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Marriage and Family

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THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES - Mom / Motherhood

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

After you get done laughing, send this to as many females as you think will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can handle it. Just don't send it back to me.... I'm going to bed.

Hollywood Values

Hollywood producer Rob Reiner (who played “Meathead” on the TV comedy series, “All in the Family”) said this about “sanctimonious” Christians: “They get these people all twisted around with ideas about how morality should be.  How about just be decent to the other guy, huh?  You know, if they really believed in what they are now preaching, if they really believed in what Jesus Christ said, they wouldn’t be promoting family values.”

(Focus of Family newsletter, June 1993, p.1)

Fatherhood

Someone said, “A child is more likely to see God as Father, if he sees God in his father.”  

(Our Daily Bread, 6/21/92)

As The Twig Is Bent

A little girl with shining eyes

Her little face aglow,

Said: “Daddy, it is almost time

For Sunday School, let’s go.

They teach us there of Jesus’ love

And how he died for all

Upon the cruel cross to save

Those who on Him will call.”

“Oh no!” said Daddy, “Not today,

I’ve worked hard all this week.

And I must have one day of rest,

I’m going to the creek

For there I can relax and rest,

And fishing’s fine, they say,

So run along; don’t bother me-

We’ll go to church some day!”

Months and years have passed away,

But Daddy hears that plea no more,

Let’s go to Sunday School today!

Those childhood days are o’er.

And now that Daddy’s growing old,

When life is almost through,

He finds more time to go to church

But what does daughter do?

She says: “Oh Daddy not today;

I stayed up most all night;

And I just have to get some sleep,

Besides, I look a fright.”

Then Daddy lifts a trembling hand

To brush away his tears

As again he hears that pleading voice

Distinctly through the years.

He sees a small girl’s shining face

Upturned with eyes aglow,

As she says; “It’s time for Sunday School,

Please Daddy won’t you go?”

Reader’s Digest: “A father of five came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present.  ‘Who is the most obedient, never talks back to Mother and does everything he or she is told?’ he inquired.

There was a silence, and then a chorus of voices: ‘You play with it Daddy!’”

Man Mastering a Woman

A man walked into a library and asked the librarian where the book called “Man Mastering a Women would be”  and she said to him, “Sir the fiction is in that corner.”

Ralph - Submission

To prepare our dog Ralph for his graduation from obedience school, my husband, Ed, and I took him on a trip to a popular campground.  Since it was raining, Ralph and I spent the evening within the confines of our tent, practicing the commands emphasized by the dog trainer: “Ralph, sit” “Ralph, stay.” “Ralph, come.”

While we were packing up the next morning, the man in the adjoining campsite came over and asked to borrow and ax to chop some wood.  As Ed handed him the ax, the neighboring camper gave me a strange look, smiled widely at my husband, and said,  

   “Thanks, Ralph.”

(Reader’s Digest, Mar, 1998, pg. 102)

Gravely Ill

          Gravely ill, a man went to the doctor with his wife.  After the examination the physician motioned for the wife to meet him in the hallway.

“Your husband is very sick,” the doctor said.  “But there are three things you can do to ensure his survival.  First, fix him three healthful, delicious meals a day.  Next, give him a stress-free environment, and don’t complain about anything.  Finally, make passionate love to him every day.”

          On the drive home the husband asked, “What did the doctor say?” "I’m sorry,” she said, “but you’re not going to make it. Reader’s Digest 4-98 

Joke – Young Preacher

When I was a young preacher, an older preacher told me if I ever forgot the marriage ceremony to start quoting scriptures until I remembered.

The second wedding, sure enough, I forgot, and the only scripture I could remember was, “Father forgive them, they know not what they do!

“O For the Life of a Preacher by Rev. Leon Hill pg. 50

Happily Ever After?

With wide-eyed excitement, four-year-old Suzie related to her mommy how Prince Charming had arrived on his beautiful white horse and kissed Snow White back to life.

“And do you know what happened then?”  she asked loudly.

“Yes,” said her mom, “they lived happily ever after.”

“No,” responded Suzie with a frown, “...they got married.”

In childlike innocence, that little nursery schooler spoke the in-depth truth without realizing it.  Getting married and living happily ever after are not necessarily synonymous.

                                        Chuck Swindoll (“Strike the Original Match”)

Why God Created Eve

          10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the

                garden because he would not ask for directions.

           9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and

               hand him the remote.

           8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig

               leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one

               for him. 

           7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor’s, dentist’s,

               or haircut appointment by himself.

           6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the

               garbage on the curb.

           5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be

               able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing. 

           4. As the keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where

               he left his tools.

           3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when

               God caught him hiding in the garden.

           2. As the Bible says, “It is not good for man to be alone.”

           

          And, finally, the Number 1 reason why God created Eve…..

         

          1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back,

              scratched His head, and said, “I can do better than that.”

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