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THE SEVEN WARNING SIGNS OF SPIRITUAL CANCER

1. An unusual preoccupation with self: conversation about
I, me ,we,us, mine and ours.

2. A lump or thickening in the wallet or bank account, with­
out regard for the priorities of God or the needs of
others.

3.A sore feeling of anger or resentment that persists and does not heal.

4. A change in prayer life and attendance at worship from
regular to irregular.

5. A feeling of hoarseness or uneasiness when matters related
to God and Jesus and His Church are mentioned.

6. Indigestion or difficulty in swallowing Christian thought
or references to commitment, witnessing or stewardship.

7. A change in size, color or complexion when asked, "Are
you actively participating in the church of Jesus
Christ'/'

IS IT TIME TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE GREAT PHYSICIAN?


Accidental English

If you've ever filed an accident report, you will probably sympathize with the anonymous writers quoted below.

The quotes, excerpted from real traf­fic accident reports, were collected by Richard Lederer in his new book An­guished English.

The book (Doubleday Dell, $5.95) is an anthology of misinformation and bloopers assembled from a variety of sources—student essays, newspapers, official reports of one kind and another —and is hilarious from end to end.

We offer a few of the choicer accident report morsels herewith.

■   "Coming home, I drove into the
wrong house and collided with a tree I
didn't have."

■   "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove
into a telephone pole."         ;

■   "I had been learning to drive with
power steering. I turned the wheel to
what I thought was enough and found
myself in a different direction going the
opposite way."

■   "An invisible car came out of no­
where, struck my car and vanished."

■   "I pulled away from the side of the
road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and
headed over the embankment."

■   "The pedestrian ran for the pave­
ment, but I got him."

■   "I had been driving for about 40 years
when I fell asleep at the wheel and had
an accident."

"I was on my way to the doctor with
rear-end trouble when my universal
joint gave way, causing me to have an
accident."                                             fm

POPULAR MECHANICS • MARCH 1990


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lame Game. The blame game originated with our first parents. Adam, the first player, led off with, "The woman ...gave me...and I did eat." And we've been improvising on the original ever since. The 4-yr-old blames the stolen candy on his little sister while the 40-yr-old blames his infidelity (or broken mar­riage) on his wife or his circumstances. When Johnny gets a bad report card, he explains, "The other kids keep talking to me." Later, when he gets into trouble with the law, he moans, "That cop was out to get me." And when he blows one job after another: "Nobody could make it with that stupid boss!"

The blame game is the world's most popular game—and the most useless. In fact, it is worse than useless; it's destruc­tive. But it injures the blamer more than the blamed. As long as he can blame someone else for his mis­takes, he'll never face up to them. Therefore, he won't learn anything from them, and he will never be any better. No one is a failure until he blames someone else.


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