Part 2: It's Worth the Mess

You know what? We're looking to Friendship again and in a short series of friends and Incredibly incredibly messy with the Lord in our sins.

These are country song titles. I don't know that their actual songs.

You're the reason our kids are so ugly.

She Got the Goldmine I got the shaft

If if you don't leave me alone also go and find someone else who well. I like this one. My John Deere was breaking your field while your Dear John was breaking my heart. And see you later, they're done.

and I my wife ran off with my best friend and I sure do miss him.

Would you agree that relationships?

Can just be a huge mess and they're really really hard. And so today we continue in this series talking about the fact that we do all need friends at the church. We all need friends to tell God's created us and designed us for relationship as we do I'm going to actually be pulling a lot of application today in a lot of the message really out of a book with making and I really long time ago. I've been reading it again now this week and there's just a lot of good things that came out and I just had to know I think that's maybe some of the things we need to hear today and that might be helpful for us. So that's where we're going. That's not good with that scripture quite a bit, but I'm going to pray and then we're going to we're going to dive in and talk about this relationships that I believe they really are the mess. Father. Thanks for Jesus. And thank you Lord that you love us that you decided. It was worth the mess to come and put on flash to live among us to save us and so you knew our Lord, we would never live up to the standards that you put in front of us, but you loved us so much that you took the risk, you took the step of entering into redeem us and save have relationship and friendship with us, but that's a model for how we are to love and care for others as well. And so I pray this morning that as we move through a lot of different things. You just thought you'd open your eyes to maybe a couple things in our own lives that that would be helpful for us as we look at whether or not we're willing to take the risk and make a mess to have relationship and friendship with others like you designed. Free agency animes servants their Works in a sex Lord. Would you open your eyes to your truth? Holy Spirit, would you teach me and teach through me even as I teach and we pray all these things in Jesus name. Amen.

I wonder if any of these. These phrases would ring true for you. I had such high hopes for a friendship. What went wrong. I thought I'd finally found someone I could trust. I can't believe you're questioning my Integrity after all the things that I've done for you.

You see this is what you always. Do you come I come to you and then you turn the table on me you're so.

You never told me you couldn't say and I couldn't say anything about what you shared with me.

Why does it always have to go here? We can't even have a discussion about the weather without attending an accusation and there's a whole list of other statements and we could probably bring up that we've had those messy experiences in and relationships with people that we would say we love.

These are the things that we cherish when they are true. Hopefully you had some of these be true for you to believe you would do such a cool thing for me. It's so encouraging to go through this alone.

You know when we first met neither of us had any idea what God would do to our friendship. Did you ever experience that maybe with someone? How do you know if you've experienced with someone that would appreciate it hasn't always been easy. You've been committed to dealing with her problems and disagreements in a constructive way and your honesty is refreshing.

You know relationships every relationship you and I have is Messi. There's a part of it where there's a really bad. There's part of it where there's really good and there's everything in between on that whole continuum. But I would contend that every single relationship you and I have in some way to some degree is a bit or a lot messy. Think about your relationship. Who's your closest friend?

You trust the most think of that person if you're having difficulty even thinking of somebody you've kind of proving the point already right? But but think of that person and ask yourself some of these questions about that relationship. Have you ever felt misunderstood in that relationship? Have you ever been hurt by what the other person said? Have you ever felt like you haven't been heard? Have you ever been betrayed in that relationship of you on the decision? Have you or has the other person ever held a grudge?

Have you ever experience loneliness even when things are going well and that relationship?

Never Let You Down Have you ever doubted if they really love you or care about you? Have they ever doubted your commitment as if you ever struggled to resolve a conflict with them? Have you ever thought if I'd only known?

Chances are that even your best relationships? There's a lot of those questions in a lot of those statements that ring true. Is that true is true for me. Add that to some degree even your best relationships have some mess in it and last week. We saw our need for a relationship. It's rooted in the Trinity. It's the god in spirit and he's in constant relationship and loving Community with himself and so for Desiring relationship, that's a good thing. That's a good thing. If you can't totally image God on your own you need to be in community in relationship and friendship with somebody else. Everything is created and it was so important like the crown jewel. Of his creation when Adam and Eve were created in friendship and relationship with one another.

But as I mentioned all of our relationships are messy because in Genesis 3 they sinned and we have all sinned and we messed it all up. And what we do is we flip it on its head and says he got everything so that it would turn our hearts and pull in our hearts today, but didn't send what we do is we try to worship it for ourselves and make it an idol. And so relationships go sour and relationships become a mess when we believe our friendships or relationships are other people is the end and not the means to the end. designed Adam and Eve and find them to be

There's anything between them there's conflict. There's Division and what's happened is what was meant to be a means to the end of the war and its

So even in your best relationships because you and I are sinful. Meantime in between time in our in our sin. There's there's messiness in our relationships to put it mildly.

We desire good relationships, don't we?

I do. I want a relationship go sour it just turns inside a man I'd I hate it. I desire good friendships close friendships. But in my sin a lot of times I push him away. Do you do that? Or I make them more than they ought to be just curious if you've heard maybe this quote before from CS Lewis, but I think it wrote applies. Relationships as well. See us a famous author Theologian and that our desires are not too strong, but they're too weak relationship and friendship with you and I think this quote from Lewis Plies hear the to those desires that you might have a strong desire for relationship and for friendship, and it's not

Creatures with fool around and about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite Joy has offered us like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies? And because he can't imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at Sea. We are far too easily pleased see the desire for relationship ultimately that's its relationship with one another but towards what end not just that relationship but towards your relationship with God that that you would be closer to him and more like him and and more like Jesus that your full identity of these.

And your desire in only wanting like healthy, I comfortable relationships and then those other relationships start to fall into place.

He goes on at another time at Lewis says when I love God better than my closest friend. Then I'll love my closest friend better than I do now. Insofar as I learn to love my closest friend at the expense of God and instead of God, then I'll be moving towards the state in which I'll never love them again at all. Because when first things are put first second things are not suppressed, but they're increased. Are you going to see this morning you do you want to go to see your friendships develop with other people? Your friendship with God needs to develop. And when that increases than your relationships with others will increase because he's changing you and now it's a means to the to the true and not the end in and of itself.

We're all tempted to do that. And that's what makes our lives so messy in a relationship, so I should say so messy you have relationship you have is messy and the problem. the problem in your relationships Is internal now I really wanted to say but it would have sounded really harsh. The problem in your relationships is you like the common denominator denominator on my shelves relationships is me.

The problem is you but it's not just you it's you and it's in you. It's in me. That's where my relationships get messed up. It's it's inside of me and Genesis 3 when Adam and Eve sinned.

Immediately their shame for the first time they know they're naked.

instead of

and they hide and abandon relationship.

Friends, all every relationship you have is messy everyone I have is some Patsy and the problem is me. It's internal. It's my sin because in my sin. I don't rightly to God anymore other than through Jesus Christ, right? And obviously, I don't relate to other people the way that God designed me to relate to other people and it's the same for all of us are relationships in our mess in the problem is in me, which is why I've got to seek out the Lord first and let him and make me new so I have any hope of healthy relationships to the degree with which to which God is changing and redeeming and making me new is the degree to which my relationships are going to grow and be healthy and be made new. You have experienced this in big waves. But God has been working in your life over the last few years where you staying for the license is restored.

That's what the primary and are you helpful for me at least.

When relationships become the end-all-be-all in friendships become the end-all be-all become the end and not just the means we worship that as an idol. And so what we do is we begin to to worship other Idols as well and then our relationships full round them instead of round. Here's what I mean by that you have certain relational drifts in and who you are and how you relate to other people. Let me see if I can explain this on the one hand. We live on this Continuum. We want to be isolated and protected from the harm and mess of relationships. And at the same time we have this desire for healthy relationships. And so on the one end of the Continuum is like this idea or this feeling like I just I want to be safe. You know what? I've had some relationships that are hard that have hurt me and so in wanting to be safe, what do I do? I run from relationship or I put up a wall and I push people back and then all you can get this close, but not any closer. We isolate ourselves Proverbs 18 verse 1 says that the person who isolates himself has a fool and it's only to their own destruction.

On the other end of the spectrum to The Other Extreme we can do relationships wrongly to wear rather than relationships are the total problem all the time. That's why I cannot I need you in order to live. And we immerse ourselves in relationships in an unhealthy way. Just do the two that we can isolate ourselves to our own detriment on the other hand. We can immerse ourselves into a relationship to our detriment. It reminds me of the quote. You know, there's there's nothing friendlier than a wet dog. I thought when we have issues like Bob on What About Bob? Play gimme gimme gimme I need I need I need and we just we immerse ourselves into those relationships now. We all have a drift. Those are the two extremes. I would contend every one of your relationships every one of your friendships kind of drips one way or the other and chances are. That the bulk of any issues you have in a relationship or kind of bunched up on toward one side or the other people. Who do you harm? On the other hand. There are times. You need to move toward relationship with people and it's a good thing to be around people and God put them in your life to bring healing and restoration to you. The problem is the extremes and the extremes go like this on the one side. You have Independence where it's all me pull myself up by my bootstraps. I don't need you. I don't need anybody. I'm just going to stay here and do my thing when you find yourself in that spot. It's incredibly unhealthy and all of your relationships begin to be unhealthy. On the other side is not Independence. Running from people but it's co-dependents running to people like I'm so dependent on everybody and you're in both cases people are in relationships are made to be the problem and really what's the problem. Its internal it's my sin and my inability to relate to people the way God desired and if I find myself on this side which by the way for me personally? My pool my drift is completely this way. The different times in my life that's been the other way but 5 5 6 years. It's been this way and by God's grace. He's shown me some of that and I'm trying to work out of that but undecided it's like you're so you need to hear you need to be less fearful. If this is you you need to be less fearful. I need to be less fearful at times of being known and being in relationship and friendship on the flip side of this. Is you over here. And you're running to relationship and codependent. You need to be more realistic.

I just people aren't going to do everything for you Jesus's. Who's the best?

The problem is internal because we make relationships the and we dark to one side or the other but if there's a means we we go up towards Jesus.

And there's a battle internally between what I want. And what God wants you to experience that? Like I I know God wants me to be in a healthy relationship with people in the end of a draw me towards him. But but I want to be safe or I want. Had to be with people and in both cases by the way, both cases. The problem is again to Becca Lewis, you know that our desires aren't too strong but two weeks we're seeing people and relationships bigger than God. God has become small and people have become big when in reality. Has to be big and people and relationships made small. God Made You for friends in for friendship and it's a mess. That's worth making.

The problem in that messiness is internal. James says it like this Jesus little brother. He writes what causes quarrels what causes fights among you, isn't it? This that your passions are at War within you. Turn on the one hand you want what you want on the other hand you want what God wants Paul talks about this on the end of Romans or end of middle of Roman to seize the end of Romans 7.

That what I want to do, I don't do.

What I do do is what I don't want to do and there's this there's this war within me and friends including this need and desire for relationship and friendship. God created you for friendship.

But I think it might be worth taking a little bit of time to do move quickly on the screen as well. So and I'm going to actually read from the new international Readers version, which is just a very readable translation of Scripture A lot of times I use it with our kids and our kids ministry.

You know, you're internally I'm worn with what I feel and what I see and what I want for relationships and I think infusions for we get a glimpse of God's intention for relationships and friendships to make us more like Jesus. Infusions are the first three chapters are all about who God created you to be in in the last three chapters are all what he tells you to do. So here's how he's telling us how to live and his people He writes this because I'm a I'm a prisoner because of the Lord. So I'm asking you to live a life worthy of what God chose you for.

Don't be proud at all be completely gentle be patient put up with one another in love the holy spirit makes you one in every way. So try your best to remain as one. What piece keep used together? Is there a 3rd verse 3 look Holy Spirit make you want to maintain your translation. If you have open the ESV or something like that might say maintain the unity of the spirit. A relationship that's something that we should take for granted where did maintain the peace we have with each other through Jesus? To maintain it. Your Christian you're automatically in relationship with other Christians. And you're United for them because you're United the Christ.

Stifel to make every effort try your best and its translation to remain as one make every effort Paul isn't naive that the unity of a relationship is hard work. Corporately is a church and individually with one another would you agree? It's not easy. It's hard work.

That's why you need the spirit.

Have you ever noticed how unsatisfying or distasteful relationship can be when it becomes hard work?

That's it. That's a red flag for you and for me to go. Okay, then my idle is Comfort right there. I'm not really loving people.

Paul says the holy spirit makes you one in every way. So try your best to make every effort to remain at peace to remain as one let peace keep you together.

In the u.s. Visa be humble gentle patient for bearing in love de Paul the police with his character traits that are the opposite of often Drive our relationships.

Eagles on verse 4. There's there's one body. There's one Spirit you were appointed to oneok when you were chosen. There's one Lord. There's one Faith one baptism. There's one God and Father of all he's over everything. You notice a word repeated in there. 1 Paws desire is for us to have unity in a relationship with one another. For you to have unity in your relationship with other people, but if if your relationship is the idle and not you're not worshiping the Lord if it's an end rather than a means it's never going to happen.

He's over. Everything is through everything. He's in everything. Cleaver 7 will keep moving here. But to each one of us. He's received each was human but each one of us has received the gift of Grace just as Christ wanted us to have it. That's why the scripture says when he went up to his place on high you let a line of prisoners he gave gifts to people.

What does he went up mean? It can only mean that he also came down to the lower Earthly places. The one who came down is the same as the one who went up top higher than all the heavens. He did it in order to fulfill in order to feel so all of creation. He's the one who gave some of the gift of the Apostles he gave the gift to be prophets. He gave some the gift of preaching the Good News to get some the gift to be pastors and teachers.

In other words pause thing that in your Unity. There's also going to be diversity. You're not Unity isn't everybody being the same Unity is everybody being who God created you to be

that there would be Unity among all of you were going to be starting a series in February called we're going to look at Jeremiah and his life and God's design for him and how God created him for a specific purpose. He designed him in a unique way. He talking about that for all of us Unity isn't everybody being the same but it's it's diversity and that's not an obstacle. But it's it's God's means toward the end why so that the body would be built up. Said we would all go together. So it all grow into who God created us to be the end relationship is God's means toward that end. Because I'm over 17 years and I'm telling you I'm speaking for the Lord as I warned you. You must no longer live like those who aren't you as their thoughts don't have any purpose they can't understand truth. They're separated from the wife of God. That's because they don't know him and they don't know him. They don't know Jesus because their hearts are stubborn. They lost all feeling for what is right. They've given themselves over to the evil pleasures of their bodies. They take part in every kind of unclean that they always longed for more, but that's not what you have learned about Christ. I'm sure you've heard of him. I'm sure you were taught by him. What you learned was the truth about Jesus you were taught not to live the way you used to you must get rid of your old way of life. That's because it's polluted by longing for things that lead you down the wrong time. You were taught to be made new in your thinking you were taught to start living a new life. It is created to be truly good and holy just as God is so each of you must get rid of your lying speak the truth to your neighbor. We're all parts of one body scripture says when you're angry don't send don't let the sun go down while you're still angry. Don't don't give the devil a chance. Don't you been stealing this never steal again? Instead? They must work. They must do something useful with their own hands. Then they'll have something to give to people in need. Don't let any evil talk come out of your mouth. Say only what will help to build others up and meet their needs then what you say will help those who listen to get rid of hard feelings anger and rage stop all fighting and lying put away every form of hatred be kind and tender to one another forgiving each other just as God forgave you because of what Christ has done.

Paul lays out what relationships would look like according to God's rules. the identifies the Tendencies of our heart to send funeral in our sinfulness that internal struggle are Tendencies toward Self Indulgence at towards what I want not what would be best for someone else. It's poured defeat manipulating other people to get what I want out of a relationship towards anger. I want to control a relationship in a friendship towards my end for selfishness to protect what I have rather than offer it to you.

Cuz I'm helpful communication using my speech rather than using my speech to make you feel better and grow and your relationship with the Lord.

Friends are all tempted by some of these Tendencies MM Paul lays out there for the more time. We done pack more of that, but we will a little bit next week probably is out of what that looks like then to have those healthy relationships, but listen to relationships are messy and it's because of the internal struggle within you and the only way for that to be made right is in Jesus Christ, and after that's made right in some of those things Paul talked about the house a true relationship and friendship, which will talk about next week.

Begin to come out because we're tempted to make relationships either less or more than they should be.

We have that battle within us.

See the problem is internal, but the Cure is external. Party said it but the cure for your failed relationships isn't at some self-help book giving you all the tips and tricks of how to be a annoying a better friendship or better relationship to be helpful to a degree. But if you really want things to be healthy. Listen, your cure is external. It's not digging deeper internally into the mess. It's turning to Jesus Christ. You would come and make you knew and make you clean and give you the ability to have healthy relationships.

Cuz you can't change a relationship without changing yourself in the only one who can change you is Jesus.

You know it some point. Maybe you've wondered a little bit are our healthy relationships are friendships. Are they worth it? Never had a friendship a relationship or somebody in your life like that and go is it worth it? I don't know if this is worth it. Something part of the church anymore is worth it.

never felt that I'm telling you it is worth it. It is and it's scripture offers a clear. Hope. You might leave the Press right if we just stop there. But yeah, your Alexis are all messed up and it's all your fault.

Tell Me Something I Don't Know

But the truth, is this the scripture offers clear. Hope for your relationships. it if the challenges healthy friendships and healthy relationships leaves you discouraged the Bible's incredibly honest about the fact that it is hard and also about the fact That the god entered in the relationship with you to reconcile not only a relationship with him, but with others. The shattered relationship between the father Son and Holy Spirit at the cross really provides the basis for our reconciliation. No one else suffered more in a relationship than than God himself did when Jesus was on the cross and he says my God my God. Why have you forsaken me? The worst of the worst that you've experienced relationally. I'm telling you that in that moment of Separation when Jesus was on the cross. God experienced it to a greater degree, and he knows and he cares and the offers a solution to Jesus is willing to be the rejected son so that our families with no reconciliation. He was willing to become the Forsaken friends so that we could have loving friendships. He was willing to be the rejected Lord so that we could live in submission to one another the Forsaken brother so that we could have Godly relationships to be the crucified King so that we could have peace.

He reconciled us to God and that's the foundation for reconciling us the one another. if you wonder why bother it's because God dead.

I'm friends with you as you put your faith and hope and trust in Jesus Christ. That's the starting point. Getting his word look more fully in the face of the Jesus is get to know him. Let his Spirit change you and reconcile your relationship with him and I'm telling you in that first one first things first is Louis said the secondary things are secondary relationships are diminished, but they're actually increased. And you'll begin to say healing in your friendships and relationships. That's all you want you to get into a life group. Because in a wife group you spend time in a relationship with one another learning to do life learning to laugh with one another love with one another cry with one another and you learn to be first because your entire Unity together as a group is based not on just being friends and hanging out and being pals, but I'm getting to know Jesus it's the means to the end not the end in and of itself. Disconnected trust Jesus get connected. Let me pray. We're going to stay and call the morning Father. Thanks for Jesus. Thanks for your grace to us and Lortab. I pray for each one here for myself to order our friendships or relationships are messy because we're messy. But with crazy and thank you that Jesus you came and lived the life. We couldn't you died in our place on the cross in order to reconcile as first God to you and secondarily then to one another. But you gave us friendship and relationship so that we could have better be who you created us to be. And while I send message it up you fix it in Jesus a help us to trust you to love you to know you. I pray you would restore friendship and relationship in each of our lives. But as you draw us to be more and more like you and closer to you soon, Jesus name we pray.