11(1Kings 11) Solomon and Marriage
§ The problem was not 700 wives and 300 concubines, as crazy as that seems.
§ The problem as not sexual immorality gone wild, as obvious as that was.
§ The problem? He married those who did not put God first. A non-believer.
§ I do not mean that if the person is a Baptist, then it’s OK, either. Many carry memberships in a church that have little devotion to God. They had a childhood of faith, but it never grew up.
A. The key to a mate?
§ Devotion to God.
§ A prayer life.
§ Giving offerings to God regularly.
Everyone has a God of some sort, and is devoted to that God. Whenever a false God is introduced to a life, it often wins out. It is a powerful force.
Exodus 20:3 "You shall have no other gods before Me. 4 "You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; 5 you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, 6 but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.
Jesus said it this way,
Matthew 22:37 Jesus said to him, " 'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' 38 "This is the first and great commandment.
§ When that sweet thing attempts to talk you out of church in favor of some recreation, let the warning sirens go off in your head.
§ When you see that hunk of a man disinterested in the things of God, don’t fall for the delusion that you will change him – it is you who will be changed!
§ When her family takes priority over your worship of the Lord, heed that warning before it’s too late.
The great problem seems to be that such conversations are never held. For some reason, Christian faith is the last thing discussed. I have counseled young couples on the verge of marriage for whom a commitment to church, a plan of giving, has not come up, though they say it would be a good idea.
2 Corinthians 6:14 ¶ Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? 16 And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will dwell in them And walk among them. I will be their God, And they shall be My people."
B. When should I bring it up?
§ Bring up what – your whole-hearted devotion to God?
§ I think you anwered your own question. It should precede you.
§ It should have turned off those who prefer darkness rather than light.
Sadly, hiding your personal faith from the other person is not the kind of compromise God has in mind.
It is not helpful, it is destructive. Marriage has to be based not on great sex, but on shared commitment to a standard of values. And standards cannot be approached like a restaurant menu (I’ll take the Christmas and Easter, but leave off the night services, and could you make mine tithing-free, I’m allergic).
Why am I so concerned about this? (1 Kings 11:11).
The marriage built on mixed faiths is doomed to loneliness. Or to an abandoned faith – which leads to a marriage based on what seems right at the time. That always results in feelings-based marriages, and the end-all “I don’t feel in love with him/her anymore.” Well of course, if like Solomon you marry based on distracted feelings and no mutual commitments, you have built your house on sand. Sand moves; feelings change.
And here’s the shocker: God’s word penetrates every area of marriage, from finances, to parenting, to sex, to careers, to shared workloads, to every area. It is the referee. It is the guide. It is the judge. When both parties are committed to the same God (and His word) then there are fewer extended disagreements, less confusion, quicker confession and forgiveness. When you agree to evaluate your lives on the basis of the Word of God, you have placed yourself in the elite of marriages.
Without it, though, the strongest wins, the loudest wins, the nastiest wins, the most abusive wins. Marriage becomes a constant battle between selfishness and compromise. It cannot be based on non-biblical morals, since those are like chaff which the wind drives away.
§ What God can’t stand is denial of His rightful place in your life.
§ Back to Exodus 20:5, “I am a jealous God”.
§ Listen to how Joshua says it – Joshua 24:19-28.