Godly Submission
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The difficulty of Submission. There was a young boy who loved to play marbles. He regularly walked through his neighborhood with a pocketful of his best marbles, hoping to find opponents to play against. One marble in particular, his special blue marble, had won him many matches.
During one walk he encountered a young girl who was eating a bag of chocolate candy. Though the boy's first love was marbles, he had a weakness for chocolates. As he stood there talking with the young girl, his stomach became uncontrollable, and he thought, I have got to get my hands on those chocolates.
Concocting a plan, he asked the girl, "How about I give you all these marbles for those chocolates?" She replied, "Sounds fair to me."
He put his hand in his pocket, searching for the distinguishing cracks on the surface of the blue marble. Once he identified the blue marble with his finger tip, he carefully pushed it to the bottom of his pocket and pulled out all the other marbles.
As he handed the marbles to the girl in exchange for the chocolate, the boy thought his plan was a success and turned to walk away. As he began to eat the candy, he suddenly turned to the girl and asked, "Hey, did you give me all the chocolates?"
Our fallen nature persuades us to do the same deceptive and defiant attitude as the boy in this story. We want everything the kingdom of God has to offer. We want to have a secure sense of God's presence, we want all our prayers to be answered, we want to "feel close" to Jesus, we want to flourish in the riches of God's glory—we want it all. Unfortunately, we are unwilling to give up everything for it. Many times there is a "blue marble" in our lives that we seem unwilling to offer to the control of Christ.
Are wives really supposed to submit to their husbands? I mean isn’t this the 21st century? I thought we were passed all this? Ahh but the beautiful thing about the Bible is that that its universal truths transcend all cultures and generations. So today we can be sure that these words, that will never pass away, will give us real insight and clarity for our marriages today. Especially when it comes to the topic of submission.
Now the answer really is simple, but because of the many cultural shifts and paradigm shifts, exponential changes in cultural norms and values, and the need to stay relevant and not to offend anyone makes the answer more difficult as simple as it is.
Egalitarianism and complementarianism discussions continue and more and more seem to drift further and further apart. This shows a real dilemma when dealing with this subject. I’m sure as I teach on this issue it may offend. I’m sure. Shane… “I don’t do the submission thing.” But, the question you need to ask is, why? Why does it offend? And is there any biblical basis for your opposition? Where does your strong beliefs in marital roles come from. The Bible or Jerry Springer.
The reason I say this, is because the answer is very clear to me in the scriptures. Are wives to submit to their husbands… the answer is yes! It’s in the bible. Clearly.
The reason I say this, is because the answer is very clear in the scriptures. Are wives to submit to their husbands… the answer is yes!
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.
Helper implies submission to the person given the task. Adam had the responsibility he was given the task and Eve was given to help.
NT passages that point to OT realities...
For God made Adam first, and afterward he made Eve.
For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.
How bout NT scriptures...
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.
In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over
This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands.
The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever.
- Before we continue, this whole teaching is coming from the place that we are not looking at the Bible as some archaic work that needs modern revision, or something not relevant today, something only of value in the past, suggestions, a point of reference, or just myth and legends. If this is what you think than what you hear may not be so helpful. I am only dealing with what the Bible directs concerning submission with the understanding that the Bible is the inspired, inerrant in the originals, infallible in the originals, authoritative and sufficient word of God.
I. Submission to Christ
- As the church submits to Christ.
A. Ok. So here we go. One of the most controversial verses that for some reason is actually stated to relieve the duty of the wife to be in submission to her husband. I am perplexed as to how is supposed to do this.
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Let’s get it right here today. I cannot fathom the reasons for this misunderstanding of something so plain. I wonder is it to sell books, gain popularity, being culturally acceptable, build a legacy…I dunno. Maybe we do not want to offend. Well we need to preach truth right?
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Let’s get it right here today. I cannot fathom the reasons for this misunderstanding of something so plain. I wonder... is it to sell books, gain popularity, being culturally acceptable, build a legacy…I dunno. Maybe we do not want to offend. Well we need to preach truth right?
B. The apostle gives us a rundown of what he intends to communicate when he says be “filled with the Spirit in 3:18. We are to do 5 things. Address one another. Sing. Make melody. Give thanks. And the final participle…submit to one another. Now without going deeper into the Greek which is going to bore you all anyway… let’s just deal with the issue at hand. When he is saying submit to one another does he mean “mutual submission?” Husbands and wives are to submit to each other mutually?
C. Dr. Peter O’brien states that the Greek word here for submission literally means “to arrange under.” It carries the picture of business organizational charts that tell employees who reports to who. We’ve seen those before I’m sure. Or the military chart showing the soldiers who are their superiors. An ordered array. Already, at first glance, we see that hupotasso in this passage already fails to mean mutual submission. But let’s continue.
D. It is a wide view as to how it could mean mutual submission and it is very difficult to adequately defend this position with all of the very complicated and confusing interpretations of the original Greek and its bazaar syntax. Dr. Kostenberger… but glean from the following verses what is Paul’s definition of “submitting to one another.” It is clear that the answer is that wives are to submit to their husbands.” Then when we read the following verses, Wives submit to husbands, children obey your parents, slaves obey your masters…ect. We see that Paul is clearly not talking about mutual submission here.
- Dr. Peter O’Brien - The apostle is not speaking of mutual submission in the sense of a reciprocal subordination, but submission to those who are in authority over them.
E.Dr. Peter O’Brien - The apostle is not speaking of mutual submission in the sense of a reciprocal subordination, but submission to those who are in authority over them.
E. Moreover… contextually we see that there is also a comparison to help us understand what Paul means… you are to submit to your husbands as the church submits to Christ? This is the pattern and picture given to us as to how it is to be done. Are we supposed to understand the church’s submission to Christ as mutual? Is there really reciprocal subordination going on with us and Christ? I think not. Are we suggesting that there are times when Christ is to actually submit to the church?
F. - Everyone listen up… I want you to submit to each other. Wives submit to your husbands, children obey your parents, slaves obey your masters… he is telling us what he means when he says to submit to one another. He does not mean husbands, wives, children, slaves, masters, ect to all equally submit to each other? Did he mean for children and parents to equally submit to each other? Are there times when parents are to obey their children? Where masters are supposed to obey their slaves?
I. Now practically speaking how in the world does mutual submission happen in a marriage? How does it work? Let’s say you are having to make a decision and you both disagree. How do you mutually submit here? In order to make a decision, someone has to give up. Like wrestling… submission means giving up. Who is gonna give up? How in the world do you do this mutually? How do you mutually give up? So you both give up and just don’t make a decision? No. Do you take turns? Ok I submitted last time so you gotta submit this time? And you alternate? What if I said to my wife that we need to move and it is my turn to win and she said Ok I will submit… then ten minutes later she says I’ve, been thinking, we should not move and tells me that I need to submit to her now. It’s my turn to give up. I dunno how it would work.
J. Well Shane, we both make compromises until we come to an agreement. Ahhh… well that’s not submission… is it? No it’s called agreement. Submission comes into play when there is no agreement. Why do you need to submit if you already agree? Well I think he needs to hear and consider what I have to say … that’s submission. No that is called using wisdom, being a good listener, being respectful, being smart, and it is called good communication. Submission is giving up. Its tapping out. In all of this… remember submission is not bad nor demeaning.
K. Again, how is mutual submission supposed to be done? Now before we go any further, we need to understand that submission is not a bad or demeaning thing. Just because a wife needs to submit, does not make her any less important of a person or that she does not matter. Remember even Christ now in the work of Salvation, is now submitted to the Father, but He is not any less God than the Father. .
L. Now contextually we find that we are to submit to one another and now he shows us how this is done in the church. You can look at this later.
II. Submission brings Transformation
- Victory in Jesus.
In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.
Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.
A.
A. This is an illuminating scripture concerning submission. This shows the radical nature of the submission that God requires for wives. NT Scholar Karen Jobes (A female NT Scholar) states here. The wife’s reverence for God is her motivation for submitting to her husband, regardless of whether the husband is harsh or kind. Submission to the husband whether he is harsh or kind. Wow this kinda changes things in our thinking today does it not? Especially in our society. Many wives would say that if he is insubordinate to God, other people, the children or harsh with them, then that is good enough reason not to submit. But we see something completely different here. If he does not follow the truths of the Gospel, if he is not a Christian, if he is harsh (within reason… physical abuse, illegal). The wife is still to submit. There is no way around this passage of scripture.
B. Some may say… No way Shane. No Way Jose. I am not going to do that. Well remember… it is not my desire for you. It is not my Psychological methodology to bring peace in your home. It is not my breakthrough ideology for relational success. This is the Word of God. Accept the authority of your husbands as it says in the Word of God. And Peter tells wives to do this and it is for a really good reason… your husband will be won over to the Truth of the Gospel by your behavior, your willingness to continue to submit. They will be won by your godly conduct and obedience to the Word of God. Your husband will be won… really? By submission. The scriptures say it. The scriptures promise it. Submissions wins your husband and your marriage, but man it seems one of the hardest things to do for a wife.
C. It seems to be the last thing some of the wives I counseled wanted to do. But it is the very thing the scriptures are instructing is it not. Wives if you want change in your husband… submit. your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. (Like I said before… legal submission) Get help if there is dangerous abuse. Not sure… get help. Please understand what I am saying. If not contact me later. Ok back to the scripture. Submit.
D. Many wives with difficult husbands will say that they doubt the salvation of their husbands. Why should I follow him? He may not even be a Christian. Well do you want him to be? Yes of course Shane. Then submit to him… yeah this does not go over well in my counseling sessions. The Apostle Peter declares that your submission and reverent behavior will win him over. This is how you can preach the Gospel to your unbelieving and disobedient husband. Why would you not? So if you desire for you husband to continue to be harsh, disobedient, and unbelieving, then by all means don’t submit to Him. You have it right here…Submission brings transformation. Submission brings a change in your husband and ultimately in your relationship. This is how important submission is. And this is not my promise… it is God’s promise. Why do we not want to do this? Is this is you… why won’t you? Is it unbelief? Lack of trust in God? Disagree with God? Do want your husband to get what he wants? What?
E. The preaching of the Gospel and Conversions of the those in the world making disciples, baptizing them, and teaching them all that Christ commanded. Is it not our mission or should I say commission is to win some for Christ and Christians? Is not his salvation more important that your rights as a woman? Well is it? Is a person’s eternal soul more important than our comforts, pride, and dignity? This is essentially the motivation of Peter as he writes the inspired text of scripture. The Gospel.
F. He goes on to solidify the submission principle. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. Don’t be concerned about this. Look, sometimes this is an issue in marriage. A wife upset about her husband who is not capable of providing her Gucci and Gold happens. Let me be honest, I have been in ministry now for 25 years and I will say that for some, the desire for expensive clothes, hairstyles and jewelry does out-way the desire for submission and godly conduct in the church. It is real. Give me this stuff and I will submit. I’m serious… this is the case more than you might think. Be honest about this today.
G. Now Peter is not saying that you should not make yourself look pretty and care about your appearance, but we are not to be consumed and be captive to this as a high priority, especially in the church. Gotta throw that in for our husbands…in case they were getting nervous. Do you really want to make yourself beautiful… then be of a quiet spirit, gentle from within. These are precious to God. You know what, look at the women that came before you do you want to know how they made themselves beautiful? Trust the Lord and accept your husbands authority. Thanks how. That is what the Word of God is telling us today about a beautiful and godly women. Trust God and submit. There you have it. That is beauty in the eyes of the Lord.
H. But … you don’t understand, my husband is a mean, ungodly, selfish, and self-centered man. He treats me and my family with disrespect and contempt. I get it. Do you want him to change? Yes. The Bible says submit. This is all behavior that is disobedient to the word of God? Yes, then submit. He is not doing the right thing. I know, but if you want change… then you need to … submit. The sad thing is… sometimes she will refuse and leave my office sad and in despair. Why won’t you submit today? Is it unbelief? Lack of trust in God? Disagree with God? Do want your husband to get what he wants? You want him to just do it? You want it done your way? These are some of the reasons I have come to find as to why. Unbelief. The ultimate reason. I do not trust the Lord that it will happen.
I. But what of your husband? If he really does act like this, it might be because he’s not a Christian or one who is in desperate need of more transformation in his heart. If there is to be change the Peter tells us to submit. He will be won. your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.
J. I do not think that it is possible to get around this or eliminate it. The scriptures are as clear as can be on this issue. Even if you were to make a case that Paul is talking about mutual submission in the rest of the chapter will still urge a submission of wives to husband for he is the head of the wife, just like Christ is the head of the church. I don’t think that Christ and the church share mutual submission. Do you? But even if this is not convincing… you just cannot get around . Submit to your husbands today… just like your husbands are to be submitted to the church…ahhh there it is. Just like the wife submits to her husband the husband must submit to the church. This is the order of the church. If he is not treating his wife rightly the church steps in and presses the husband. More on how this works later.
K. Again, I do not see how you can get around it. I understand in our culture that the rejection of authority is seen as a virtue in some instances. Authority in our culture is the butt of every joke. Husbands and fathers are portrayed on TV, s bumbling idiots or abusive, deceptive, immoral, drunks and unfaithful. If they are that way then we are excused from having to submit.
L. Submission, some may suggest that this is demeaning, degrading and belittling to women and detrimental to their self-esteem. Submission carries the idea of being a lesser lifeform. This is not true. Submission is a beautiful thing. It is a virtue. It is a Godly characteristic. It is wonderfully capable of doing the miraculous.
M. Salvation for example. We saw that the submission of the wife can lead a husband to obedience to Christ. But it was the submission of Christ that brought us to Salvation. It is a divine thing. Submission can accomplish more than we could imagine. What it can do for your marriage. What it can do for your husband.
N. Submission is not inferior. It is not demeaning. Christ submitted himself to the Father. He is still God. He is still magnificent. But for the salvation of man, he became obedient to the Father. Submission is a beautiful thing.
O. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross. Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
P. This is the gospel of Jesus. The beauty of Submission. Because he was obedient… the Gospel was born. Jesus died for our sins according to the scriptures and he was buried… the saying is trust worthy and deserving of full acceptance.
Q. Submission is a beautiful thing and it is fundamental to the gospel. Submission preaches the Gospel. Your wife and husband depends on it. On submission. Salvation depends on it. Look to Christ and His active and passive obedience… the technical terms. His Submission to the Father. Today trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding (even fancy psychological methods) but in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. He will make your marriage straight.