Sermon Tone Analysis

“Reset Relationally Part 3: A Better Way of Loving"

“Reset Relationally Part 3: A Better Way of Loving"

Fellowsville AG

February 11, 2018

AM Service

“Reset Series” + Vow Renewal

Scripture:

Introduction:

History shows that mankind is always trying to find BETTER ways to do things.

For example, in the 19th century people realized that a better way to fight fires would be to establish strategically located fire stations—staffed by professionally-trained government employees.

Each fire station would be given an assigned section of the city to protect—and others would be called in to help if needed.

Up until this time, AMATEUR fire brigades would COMPETE with one another to be the first to respond to a fire because insurance companies PAID brigades to save buildings.

It was not uncommon in those days to see someone place a barrel over a fire hydrant and then sit on it so another fire brigade could not use it.

I guess if your building didn’t have insurance you were on your own!

In any case, back then fire-fighting was more of a race for the money than it was a race to save lives.

Aren’t you glad that today we have a BETTER way to fight fires!?

In the early 20th century Henry Ford proved that a better way to make a car—would be to actually make several cars at the same time by using an assembly line.

Before Ford came along and perfected the assembly line concept, cars were much more expensive because they were built one at a time.

And speaking of expense, not too many years ago encyclopedias were a very costly thing.

Remember?

On top of that, they took up lot’s of book shelf space and became out-dated very quickly, necessitating the purchase of pricey yearly updates.

These days—we enjoy the fruits of a better way of sharing knowledge.

Now—virtually any bit of information is always at our fingertips— thanks to the internet.

And it’s constantly updated.

I could go on and on citing dozens of other examples of this “better way principle”—including everything from NETFLIX to the “recent” invention of a hard taco that won’t fall over because it is baked with a flat bottom.

But you know what I mean—people are always seeking BETTER ways to do something.

I bring this up because ANOTHER example of this principle is seen in the fact that we all long for improvement in the way WE LOVE and ARE LOVED.

That’s the SUBJECT of this final sermon in the Relational part of the Reset series—and its an important subject for us to deal with because if we are to enjoy a lasting “fireproof” marriage—if we are to avoid the unloving behavior found in many marriages and experience true wedded bliss—then we have to LEARN a better way of LOVING.

With that in mind I want to show you one last clip from the movie.

Actually it’s TWO scenes—one from early on in the story and one that takes place weeks later after Caleb’s gone through THE LOVE DARE.

CLIP — SESSION VIDEOS — Session 6—duration: approximately 4:30

Now—wouldn’t you agree that Caleb IMPROVED in the way he loved his wife?

Sure he did—and this morning I want to see if we can learn some of the same lessons Caleb did.

I want us to try and understand how we can do a BETTER job of loving our spouses.

And make no mistake—this is something that HAS to be LEARNED, because this BETTER way of loving we’re going to be talking about—well, it’s not something that comes NATURAL to us.

It’s something we have to be INTENTIONAL about because as sinful, fallen beings our understanding—our mastery—of love tends to be just as flawed as we are.

There are three kinds of love we learn about:

1) EROS is a love that grows out of admiration and desire.

This is the love we are MOST familiar with—the one we tend to lean toward—it is a love that is drawn to a person or an object because it is EXPENSIVE or ATTRACTIVE—or because it lends status to the one associated with it.

The Greeks called this kind of love “EROS.”

When you hear this word is to think of the term “EROTIC” and that’s close—but “EROS” is more than just a sexual love.

At its core “EROS” is the kind of love we give to ANYTHING that satisfies our desires, wins our admiration, or fulfills our various appetites.

It is a NEED-centered love that is based on expectation and fulfillment.

As

And, thanks to our elders we learn about this “EROS” caliber of love early on in our lives.

Studies show that adults smile at, coo over, kiss, and hold “pretty” babies more than they do just “plain” babies.

These same studies show that fathers are more involved with attractive toddlers than those judged unattractive by independent raters.

In her book, Why Beauty Matters, Karen Lee-Thorp points out that even children’s STORIES advocate this caliber of love.

She writes: “The prince was not enraptured with Cinderella’s intelligent, sensitive conversation; he was smitten by her wardrobe and her teeny, tiny feet.

Snow White and Sleeping Beauty were so attractive they could net their men while comatose.

Rapunzel spent twenty years alone in a tower and never had a bad hair day.”

So, you see, EROS is a love that grows out of admiration and desire.

EROS is a love that grows out of admiration and desire.

But we must understand that this is not completely unacceptable.

It’s good that a baby loves his or her mother because she provides milk and essential care.

It’s good for a husband to celebrate the beauty of his wife.

EROS is not ALL bad.

EROS is not ALL bad.

It’s just that it is not a love that is strong enough to build your life—or marriage—on when you are a flawed, unlovely person.

Don’t get me wrong—“eros passion” is a wonderful part of marital love—but it’s not enough to sustain marriage over the long haul.

Plus—there’s much more to lasting love than the sparks and fire of EROS.

The simple fact is, EROS is just too self-centered to base a life-long relationship on because it can trap us in an unwinnable contest to PROVE that we are loveable.

EROS requires us to be smart enough, strong enough, or spiritual enough to deserve being loved.

It’s just that it is not a love that is strong enough to build your life—or marriage—on when you are a flawed, unlovely person.

Don’t get me wrong—“eros passion” is a wonderful part of marital love—but it’s not enough to sustain marriage over the long haul.

Plus—there’s much more to lasting love than the sparks and fire of EROS.

being loved.

The simple fact is, EROS is just too self-centered to base a life-long relationship on because it can trap us in an unwinnable contest to PROVE that we are loveable.

EROS requires us to be smart enough, strong enough, or spiritual enough to deserve being loved.

The Greeks also referred to a SECOND kind of love—PHILEO.

2) PHILEO love is a friendship love.

“PHILEO” love is an affection built on reciprocal sharing of time, hobbies, activities, home, games, and other aspects of fellowship.

Let me put it this way…if EROS love is the SPARK that ignites our passion, then PHILEO love is the steady FUEL that feeds our joy.

So—both EROS and PHILEO can be good.

The problem is our efforts at loving in these ways always fall short.

Our “sparks” fluctuate.

Our friendly affection is inconsistent.

Our capacity for EROS and PHILEO love can flare and then fade like flames without enough air or firewood.

As much as EROS and PHILEO contribute to a healthy relationship, they still need help.

They need a third companion—a third—BETTER—form of love—in order to bring depth, strength, and lasting character to romance and friendship.

As beings flawed by sin, we need this stronger, purer kind of love—we need a kind of love that CREATES value in the one loved.

The Bible tells us that this is the kind of love that God has for you and me.

As John Ortberg says, it is a LOVE BEYOND REASON because it makes no human sense to love the unlovely—the flawed—but that is exactly what God does.

In fact, this kind of love is why God CREATED us in the first place.

You see, God did not create us out of NEED.

No—He created us out of His great unfathomable love.

C. S. Lewis put it this way:“God, Who needs nothing, loves into existence wholly superfluous creatures in order that He may love and perfect them.”

But you know, the fullest extent of God’s love was not seen so much in His decision to CREATE us.

It was seen when we disobeyed Him and became sinful and unlovely—and He chose to love us still.

Paul put it this way in , “While we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.

Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die.

But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners Christ died for us.”

sinners Christ died for us.”

As I’m sure you know, God’s BETTER way of loving is called AGAPE in Scripture.

3) AGAPE is a love that is undeserved and sacrificial

—a love that is seen in God loving us even though it cost Him greatly to do so.

And not only does He want us to KNOW that He loves us in this unreasonable AGAPE way.

God commands us to embrace this irrational BETTER kind of love for each other as well.

Oswald Chambers said, “There is only one Being Who loves perfectly, and that is God, yet the New Testament distinctly states that we are [commanded] to love as God does.”

With all this in mind, today—I’d like us to seek answers to this question: