Christian Home: Conflict resolution
Notes
Transcript
Handout
Handout
A series concludes
A series concludes
What a journey we have been on. looking at the inner workings of the parts of a Christian home, a Christian family. I do not think you will think it is surprise that the Christian family, the Christian home is a struggling institution these days. Tonight we are going to conclude the series with some biblical suggestions, applications surrounding conflict and conflict resolution.
(Conflict resolution picture inserted here)
Christian family a struggling, strained entity
Husband and wives not knowing or fulfilling their God directed duties and accepting responsibilities
Parents and children frequently at odds with one another
Divorce on the rise within the Christian households and the problems that creates
Dysfunctional relationships within the family because of not knowing place, duties and responsibilities within the family unit.
Conflicts, turmoil within the family can be resolved, when we understand the reason for many of the conflicts and when we are ready to take on simple actions to solve the conflict.
Some reasons for conflict
Some reasons for conflict
While this topic maybe uncomfortable, conflict rarely is comfortable. It is necessary for the family to identify potential or evident conflict areas so they can be properly address using biblical principles.
(Family conflict picture inserted here)
Question: What are some common, or potential reasons for conflict within the family?
Potential causes for conflict
Money, bills, financial matters
Easy target money, finances, bills, spending habits
Maybe even allowances or no allowances
What about benevolence?
Children, parenting, discipline
Discipline, hands on, hands off, etc.
Parenting styles may not line up
Children care, who is responsible, lack of team effort
Spiritual issues, especially is mom and dad are not of the same faith. Then enforce going to church, allow the child to choose
Educational choices and grades!
Sex, intimacy
Frequency, timing, fidelity, attentiveness or lack thereof
Intimacy, too much, too little, intimacy lost
Sex education of the children in the midst of a sex crazed world
Chores, personal responsibilities
Many a conflict can occur when there is no understanding and accepting personal responsibility for chores.
Teens, even some children you have to fight with them just to do any.
Friends, relationships outside of the family.
Who are acceptable people for the children to have as friends. How do you handle acceptable, unacceptable friends.
Who are acceptable for spouse to have as friends
Entertainment, spare-time, vacations
What is acceptable entertainment in the family, for the family, for adults, for children.
what do we do with spare time, together, couple, alone.
Vacations, different interests, different desires can lead to issues when it comes to vacations some families take personal vacations, and that can be an issue too.
Religion, spiritual upbringing
What shall we believe. How shall we spiritually raise the children, who is going to spiritually raise the children?
Different religions within the family can raise conflicts
Relatives, in-laws, etc.
In-laws, siblings, adult children, grandkids, step children, step parents can all create stress and drama (conflict) within the family.
Time, how much time, energy, input do we allow those outside the nuclear family to have or not have.
The white elephant of expectations, spoken and unspoken.
No one likes to talk about these things for they are a great way to start conflicts.
We all have expectations coming into a marriage about marriage about child rearing, etc.
Unspoken expectations can lead to conflict and unfilled expectations are a major source of conflict in marriages and in families.
Personalities, habits, history
Each of us come into marriage with our personality that comes from our upbringing etc,
Habits, some may not be displayed or understood until after marriage
Each of us has history, experiences we have had prior to marriage, or even what was done with child 1 vs. what is done with child 4.
Question: Can you think of other things that can be added to this list?
(Transition): I think we can agree the list is not exhaustive, but gives us some illustrations of things that bring, can bring conflict within the family. I know we have spent some considerable time identifying potential problems, or conflict areas and not any scripture, so now we need to turn to God’s solution to resolving family conflict.
Conflict resolution
Conflict resolution
With so many potential ways for conflict within the family we need God’s way of handling conflict
Agree on religion, spiritual things (Mk12:29; Rom8:31)
What you believe regarding religion, spiritual things impacts all areas of family life, including Money, children, friends, and everything else we mentioned already.
29 Jesus answered, “The foremost is, ‘Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord;
When there is an agreement on religion, that the Lord is God and there is no other, it makes things easier to deal with because Christ is the center.
Another good one to remember
31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?
God created family, God is for family, may we all remember that God is on our side!
(Transition) We are to be Christians, we need to remember that and act like that, behave like that, one of the ways for us to know is to grow, to add to grace give to other graces that we can grow in.
Grow in grace with and toward one another (2Pt1:5-8; Gal5:22-23)
As we look at these verses, look at the graces.
5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness,
Question: what graces do you see in (vv.5-6)?
With all diligence add to your faith, virtue, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness.
7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Question: in (vv.7-8) what graces do you see? What are the results if added?
Add brotherly kindness, love.
You will not be barren nor unfruitful in knowledge
Knowledge brings wisdom, wisdom is knowledge and understand put into application. So when it comes to conflict resolution and these graces are applied it helps have tools for resolution.
(Transition) Speaking of not being unfruitful I have to add in this
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
It the Spirits fruit is the in members of the family, then these things will be evident and makes conflict resolution more manageable with God, Jesus and His Spirit in the middle of it.
Treat one anther as brethren (Eph4:1-2; Php2:3-4; 1Pt3:7-12)
1 Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love,
Question: How are we to walk according to Eph4:1-2?
Walk in a worthy manner, with humility, gentleness, patience and showing tolerance for one another in love.
And if that is not enough, add to this
3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
Look out for one another, regard one another, so in other words have agape love, wanting the best for one another! Now do you think that will lead to conflict resolution if you have that mindset?
Let’s look at one more passage for this, in fact turn in your bibles to 1Pt3:7-12. Then let me read it and see what we can pull from these verses.
7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. 8 To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit;
9 not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. 10 For, “The one who desires life, to love and see good days, Must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.
11 “He must turn away from evil and do good; He must seek peace and pursue it. 12 “For the eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous, And His ears attend to their prayer, But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”
Understanding, honor (v.7)
Harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, humble (v.8)
Don’t repay evil with evil, be a blessing (v.9)
There is a key we need to get from (v.11) - seek peace and pursue it.
Love your family as you would your enemies and your neighbor (Mt5:38-42, 43-48; Mk12:31)
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 “But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.
40 “If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. 41 “Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two.
42 “Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.
When it comes to conflict resolution be willing to go the extra mile!
Now to continue with that passage
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 “For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?
47 “If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? 48 “Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
There is it love your neighbors and your enemies as yourself
Question: So, in your words, in your ways, what does this look like, loving your neighbor and your enemy?
Remember it takes two fight, don’t be an instigator (Pro15:1)
1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.
Don’t let your anger get the best of you, put it away (Eph4:29-31; Jam1:19-20; Col3:8)
I think we can agree that conflicts starts with words and with actions. To resolve conflict, or to prevent in the first place be sure to not let anger get the best of you.
29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. 30 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
Don’t let unwholesome words come out, replace those with good words for edification.
Don’t let bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor or slander be found in you, nor malice, put those things away.
19 This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.
We slow to speak, slow to anger by listening more!
8 But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.
Abusive speech, let it have no part of you, nor come out of your mouth!
(Transition) Proper conduct, good words will more likely to others to do the same.
(insert invitation slide here- the gospel)
So, as we finish out this series, let’s finish off this message with the gospel, for when we know, believe and obey the gospel, and make that the center it helps us to be united and helps us to be able to work through conflicts, here tonight focused on the family, but this series has been about the Christian home, so the Christian family.
expand and give the gospel. (invitation song) (Prayer)