TAOBAN: People are not Projects

I am a task oriented person. When I have a list in front of me, I find it difficult to focus on people. Years ago, my wife said I made it no fun to grocery shop with her. I thought…this is supposed to be fun? I saw it as a job to do. I focused on what’s next, where she wanted to read the label, talk about what we were having for dinner, etc. She wanted to connect…I wanted to get it done.

She doesn’t let me shop with her very often…and she doesn’t shop with me much either.

Do you ever find yourself trying to focus on tasks and you forget about the people around you? It’s great to focus, but it’s easy to go beyond focus. Its easy to obsess over tasks rather than relationships.

PRAY FOR US

That’s our lawyer friend in the passage that has served as the foundation for our series the Art of Being a Neighbor.

We see it in Luke 10.

Luke 10:25–29 NIV84

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” He answered: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.” But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

What must I do to inherit the kingdom...

Task list.

heart…check

soul....check

strength…check

mind....check

neighbor…who’s my neighbor?

WHO is exactly the point because it’s not about what you do as much as it is who you are.

Being a neighbor is about people not projects. Loving our neighbor is not:

about Filling in the boxes on the chart.

about getting people saved in order to grow our church.

about getting them to come to church so we can have more money for the budget.

I’m talking about the difference between ulterior and ultimate goals. Ulterior are concealed goals, usually making us to be manipulative. We never want to do that. But we do have an ultimate goal, a desired end. In the book The Art of Neighboring, the author puts it this way:

The Art of Neighboring: Building Genuine Relationships Right outside Your Door Ulterior versus Ultimate

The ulterior motive in good neighboring must never be to share the gospel.

But the ultimate motive is just that—to share the story of Jesus and his impact on our lives.

While we certainly want our neighbors to know Jesus and live in a relationship with him. That is not our motivation. Neither is our motivation to be checking their box off our list. Our motivation for loving our neighbor is the fact that we have been loved by Jesus.

I wrestled with this this past weekend. Michelle and I went out for a walk to visit our neighbors, to introduce ourselves. WE went to the first house and introduced ourselves, chatted for a bit and I thought, yes one down.

Then we went to the next, another great conversation…yes!

Then to the next one…no one was there, ok I thought. No problem, we can come back out.

Then the next one wasn’t their either.

At this moment I thought, Ok we have to come back out, let’s just go home and we will finish this later.

Did you hear that. I said finish this. My neighbors had become a task for me just that quick.

It wasn’t until we knocked on one more door. It was what we found in this door that made me remember that this wasn’t about a task. I knocked on Carol’s door.

I saw a friendly face, they invited us in. We must have spent an hour there, just visiting with them.

Then I remembered…this was about connecting.

Other times we see our neighbors as tasks to save. I just need to tell them about Jesus.

We are supposed to be making disciples right? that is what we do. We are supposed to meet people and tell them about Jesus, get them saved, then go to the next one.

That’s making them projects too.

If we are seeking to become true friends with our neighbors, one of the worst things we can do is make our neighbors feel like a project. Like we are just trying to preach at them. IF they are true friends we will tell them about Jesus, because Jesus is part of our life. But if they feel like they are our target…what does that tell them about the Jesus in our life?

This can happen when we “over serve” them. When we always have the answer, when we always have what they need, it sort of raises us up to a power position. It starts off as wanting to be truly helpful and loving to our neighbors, but if it goes too far, we damage the relationships.

Great relationships are reciprocal relationships, they exist on two way streets. Because at the end of the day no one wants to feel like a project. Everyone wants to feel that we bring something to the table.

Instead of running around serving our neighbors, making them feel like a project, because we have all the answers. Why don’t we flip that. Let them be the one with the answers, or at least show that we need help too? That means we have to get used to being served, we have to get better at receiving.

How comfortable are you at asking for help?

1-10

Many of us don’t like getting help. We are afraid:

We worry it shows a lack of maturity.

Children need help, I am no child. Will people will see me as immature?

We worry it reveals ignorance.

Although God gives us different gifts, do you feel that you should know everything?

We worry it is a sign of weakness.

Do you worry that people will think you are not as strong or capable as they thought?

We worry it requires me to lose control.

How important is it for you to feel in control? Do you believe you really have control?

We worry it is a burden to others.

Do you worry that you’ll just be adding to their plates, or that you’ll owe them?

I know these reasons are why I am reluctant to ask for directions. But as I reflect on this, these are the exact same reasons that I find it hard to ask my neighbors for help.

This exactly where we find ourselves in the text today. Jesus teaching the disciples the art of receiving.

The scene is the last supper in

John 13:3–17 NIV84

Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!” Jesus answered, “A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean. When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

Do you see what happened here? Jesus was teaching them the importance of receiving. I want us to see that we can become better neighbors, we can improve in the art of being a neighbor, by RECEIVING.

To Grow in the Art by Receiving EMBRACE HUMILITY

To receive help requires humility. When we receive something, we are often acknowledging that there is someone who possesses what we don’t have. We are admitting that we actually need her help.

We want to be the capable ones who swoop onto the scene and do our good deeds. But when we receive something from somebody else, it forces us to admit we are in need as well. When we allow others to provide for us, we are forced to acknowledge that we are needy. This can be unsettling.

The passage started right off. Jesus knew who he was and where he was going. He wasn’t here to impress anyone. He wasn’t concerned with his status.

When we put our faith in Christ, we too know know who we are. We are redeemed, saved, chosen and loved by God.

We also know where we are going. Eternally speaking that is. We Christians understand that this world is not our home, but rather we get to live for the Kingdom of God. We live for that.

Reflecting on this allows us to embrace humility and ask for help from our neighbor.

But we also need to practice vulnerability.

To Grow in the Art by Receiving PRACTICE VULNERABILITY

It takes a certain amount of courage to put ourselves out there and ask another for a favor. What if she turns us down? How embarrassing! What if we find out he’s too busy or is having a difficult day, making us feel really insensitive for having asked? We don’t want to live with that tension.

So we don’t go to our neighbor.

Jesus was showing them that it’s ok to be vulnerable. It’s ok to risk because they are worth it.

That was Peter’s hesitation. HE didn’t want to open himself up to being served by someone. He lived in a I CAN DO IT world. SO do we, so do our neighbors.

But that is not the gospel idea of this world. There is so much that you can’t do.

So how do we ever break through? Just like Jesus did here, we flip the script.

What if, we put them in a position of power. We receive from them.

We get their recipe.

We ask for their help.

We break the ice by raising them up.

Our neighbors aren’t projects. We love our neighbor because God loves us and God wants to use us to love them.

Our ultimate goal should be that they come to know Jesus. We want every person to know God’s love for them. I want rock hall to be that town you can’t get to hell from. I want everyone in town to experience the peace of Christ and get connected ina church somewhere. To experience redemption of their past and begin to serve the purpose for which they were created. That’s my ultimate goal, I’m not ashamed of that.

But my immediate goal is to love my neighbor, the person right in front of me, the person beside me and behind me, as myself; because that’s how Christ loved me.

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