A Reprieve From Hell
Notes
Transcript
A Reprieve from Hell – Matthew 2:1-19
Historical Introduction
Woooo, hotttt! Man, am I glad to get out of there even if it is to do this! For 2020-something years I have been in that place of torment that you call Hell. I would do anything to have even a brief moment away from the endless death without death. Being here today to tell you about the events surrounding what you call Christmas, as sickening as it may be, is worth a temporary reprieve.
I am King Herod the Great! Don’t forget “The Great” part, because I did a lot of great things in my day. I became the governor of Judea at 25 years-old, 25 years-old! I was not so great of a leader then. I lost my kingdom pretty quickly. However, I schemed, fought, and lobbied for it back over the next ten years. But I got it back! Had to execute 45 of the top leaders in Jerusalem and confiscate all their possessions so I would have enough money and authority to regain it, but I regained it! I had to hob nob with the big boys (and girls): Cleopatra, Mark Antony, and Octavian, whom you all know as Augustus Caesar. I had to carry out a couple of wars, but I did it. I had to do a lot of things that I can’t mention among mixed company and children. I had to marry a bunch of wives to secure political alliances. So, at 35, I was declared the King of Judea.
Family Issues
Speaking of wives…I had to do things that pacified the Jews, because I wasn’t fully Jewish, but I was half-Jewish. However, that was not good enough for the conservatives. So, I found a woman who was a Hasmonaean (part of the group of nationalist Jews), ditched my first wife, and married her. Her name was Mariamne. She was the favorite of my ten wives. I actually loved her…but, she came with a mother! In-laws, outlaws, they say when you marry a wife, you marry her whole family. Maybe I should have thought that one through a little longer. It did solidify my claim to the throne a little better, since I had just seized the throne back from Antigonus, who was a “real” Jew. Mariamne’s mother would make my life extremely difficult over the next few years.
Alexandra was her name. Urrggghhh, the name still infuriates me 2000 years later. She started stuff about making her son, my new 17-yr-old brother-in-law, Aristobulus, the high priest in Jerusalem. When I ignored her suggestion of making one of the dumbest political moves in history, she began to write to Cleopatra, Mark Antony’s girlfriend, who was Caesar’s buddy, to put pressure on me to do it. I finally got tired of hearing incessantly about it from every side, and installed him. I had to make the Jews angry by removing the current high priest, which by their religion, kings can’t do. Kings can’t do!? Oh well, I am the king, I (emphasize “I”) make the rules. And if you don’t like it, I’ll just kill you.
Speaking of Aristobulus and killing people, he had an unfortunate accident while swimming in a pool at my winter palace in Jericho. Alexandra never believed the report of this “accident,” and accused me of murder. After some slick bribery, that was swept under the rug, and I put Alexandra under the jail. She wouldn’t do that to me again! And after a few months in the slammer, she was willing to help me in the trial of her own daughter for a chance of release. You see, I suspected that Mariamne had been unfaithful, and I would not stand for that. I told my mother-in-law what to say, and we convicted her of her adultery, and I executed her. She was dear to me at some point, probably the closest I ever came to loving another person. I was brokenhearted about her death for about 3.5 hours. I was the king. I made the rules. If you didn’t like them, I would kill you.
Then after my kindness to Alexandra, she accused me publicly of insanity for killing my wife, and declared herself queen!!! She said that in my state, I was unfit to rule! BIG MISTAKE! I was the king, I made the rules, and if you didn’t like them, I would kill you. So, I executed her without trial. She didn’t get an opportunity to do any more damage.
Don’t look at me so self-righteously, I know you “Christians,” as you call yourselves, are always condemning everyone who doesn’t share your morals. How many of you men haven’t dreamed of imprisoning or killing your mother-in-law! I believe this Jesus that you claim to serve calls that murder in your heart—GUILTY OF HELL FIRE, more about that later…
I had to kill a few political rivals on the way. My sons, Alexander and Aristobulus IV, were my favorite sons, and they were beginning to rise to power at my side. I think the combination of the unfortunate demise of their mother and the greed that they had seen in my life got the better of them. They wanted my kingdom now, not when I was gone. So, I had them tried, condemned, and executed. I recalled my first son by the wife I ditched, Antipater II, and made him the heir-apparent.
I know that you would never think this, but pretty much everyone who knew me, hated me. Once, while soaking in a hot spring to try to alleviate my suffering from kidney disease, gangrene, syphilis, and parasitic worms, I passed out. People thought that I had died, and began to cheer wildly until I awoke while being lifted out of the water.
Lots and lots of drama at my house with ten wives and at least that many children before all the accidents…but it wasn’t all bad.
Great Construction
During the middle years of my reign I built cities like Caesarea Maritima. We loved to spend the summers there. It sat on the coast of Judea looking out over the Great Sea, which you call the Mediterranean. I built a beautiful harbor there, a horse track, an amphitheater, and a palace. They owe me big time. I also built Masada, the getaway fortress in the wilderness south of Jericho. I built the Herodium, nice name, huh, outside of Jerusalem for my safety, and eventually my burial. All of these equipped with cisterns, housing, food storage, and swimming pools, movie stars… But my biggest project was the renovation project at Zerubbabel’s temple. I created a wonder of the world when I was done. I took stones that dwarfed the stones in the great pyramids of Egypt—45’ X 16’ X 11’—over 600-ton stones. They are still there to this day. The Jews loved me for this one.
Events Surrounding Christmas
You are probably tired of hearing about all that. Besides, the deal for my temporary reprieve was to tell you about my dealings with this Messiah you claim you follow.
Arrival of the Magi
Some things flash before my eyes constantly, some things I forget easily. So, if I remember correctly, when I was about 66 years old, my health was failing some, but I was still about my right mind (although I have always had bouts with paranoia and depression, some of those things due to my degenerate lifestyle)… Where was I???
Oh, yes, about 66 years-old when this group of magi from the east. Magi were a class of very intelligent advisors to kings of Persia, Babylon, and Parthia. They were skilled in astronomy and astrology (which were closely related at the time), dream interpretation, mathematics, sorcery, magic and other disciplines and practices. They showed up in Jerusalem with gifts and came to the palace.
A servant came in and said, the Persians are here looking for you and the baby king who has been born to the Jews. What? I wasn’t sure what they were talking about, but I told him to invite them in, take care of their animals and get them drunk.
So, once they came in and we proceeded through all the formalities and social politeness (I always hated that stuff, but here in Georgia you seem to be all about southern hospitality), I realized that they had with them gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. I was really excited then, money really gets me going. However, they said that they were there to present gifts to the new king. I asked them what king?
Didn’t they know about Aristobulus? (I hadn’t executed him yet) He is the one who was to succeed me. When I questioned them about it, they said that many months ago they had seen a change in the stars. One huge, extraordinarily bright, and never before seen star appeared, and it led them to the land of Judea. They said that the anointed king was to be born, and the came to the capital city, to the palace, because they assumed that he was born to royalty in the palace.
Summoning of the Scribes
A strange look came over them when I confirmed what they already suspected because of my age, no new king had been born in my house. They realized that they may have let the cat out of the bag. Now, I knew that there was an uprising being plotted! Internally enraged, I demanded to know when, where, how these magi saw the star. I told my advisors to find out the story on the coming king. One of them, a particularly pious servant, suggested we call the scribes and see if they had any information to share. He was probably a spy for the Pharisees, but just didn’t want to tell what he already knew for fear that I might have him executed too. Remember, I was the king, I made the rules, and if you didn’t like them, I would kill you.
We summoned those worthless religious zealots who simply sit around all day studying and copying their sacred books. Can you imagine someone getting a free ride in society because they know a great deal about a 1500-year-old book? They came in fear, and told of the Messiah that was to come. I demanded to know where this king was to be born. Quoting some loser prophet from that book you believers use, they said,
2 But you, O Bethlehem Ephrathah, who are too little to be among the clans of Judah, from you shall come forth for me one who is to be ruler in Israel, whose coming forth is from of old, from ancient days.
They said that there were hundreds of prophesies indicating his birth, his purpose, his life, and even his death. They said that pious Jews have awaited him to come and deliver them from oppression. They said that he was supposed to come and set up a kingdom. They quoted from your book over and over. The more they cited that book, the more paranoid I became.
A Ruler in Israel!!!! That is what I was!!! I was the king, I made the rules, and if you didn’t like them, I would kill you! No one is going to take my throne, break the chain of a mighty dynasty!!!!
However, I kept these thoughts to myself so as to help me deceive these “wise” men into helping me put down this “anointed” usurper. I acted enthusiastic about the arrival of this “king.” I instructed the magi to go and find this king, and return and tell me where he was so I might worship him…hahahaha. After having killed every member of all possible families that might try to seize power from me, including my rivals, my sons, my wives, my in-laws, these Persians hopefully were the only people in the room to believe that I wanted to bring gifts and worship this new king. So, after this promise, they went out to search.
Hurry Up and Wait
So, I waited, and waited, and waited. All the while growing more paranoid about this king. Did he have a following? Were there families in Jerusalem recruiting for a takeover? After months passed, I received word that they had already returned to Persia. Your book says that an angel came in a dream and told them to go home without following my orders. An angel? Whatever!! They are just probably co-conspirators! I was furious! I couldn’t believe that they had done it. Furthermore, information that we received indicated that they found this king! Oh, what to do?!?! This kingdom that I have worked so hard, lied so much, robbed so carefully, and killed so many for was about to be taken away. NEVER!
Rachel Crying for Her Children
So, I designed a plan to ensure that this king would not overtake my throne. I told the most calloused, most loyal, most ruthless of my royal guard to go to the area around Bethlehem and kill every male child two years old and under. Bethlehem was a small village, and I figured that I had killed many more people without warrant before, and the few dozen little boys that would be killed wouldn’t cause much of a stir. Trust me, Pharaoh has it much worse down there (in Hell)! Even a hardened soldier winced at the prospect of killing children, but he will, rather than ending up like my wife, children, and mother-in-law. I was the king, I made the rules, and if you didn’t like them, I would kill you.
Slipped Through My Fingers
I did not know whether or not I was able to snuff out the life of that new king, because nothing in Bethlehem looked very regal. Nothing but shepherds and peasants that lived there. However, since coming to the place in which I have spent the last 2020 years, I have learned that he slipped through my fingers. I only get bad news there, you know. According to your book, some angel warned him too, and they went to Egypt to escape and later returned. I hate losing, and angels too.
My Last Days
As my illnesses grew worse, I realized that whether I got that newborn king or not, my life was coming to an end. I had retreated to Jericho in hopes of regaining some of my health, but to no avail. I changed my will several times when I felt threatened by another son. I was the king, I made the rules, and if you didn’t like them, I would kill you. In fact, my son Antipater II, the heir to my throne, was attempting to ensure my quick demise, and I had him executed five days before my death. Some ignorant Roman official made the quip that “it was better to be Herod’s swine than his son.”
For the last few years I was plagued by the incessant cries of the babies in Bethlehem. I knew enough to realize that I was hated, and there would be rejoicing at my death rather than weeping. I decided to do something about it. I told the captain of my guard to round up the 100 most influential leaders and heads of families in Jerusalem into the prison, and at the moment of my death, have them all slaughtered to ensure that there would be morning at my death. I found out that he did not obey my orders, but let them go. So, there was double rejoicing at my passing. I was the king, and if I wasn’t dead, I would have killed someone…
Hell
Sometimes I was convinced that death would be a welcome end to the bodily suffering and mental anguish I was constantly experiencing, but I was dreadfully wrong. From the moment I took my last breath until now, I have never had a moment without the most terrible, unimaginable torture ever inflicted. I woke up to the face of this God of which you speak and of which I spurned. This baby king that I was unable to destroy is now my judge. He is the Lord of all the earth, King of all Kings, and Judge of those who reject him.
My eternal prison is utterly dark and stinks beyond comprehension of rotten eggs, but your nose never gets used to it. The flames burn constantly with excruciating pain, but never consume. Worms eat at my body incessantly, but never finish. My mind is tortured by the 1) cries of the children, 2) the desires of the body forever intensifying but never satisfied, and 3) the knowledge that I could have gone with the magi and bowed before this King, worshipping him. This place is devoid of love, life, joy, peace, but full of anguish, sorrow, suffering, guilt, condemnation with no hope of any relief or release.
Gospel
I was given the news that this baby king, prophesied to come and carry out the perfect will of God, was Immanuel, God with us. I know that he was slaughtered unjustly at 33 years-old after suffering a great affliction. I know that he was raised from the grave three days later, victorious over death. And I know that those who surrender to him, believe on him, and follow him are granted eternal life, instead of eternal death, a place opposite of where I am tormented…a place with Christ.
I know that you must choose him. You cannot simply choose not to come here (although I plead with you not to come), but choose to follow Christ. For many, perhaps all, want to avoid hell, but few are willing to take up his cross, die to self, be willing to give all you have, and treasure the greatest Treasure. I know that you must repent and receive Christ, asking him to forgive you. You must embrace him. And I never did that…
To ponder the idea that I was so close to Jesus, yet so self-consumed…To think that I never bowed the knee when I had the chance. God sent people from hundreds of miles to my front door with gifts and the news of the star and its king. I had access to the best scholars, the best religious men and women, prophets and priests, and failed to pursue Him. So…many…chances. All of you have the chance. Listen to me, the prophets, the apostles.
Parting words
It is time for me to depart. The thought of having to return…oh, please, help!! I am sorry, forgive me, set me free… Oh, God, nooooo! I didn’t know! I didn’t know.
But my last word to you is: DON’T FOLLOW ME HERE. For I am NOT the King, I don’t make the rules, I have no power to kill, but there is One who does; and you are commanded to fear Him and seek His mercy for our souls. Have you done that?
In your book, your King tells a story about a rich man and a poor man named Lazarus. I live that every day. It is a torturous sight to see the eternal bliss of heaven. The rich man begged to touch his tongue with a drop of water to cool it, but refused. He asked Abraham to send someone back from the dead to warn his brothers of the fiery torment. However, Abraham said that if they didn’t believe the holy book and its prophecies, they would not believe someone risen from the dead.
But you have fresh mercy today, and all things are possible with God. You have been visited by one back from the dead, what will you do with it? DON’T FOLLOW ME HERE in rebellion. DON’T FOLLOW ME!