THE CREATION OF MOTHERS by Erma Bombeck
When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."
And the Lord said, "Have you read the specs on this order? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts...all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. And have a kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands."
The angel shook its head slowly, "Six pairs of hands...no way."
"It's not the hands that are causing me problems," said the Lord. "It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have. One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front so that she can look at a child when he goofs and say, 'I understand and I love you1 without so much as uttering a word."
"Lord," said the angel touching His sleeve gently, "Come to bed. Tomorrow..."
"I can't," said the Lord, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick...can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a 9-year-old to stand under a shower,"
The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It's too soft," it sighed.
"But tough!" said the Lord excitedly. "You cannot imagine what this mother can do or endure."
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. "There's a leak," it pronounced. "I told you that you were trying *• to put too much into this modsl."
"It's not a leak," said the Lord. "It's a tear. It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride."
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY