Godly Parenting

“GODLY PARENTING”

(Selected Scriptures)

Christian parents, do you realize that your happiness and joy is dependent upon your children? Listen to the testimony of Scripture:

· Proverbs 10:1--A wise son makes a father glad, But a foolish son is a grief to his mother.

· Proverbs 15:20--A wise son makes a father glad, But a foolish man despises his mother.

· Proverbs 17:21--He who sires a fool does so to his sorrow, And the father of a fool has no joy.

· Proverbs 17:25--A foolish son is a grief to his father And bitterness to her who bore him.

· Luke 15:20-23--“So he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. “And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ “But the father said to his slaves, ‘Quickly bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet; and bring the fattened calf, kill it, and let us eat and celebrate.”

· 2 John 4--I was very glad to find some of your children walking in truth, just as we have received commandment to do from the Father.

How many parents spend days of sorrow and nights sleepless in consequence of the conduct of their children? How many have their hearts broken with sorrow because of neglect to train up their children in the nurture and admonition in the Lord? To a large degree, whether you think so or not, is dependent on the outcome of your children. Children can throw gloom over all your plans, embitter your holidays, and make you so miserable that your only prospect of relief will be death. Do you think I am exaggerating? Listen to the mourning of David in 2 Samuel 18:33,

“The king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And thus he said as he walked, ‘O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!’”

I believe that few parents think of this as they should. Most parents are unaware of the tremendous consequences that result from faulty parenting. Thousands of parents stand as stark reminders to us of the disappointment and heartache that can come with neglectful parenting. Yet, thousands upon thousands of others go on in the same way preparing themselves to experience the same suffering! So, I shall endeavor to answer the question,

How can we govern our children so as to properly discharge our duties and secure for them and us joy and happiness in glorifying God? Four keys are vital in godly parenting!

I. GODLY PARENTING REQUIRES EXEMPLIFICATION.

(Romans 2:17-24; 1 Kings 22:52)

“But if you bear the name “Jew” and rely upon the Law and boast in God, and know His will and approve the things that are essential, being instructed out of the Law, and are confident that you yourself are a guide to the blind, a light to those who are in darkness, a corrector of the foolish, a teacher of the immature, having in the Law the embodiment of knowledge and of the truth, you, therefore, who teach another, do you not teach yourself? You who preach that one shall not steal, do you steal? You who say that one should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? You who boast in the Law, through your breaking the Law, do you dishonor God? For “the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you,” just as it is written” (Romans 2:17-24).

He did evil in the sight of the Lord and walked in the way of his father and in the way of his mother and in the way of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, who caused Israel to sin” (1 Kings 22:52).

If we would be skillful in governing our children, we must learn to govern ourselves! No one is fit to rule his or her family in the fear of God and a holy life who is unholy and does not fear God themselves. It is ludicrous to think that we can keep our children from sensuality or drunkenness or gluttony or lust when we cannot keep ourselves from it.

Many of you may recall the popular song “Cat’s in the Cradle” sung by Harry Chapin. The words always bring a tear to my eye because I am a father, and over the years I have had to travel so much. The song unfolds as follows:

My child arrived just the other day,
He came to the world in the usual way,
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay,
He learned to walk while I was away.
And he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it and as he grew,
He’d say, “I’m gonna be like you, Dad.
You know I’m gonna be like you.”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little Boy Blue and the man in the moon.
“When you comin’ home, Dad?”
“I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then;
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

My son turned ten just the other day.
He said, “Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on, let’s play.
Can you teach me to throw?”
I said, “No, not today,
I got a lot to do.”
He said, “That’s okay.”
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed.
It said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah,
You know I’m gonna be like him….”

And he came from college just the other day;
So much like a man I just had to say,
“Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head and he said with a smile,
“What I’d really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later, can I have them please?”

I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, “I’d like to see you, if you don’t mind.”
He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time.
You see, my new job’s a hassle, and the kids have the flu,
But it’s sure nice talkin’ to you, Dad,
It’s been nice talkin’ to you.”

And as I hung up the phone
It occurred to me,
He’d grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little Boy Blue and the man in the moon,
“When you comin’ home, Son?”
“I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then, Dad.
We’re gonna have a good time then.”

The melodrama of this song was played out in Chapin’s own life almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I have been told that his wife, who wrote the words of the song, asked him one day when he was going to slow down the torrid pace of his life and give some time to their children. His answer was, “At the end of this busy summer, I’ll take some time to be with them.” That summer, ironically and tragically, Harry Chapin was killed in a car accident.

It is not possible to read that postscript of Chapin’s death and miss the larger point—that something was known, believed, and even “preached,” but never lived.

If you desire a son or daughter who is in control of their passions and has a gently submissive spirit, then you must exemplify it!

In Genesis 2:16 God first outlines the perimeters within which there is freedom. Then he specifies the restriction. Finally he states the consequence of disobedience.

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself.
If a child lives with jealousy, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with encouragement, he learn to be self-confident.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learn to be patient.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to be appreciative.
If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with recognition, he learns to have a goal.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns what justice is.
If a child lives with honesty, he learns what truth is.
If a child lives with sincerity, he learns to have faith in himself and those around him.
If a child lives with love, he learns that the world is a wonderful place to live in.

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But this is not all! We must keep them from bad examples (Psalm 101; 1 Cor. 15:33; 2 John 10).

II. GODLY PARENTING REQUIRES CORRECTION.

(Proverbs 29:17)

There are two broad headings that need to be considered in this regard.

A. Correction Involves the Right Manner.

(Ephesians 6:4)

We must exercise discipline in such a manner that we do not provoke resentment in our children. How is that to be done? What is the right manner to prevent resentment?

1. The Right Manner for Discipline Is Consistently.

The parent who is not consistent in his or her actions will confuse a child and lead to anger. If a child is on numerous occasions allowed an indulgence and then suddenly disciplined for it, it will produce anger.

2. The Right Manner for Discipline Is Reasonably.

Children should never be punished for an accident. Now I do not mean by this that if a child has been told not to touch something and does it anyway that he/she should not be disciplined. But spilling milk unintentionally is not a matter for discipline. To discipline reasonably means explaining clearly why a child is being disciplined.

3. The Right Manner for Discipline Is Equitably.

The punishment should fit the crime. Jesus emphasized this truth in the Sermon on the Mount.

4. The Right Manner for Discipline Is Calmly.

A gentle answer turns away wrath! Our words and actions should be done with self-control.

5. The Right Manner for Discipline Is Accordingly.

Our discipline should be consistent with the age of the child. If a child is nineteen, you should vary the discipline to fit their age.

6. The Right Manner for Discipline Is Lovingly.

(Hebrews 12:6)

In Christian households, where parents are committed to each other, the results are much more encouraging. These statistics are gathered from Joe White, director of Christian camps in Missouri which draw more than 5,000 kids from more than 40 states.

95% of the boys say their fathers regularly tell them, “I love you.”
98% of the girls say their mothers tell them regularly, “I’m proud of you” or “You’re doing a great job.”
91% of the kids say their parents play games with them.
94% say their fathers attend their athletic events.
97% of the boys say they get hugs from their dads.
100% of the girls say they get hugs from their moms and dads.
Recalling their childhood, 100% of the girls remember having stories read to them by their mothers. 85% of the boys recall having stories read to them by their dads.
89% of the boys say their fathers have taken them fishing.
100% of the girls say their parents have taken them to Sunday school.

B. Correction Involves the Right Methods.

(Proverbs 29:15)

Godly correction requires two methods.

1. The Right Method for Discipline Involves a Rod.

2. The Right Method for Discipline Involves a Reproof.

If you don’t reprove your children, you will raise delinqents!

1. When your kid is still an infant, give him everything he wants. This way he’ll think the world owes him a living when he grows up.

2. When he picks up swearing and off-color jokes, laugh at him, encourage him. As he grows up, he’ll pick up “cuter” phrases that will floor you.

3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is twenty-one and let him decide for himself.

4. Avoid using the word “wrong.” It will give your child a guilt complex. You can condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted.

5. Pick up after him—his books, shoes, and clothes. Do everything for him so he will be experienced throwing all responsibility onto others.

6. Let him read all printed matter he can get his hands on…[never think of monitoring his TV programs]. Sterilize the silverware, but let him feast his mind on garbage.

7. Quarrel frequently in his presence. Then he won’t be too surprised when his home is broken up later.

8. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort. Every sensual desire must be gratified; denial may lead to harmful frustrations.

9. Give your child all the spending money he wants. Don’t make him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you did'

10. Take his side against neighbors, teachers, and policemen. They’re all against him.

11. When he gets into real trouble, make up excuses for yourself by saying, “I never could do anything with him; he’s just a bad seed.”

12. Prepare for a life of grief.

[Swindoll, The Quest For Character, Multnomah, pp. 105-6]

III. GODLY PARENTING REQUIRES INSTRUCTION.

(Proverbs 22:6)

There are a number of truths that are vital to remember regarding instruction!

A. Godly Parenting Involves Parental Instruction.

(Genesis 18:18-19; Proverbs 1:8; 6:20; Ephesians 6:4)

Too often I hear parents dumping the responsibility for the way their children turned out on the school system or the church. My friends, it is the duty of the parents to raise their children, not the church or the school system.

B. Godly Parenting Involves Situational Instruction.

(Deuteronomy 6:7, 20)

C. Godly Parenting Involves Scriptural Instruction.

(Deuteronomy 6:6-9)

Of All Born-Again Parents…33% Practice Biblical Principles in Parenting.

The majority of Christian Parents surveyed in a recent Barna Research Group project say that church and the Bible do not influence how they parent their children.

Only 33 percent of born-again parents surveyed said their church or faith has been a dominant influence in the way they parent, and only half of born-again parents mentioned anything related to faith (including the Bible, church or religion) as a significant influence on how they raise their children.

The main influences listed by parents included: their own upbringing (45 percent); friends, relatives and spouses (35 percent); and books, magazines and articles on parenting (34 percent). Nearly 63 percent said they expect the church to take a more active role in assisting parents, and 80 percent said the church should do more to help people be better parents.

“Family ministry will be one of the hot issues facing the church over the next few years,” said George Barna, president of Barna Research Group. “The challenge facing churches is to know what types of support parents and family members need to become productive Christians and citizens and to provide that support in useful ways.”

[“Ministry Matters’” from Ministry Today, April, 1998, p. 13].

IV. GODLY PARENTING REQUIRES SUPPLICATION.

(Job 1:5; 1 Timothy 2:1-4)

Dear Lord… Thank you for this child that I call mine; not my possession but my sacred charge. Teach me patience and humility so that the best I know may flow in its being. Let me always remember, parental love is my natural instinct but my child’s love must ever be deserved and earned; That for love I must give love, That for understanding I must give understanding, That for respect, I must give respect; That as I was the giver of life, so must I be the giver always. Help me to share my child with life and not to clutch at it for my own sake. Give courage to do my share to make this world a better place for all children and my own.

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