The Secrets of Lasting Love

The love of God is everlasting. His anger is for a short time, but for those who are Christians, those who know the Lord as their redeemer, his love is everlasting. Nothing can separate us from the love of God.

I want you to grab this. God’s love for you does not go up and down. God’s love for you is constant. There may be times that you will sense God’s anger, but anger and love can co-exist.

A parent may be angry that their child was disrespectful to another person, but their anger, their reprimand is undergirded by a love that wants the best for that child.

John 15:12 ESV

12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

Loving people is a choice. Biblical love is not as much an emotion as it is a course of action. Love is patient and kind. Biblical love describes how we act toward others.

Yet, lasting love is hard. It is estimated that the divorce rate in America is 41%. That doesn’t include people living together who split up. The divorce rate for 2nd marriages is 60% and for third marriages in 73%. Mark Twain said that “You don’t really know what perfect love is until you’ve been married for a quarter of a century!”

If your love is going to last, you must develop four habits in your relationships at home, at work and in the community.

1. Lasting Love Extends Grace

You can choose to be gracious.

1 Corinthians 13:7 ESV

7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love bears all things. The Greek word that is translated “bears” in interesting. It was used in the Greek world to talk about a covering. Love is like a roof over a house. The roof protects those inside from the rain.

So who does the roof protect? Anyone inside. That includes Aunt Snoopy and Uncle Burp. It includes the twin brothers, Back and Bite. The roof protects the next door neighbors on each side who come over to visit, Mr. Sour Puss and Mrs. Gossip.

One of the greatest issues in marriage and any relationship is not the issue of how much you have in common. The issue is how you choose to deal with the differences. If you love bears all things, then you will respond with grace.

Romans 15:7 ESV

7 Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.

Don’t think for a moment that God doesn’t know what we are really like inside. He knows what we are thinking and what we are doing. Yet, he still welcomes us for the glory of God. He doesn’t agree with our sin, but his purpose is to protect us from sin, not throw us out in the rain.

In the same way we need to extend grace toward others.

Ephesians 4:2 ESV

2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,

Let me give you a definition of grace. Grace is our willingness to help those who hurt us, who fail us, who rub us the wrong way. Let me give you a second definition of grace. Grace is our willingness to give people room to sin without either approving of the sin or disapproving of the person.

Who do you need to extend grace to this week?

2. Lasting Love Expresses Faith

Love chooses to believe in people. Love chooses to trust them.

1 Corinthians 13:7 ESV

7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love believes all things.

You can be a person who is gullible and falls for anything. You can be a cynic who is suspicious of everyone. Or you can be a loving person who, when presented with no compelling evidences, gives the other person the benefit of the doubt.

I am not suggesting that you trust a person who has a history of lying or cheating. One of the marks of someone who believes all things is the opportunity to give a person a second chance.

However, the second chance does not need to be exactly like the first chance. I see couples who are in abusive situations separate and then come back together just because the person who has abused them repeatedly in the past says, “I’ve changed.” I encourage people to tell the person, “You want a second chance? Let’s go to counseling!” People who manipulate others often don’t want to do anything to change their thinking or their actions. So they resist listening to anyone else. The person who gives a second chance just like the first is often just walking back into abuse because in reality, nothing has changed. So give a second chance, but make that second chance include new input, new information and some show of real willingness to change, not empty promises.

When love believes all things it may say, “I’ll believe it when I see it…but I am willing to see it if you are willing to show it to me.”

Galatians 5:6 ESV

6 For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but only faith working through love.

There are some of you who are not trusting of your spouse, your coworkers or others. You know you are going overboard when you are constantly checking to see where they are, what they are doing, who they are speaking to.

If someone in a relationship doesn’t do what is right, give a second chance. In sports one will often see that the receiver who fumbled the ball will be given the ball on the next play. The purpose is to build confidence in that player so they will be the best they can be.

Love believes all things.

3. Lasting Love Expects The

Best

1 Corinthians 13:7 ESV

7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love hopes all things.

Skip Crosby, a Spanish teacher at Poland Regional High School and the 2014 Androscoggin County Teacher of the Year and the 2015 Maine Foreign Language Teacher of the Year said,

“It all started with my senior English teacher who, in my last year of high school, took a victim of tracking, stuck in the C and D levels, invited me into his honors English class with all the smart kids, and convinced me to ignore the labels that had been given me.

He insisted that I could be or do anything I wanted to. It is because of him that I aspire to do the same for students today.”

I don’t buy the idea that we can do whatever we want to do. I do buy the idea that I am not God and you can do more than what I think you can with God’s help.

We often put people down and dash their dreams. God wants us to give others hope.

I remember reading a Christian coach’s perspective on coaching. He told his team that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others. Rather, learn what you can, use the gifts you have, and work on being the best you can be before God. In the spiritual world, when we humble ourselves, God is the one who lifts us up. Who knows how high he will take us.

We can hope that if we stop playing God, that God will help our husband, wife or children be what God wants them to be. We don’t know where God will take them, but were know He is the one who knows their strengths and weaknesses better than us. We can hope in God.

Ephesians 5:25–27 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

In other words, Christ loves us and looks forward to presenting the church in splendor… When we look at the church today, we realize that God is a God of hope!

A person who expresses hope

Emphasizes the positive and does not major on the negatives.

Sees what the future can be and joins in in sharing the other person’s vision.

Expect the best from them

Who do you need to encourage? Who do you need to stop discouraging?

4. Lasting Love Endures the Worst

1 Corinthians 13:7 ESV

7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love endures all things.

This is a real key to lasting love. Some of you have faced disagreements, discouragements, horrible events such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, or the pain of an extended time in an unloving relationship. Yet you are still together today. The reason is that your love has caused you to endure all things.

There is only one reason for divorce. One person or the other or both decide to quit. There’s only one reason that two friends break the relationship. One or both decide to quit.

Malachi 2:16 ESV

16 “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

The source of bad relationship is not found in the actions that one or the other does. The source of the split is found in the spirit, in the attitude, in the inner person. That is why God tells us to “guard yourselves in your spirit...” When we start to find that our attitude is changing away from loving someone toward disliking or hating them, when our attitude goes south, that is the time we need to be on guard.

We can make things much worse if we approach another person with a chip on our shoulder. Those who endure have learned that nipping a problem in the bud is better than letting it grow. They have also learned that something you just need to extend grace. Sometimes you need to let go of your fears and believe in them. Sometimes you need to express the hope that you can work it out together with God’s help. Sometimes you just need to endure for love’s sake.

That is what God has done for us. God has extended grace. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. When we trusted Christ, he saw that we were people who, through the power of the Holy Spirit, could be come people who did good works. God has endured our ups and downs because he loves us.

The more we meditate on what Christ has done for us, the more we can express the same actions towards others.

True love lasts!

It’s not easy, but with God’s help, if you are willing to live life his way and not your way, you can make it.

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