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You might be in a country church if...

1. The call to worship is, “Y’all come on in!”
2. The preacher says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering” – and five guys stand up.
3. The restroom is outside.
4. Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.
5. A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, “I ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get me out of’.
6. Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its preachers had to buy any meat or vegetables.
7. Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
8. The church directory doesn’t have last names.
9. Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday.
10. The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can’t leave them a bag of squash,
11. There’s no such thing as a “secret” sin.
12. You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 o’clock that afternoon you have had a dozen phone calls inquiring about your health.
13. People wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.

Email, noproblem@peachnet. campuscwix. net, March 3, 1999