Forgiving Others
Forgiveness • Sermon • Submitted • Presented • 45:41
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· 798 viewsIn last week's message, we saw that we are called to forgive. How can we, when we are so deeply hurt? Find out how to reflect Christ when you are wronged in this message from Romans 12:17-21.
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We are continuing our study of forgiveness this week.
Last week, we saw that we have been forgiven more than we could ever repay, so we must extend the same grace and forgiveness to others.
This week, we are going to get more specific on what that looks like. How do I react when someone wrongs me, and what does it mean to really forgive?
I am going to reiterate some of the things we taught last week, because if you are like me, you don’t always get it the first time you hear it.
We are going to be in this morning, so turn in your Bibles over there. If you don’t have a Bible, there should be one in the pew in front of you. If you are using the pew Bible, it should be page 1007.
As you are turning over there, let me explain some of what has been happening in the book of Romans up until this point.
It is kinda like Ephesians, which we just studied as a church. The first major section of the book is devoted to helping us understand what salvation is and isn’t. Paul has spent a lot of time explaining that we are justified by faith, not by works, and a ton of other great theological truths.
In chapters 9-11, he has been dealing with the question, “But what about the Jews?” They were the first nation God made a covenant with, but they rejected Jesus, who was the Messiah God had promised them.
In chapter 12, Paul has been outlining for us what it means to live as a Christian, now that we are a part of the new covenant God has made.
If you were to go to verse 9, you would notice that he gives a rapid-fire set of commands to help us see how we should and shouldn’t act.
We are going to jump into the middle of the list because the last section gives us several commands on how to deal with those who hurt us.
If you catch nothing else from this morning’s message, it would be this: let God work.
1) Honor Christ with your response.
1) Honor Christ with your response.
Look back at verses 17-18.
This gets to the heart of what we do immediately when we are wronged.
When someone hurts or wrongs us, it is so tempting to react in the same way they did.
However, because of what Christ has done for us, we can’t react like that!
As cliche as it may be, two wrongs really don’t make a right.
Let’s put this in the context of an argument.
Especially in our current political and social climate, words can get heated in a hurry.
At home, your spouse or your kids know how to push your buttons, and they can say things that hurt you like no one else can.
It’s tempting to lash right back at someone, answering them with the same venom and anger they directed at you, but what does Scripture teach us?
A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.
You don’t even have to be a Christian to understand that principle. When two people are yelling and angry at each other, the discussion is over and it is just going downhill from there.
The same principle applies to reacting in a selfish, arrogant, or wicked way when we are hurt in any way.
Don’t repay anyone evil for evil.
Don’t lash back at them, don’t react with another evil action to try to hurt them back for what they have done.
It is only going to make it worse.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. The law is not against such things.
As an aside, that doesn’t mean that any time you are angry, you are sinning.
We are to be angry at sin for the righteousness of God.
However, I would guess that the overwhelming majority of the time, we are angry because we are hurt and not getting our way.
“Yeah, but Sean, I have a temper. I got it from my dad, and when someone hurts me, I just can’t help but get angry and react.”
Then you are either not saved or not acting like it.
You see, the Bible makes it clear that if we are saved, we don’t have to sin again.
In fact, one of the key indications of God at work in our lives is the fact that we are self-controlled:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, and self-control. The law is not against such things.
Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.
When you and I repay evil for evil, we are out of sync with the Spirit of God and living like we are still ruled by our passions and desires.
Instead, we should be seeking to stay honorable, not getting down in the mud and fighting it out. Look back at verse 17-18.
React with dignity, and strive to maintain peace whenever you can.
You won’t always be able to, but you are called to maintain peace as much as is possible.
Why? Because that’s what Jesus did for us:
Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every hindrance and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us,
keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith. For the joy that lay before him, he endured the cross, despising the shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
For consider him who endured such hostility from sinners against himself, so that you won’t grow weary and give up.
When you react in a loving way when someone hurts you, you are allowing the Spirit of God to work the life of Christ through you so that you can endure hostility, just like Jesus did.
You aren’t strong enough to do this on your own, but when you allow the Holy Spirit to lead you and fill you with God’s goodness and power, he will react through you in ways to maintain peace and honor instead of returning evil for evil.
So, when we are hurt, we need to seek for God to respond through us in a way that honors Christ.
Let’s say you make it through the initial hurt, but you still haven’t allowed God to work forgiveness for them through your heart.
Your next step is likely going to be to seek revenge somehow, but if we are going to be people who walk in forgiveness, then we have to keep walking with him, which means...
2) Let God handle it.
2) Let God handle it.
Pick back up with verse 19.
Maybe this is the most difficult part of all this. When you are hurt by someone, you have to realize that you cannot punish them.
That isn’t your job.
I love the way the Bible phrases this, though...”leave room for God’s wrath.”
The implication there is that if I try to punish someone for what they have done, I am getting in the way of God’s wrath. That’s a big statement.
Let’s think about why.
For starters, you are not God, and you can’t do what God can do. God certainly has ways to deal with people that you don’t.
Not only that, but you don’t know everything God knows. He is always a million steps ahead of you in what he is planning and doing, so you don’t know the situation well enough to give the appropriate punishment at the appropriate time.
Additionally, can we be honest and self-aware enough that you and I are too close to the situation to see clearly what has happened and what needs to be done?
When we are hurt, we get like a wounded animal and want to lash out at the first thing we see.
God isn’t that way, though, and he knows exactly what is appropriate for the situation.
Have you ever had a fight with someone or been hurt by someone only to realize later that you were more in the wrong than you realized initially?
If you sought revenge, you would have been out of place.
Instead, can we trust that the just God of the universe will right every wrong in his timing in ways that he knows are best?
This doesn’t mean that we don’t pursue legal punishment for someone who breaks the law. If someone hurts you, steals from you, or is breaking the law in some way, the best thing you can do is to report them for their crime.
God has established governments over us to help punish wickedness and keep it in check. We see that a few verses after this section in .
Peter says something similar:
Submit to every human authority because of the Lord, whether to the emperor as the supreme authority or to governors as those sent out by him to punish those who do what is evil and to praise those who do what is good.
This also doesn’t mean that our relationship to that person will immediately (or ever) go back to the way it was.
When I shared the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant in Zimbabwe a few weeks ago, someone asked me whether they had to keep forgiving someone if they stole their goat every day and apologized every day.
As we saw last week, we do have to forgive him, but if he keeps stealing your goat, you need to build a better fence!
In the same way, you may need to build a better fence with someone. If they have shown that they are untrustworthy with sensitive information, you may not want to take them into confidence again.
That doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven them; it simply means you are using wisdom about how to relate to that person again.
It is actually a loving thing to do, because by changing your relationship to them, you are not allowing them to sin against you and against God that way again.
In time, that relationship may improve, or it may not.
Either way, it is not your place to seek revenge.
Don’t try to tarnish their reputation, don’t try to hurt them back.
Instead, leave them in God’s hands to deal with as he knows best.
This seems to make sense, and it is almost doable, but then Paul keeps going, doesn’t he?
We can’t stop at simply leaving room for God’s wrath and not doing evil back to them.
Instead, we must also...
3) Demonstrate God’s goodness.
3) Demonstrate God’s goodness.
Read verses 20-21 again.
We can’t stop at simply not doing bad things. God calls us to push forward to actually do good to them!
Remember that we said that forgiving others is a process: I choose to forgive, I am forgiving, and I have forgiven.
This is how we know that we have fully forgiven someone: when we can be happy when God is blessing them, and we can weep with them when things are going bad.
As you work through the process, God may very well call you to do good things for them. At the very least, you can be praying for them:
“You have heard that it was said, Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
so that you may be children of your Father in heaven. For he causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
For if you love those who love you, what reward will you have? Don’t even the tax collectors do the same?
And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what are you doing out of the ordinary? Don’t even the Gentiles do the same?
Jesus doesn’t pull any punches: you have to seek the good of those who hurt you.
Again, that doesn’t mean you put yourself in a position to be abused again, but it does mean you need to love them like Christ has loved you.
Why? Look at the end of verse 20.
Scholars aren’t entirely sure what the phrase “heap burning coals” is all about. Some have said it goes back to an ancient Egyptian custom that would demonstrate you were ashamed of how you behaved. When you do good things, then, you are putting them to shame by showing that Jesus’ love is stronger than their hurtful actions.
Others have suggested that this has something to do with the judgment of God. When you act in a Christ-like way, and they refuse to respond, they are just building up more and more wrath that we saw in verse 19.
Either way, you are called to show grace, even to those who hurt you.
Not only does it impact your enemies, it also clearly reflects the character of God. Look back at verse 21.
When you don’t react in kind to someone who hurts you, when you allow God to correct and punish what needs to be corrected, you demonstrate the patience of God.
When you act kindly to someone who doesn’t deserve it, you are showing the same grace God has shown us:
For while we were still helpless, at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly. For rarely will someone die for a just person—though for a good person perhaps someone might even dare to die. But God proves his own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
romans 5:
There is no better way for us to show that our lives have been transformed by Christ than by allowing God to control our responses, letting him avenge us where needed, and showing good to those who have harmed us.
The only way you and I can do this is if we have first experienced his love for us.
Go back to what we just said in . We were helpless and hopeless, and Jesus died to forgive us.
Our salvation isn’t based on our ability to control our temper or not take revenge. Buddhists and Stoics do that, and many better than we do.
Our salvation is based on the fact that Jesus forgave our sins when we didn’t deserve it. He didn’t react by punishing us as our sins deserve; instead, he took the wrath of God that I deserved.
He showed me grace by giving me living water and the bread from heaven, his own body and blood, which were broken for me.