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Most of you have seen the humor "Classic Church Bulletin Errors". Here are some new ones that were sent to me. Thought you might need a chuckle!

1)      Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to         cripple children.

2)          The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on
people who are not afflicted with           any church.

3)          Evening massage - 6 p.m.

4)          The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles        for the pancake   breakfast
next

Sunday morning.

5)           The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the
recession.

6)           Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to   8:30
p.m.

Please use the back door.

7)           Ushers will eat latecomers.

8)           The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without
musical

accomplishment.

9)           For those of you who have children and don't know it, we   have a
nursery downstairs.

10)        The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of  the
audience.

11)        The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir
will sing,"Break Forth Into Joy."

12)        During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege
of

hearing a good sermon when J.F.          Stubbs supplied our   pulpit.

13)    Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service.
The

pastor will then speak on "It's a             Terrible Experience."

14)        Due to the Pastor's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be
discontinued until further notice.

15)        Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"

16)        The music for today's service was all composed by George

Friedrich

Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

17)         Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
community.

18)         The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
church basement on Friday at 7 PM         The congregation is invited to
attend this

tragedy.

19)    The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special
thanks are due to the minister's              daughter, who labored the whole
evening at

the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

20)    22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of
Mrs.

Marsha    Crutchfield last         evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and

Mrs. Rankin sang a

duet, The Lord Knows Why.

21)         A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

22)         Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full
choir.

23)      Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?" Preacher: The Rev. Horace
Blodgett Hymn 47: "Hark! an    awful voice is sounding"

24)      On a church bulletin during the pastor's illness: GOD IS GOOD - Dr.
Hargreaves is better.

25)         Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.

26)         Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

27)         The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

28)     Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church
secretary.

29)    8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

30)     The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning

to join the choir.

31)     Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in
preparing

for the girth of their first child.

32)     Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door
at

the side entrance.