CrossWords: Reconciliation
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· 4 viewsWhat did the cross achieve? Why is it so powerful? CrossWords examines important theological and practical words that help us apply the cross personally, relationally, and cosmically.
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As I get older, One of the things I have a hard time remembering…is pretty much everything, especially as we have had children.
and yet, I can remember songs.
and one of those songs was from sesame street—Caleb loved Sesame Street as a kid
where they would have this segment of Elmo singing about the letter of the day.
Let me quote Elmo...
“Jump up, get down
Come dance with Elmo
We’re moving our bodies to the ABC’s
Dance nearby
wa oh
Dance far away
now clap your hands
to the letter of the day
clap clap
what’s the letter
clap clap
what’s the letter
clap clap clap clap
(and then all the other sesame street puppets would say ‘’ What’s the letter, what’s the letter, what’s the letter, what’s the letter, what’s the letter...”(there are 26 choices)
building suspense
Elmo would say…the letter of the day is....
A...
and then they would keep singing.
Now I don’t have a song and dance to introduce our word today —but I do have a word of the day for our sermon series called CrossWords.
Do you know what it is?
We are looking each week at a word or 2 related to what Jesus Christ accomplished on the cross.
We are looking at words to the achievement of the cross and the power of the cross.
because the cross is a central focus of the entire Bible.
Each of the Gospel writers spend almost 1/4 of their material related to that last week of Jesus’ life and the cross.
And it is precious to us....
the cross is the place where Jesus achieved our salvation.
He made a way for us to be right with a perfect holy God—and enjoy God forever and ever and ever!
So last Sunday—we looked at:
Expiation
Propitiation
say those with me.
What is expiation: The removal or taking away of our sin and guilt because of Jesus paying the penalty for our sin in our place. “ex” out of or from
Propitiation: the pacifying or appeasing of God’s wrath.
because our sin is expiated, God is propitiated.
not b/c he is an angry, grumpy, moody, bitter God--
all this is a function of his holiness—he is perfect without sin. and his love. he loves us so much that he has to deal with sin, too.
Well the new word today is this---”Reconciliation.”
say that with me.
We don’t use propitiation or expiation in our normal everyday conversation.
but we do use this word.
Where?
Finances. If you are an accountant or handle finances, you will reconcile the bank statement for your organization or business (which is important)—because you compare your internal financial records with external ones like your bank statement and credit card statement. You make sure they match up—that what you think you spent or brought in matches up with what the bank and credit card statement said. Your internal records need to match and mesh with the external records—they have to reconcile—be at peace for a healthy organization. if they disagree—you must reconcile and figure out where they disagree.
another place we use that word is in the realm of ideas. how do we make one view or belief compatible with another view or belief. so for instance last week as we talked about the wrath of God—how does that reconcile or match up with the love of God. Answer—they actually do quite well. but you have to reconcile those because those ideas may seem at odds but they need to go together and mesh.
finally, the most common way the word is used is in the realm of relationships. reconciliation means in this sense to “restore to friendship or harmony.” There was a disagreement and hostility between 2 people or parties—and now—having reconciled—they are at peace; they are friends; they are good, whole well.”
so reconciliation implies that 2 people or parties—that their relationship was broken. and not just broken.
they are your enemies.
You cannot stand them.
when 2 parties reconcile—the cause is taken away or dealt with, confession is pronounced, forgiveness is granted, apologies given, restitution and justice usually needs to be done.
and there is restoration—not just to being forgiven—but you are restored.
They are now your friends…where before they were your enemy.
Your affections often change as well towards them.
and this applies to our relationship with God.
let me read Romans 5:6-11
The Apostle Paul says this
6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.
7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die.
8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
this is remarkable!
God is so loving, holy, and perfect!
He created us in his image to know Him and love him and enjoy.
We have turned away from God. WE sin. and the Bible says we deserve appropriately the consequences of our sin—which is God’s judgment, God’s perfect settled wrath, and even death—physically and spiritually.
And yet even as sinners, even as rebels…God sent His Son Jesus Christ to die for us.
this is remarkable—I am pretty sure I would die for my wife and kids. or a best friend.
but if I had to die for you (no offense) even though I love you—I would have to think about it.
If I had to die for someone I didn’t like or care for—it would be hard.
and I had to die for an enemy, someone I just hate—or offended me or did horrible things to me…out of the question.
but not with God…while we were sinners Christ died for us.
Romans 5:9 uses stronger language
9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him!
10 For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!
we were God’s enemies—we needed reconciliation!
11 Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
so we were hostile to God. He was our enemy.
and because of sin—God must punish and deal with sin. He can’t just look away. His justice must be poured out now and for eternity—
that glorifies God as a function of his holiness.
And so there are 2 needs:
need 1 — for us to be forgiven and restored and reconciled to God. We need his love and grace and mercy
need 2 — is for God’s justice to be served. To deal with sin appropriately and punish the perpetrator us! God is opposed to all evil and sin.
In other words—God must deal with the cause of our hostility and broken relationship—sin.
so how does God forgive us and reconcile us and yet deal with and punish sin?
and the answer—the way that reconciliation can occur is because of the cross.
Need 2 is dealt with—sin is punished—the punishment is poured out on Jesus Christ.
need 1 is dealt with—God did this in love. Jesus went willingly to the cross.
The cross is the intersection of justice and grace.
when we believe in him “God I have messed up and sinned, I have offended you. I am sorry. Please forgive me, and I trust in Jesus to save me)
—our sin and guilt is expiated.
God’s perfect wrath is propitiated. Favor now
and we are now reconciled. no longer enemies but friends, dear beloved children.
a couple distinctions:
1. Our relationship with God is estranged—divided, broken—enemies. but that’s not God’s fault—that’s ours. We broke it. We turned our backs on God. We are the ones who broke the relationship—and that barrier between us and God—that sin must not be dealt with and paid for. We are responsible for our alienation from God.
2. so God is the initiator of our reconciliation.
he takes care of the problem so we can be restored. He solved our sin problem through Jesus’ work on the cross so we can be reconciled to him.
it’s amazing that he initiated us.
you would think we would but there is nothing we can do to save us in and of ourselves.
3. this reconciliation is not automatic—it’s not automatically applied to us.
for us to be restored—we must respond accept, believe, trust that He made the way through Jesus Christ. We must acknowledge openly our sin to God—say it how it is and trust in Jesus to save us.
so even though God is the main one who initiates it—and allows for it
we must still receive it to be fully reconciled to God.
Colossians 1:21-23 gets at this.
21 Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior.
22 But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation—
23 if you continue in your faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.
and this is more than just having the offense dealt with...
reconciliation is there...
where we were enemies…now we are friends.
where we were hostile to God…now we are at peace with God. perfect peace.
where we were outside of relationship with God—we are restored to being his beloved children where we can cry out to our Father “Abba Father” in intimate relationship with God.
We are the righteousness of God—when God sees us —we are righteous like Jesus.
so what is reconciliation..
Definition of reconciliation:
The transformation from being an enemy of God to being at peace with God—fully restored.
another way — The restoration of friendly relationships and peace with God where before there had been hostility.
so if you put expiation, propitiation, and reconciliation together—here is how one famous theologian says it:
John Calvin describes reconciliation as the peace between humanity and God that results from the expiation of religious sin and the propitiation of God's wrath.
so our sin is expiated---taken away
God’s wrath is propitiated.
And our relationship with God is now reconciled.
BTW--
one of the ways we celebrate our vertical reconciliation—is through baptism.
We are encouraging anyone who is interested in getting baptized to consider baptism on either:
April 18th—here in our sanctuary—(during one of our services);
If you are interested in getting baptized on the 18th, let us know. You can sign up on the app, or talk with me. we will be holding a brief class on April 11th, the week before.
we also hold another one towards the end of August outside at Gary and Betty Liechty’s lake lot.
Let me show you how practical this is...
I talked about vertical reconciliation with God.
Let me talk about human or horizontal reconciliation with others.
In fact, the Bible connects both concepts—that because we are vertically reconciled, we must make every attempt to be horizontally reconciled.
This is found in Ephesians 2.
The first half focuses on our vertical reconciliation.
8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—
the 2nd half is our horizontal reconciliation
Look at how Paul describes how Jews and Gentiles are one:
14 For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility,
15 by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace,
16 and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility.
Since both are reconciled to God.
Both can be reconciled to each other.
This is getting at the power of the cross.
It achieved our vertical reconciliation---but it also makes possible our horizontal reconciliation with others.
We have actual power to forgive others and to be reconciled to others because of our vertical forgiveness and reconciliation.
In fact, God expects this!
Jesus said after the Lord’s prayer in Matthew 6:14-15
14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
It’s not that our forgiveness with God is dependent on our forgiveness of others—in that we work for it.
But a person who has truly experienced God’s grace, forgiveness, and reconciliation will show itself in human forgiveness and reconciliation. so much so that if you don’t show grace and forgiveness and attempts at reconciliation towards others—it calls into question if you truly know God’s forgiveness.
I want to spend the last part of my sermon—applying vertical reconciliation to this area of human relationships.
This is so important—because if you live long enough—you will either get hurt by someone or hurt someone—and you will do or experience both.
And there will be the need for forgiveness...
and reconciliation.
One of my friends and mentors, Dave DeSelm, former pastor at Fellowship Missionary in FW, has helped me tremendously with the info I am sharing with you.
so when you and I have a broken relationship with someone—our instinct is not to forgive or to go and reconcile.
Instead it is the following:
silence — give them the silent treatment; walls go up
distance — we withdrawal from them, avoid them; “they go to the bowling alley—I am not going there or that SS class.”
sabotage — gossip, slander, (“I have a prayer request about this…but its’ veiled gossip.”) or direct attack on them—guns blazing metaphorically. or social media
and this has an affect...
relationally
emotionally—we harbor resentment, bitterness—it’s toxic.
there’s even physical implications—acid in your stomach, adrenaline pumping—tension—this is bad for your body.
and then of course there are spiritual implications that if you don’t forgive them, your Father will not forgive you.
and the Bible also makes it clear that if we don’t forgive—Satan can get a foothold. there can be real spiritual, Satanic bondage in our lives because of bitterness--
26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
27 and do not give the devil a foothold.
we need freedom from this!
My mentor said that one of the reasons we struggle to forgive is that we don’t know what it is. Here are some misconceptions:
Forgiveness is not denying or minimizing the pain.
and certainly we are called to overlook offenses. The Bible calls us to...
but what happens when there are major offenses. or repeated offenses. or abuse, manipulation, lies.
no we acknowledge that there is real pain; real hurt; real frustration
2. Forgiveness is not letting them off the hook.
and my mentor said this is one of the main reasons we struggle to forgive. b/c deep down we know this must be addressed. that person or my actions must be held accountable. not for vengeance but for justice. (BTW—this is why a God who has wrath against sin and injustice is what we want!)
remember—God is always the most offended party in our sin.
so when someone hurts you—God is always most offended.
so forgiveness really is letting them off your hook and putting them on God’s hook.
3. Forgiveness does not equal blind trust again.
for instance if you as a parent find drugs in your son or daughter’s room…your child confesses, repents; you address and make right the issue—and you forgive—but you don’t have to trust yet—there will be consequences—open door policy, more accountability.
Forgiveness is granted, but trust must be earned over time.
4. Forgiveness does not require immediate restoration or reconciliation with the other person.
and this is the difference between forgiveness...
and reconciliation...
Dave DeSelm— “It takes one sinner to repent, and it takes one victim to forgive, but it takes both parties to reconcile.”
Forgiveness certainly can leads us to reconciliation.
God always calls us to forgive in our hearts—always...
and He calls us to attempt reconciliation—but reconciling doesn’t just depend on you-it depends on the other party, too.
Romans 12:18 says it like this
18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
5. Forgiveness does not equal forgetting.
you hear that a lot but that is not reality.
in fact—we say God forgives and forgets—but I don’t think that’s true.
Instead, he helps you not to hold that sin against them. b/c God does not hold our sin against us anymore if we confess it to him.
so what is forgiveness:
a choice, a decision — we forgive as an act of obedience (not just based on feeling)
it is choosing not to hold someone’s sin against them anymore.
we let it go
this is ongoing, a process
every time that memory and hurt comes up—we choose not to hold that sin against them.
we choose not to make them pay for it.
we absorb the debt.
forgiveness is absorbing the debt of someone else;
they owe you
and it is a refusal to make them pay but absorb the debt
forgiveness is putting ultimate justice in God’s hands.
taking them off your hook and putting them on God’s hook
this doesn’t mean there will be earthly consequences—often there are. They may have to make financial restitution, punishment, just and fair punishments.
so How do we forgive?
We are called to forgive, and attempt reconciliation—but we can’t always guarantee reconciliation.
but forgiveness is required.
25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
so how do we forgive?
Ask God to bring to mind the people you need to forgive. Make a list. Be specific.
make a list of how you are offended and betrayed. think of the actions they did to you or against you; failed to do; words they had; attitudes they had; patterns.
make that list—that’s an emotional list
Ask God for help to pour our your emotions.
“God I was angry when this happened.”
“God I felt hurt when this happened. I am grieving.”
“God I am resenting and bitter b/c of this.”
Go through that list you made and pray through it. “Father, I choose to forgive _________ for what they did or failed to do when they made me feel (rejected, inferior, defeated.)
and if this is hard—which it will be—the more grievous the offense—the harder this will be...
The real power to do this comes from our vertical reconciliation.
The cross—because of what Jesus achieved enables supernatural power to actually forgive. To break the chains of bitterness and resentment that you are feeling and holding to.
Because think of what God owed us—because we turned our backs on God—God owes us justice, wrath, punishment. That’s what we deserve.
But think of what God gave us…His Son—in our place to pay that penalty....so we could be forgiven.
If you are struggling to make the move to forgive—think of God made the move to forgive you.
If you are struggling with the attitude— “that person doesn’t deserve forgiveness”…what if God had that attitude towards you?
What if God was feeling about you—the way you are feeling about that person—vengeful, vindictive… “I will make them pay...”
What if God gave us what we truly deserve where would be—but of out of his favor, on a path to hell which we deserve--
But God so loved the world He gave His one and only Son---that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
now, it is true—you may need a pastor, mentor, brother or sister in Christ—in fact—the more grievous the offense—the more you may need someone to help you (and that’s ok! That’s normal—get help. Don’t live in bitterness).
Keep in mind this is a process
But we have supernatural resources
We are the most forgiven people in the world...
we should be the most forgiving...
“Father, I choose to forgive _________ for what they did or failed to do when they made me feel (rejected, inferior, defeated.)
Lewis Smedes famously said — When we forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner we set free was us.
now if you have done this…the next step is then reconciliation.
It’s then reaching out to the one you have offended or they have offended you (or if you both are honest—often both parties have contributed to it—not always—but sometimes).
this is what we call the Matthew 18 principle
Now, I don’t have time to walk through the steps of reconciliation.
But i believe if we start with forgiveness...
that is more than half of the battle.
That as we forgive…that enables us to go to them and reconcile.
sometimes we will be called to just overlook the offense—but if the offense is major and persistent—we will be required to go to them and confront.
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,
24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
those verses speak to the immediacy—go as soon as possible.
this involves going to that person either you have offended or they have offended you.
going face to face.
talking about it.
confronting if they have sinned
confessing to them if you have sinned
and asking for forgiveness. actually asking—will you forgive me. Not justifying it; not excusing it; but owning it and asking for it.
they may not—remember reconciliation involves agreement between both parties. God forgives us every time we ask him—but that person may not.
so what I am going to do—is we are posting a resource—a guide from Dave DeSelm with his permission that has helped me that really explains the steps of reconciliation and what that looks like in an easy to ready format.
Let’s pray...
[1] Evangelical theologian Philip Ryken describes reconciliation in this way; "It is part of the message of Salvation that brings us back together with God. ... God is the author, Christ is the agent and we are the ambassadors of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5).
Vertical reconciliation vs. horizontal reconciliation
The connection