A High View of Marriage

The majority of American adults believe cohabitation is generally a good idea. Two thirds of adults (65%) either strongly or somewhat agree that it’s a good idea to live with one’s significant other before getting married, compared to one-third (35%) who either strongly or somewhat disagree.

Practicing Christians (41%) are highly unlikely to believe cohabitation is a good idea, and the stark contrast with those who identify as having no faith (88%) further demonstrates the acute impact of religious belief on views regarding cohabitation.

It is no surprise that Millennials (72%) are twice as likely as Elders (36%) to believe cohabitation is a good idea.

Though it may seem as though cohabitation would be primarily a function of convenience and cost saving, almost all adults see it as a rite of passage in the path to marriage. The idea that living with one’s significant other before getting married would be convenient (9%), or that it would save rent (5%) pale in comparison to the value of testing compatibility (84%) by playing house before tying the knot. By far, the reason cohabiting couples are shacking up is in order to test the waters before taking the plunge.

A barna 2017 Study

Overall, the segment of American adults who are currently married—though fluctuating slightly over the last 16 years—remains steady at just over half of all adults (52% in 2000 and 52% in 2016).

Those who are currently divorced also remains steady at about one in 10 (10%), from 11 percent in 2000.

Because of the reality of re-marriage, the currently divorced rate does not take into account past divorce, which, when accounted for, brings the proportion of American adults who have ever been divorced to one-quarter (25%), a rate that has remained steady since 2000 (when it was 24%).

The percentage of single people (never married) however has increased from just over one-quarter (27%) to three in 10 (30%).

between 2000 and 2016, the relational makeup of those aged between 25 and 39 shifted dramatically. In the 16 years since 2000, the amount of single people in the 25-29 range rose 9 percentage points (from 50% percent to 59%),

the amount of single people in the 30-39 range also rose 10 percentage points (from 24% to 34%).

In the 16 years since 2000, the amount of people married in the 25-29 range dropped 7 percentage points (from 43% to 36%),

the amount of people married in the 30-39 range dropped 8 percentage points (from 65% to 57%).

These are massive shifts, most pronounced among those in their twenties and thirties, toward a broader move to delay marriage among younger Americans. If you were in your late twenties in the year 2000, you were much more likely to be married than if you were that same age today.

These figures are staggering considering the relatively short time period in which they occur.

Americans are getting married later and later. The average age of first marriage in the United States is 27 for women and 29 for men, up from 23 for women and 26 for men in 1990 and 20 and 22 in 1960. In 1960, 72% of all adults ages 18 and older were married; today, according to the Barna numbers, that number is just 52%.

It is safe to say, the landscape of marriage is changing.

Many view marriage as boring

Many view living together before marriage to increase their chances of staying married (actually it decreases it, the research says.)

Many view living together as essential to “test capatibility.”

For men…studies found that this involved two key factors....physical attractiveness and sexual chemistry and someone who would take them as they are and not try to change them.

Is there really such a thing? Short answer…NO. Why? Because we never FULLY know the person whom we are marrying. But isn’t that one of the joys of marriage? You get to spend the rest of your life getting to know that person.

And…even if…you knew the person fully, they would change. Life and marriage changes a person. So, you would still spend your life getting to know them.

Add to that, our sinful nature and flesh, capatibility is a myth.

Duke University ethics professor Stanley Hauerwas

Destructive to marriage is the self-fulfillment ethic that assumes marriage and the family are primarily institutions of personal fulfillment, necessary for us to become “whole” and happy. The assumption is that there is someone just right for us to marry and that if we look closely enough we will find the right person. This moral assumption overlooks a crucial aspect to marriage. It fails to appreciate the fact that we always marry the wrong person.

We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For marriage, being [the enormous thing it is] means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary problem is…learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married.”

Seems like a natural response for one who has experienced the pain of their own parents divorce. But, could it be, Tim Keller asks, that the supposed cure is worse than the problem itself?

Other assumptions....

Most marriages end in divorce anyway.

While it is true that 45% do, by far the greatest percentage of those who divorce marry before at 18, dropped out of high school, and/or who had a baby together before marrying.

So, there are other underlining issues that lead to those divorces. For those who lack those issues, the percentage is actually very low.

Marriage is a financial drain (another reason for living together before marrying, to get stability first.)

Statistics show that married people tend to make more (10-40 percent more)

Those remain married were shown to have 75 percent more wealth in retirement.

Truth us, there is greater accountability to making wise financial decisions and there is greater motivation to push and challenge each other when you have to answer for the decisions you are making.

Marriage is great growth and maturity builder.

Most married people are unhappy.

Tim Keller notes that

Those who are consistently married show higher satisfaction levels than those who are single, divorced, or living with a partner.

the majority are happy in their marriages and that those who are not and yet remain married, eventually become happy in their marriages.

children who grow up in two-parent homes have two-three times more positive life outcomes than those who do not.

In our modern culture, we are seeing marriages become about “me.”

Tara Parker-Pope

“The Happy Marriage is the ‘Me’ Marriage” - A New York Times Article

The notion that the best marriages are those that bring satisfaction to the individual may seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t marriage supposed to be about putting the relationship first? Not anymore. For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting…[who] help each other attain valued goals.

Marriage has become a self centered arrangement to pursue one’s own ends and if it ever ceases to accomplish that, they have no problem abandoning it.

Ironically, this new “me-marriage” ideal has led to a more pessimistic and negative view of marriage than the so called “antiquated and traditional” views of marriage. The more “liberated” view has led to a starker decline in marriage more so than the “traditional” views.

Still for others, the threat of their independence turns them off to the very thought of marriage.

The fear of being hurt, rejected, betrayed, etc causes them to avoid and even detest the very idea of marriage and commitment.

Truth is, marriage (frankly any committed relationship) is on the decline. We have never seen as dramatic a decline as we have in our current day.

For this reason, it seems important that we as a church take time to study this subject of marriage.

Today, we begin a series of marriage and family.

Let me say at this beginning, a series such as this is challenge for two reasons.

Most days, I barely sense I have a handle on this. I fail so often at husbanding and fathering well. So many of the things I will preach and teach first and foremost are a deep conviction to me. Please hear me when I say, I do not preach these things from a place of perfection. I preach them because the word preaches them and I am convicted and challenged myself in these areas.

Marriage and family are broken. A good portion of us in this room (or online) have, are, or will experience brokenness in their marriages and families. A series such as this is never intended to condemn or heap guilt and shame on anyone. It is only ever intended to encourage, challenge, and provoke us to growth and change where we need it. As we progress throughout this series, there may well be sensitive and tender subjects we need to consider. I pray for grace to address these well so that we are built up and not destroyed. I enter them with a sense of trepidation and hesitancy that I pray will lead to a sharing of biblical truth with an air of compassion and grace.

My goal for the first two messages in this series is simple and singular.

Outline

Big Idea: The Church needs to reclaim and defend a high view of marriage.

Hebrews 13:4

“Let marriage be hold in honor among all…”

Why? Why should it be held in high honor? Why shouldn’t it be considered antiquated as the majority of the world now sees it?

In order to reclaim a high view of marriage we need to answer 2 questions.

What is marriage?

The Living Book begins and ends with marriage - Genesis 2:24 and Revelation 22:20

Marriage is good! Genesis 1:31 and 1 Timothy 4:1-5

Marriage is prioritized in the 10 commandments - Exodus 20:14

An Institution of God’s Created Order

Two Part Sexuality

What is the purpose of marriage?

To Point to God - John 1:18; 1 John 4:12; Ephesians 5:22-33; Isaiah 62:5

To Make us Holy - 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8; 1 Peter 1:14-16

Help and Companionship - Genesis 2:18

In answering these questions, we will discovered WHY the church needs to FIGHT to reclaim and defend a high view of marriage.

Sermon Body

Big Idea: The Church needs to reclaim and defend a high view of marriage.

Hebrews 13:4

“Let marriage be hold in honor among all…”

Honor

Of exceptional Value

Precious, costly

Would you say this is the view of society today?

Would you even say that this is the view of the church today?

Sadly, for society, it is certainly not. And even more sad, for many in the church it is not. Oh, we may profess it with our lips. But our actions speak otherwise. The divorce rate among Christians is just as high as that of those who do not profess Christ. The ease with which marriage vows are abandoned is alarmingly high, even for Christians.

Truth is, even we as the church have lost a high view of marriage. And it must be reclaimed.

We must reclaim a view of marriage that holds it in high honor.

Why? Why should it be held in high honor? Why shouldn’t it be considered antiquated as the majority of the world now sees it?

In order to reclaim a high view of marriage we need two answer questions.

What is marriage?

To start, it should be pointed out that scripture speaks to the fact that marriage is the highest and most important human relationship that can exist.

The Living Book begins and ends with marriage - Genesis 2:24 and Revelation 19:6-10

Marriage is good! Genesis 1:31 and 1 Timothy 4:1-5

Marriage is prioritized in the 10 commandments - Exodus 20:14, 17

And there is no time like today than to reclaim the high honor and value of this relationship. Even among Christians, it is in great decline and held in less than the honorable position it belongs to.

To answer this question, I am borrowing an definition composed by Christopher Ash who wrote an article for The Gospel Coalition

His definition....

The Biblical view of marriage is a God-given, voluntary, sexual, and public union of one man and one woman, from different families for the purpose of serving God.

He summaries his view of marriage by saying....

Marriage was first instituted by God in the order of creation, given by God as an unchangeable foundation for human life. Marriage exists so that through it humanity can serve God through children, through faithful intimacy, and through properly ordered sexual relationships. This union is patterned upon the union of God with his people who are his bride, Christ with his Church. Within marriage, husbands are to exercise a role of self-sacrificial headship and wives a posture of godly submission to their husbands. This institution points us to our hope of Christ returning to claim his bride, making marriage a living picture of the gospel of grace.

In all of my study, the one resounding truth that continually stands out to me is that marriage is to be a prominent, clear, and beautiful picture of the gospel of Jesus Christ to the world.

Listen, we need to reclaim the biblical view of marriage that the world has stolen from us and redefined it according to other terms.

The simple truth is that marriage is NOT primarily about us…though certainly it is full of passion and most certainly does provide blessing, joy, and delight to us. The world has made marriage WHOLLY and ENTIRELY about passion, about themselves and their desires....but the truth is, God intended marriage from the beginning to be about Himself.

Ash goes on to note that marriage is first an institution of God’s created order.

An Institution of God’s Creation Order

Perhaps it seems basic, obvious, and strange to point out, but the first thing we have to note about marriage is that it is an institution of God’s creation order.

This is an important distinction to make because society at large generally views it as a manmade construct that has outgrown its time and needs to be done away with.

It makes a big difference it is given/instituted by God or if it is made by man.

Namely, the authority, value, and priority of the thing changes. Value and priority changes based on the authority of the one making it.

Therefore, this is not trivial question or issue.

In light of this, let’s consider the texts that remind us marriage is WAY more than man’s idea.

Genesis 2:18-25; Matthew 19:4-6

Marriage is God’s Idea, God’s design from the very beginning of time. In the first days of creation, perhaps the first hours....

This alone ELEVATES the institution of marriage and SHOULD increase our value and priority of it.

When its value and priority is elevated, it is not easily dismissed, rejected, ignored, abandoned, or violated.

When its value and priority is elevated, it is defended, protected, fought for, and cherished as one of THE MOST valuable things in our life.

Timothy Keller in his book, The Meaning of Marriage, makes the observation that there are three basic institutions that stand apart from the rest....the family....the church…and the state.

Nothing is stated in the bible about schools or public education;

There is nothing about businesses, corporations, museums, hospitals, etc.

But, God does however have a great deal to say about the family (marriage), the church, and the state (government).

This makes marriage its function in our lives and society of great importance and value.

Society today tends to view it as antiquated....a creation of man’s own thinking.

Wrongly thinking or concluding this has profound implication to the meaning, purpose, and view we have of marriage.

Understanding that it is, in fact, part of GOD’S created order, elevates the institution of marriage to a place of highest prominence and importance.

Ash goes on to point out, a point that is necessary in our current climate and culture today, that marriage is made up of a two-part sexuality.

Two Part Sexuality

Further, marriage is an institution of creation order that is to be between ONE MAN AND ONE WOMAN.

Genesis 1:27

God’s created order firmly and clearly established TWO genders.

Male and female.

Many today are seeking to redefine gender and increase the number of genders to choose from. At the very least, to include a third....non-binary…standing. In short, this non-binary is used to describe those who do not believe themselves to be male or female but somewhere in between.

Wikipedia

Non-binary (also spelled nonbinary) or genderqueer is an umbrella term for gender identities that are neither male nor female‍—‌identities that are outside the gender binary.[1][2] Non-binary identities fall under the transgender umbrella, since non-binary people typically identify with a gender that is different from their assigned sex,[2] though some non-binary individuals do not consider themselves transgender.[3] Another term for non-binary is enby (from the abbreviation 'NB').[4]

Non-binary people may identify as having two or more genders (being bigender or trigender);[5][6] having no gender (agender, nongendered, genderless, genderfree); moving between genders or having a fluctuating gender identity (genderfluid);[7] being third gender or other-gendered (a category that includes those who do not place a name to their gender).[8]

Gender identity is separate from sexual or romantic orientation,[9] and non-binary people have a variety of sexual orientations, just as cisgender people do.[10]

Non-binary gender identities are not associated with a specific gender expression, such as androgyny. Non-binary people as a group have a wide variety of gender expressions, and some may reject gender "identities" altogether.[11] Some non-binary people are medically treated for gender dysphoria with surgery or hormones, as trans men and trans women often are.

Despite man’s attempt to rewrite, redefine, and create some new form of gender…the opening pages of Genesis that GOD’S CREATION ORDER AND DESIGN INVOLVE TWO GENDERS and that marriage consists of ONE of EACH.

God’s GIVEN institution has a very specific boundary that is not to be crossed. This CREATED ORDER that God established is not be altered apart from the creator’s bidding.

Professor Oliver O’Donovan writes that created order is “not negotiable within the course of history” and is part of “that which neither the terrors of chance nor the ingenuity of art can overthrow. It defines the scope of our freedom and the limits of our fears” (Oliver O’Donovan, Resurrection and Moral Order, 2nd ed., 61).

What God establishes as part of his created order is as firmly set as God Himself.

Perhaps it is rudimentary and simplistic to take this much time to establish this case, but I do not think so. Not anymore. Not in our current culture and climate.

Reestablishing the fact that marriage is an institute of God set forth as part of his created order, raises the bar extremely high on marriage.

By raising the bar this high, the goal is to raise marriage in our hearts and minds so that we cease carelessly casting it aside and finding every excuse under the sun to undo it.

Let me pause for a moment here and say this....I am fully aware of the many troubled, broken, and difficult marriages that exist out there…perhaps even in this room today.

I do not intend or desire to be callous to the hurting and grieving that many endure as a result of broken promises, sinful choices, betrayal, rejection, etc.

I have, am, and will continue to walk alongside couples going through deep trenches of troubled marriages.

I do not want to minimize pain.

BUT what I do want to do is so elevate marriage in our hearts and minds as believers that we are willing to do hard things and fight for the marriages until our very last breath.

I shared this at Luke and Bekah’s wedding on Saturday from 1 John 4:9-10. I was sharing five commitments that love makes. What I shared from these two verses is that Love learns from Christ and follows his example.

Love commits to learn from Christ - 1 John 4:9-11; Ephesians 5:25

Vs. 9 - Christ’s love is an “ALL IN” sort of love. He went to the fullest extent possible. Christ’s love is sacrificial, costing him everything.

Ephesians 5:25

Vs. 10 - Christ’s love does HARD things in the best interest of the one loved.

The primary truth…LOVE IS ABOUT GIVING oneself to another.

NOT primarily about GETTING for oneself from another or about a feeling.

Love is a choice.

And remember, when God gave His Son for us, were not friends, children, or even willing participants. God gave His Son while we hated him and did everything in our power to reject and refuse him.

This is the example of the love you are committing to have for one another today.

When we raise the bar on marriage and commit to love in marriage as God loved us, marriage is not quickly abandoned and it is fought for tooth and nail.

And even in the event of divorce, marriage will continue to be fought for by remaining single and leaving the door open for reconciliation and restoration. (Divorce and remarriage will be addressed in another sermon.)

Point is this....that which is created by God as part of his created order and design, that which is given, that which God calls good, which bookends scripture, and which finds priority in God’s top ten commands (out of over 600 OT laws), ought to capture our attention, value, and priority.

Having established that marriage is a God given institution, the second question we need to answer is this....for what purpose does marriage exist.

What is the purpose of marriage?

Let me return to Christopher Ash’s definition and summary for a moment...

The Biblical view of marriage is a God-given, voluntary, sexual, and public union of one man and one woman, from different families for the purpose of serving God.

He summaries his view of marriage by saying....

In his definition, it is important to note that the overarching theme/purpose is that of serving. Notice this theme in Genesis 2.

Genesis 2:15-18

The context suggests that the main need was not companionship derived from loneliness (though spouses certainly do provide companionship and fulfillment through the relationship). RATHER, the context suggests the need as a help mate, a helper because the work was too much for one man to accomplish. He needed a helper.

Ash notes that this distinction is important because it transforms our idea of marriage from what pleases me, from what I want, to a view/perspective of how can I serve God through my marriage.

Marriage exists, he says, SO THAT through it humanity can SERVE God in three ways; through children, through faithful intimacy, and through properly ordered sexual relationships.

It is this second one that I want to zero in on this morning. It is in this second one of “faithful intimacy” that Ash notes how marriage is a picture of Christ and the church and that it is a living picture of the gospel of grace.

I want to contend that THE MAIN purpose of marriage is to be a living proclamation of the Gospel of Jesus Christ

To Point to God - John 1:18; 1 John 4:12; Isaiah 62:5; Ephesians 5:22-33

Laurie Krieg and her husband have what many call a “mixed marriage.” She is same sex attracted but they are married. Many call their marriage, “impossible.” The underlining assumption, that a whole marriage means you have to have physical attraction to the opposite sex.

They point out that many a marriage that consists of two individuals who share opposite sex attraction are not whole, so obviously that is not the only criteria.

Truth is, ALL marriages are impossible apart from the grace of God.

Marriages are made up of two sinful, broken beings. Despite a Christian foundation and desire to honor God (obviously speaking of a Christian marriage here), the sinful state in which we persist causes many a conflict and struggle.

In their book, where they tell their story (An Impossible Marriage), they state...

“What is the purpose of marriage? Let’s back it up: What is the purpose of life? Well, as image bearers of a holy God, we are called to bear his image - serve as a visible picture of God - to the rest of the world (Genesis 1:26). We do this when we love each other, forgive each other, and work with one another in tandem with the Holy Spirit to bring restoration to a broken world (Matthew 6:10)....So, if the purpose of being human is to point to God, and in so doing, point to Jesus as our rescuer, what is the purpose of marriage? To point to God....The purpose of marriage, then, is to tangibly demonstrate God’s marriage proposal to us to our spouse, and to the world. He is “the one.” He is our lover. He is our Savior.

Frankly, this truth is shown in John 1:18 and 1 John 4:12

No one has ever seen God at any time.

How do we know God? Through Jesus who became flesh and dwelt among us.

How does the world know God now that Jesus as returned to his home in glory? Through us who remain as his followers.

What more tangible way can the truths of the gospel be expressed than through the single most important relationship we possess this side of glory? (Marriage)

What is the gospel?

God created the world with the intent for us to live under his rule and to delight in and enjoy him forever. - Rev 4:11

We rebelled, choosing to attempt to rule ourselves instead and rejecting his claim of kingship over us. A task that we fail miserably at. Rom 3:10-12

God, however, will not allow us to rebel forever. His punishment for our rebellion is death and judgement - Heb 9:27

BUT because of his great love, he sent his son Jesus into the world. He lived perfectly under his father’s rule, satisfying his father’s demand of holiness. Then he willingly died in our place in order to satisfying God’s holy wrath against our sin. - 1 Pt 3:18

God raised Jesus to life gain on the third day as ruler of the world. He conquered death and not gives new life, and will one day return to judge - 1 Peter 1:3

That message leave us with two ways to live. We can reject God and refuse the reconciliation he offers. A path that will lead to condemnation as the refusal to accept Jesus’ payment for our sin. OR we can choose to repent of our sin, put our faith in Christ, and submit to the Lordship of God which leads to life and reconciliation with our creator.

At the heart of the gospel is a message of reconciliation.

At the heart of the gospel is a message of God’s love for man

THE GOSPEL IS ABOUT RECONCILIATION, about restoration of our broken relationship to God.

MARRIAGE IS A PICTURE OF THAT.

Throughout scripture, we see God using marriage imagery and picture to depict his relationship with man.

In the OT we see it passages such as Isaiah 62:5

God pictures his relationship to his people as that of a bride and groom in marriage.

Hosea was told to marry a prostitute who would be unfaithful to him. He would be told to go after her several times. It was a picture of God’s commitment and devotion to his people. His earthly marriage was to be a picture of the gospel, of God’s relationship to man.

In the NT, the picture is painted even more clearly in Ephesians 5:22-33.

In clear and plain language, God connects marriage to Christ’s relationship to the church.

In clear and plain language, God connects the gospel, Jesus’ sacrifice for our sins to the gospel....that message of reconciliation.

Marriage is intended to be a living display of the gospel of Jesus Christ to the watching world.

A message of reconciliation. What is happening to that image, that message when marriage vows are so quickly and easily abandoned? Even by those who proclaim the name of God and profess themselves His followers? How can that message be portrayed well when we quickly abandon it, separate from it, or seek its dissolution?

We will talk later in this series about divorce and those cases in which God permits it.

We will talk about the struggles of marriage and living with unbelieving spouses.

I say this to point out that divorce does happen and at times it is permissible in God’s eyes....and we will talk about that....so do not take my statement too harshly or absolutely. I will seek to expound on this at another juncture.

For today, my goal is to draw our attention to the profound beauty of what marriage is intended to expose and to draw our attention to our light and cavalier attitude toward marriage at times, yes, even in the church.

The marriage institution, part of God’s created order, has glorious beauty and purpose and is intended to be a living picture of the gospel.

This is the position we must stake our claim in and never forsake.

Laurie and Matt Krieg explain....

The Gospel

We need to care about each other’s marriages because they are a picture of the gospel. Marriages are billboards —at the grocery store, in our neighborhoods, and in our homes—that say, “This is how Jesus loves you.” Whether or not we are saying it with our mouths, we are saying it with our love—or lack thereof. It is a great mystery. We need to care about each other’s billboards. We need not mess with each other’s billboards. There is no such thing as innocent flirting. Rolling our eyes about our friend’s spouse is not nothing. These “little things” degrade the metaphor. We need to care about marriage as the picture of the gospel that it is.

Laurie and Matt Krieg

One of the reasons, PERHAPS THE GREATEST reason that we need to fight for marriages, both on our knees in prayer and in person through loving encouragement, support, admonishment, and even rebuke, is because God intends marriages to be a living display of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Our view of marriage needs to be elevated back to where God intended it to be.

Tim Keller rightfully notes....

Tim Keller

The reason that marriage is so painful and yet wonderful is because it is a reflection of the gospel, which is painful and wonderful at once. The gospel is this: We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared believe, yet at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope. This is the only kind of relationship that will really transform us. Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it. God’s saving love in Christ, however, is marked by both radical, unconditional commitment to us. The merciful commitment strengthens us to see the truth about ourselves and repent. The conviction and repentance moves us to cling to and rest in God’s mercy and grace.”

And, marriage is a picture of this gospel message. Truth blended with love that leads us to Christ; to God. This is what marriage is a picture of.

Think about it. How many times in the course of a 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 year marriage is truth and love exchanged? How many times is forgiveness extended and recieved? How many times is the relationship stretched, cracked, even broken, and restored again?

You do not make it that many years and not have to work through some hum dinger of fights and challenges. To make it that many years, there is a commitment to working out the problems and finding oneness as God intends.

There is forgiveness in spades.

The very faithfulness of a marriage to stick with it, to endure it, to accept the hurt and sorrow, and fight for wholeness, oneness, accepting the cost at great detriment to self.....this very dynamic is a living picture of the glorious gospel of Jesus and God’s pursuit of man.

It’s the gospel is broad daylight.

Tim Keller

But what is the secret of marriage? Paul immediately adds, “I am talking about Christ and the church,” referring to what he said earlier in verse 25: “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...” In short, the “secret” is not simply the fact of marriage per se. It is the message that what husbands should do for their wives is what Jesus did to bring us into union with himself. And what was that?

Jesus gave himself up for us. Jesus the Son, though equal with the Father, gave up his glory and took on our human nature (Philippians 2:5ff). But further, he willingly went to the cross and paid the penalty for our sins, removing our guilt and condemnation, so that we would be united with him (Romans 6:5) and take on his nature (2 Peter 1:4). He gave up his glory and power and became a servant. He died to his own interests and look to our needs and interests instead (Romans 15:1-3). Jesus’ sacrificial service to us has brought us into a deep union with him and he with us. And that, Paul says, is the key not only to understanding marriage but to living in it.

Marriage is a living display of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

It is the living out of the very example of what Christ did for us.

And the world watches.

1 John 4:12 - No one has ever seen God....they see him through our living display. Of which marriage is a design of his created order intended, from the very beginning, to display it.

HOW CAN WE EVER LOOK AT MARRIAGE THE SAME WAY AGAIN?

Keller again

Here we have a powerful answer to the objection that marriage is inherently oppressive and therefore obsolete....if God had the gospel of Jesus’ salvation in mind when he established marriage, then marriage only “works” to the degree that approximates the pattern of God’s self-giving love in Christ. What Paul is saying not only answers the objection that marriage is oppressive and restrictive, but it also addresses the sense that the demands of marriage are overwhelming. There is so much to do that we don’t know where to start. Start here, Paul says. Do for your spouse what God did for you in Jesus, and the rest will follow.

Marriage only works when we commit to living out the gospel in it.

My marriage, your marriage is about the gospel. It is to be a living picture of God’s love for his creation and the steps he took to restore a relationship we broke. Marriage is to be a picture of the lengths God went through to provide reconciliation between Himself and us.

When people see our marriage and ask how we make it work, how we can endure, how we can “limit” ourselves, we can tell them....let me tell you about Jesus.

What higher purpose could it have than that?

Laurie Krieg in An Impossible Marriage notes....

We, the church, often do not know how to wisely advise each other when it comes to marriage, period. We are not focused on serving as a metaphor of The Marriage between Christ and the church. We are not focused on dying to our selves and pursuing oneness with our spouses in order to show the world a picture of how Jesus died for us and how we are to die daily to be one with him. Instead, we’re often focused on communication tactics, sexual gratification, and trying to “fall back in love” or “get the spark back” again. These platitudes aren’t ultimately helpful for any marriage. We need something more than these airy things. We need the truth. We need to stare at The Marriage. Laurie Krieg - An Impossible Marriage

What will raise our priority, value, and commitment to marriage? THE GOSPEL of Jesus Christ.

There are two more purposes I think are important to note when we speak of marriage, but to that, we will look next time.

We will consider.....

To Make us Holy - 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8; 1 Peter 1:14-16

Help and Companionship - Genesis 2:18

Conclusion

What does all this mean? Marriage is not primarily about us or about our happiness as much as it is about God’s glory and the sanctification of the one whom we have entered into covenant with.

Therefore, when things get rough, and they will, we stick it out and we keep fighting, not for our happiness but for gospel proclamation, God’s glory, and the good of the other.

Understanding what marriage is and for what purpose God created it WILL elevate our view of marriage if we truly understand, embrace, and accept the truths revealed to us.

Church, we need to reclaim a high view of marriage.

It is my prayer that we do.

Big Idea: The Church needs to reclaim and defend a high view of marriage.

Hebrews 13:4

“Let marriage be hold in honor among all…”

Why? Why should it be held in high honor? Why shouldn’t it be considered antiquated as the majority of the world now sees it?

In order to reclaim a high view of marriage we need to answer 2 questions.

What is marriage?

The Living Book begins and ends with marriage - Genesis 2:24 and Revelation 22:20

Marriage is good! Genesis 1:31 and 1 Timothy 4:1-5

Marriage is prioritized in the 10 commandments - Exodus 20:14

An Institution of God’s Created Order

Two Part Sexuality

What is the purpose of marriage?

To Point to God - John 1:18; 1 John 4:12; Ephesians 5:22-33; Isaiah 62:5

To Make us Holy - 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8; 1 Peter 1:14-16

Help and Companionship - Genesis 2:18

In answering these questions, we will discovered WHY the church needs to FIGHT to reclaim and defend a high view of marriage.

Application and Discussion Questions

What is so erroneous about the “capatibility” philosophy?

Sin makes us all incompatible. Grace makes us all compatible. Left to ourselves, we will always clash because of our sin. In Christ, His grace is great enough to overcome even the largest “incompatibilities.

The world’s ideals of capatibility is based on attraction, likeness, and how the other makes one feel.

We all change. We are not the same person 10 years into as we were when we married. We re all changing. So if we are basing our capatibility off shared interests or likeness, that will most definitely change over the course of time.

Duke University ethics professor Stanley Hauerwas

Why do you think that marriage has lost is place of honor in our society today? In the church?

Shifting values. We no longer live in a moral, God sensitive nation. Man has compromised their values and convictions. They have rejected God and when you reject God, you reject His values and institutions.

The many failures, hurts, abuses, etc that have come from marriages have led people to reject the very concept and put distance between them and it as a means of protection and safety.

In what specific ways can we show honor to marriage?

Refuse to run it down, even in jokes

Ask one another often how their marriage is doing; how they can pray; how they can encourage others.

Take your role as witness as weddings seriously.

Take a younger married couple under your wings to mentor/encourage them. If you are a younger married couple, reach out to an older married couple that you can learn from.

Work on a regular basis to strengthen and improve your marriage.

What is so game changing about the truth that marriage is part of God’s created order?

Raises its value and priority! It is not just a good idea, a good institution…it is in fact a fundamental, foundational, and essential part of God’s design for creation and the order of life.

This makes marriage foundational and essential. It raises the bar and forces us to see it with greater importance and value than it has come to be seen with.

Reread Christopher Ash’s Definition and summary of marriage.

Definition

The Biblical view of marriage is a God-given, voluntary, sexual, and public union of one man and one woman, from different families for the purpose of serving God.

Summary

What is your reaction to this definition and summary?

In what ways does marriage portray the gospel of Jesus Christ?

Commitment of God to see our good at all costs.

Reminder of extent to which God went to extend forgiveness.

Exposes God’s desire for reconciliation and intimacy with us.

How does this all apply to an unmarried, single person?

They can honor marriage by refusing the temptation to cohabitate

They can honor marriage by not engaging in sexual activity prior to marriage.

They can honor marriage by encouraging, praying for, and supporting married couples.

They can honor marriage by waiting patiently for God to fulfill their desire for marriage (if so desired) and trust God to bring it about in his perfect time and way.

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