Becoming One Flesh

Toby DeHay

Brownsville Valentine's Day Dinner • Sermon • Submitted 4 years ago

Genesis 2:4–25

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Gen 2:

Genesis 2:21–24 NKJV

21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Becoming One Flesh

Obvious Observation #1: Leaving

In leaving our parents, we have entered into a covenant with God. A bond that He creates and strengthens.

Consider the strength of the bond of marriage:

The bonds are stronger than those one would have with their parents who bore and raised them.

Strength from the Lord: Jesus Himself affirms marriage. When asked about divorce in , Jesus made clear God’s intentions:

Matthew 19:3–6 NKJV

3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” 4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Matt 19:

2. Strength from the early church and The Apostle Paul: He echoes the Lord’s command in .

Ephesians 5:31–33 NKJV

31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Obvious Observation #2: Joining

The ESV says “hold fast” the NIV says “united” and the KJV says “cleave.”

The Hebrew word implies more than a “merger” of two people who bring two separate lives together, but two who now become one together.

Biblical Result: Becoming One Flesh

“One flesh”

The immediate, most obvious, and intended meaning with the phrase “one flesh” is an intimate, consummate union between a man and woman.

Notice in verse 25

Genesis 2:25 NKJV

25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Both were naked. This word is the Hebrew “arom,” which means to “expose, or reveal, or naked.” This defines their innocence.

Notice with me the following verse in .

Genesis 3:1 NKJV

1 Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?”

The word for “cunning or crafty” is “arum.” This word being tied to the serpent as being evil.

Notice the wordplay the writer of Genesis uses here with Arom (innocence) and Arum (craftiness-evil).

See how these parallel words create a contrast of innocence to shame?

Follow this line of thought a little more...

The word for nakedness in 2:25 and 3:7 have different meanings

Genesis 3:7 NKJV

7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.

See the positive and negative? Innocence and adulteration?

This word for naked is rarely used in the OT.

A very notable place it is used is in and I’ll show you another contrast.

Deuteronomy 28:48 NKJV

48 therefore you shall serve your enemies, whom the Lord will send against you, in hunger, in thirst, in nakedness, and in need of everything; and He will put a yoke of iron on your neck until He has destroyed you.

is a chapter that shares the curses for disobedience for the people of Israel.

“If you break my covenant, here’s what’s coming.”

Contrast this with the Great Commission in

Matthew 28:18–20 NKJV

18 And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.

Matt 28:This comes from a section of verses that

In Deut. the enemies will come to you to destroy you due to your sin; bringing slavery.

In Matt., the disciples will go out to those who are enemies of God to bring Good News of freedom and redemption.

God created marriage on purpose as “good” between one man and one woman.

In so many ways we have distorted what was created as “good” toward evil.

This evening, Christy and I want to do an open dialogue with you regarding the idea and actions of being/becoming “one flesh” together. Some ways we actively work under the headship of Christ to honor one another and Him through our marriage.

Don’t worry, we

No worries tonight about us sharing or talking about anything inappropriate.

We would like to dialogue with one another regarding our marriage within the context of “one flesh.”

We would like you to have the opportunity to ask us questions.

You will take a few minutes to answer a few questions on the sheet provided and interact a little as a group.

Christy:

There needs to be a basis of love and respect for one another. Every team needs a leader.

Ephesians 5:33 NKJV

33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Ephesians 5:23 NKJV

23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.

What an unhealthy headship looks like: Toby

Identify you and your spouse’s strengths and weaknesses. These may be different than ours.

Identify you and your spouse’s strengths and weaknesses.

Take into consideration that different life stages bring varying challenges. You’ll need to work together to actively learn how to adjust.

Being careful to not compare your spouse to someone else, or comparing them to the ideal spouse in your mind.

Work together in the best way to accomplish what God is asking you as a couple to do.

Submission part: Christy

What an unhealthy headship looks like: Toby

Toby:

How to work together in the best way to accomplish what God is asking you as a couple to do.

Let’s use the following format for tonight so that we behave ourselves and not abuse our time with you:

Christy and I will openly dialogue for a few minutes regarding each of the topics she mentioned a minute ago.

You’ll get to hear from both of us as we go.

You’ll also get some time to ask some clarifying questions about what we’ve said, OR maybe something completely different.

Please keep in mind that neither of us are or would like to be licensed marriage counselors.

You may currently have a situation that might best be dealt with in a counseling session with your pastor. Please be sensitive to this.

We want you to actively participate a little bit through a short activity.

Please write YOUR weaknesses and your SPOUSE’S strengths.

Briefly discuss these together and ask yourselves, “what is one way we can utilize these to compliment one another?”

Love and Respect

If you were in attendance last year, you heard me speak to this a little bit.

Submission part: Christy

Christy, what does this look like

What an unhealthy headship looks like: Toby

Christy, briefly, what does this look like at our home.

Strengths and Weaknesses

We both have strengths and weaknesses we bring into our marriage:

These include spiritual, physical, emotional, and others.

When we were first married, I think we would both agree that she was the stronger one spiritually, and perhaps emotionally.

Life Stages Bring Changes

Christy: our early life prior to Bible college.

Toby: life from Bible college through seminary.

Christy: post-seminary through White Plains

Toby: Our current situation

Dangers in Spousal Comparisons/Idealizing

Dangers in spousal comparisons

What is idealizing? Look back on the years you spent courting or dating. Maybe your first 6 months of marriage. This was the time when you naturally idealized your spouse.

Friends, people in their 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s can do this as well.

The major problem with idealizing is that we may be placing our spouse in a position above Christ AND in one that allows for a huge disappointment for the idealizer and a huge fall for the idealized.

Frankensteining your spouse: When we piece together all the different attributes from others toward our spouse we are:

devaluing them as our spouse

devaluing their worth as a child of God

projecting inappropriate and often unrealistic characteristics or behaviors.

Working Together

Christy, why do we work together and how does this play out in our lives?

You’ll receive some paper and a pen.

Please write YOUR weaknesses and your SPOUSE’S strengths.

Briefly discuss these together and ask yourselves, “what is one way we can utilize these to compliment one another?”