed him and rebelled against him. And so, Paul writes to him for the purpose of calling Philemon to handle this painful and socially complex situation in a way that demonstrated Christ and the gospel and the transformation that had taken place as a result.

“the sharing of your faith” The central theme of this letter is the nature of Christian fellowship. I say that because the greek word (koinonia) for fellowship is found twice in our passage, once in verse 6 translated in the ESV as ‘sharing’ and once in verse 17 as ‘partner.’ So, verse 6 could be translated rightly as saying “I pray that the fellowshipping of your faith may become effective,” and verse 17 could be translated as “Consider our fellowship, and receive him with the same fellowship.” We baptists have diluted the word fellowship that we’ve lost its real meaning. We have fellowship halls and fellowship meals and fellowship ice cream and always with a serving of fellowship fried chicken, and so probably, when I say the word fellowship some of y’all have Pavlovian response and begin having sudden urges for a bucket of KFC. But, NT fellowship isn’t fried chicken! It isn’t a hall in the church where you have an occasional meal. It isn’t the ten minutes before Sunday school where you cut up the breakfast casserole. All of those things are fine, but they aren’t true, Christian fellowship. True, NT, Christian fellowship is sharing your faith with each. It’s partnering in faith to live for Christ, day in an day out, with one another. It’s a sharing of all that life has to offer: your home, your belongings, your time, your love, your struggles, your car, your kids, your responsibilities and burdens. Fellowship isn’t something that’s scheduled within the church; Fellowship is the essence of the church. Fellowship is the mortar that God uses to hold us living stones together with each other as we seek to grow in Christ together. If there is no fellowship, there is no church, for fellowship is the essential nature of our relationships with each other.

TRANSITION: There are three significant relationships in the letter to Philemon that serve to teach us about the nature of our fellowship with one another.

Paul’s relationship with Philemon.

“To Philemon our beloved fellow worker” The first relationship I want us to look at is the relationship between Paul and Philemon. Paul is writing this letter from a Roman prison, and as he writes these words wearing chains for Christ, he addresses Philemon as his beloved co-laborer. In other words as Paul thinks about Philemon, he begins to think: “I’m not in this alone! I have fellow servants of Christ that love me! I have a co-laborer that is in this with me. I have Philemon!”

“For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love” And so, what you see as you listen in on Paul’s words to Philemon is that they had a joyful friendship. They had a friendship that left them both encouraged and happy and closer to the Lord. It appears that according to what Paul writes in verse 19 that he had been the one to lead Philemon to Jesus and that from that day forward a friendship had been forged between the two men. As verse 17 says, they had become partners in the cause of Jesus. They had shared their lives with one another and now they had a friendship that from which Paul says he could ‘derive much joy.’

Refreshing Joy

“because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you” It appears that Philemon likely had the spiritual gift of encouragement. In verse 7, Paul says that what causes him to praise God most for Philemon was the way that he refreshed and encouraged the other Christians that he met. In fact, in verse 20, Paul appeals to Philemon’s refreshing, encouraging, joyful reputation and says, “I know that you will do what I’m asking and so ‘refresh my heart.’

APPLICATION: Joy in the life of the church is found largely in our friendships with one another. We are to befriend one another as co-laborers for Christ so that we might encourage one another until Christ returns. Our friendships with each other are to be filled with refreshing joy. The world may dampen my spirit, but my friends in the church will lift it again. I struggle with sin and unfaithfulness in my walk with Christ, and then I get around my brothers and sisters at the church, and my heart is set on fire for Christ again. We are to bring refreshing joy into each others’ lives. Are you that kind of friend? Are you the kind of friend the fuels the joy of others? Are you the kind of friend that refreshes the hearts of those you love? Do you stand out as an encourager in a world filled with discouragement?

An Atmosphere of Friendship

“Yet for love’s sake I prefer to appeal to you” Now, what’s extraordinary about Paul’s relationships with Philemon is the way that he broaches the difficult subject at hand. Paul as an apostle of Jesus Christ. When he spoke on issues within the church, he spoke with an apostolic authority that carried with it an irrevocable demand. And, Paul has not been shy about using it when necessary on a number of occasions. But, with Philemon, he lays that down. He says, “I could come to you in my apostolic authority, but I’m going come to you as a friend instead because I know your heart and I know your desire is to please Christ and I know already how you will want to respond to my request. So, he doesn’t demand by apostolic authority that Philemon accept back Onesimus; he appeals instead to his friend’s loving nature and generous character. He even says to Philemon, “I’m confident in your obedience, and I know you will treat Onesimus with an even greater kindness than I am requesting.”

APPLICATION: Oh, if we would only learn to approach each other this way! Man, if this gets turned loose within our church and our families and our friendships, we’re going to have something big around here. You see, because Paul and Philemon friendship with one another created a healthy atmosphere for this conversation: 1) Philemon had shown himself to be someone who was kind, generous, and forgiving. He refreshed those that were around him, and so he had a reputation for responding in a godly, Spirit-filled way. So, to approach Philemon wasn’t confrontational and dramatic, fearing he might fly off the handle. 2) Paul believed the best about Philemon and gave him the benefit of the doubt. You can tell a lot about a man by the way he wields authority, and we learn a lot about what kind of friend Paul is here. His full expectation is that his friend will do the right and godly thing. He believes the best about him and so he approaches him accordingly. Brothers and sisters, this is the kind of atmosphere I want us to seek here. There is no place for skepticism and suspicion in the church. That’s the opposite of grace! No, we must build an atmosphere of refreshing friendship so that others know that we are approachable and patient on one hand and that we will give them the benefit of the doubt on the other.

Paul’s relationship with Onesimus.

“I appeal to you for my child, Onesimus” The second relationship that I want us to look at is Paul’s relationships with Onesimus. Now, the fact that Paul is writing this letter in the presence of Onesimus is remarkable in and of itself. Philemon and Onesimus were from Colossae, and Paul was in Rome and in prison. So, not only had Onesimus managed to make it 1300 miles from Colossae to Rome, but he had managed to come into contact with Paul in a city of 5 million people, who was in a prison there! But, we know by reading this letter that it wasn’t a meeting of chance but a divine appointment, for Paul leads this wondering slave to freedom in Jesus. And so, Paul calls Onesimus his son in the faith. Paul was his spiritual parent. In fact, Paul was the spiritual father to both Philemon and Onesimus, and so we see the responsibility that Paul feels toward both of them by his working as mediator between them.

Spiritual parents take ownership of their disciples.

“I’m sending him back to you, sending my very heart.” When Paul talks about Onesimus, he says to Philemon, “I’m sending you my very heart when I send him to you!” In other words, I am sending you one that I love with everything that I have, and my joy will directly proportional to how well he is treated. Doesn’t this sound like a parent? I once heard a parent say: “You’re never happier than your most miserable kid.” And, there’s so much truth in that, ins’t there? Because you just take so much ownership over your children. When they hurt, you hurt. When things aren’t right with them, things aren’t right with you. And, when they a filled with joy, you are filled with joy for them, right? And, so what do you do? You do everything in your power to set them up for success.

“Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is useful to you and to me” This is exactly what we see Paul doing here with Onesimus. The question that our text begs us to ask is: Why would Onesimus go back? He had stolen from his master and run away. Roman law would permit Philemon to have Onesimus severely beaten or branded with a branding iron, even executed for what he had done. Likely, he had caused great hardship for Philemon the entire time he had been there, so much so that Paul says he was useless to Philemon. So, why go back? Philemon had learned what many of us have learned. You can’t outrun your past. At some point, you must face who you were. And so, without doubt, Philemon had fled his master’s house, sure that he would find freedom and happiness only to come to the realization many runaway servants discovered, life was worse not better. So, he had crashed into Paul through the workings of providence, and Paul had told him that he must repent and turn back. His repentance would only be true if he turned away from his rebellion and sought forgiveness for his sin. This is what spiritual parents teach their spiritual children, and this is what Paul had taught Onesimus.

But,

“You will not repent alone”

“charge that to my account....I will repay it” But, here’s where Paul succeeded where so many of us fail: Paul didn’t just tell Onesimus to repent; he walked with him down the road of repentance. Paul didn’t just tell Onesimus to live for Jesus; Paul walked with Onesimus. Onesimus would not repent alone. Paul would be there for him every step of the way, because that’s what a parent does. So, Paul tells Philemon, “As Jesus has paid my debt so I will pay Onesimus’ debt.” Every step of the way, Paul was supporting and building up his spiritual son.

You need spiritual parenting

There is no greater bond than a father and his son

APPLICATION: And, what I want every, single person here to realize is that you need this! You need a spiritual father, and you need spiritual sons. You see, this is what we’ve missed in our cattle call evangelism. There is no greater joy than in fathering someone in the faith, and there is no greater bond than to the person that God uses to change you forever. And, it that’s missing, you’re missing significant joy in your life! There is no greater bond on earth than the bond between a parent and a child, and there is not place this is more true than in the church! My spiritual children are the only reason that I’m still in the ministry. The joy of the lightbulb. Different dads. Leading their churches. Loving their wives. And, God used me! He used me! Who am I that God would use me!

When I was a dad to be, everybody told me that I was about to learn what true love was, but I didn’t really get it until I held my children in my hands. So, it is with the joy of spiritual parenting. I can tell you about it, but until you experience it, you can’t really get it.

Philemon’s relationship with Onesimus.

“No longer as a bondservant but more than a bondservant, as a beloved brother” The final relationship that we see in this short letter is the most complicated one, by far. This is where the rubber meets the road. Onesimus had wronged Philemon. It’s easy for us, with all of our American baggage, to see this relationship of master and slave, and to quickly sympathize with Onesimus. But, we cannot import our understanding of the wickedness of slavery into this letter. Many slaves of this society, if they had a good owner and especially a Christian owner, could live a life that would be far above that of freed peasants. They would have high standing in the estate and be allowed to own property and have a family. And, from everything we know about Philemon, based on Paul’s on testimony, preserved as inerrant by the church, we should know this about him. He had given Onesimus a good life, and Onesimus had betrayed him. Onesimus’ very name means ‘useful,’ but he had been anything but useful. He rewarded his kind master by betraying him, robbing him, and undermining him. Onesimus could be executed lawfully for what he had done to Philemon.

The gospel makes friends out of enemies.

And so, what does Paul do? He calls Philemon to the gospel. Philemon had once been an enemy of God. He had committed high treason against a holy God, rebelling against him by his own will and his own decisions. But, God had forgiven him, and God had forgiven him by allowing his Son to pay his debt and to mediate for him. And so, Paul looks to Philemon, and he says, “You used to be Onesimus yourself. So, let me mediate for Onesimus as Christ mediates for you. You once were enemy of God, but now you are His son. Onesimus was once rebelling, thieving slave, but now he is your brother. Embrace him and forgive him and Christ has embraced and forgiven you!”

Unlikely brothers, Unlikely Friends

APPLICATION: The gospel makes friends out of enemies, brothers and sisters. It would be easy in our relationships with one another to become divided over our many differences and frustrated by the obstacles that stand in the way of our fellowship with one another. But, you see, it’s these very differences and these very obstacles that Jesus overcame for us. So, should we not do all that we can to honor his cross and obstacle-crushing forgiveness in our relationships with each other? We are all unlikely brothers and unlikely friends, perhaps as unlikely as a master and a slave, or as a thief and the one robbed, but Jesus has taken us as the unlikely children of God and brought us together.

Landing

"For this perhaps is why he parted from you for a while, that you might have him back forever." Now, let me ask you, do you see the providence of God everywhere in this letter? How else do you explain it? Onesimus has run some 1300 miles away from his master with stolen money and stolen resources. He's doing everything that he can to get as far away from Philemon and his former life as he possibly can. And, where does he end up? He ends up where Paul is, in a Roman Jail, 1300 miles from home. And, who is Paul? He's the very person that had befriended his master and led him to commit his life to the Lord Jesus, so much so that he brought refreshment to everyone's heart who knew him. Now, let me ask you, do you think that was an accident? Is this not exactly what God would do? Doesn't it sound like God to convert the runaway slave by rendezvousing him with his master's evangelist on an entirely different continent? And, church history tells us that there was a former slave, named Onesimus, who eventually becomes the bishop of Ephesus, and most believe this is him. God made him who was useless into one who was useful. He who was an enemy to his master became a friend and a brother. He who rebelled, not just against a man but God himself, to be used by God through the work of his providence to be a chief leader of the one most prominent churches. Brothers and sisters, this is the power of the gospel before our very eyes! The truth is that I am Onesimus. I have stacked up a debt of sin and betrayal against my king, but Jesus has went to the Father and said, "That is my brother, accept him and charge what he owes to my account."

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