Family Fragmentation

“What are the costs of speed addiction? We live under a weight of demands, real and imagined, that is debilitating. We see an alarming increase in stress-related disorders of all kinds for all ages, beginning with elementary school-age children who are struggling with obesity, depression, anxiety, attention disorders and all kinds of learning disabilities, a list of problems for all ages.”

“In a vicious circle, the exhausting fast pace of life promotes over-stimulation and over-scheduling, which become chronic stressors that lead to behavioral, mood and attention disorders. We cannot see that we are causing our physical, emotional and behavioral health problems as we try harder to go faster, and then turn to medication to treat the unforeseen consequences. We believe we should be able to go this fast and there is something wrong with us if we can’t keep up.”

“Maybe the biggest cost we’ve encountered already is the harm to human relationships. Instead of enhancing close bonds, technology has facilitated avoidance of direct person-to-person contact, which takes too much time. We maintain the illusion that we’re connected more closely than ever by the number of Facebook “likes” we accumulate.”

In this fast-paced current of our culture, which relationships are the ones most affected and harmed? Those within the family.

Life’s current critically changes for both the parent and the teen as the teen years approach.

Here is a depiction of “the current” during the elementary years.

Here is a depiction of “the current” during the jr/sr high school years.

During the elementary years, things seem “manageable. But, once you hit those teen years, it seems that you have entered a whole new world - a whole new kind of “busy!”

The fast-paced current of life has the ability to sweep families downstream to destruction.

Suddenly, the schedule is filled to overflowing for everyone!

Sports Practices

Music Lessons,

Youth Activities

Extra-curricular Activities

Homework

Time with Friends

Financial Burdens Increase (Think orthodontists!)

Career Demands

Time as a married couple become more difficult to find

You actually begin to feel “old!”

The truth is, life changes for both parents and teens during this time. If you’re not careful, the fast-paced current of life could quickly and easily sweep you downstream in a raging torrent of activity and commitments. And, all the while, Satan is standing on the shore, smiling as you and your family try to keep your heads above water!

In the very first “Little House of the Prairie” movie, as the family is crossing a river, Jack, the beloved family dog is swept away. The family - especially Laura - is devastated. So much so that, once the family is safely on the other side, Pa sets out to find Jack. Pa never finds Jack. The family is heartbroken! During the night, though, Jack miraculously makes his way back to the family! And all is well on the prairie!

Makes for good drama, doesn’t it?!?! Unfortunately, while real life holds much more drama than Hollywood could ever depict, “happy endings!” are not guaranteed in real life.

The Commitment To Survive Our Culture

Every family has to navigate and survive this experience. Unfortunately, most families just “let it happen.”

Various surveys accurately document the fact that the average American adult spends 3 hours a day on social media and yet Americans are enjoying just 37 minutes of “quality time” as a family on weekdays.

After polling 2,000 parents of school-aged children, researchers found that 60% of those polled described their average, daily lives as “hectic.” A quarter of respondents admitted that lack of family time is a “problem.”

https://www.studyfinds.org/american-families-spend-37-minutes-quality-time/

Most families let the current of commitments pull them farther and farther apart - and all for good reasons. After all, what could possibly be wrong with sports, music lessons, homework, ministry service, and all the other good things that come our way? And how are we going to pay for all of those things if Dad doesn’t work more - and Mom too?

So for most, this separation, this fragmentation, becomes a normal way of life.

Hebrews 12:1–2 KJV 1900

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

We must look unto Jesus - not the culture around us!

Parents must determine to hold out a firm hand of stability.

Young people must determine to grasp their parents’ hand against the pressures of mainstream society.

We must understand that the our sinful tendency and the tendency of our culture is toward fragmentation and we must plan accordingly.

I must insert this “note.” When families recognize this, often the first things “on the list” to go are church activities. But, our families cannot know God’s best if we are not actively and faithfully involved in loving, worshipping, and serving Him together in a local church body. (More about this later!)

The Family Fragmentation Caused by Our Culture

Family Fragmentation: The accelerating tendency of families in the twenty-first century to spend increasingly less time together and more time involved in other pursuits and interests.

For many, family life is nothing more than a pit stop - a place to refuel and rest - before heading on to more “important” things.

The portrait of many Christian families goes something like this. Dad often works twelve hours a day, plus drive time. Mom often works too, in order to help provide a certain standard of living. Kids go to school, come home to an empty house, and take care of themselves until the evening hours. Everybody does their own thing for dinner, and by that time, Dad and Mom are so exhausted, all they want to do is collapse in front of the TV for a couple of hours. The kids usually end up hanging out in their rooms - door closed, headphones on, and iPad in hand - until bedtime. Somewhere between the bathroom and the refrigerator, kids and parents cross paths, exchanging a quick goodnight. The sim total of the day’s exchange - less than ten seconds. Then we wonder why things go wrong and our kids mess their lives up. We thought the church and Christian school were taking care of things.

During the last days, the hearts of the family will turn away from each other.

Malachi 4:4–6 KJV 1900

Remember ye the law of Moses my servant, Which I commanded unto him in Horeb for all Israel, With the statutes and judgments. Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet Before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, And the heart of the children to their fathers, Lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.

God makes it clear that in the last days, as people get farther and farther from Him, the product is that their hearts - parents’ and childrens’ - will turn away from each other!

We have biblical evidence of fragmented families in our culture today.

2 Timothy 3:1–2 KJV 1900

This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

The spirit of disobedience and thanklessness that exists in this generation is evidence of an entire culture of fragmented families.

The result of family fragmentation is desolation.

Matthew 12:25 KJV 1900

And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand:

Waste; Ruin; Forsaken; Lonely - Those are the words used to describe “desolation.”

There are many sad examples of family fragmentation found in our Bibles. However, one that is especially sad is what we see take place between King David and his son, Absalom. Their relationship became so fragmented that Absalom sought to forcibly take the kingdom away from his father. They became enemies! I would love to be able to say that things between David and Absalom had a happy ending but they did not.

2 Samuel 18:33 KJV 1900

And the king was much moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept: and as he went, thus he said, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!

But, the greatest Biblical example of family fragmentation was when Jesus Christ left His home in Heaven, came to this earth and bore our sins on the cross of Calvary.

1 Peter 2:24 KJV 1900

Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

On that cross, Jesus uttered these words...

Mark 15:34 KJV 1900

And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? which is, being interpreted, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

Jesus, the Son of God, suffered the anguish of being separated from God the Father so that we might be brought into the family of God.

John 1:12 KJV 1900

But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:

There is hope! Hope for the family and it is found in none other than Jesus Christ!

However, we must always be vigilant, Satan, like never before, is using family fragmentation to pull our families apart and destroy them.

Teenager, do you spend most of your time at home locked in your room, isolated from your parents? Do you take every chance you can to get away from your family? Do you talk to your friends more than your own parents? If so, you’re swallowing the bait and you’ll regret it someday.

Parent, have you forgotten that parenting cannot be done on “auto-pilot,” especially once your children become teenagers? You have only a few brief years with your kids. Everything else in life can wait until after they leave the house, but nothing will slow their growth.

Here’s an assignment: Sometime in the next week, sit down together as a family and ask each other how your day went. And don’t just say, “Fine.”

Related Media

Related Sermons