Dealing with Loneliness
Notes
Transcript
Dealing with Loneliness
“I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.”
Outline
Introduction
I. Loneliness Is a Common Fact
A. Loneliness Is Caused by Rejection
B. Loneliness Is Caused by Insecurity
C. Loneliness Is Caused by Sorrow
D. Loneliness Is Caused by Selfishness
E. Loneliness Can be Built In
II. Loneliness Is a Crippling Force
III. Loneliness May be a Defeated Foe
A. Jesus Knows How You Feel
B. Jesus Meets Your Needs
C. Jesus Understands You
D. Jesus wants You
E. Jesus Is Always There
Conclusion
Introduction
I want you to pretend that you’re a counselor, a psychologist.
I want you to tell me what the problem is and what the person is feeling who wrote these words: “I am like a pelican of the wilderness: I am like an owl of the desert. I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.” Psalms 102:6–7 What’s there problem?
The problem is loneliness: like a pelican in the wilderness, an owl in the desert, and a sparrow alone on the rooftop.
Can you imagine how insignificant a sparrow would feel, if a sparrow could think, and didn’t know what we know: that God feeds the sparrow, and not a sparrow falls but what He knows about it? (Matthew 10:29)
So small; so unnoticed; an owl alone in the desert—but who gives a hoot?
A sparrow on the rooftop—but who knows? Who cares? An insignificant little bird—nobody even can see him all alone.
I want to talk to you today about “Dealing with Loneliness.”
I. Loneliness Is a Common Fact
And I want to say first of all—listen to me—that loneliness is a common fact.
Paul Tournier, the noted Swiss psychiatrist, said this: “Loneliness is the most devastating malady of this age.”
And the great playwright Thomas Wolfe said, “Don’t think of loneliness as some curious abstraction. Don’t
think of loneliness as some rare phenomenon.”
Thomas Wolfe said, “Loneliness”—listen to it—“is the central and inevitable fact of human existence.”
That is, we all have it; and it’s coming; and we can’t stop it. It’s “central and inevitable.”
dont just think its the widow alone in her cottage or in her apartment that is lonely.
The rich and the famous are lonely.
I was reading of a former United States President, and he talked about the loneliness of the presidency.
What is loneliness, anyway?
Let me tell you what it is not.
Loneliness is not isolation;
loneliness is not solitude.
Solitude is good.
We need some solitude.
We need to get alone.
You can be alone without being lonely.
And if you’re one of these people who can’t be alone, you’ve got a problem.
Jesus would often withdraw Himself to the wilderness and get alone.
Do you know the people who don’t like to be alone?
Those people who don’t like to look God in the face and who don’t like to look themselves in the face.
That’s the reason why everybody’s got ear buds,
they don’t want to get alone;
they don’t want to have to think,
and they don’t want to have to face God.
But Jesus withdrew Himself to pray, to be alone.
I come to the garden alone
While the dew is still on the roses
And the voice I hear falling on my ear
The Son of God discloses.
—C. Austin Miles
Again
Loneliness is not solitude.
You can be alone without being lonely.
I’ll tell you something else about loneliness:
There’s a difference between being lonely and being lonesome.
You can be lonesome without being lonely.
When you’re lonesome,
you’re just away from home and friends,
and you just want to get back.
Deployments away from Emily
Now, let me tell you something else,
You can be lonely in a crowd.
As a matter of fact,
the bigger the crowd, so many times,
the more lonely we are.
Do you know what Thoreau said? Thoreau said,
“A city is a place where hundreds of people are lonely together.”
As a matter of fact, sometimes the crowds only enhance the loneliness.
People who are lonely look at other people who seem to be so happy;
they look at people who seem to have friends, fellowship, and families;
and they’re alone.
They sit in a restaurant and look across the restaurant at those other people.
They walk the streets, and they look at those other people.
They pass those homes and think about the people in those other homes.
That’s the reason the single bars and Apps other things thrive as they do.
It is but a way of saying that people are lonely,
and they’re looking for someone to recognize them.
They feel like a pelican in the wilderness;
they feel like an owl in the desert,
and like a sparrow on a rooftop.
What is loneliness?
Loneliness is not isolation; it is insulation.
It is feeling cut off.
It is feeling unnoticed, unloved, uncared for, unneeded, and maybe even unnecessary.
That’s loneliness.
Everyone has three basic psychological and spiritual needs.
Number one: Everybody needs someone to love and to share intimately with.
Number two: As a result of that, they need someone who can understand, to know how they feel; somebody who says, “Yes, I understand; I care.”
Number three: Everybody needs to be needed and wanted.
If you don’t have somebody to love, somebody to share intimately with,
somebody who understands,
somebody who cares, somebody who really needs you,
somebody who really wants you,
I don’t care how many people are around you;
I don’t care how much money you have;
I don’t care what position you occupy.
you are lonely.
What are the causes of this loneliness?
A. Loneliness Is Caused by Rejection
One of the causes is this feeling of rejection that so many people have.
So many people have tried to have friends—and they’ve been rejected.
They have been burned, spurned ignored; they’ve been put down;
and their emotions are burned out.
They have a deep inner wound;
and it hasn’t healed, and they don’t have what it takes to try it again.
They’re just not going to do it.
They’re not going to expose themselves to more hurt.
B. Loneliness Is Caused by Insecurity
And then, there are people very closely akin to this, but not exactly the same:
not people who have necessarily been rejected,
but there are people who just have a basic sense of insecurity.
They don’t have any sense of self-worth.
They don’t really see themselves as worthy of being accepted.
They don’t see themselves as worthy of having a friend.
They have never ever really accepted themselves;
and therefore they really don’t believe that anybody else can accept them.
And so, rather than building bridges, subconsciously they build walls and they close themselves in.
C. Loneliness Is Caused by Sorrow
A third reason that some people are lonely.
And it’s of no fault of their own, really;
but because they’ve gone through deep sorrow, deep tragedy, deep loss,
they lose their sense of perspective.
They feel like nobody really cares, nobody really understands and nothing really makes sense to them.
Job said in the seventh chapter of Job, “Let me alone; for my days are vanity” (Job 7:16)—nothing really makes sense.
D. Loneliness Is Caused by Selfishness
I’ll tell you another reason for loneliness—and that’s selfishness.
Now you can’t control the sorrow that comes; but selfishness, perhaps, you can.
You see, there are a lot of people who just are lonely because of their own fault.
They are just self-centered.
They are wrapped up in their lives.
Somebody said,
“There is no life so empty as a self-centered life, and there’s no life so centered as a self-empty life.”
II. Loneliness Is a Crippling Force
Not only is loneliness a common fact, but loneliness is a crippling force.
Do you know why a lot of people are alcoholics? Loneliness.
Do you know why a lot of people overeat? Loneliness.
Do you know why a lot of people can’t eat? Loneliness.
Do you know why a lot of people can’t sleep? Loneliness.
Do you know why a lot of people oversleep? Loneliness.
Do you know why people can’t concentrate? Loneliness.
They are like a pelican in the wilderness, like an owl in the desert, and like a sparrow on the rooftop.
God said that it is not good that the man should be alone? (Genesis 2:18)
It is a destructive force.
III. Loneliness May be a Defeated Foe
I want to get to the good part:
Loneliness may be a defeated foe.
Let me tell you why.
Let me tell you what the answer to loneliness is.
No, I take that back. Let me tell you
Who the answer to loneliness is
Jesus!
Are you listening to me?
Jesus alone is the answer to loneliness.
And I’ll tell you why.
In the first place, Jesus understands your loneliness.
He knows what it is to be lonely.
Did you know that Psalm 102, that I quoted from to begin with, is really a Messianic song?
Do you know what we mean by “Messianic song”? That means it’s a prophecy of Jesus.
These are the words, and these are the feelings; this is the experience of the Lord Jesus.
Was Jesus lonely?
You read Isaiah chapter 53:3: “He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows.”
John 1:11: “He came unto his own, and his own received him not.”
He lived a life of loneliness.
When He died upon the cross,
He was suspended between heaven and earth.
And because He had taken the sin of the world upon Himself, even God His Father in Holy righteousness could not look upon Him, because the
Bible says that
“God the Father, He is of purer eyes than to behold iniquity.” (Habakkuk 1:13)
And the rabble and the crowd taunted Him.
His disciples forsook Him.
And Jesus died alone.
“My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46)
When David died, David could say, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me.” (Psalms 23:4)
But I want to tell you that Jesus walked that lonesome valley all by Himself.
He died alone.
Nobody ever really understood the heart of Jesus.
Even when He was facing the cross,
He could not make His disciples understand.
He was like a sparrow on the rooftop alone.
He suffered.
Now, what does that mean to me?
What does that mean to you?
A. Jesus Knows How You Feel
He knows how you feel.
The Bible says in Hebrews chapter 4, “For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.” (Hebrews 4:15)
It’s okay to be lonely.
You haven’t sinned.
Loneliness is not a sin.
It may come out of your sin, but it may not. And it’s not a sin. Jesus was lonely.
B. Jesus Meets Your Needs
Jesus knows how you feel.
He alone meets those needs that you have.
Do you remember what I said?
You have three basic needs.
1. You have a need for someone to love and to share intimately with.
a. That’s Jesus! You may not; but I need somebody real. That’s your problem right there, folks. He is real!
“Well, I need somebody here now.”
He is here now!
Jesus said, “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” (Hebrews 13:5) “Henceforth I call you not servants … but I have called you friends.” (John 15:15)
C. Jesus Understands You
We all need somebody who understands us.
He does.
He knows what I feel;
“Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising” (Psalms 139:2)
1st Peter 5:7 says, “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)
“and thy going out, and thy coming in.” (2 Kings 19:27)
“But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.” (Matthew 10:30)
He knows.
He cares.
And He understands.
D. Jesus wants You
I’m His body.
I’m His hands, His eyes, and His mouth.
Do you remember Zacchaeus?
The little guy who was the tax collector—lonely, despised, rejected, shut off by himself?
But he heard of Jesus, and some strange stirrings went on his heart.
And he ran ahead and climbed up into a sycamore tree.
He thought maybe he’d just catch a glimpse of Jesus Christ.
And Jesus came along and looked up in that sycamore tree and said,
“Zacchaeus!” (Luke 19:5)
Jesus called him right by his name.
Do you know what I think he must have thought?
“He knows me! He called me by my name!”
The Model Prayer begins, “Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.” (Matthew 6:9) A little girl misquoted it, and she said, “Our Father, which art in heaven; how does He know my name?”
He, the very God in heaven, knows your name. Zacchaeus says, “He knows me.” But then Jesus said, “Zacchaeus … come down.” Zacchaeus said, “He wants me!” And then He said to Zacchaeus, “I must abide at thy house.” (Luke 19:5) And He wants me.
every one of you sitting out there,
He knows you,
He wants you,
and He wants you.
E. Jesus Is Always There
Not only does He understand how you feel;
not only does He meet your need for a friend;
but I’ll tell you something else
He’s always there.
He’s “a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24)
You may be alone, but never truly alone.
In Romans chapter 8, verses 38 and 39,
the Apostle Paul said,
“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38–39)
He is always there.
Conclusion
If no one else understands,
He does.
if everybody else fails you,
He will not.
And when you get to the bottom of it Jesus alone is the answer to loneliness.