Sermon Tone Analysis

There was once a show that all of America would enjoy watching when people had a deeper pleasure in the Family.

The story was about a man named Mike Brady, an architect widower with three sons: oldest Greg, middle son Peter and youngest Bobby.

He meets and marries a widow, Carol, with three daughters of her own: oldest Marcia, middle girl Jan, and little Cindy.

Throw in a wacky maid named Alice, move them all into a four-bedroom, two-bathroom house in the Los Angeles suburbs and watch the antics unfold -- as this shiny happy "conglomerate family" deals with boy problems, sharing bathrooms (ones without a toilet, no less), lost hamsters, the occasional football to the nose and attempts at pop music stardom.

Many of us remember singing about this family even now in reruns

 

 Here's the story of a lovely lady, Who was bringing up three very lovely girls.

All of them had hair of gold, like their mother, The youngest one in curls.

It's the story of a man named Brady, Who was busy with three boys of his own.

They were four men living all together, Yet they were all alone.

Till that one day when the lady met this fellow, And they knew that it was much more than a hunch.

That this group would somehow form a family, That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch.

The Brady Bunch, The Brady Bunch.

That's the way we became the Brady Bunch.

Now this 1970’s show was very misleading from some stand point.

They made it seem like an easy transition of dealing with a blended family.

By blended I am speaking of everyone not being the biological makeup of a particular household.

However it was not easy in that it was always something: Boys against girls, girls against boys, Brothers against Sisters, Sisters against brothers, brothers against brothers, sisters against sisters, Older kids verses the younger, younger against older, kids against parents, and parents against kids, husband against wife and wife against husband, Then the poor old maid who dated the butcher often didn’t know whose side to be on.

A term came along to describe the non-traditional home which we now know that term as a dysfunctional.

That could be a situation where it stems from divorce, death, taking in an older family, adoption, foster-parenting and or where the child (ren) came before the couple.

Now some of you may say We aren’t dysfunctional well if you aren’t dysfunctional socially I want you to wait until the end of this lesson and see if you are still functional all the way around.

*I.

**What does it means to be dysfunctional *

The term "dysfunctional" has been used and abused so much over the years that it is hard to define.

In order to define a dysfunctional house, one must first know what a functional or healthy house is.

While there is a lot of difference in what is normal for families, there are some common traits found in families that are considered to be healthy and other traits found in families experiencing excessive stress and problems which can lead to "dysfunctional" behavior.

I simply mean they aren’t as effective as they possibly could be, either for themselves or God.

Without taking cultural, economic, or social consideration into account, the following information highlights some common traits of healthy families and warning signs that a family may be under too much stress and in danger of becoming "dysfunctional."

In Proverbs we see it takes wisdom to build a house *Proverbs 24:3  “*/Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: 4  And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches/.”

In our main text we find that The Lord builds the house you are setting your self up for failure.

In other words if your family isn’t following God’s pattern it labors in vain.

So we go on to read how the children are a heritage from the Lord so we have to do our best with and for children.

*II.

So let me first share a couple of Characteristics of Healthy House*

1.

The family is open to others from outside of the immediate family system.

2. They allow outsiders to enter the system and members are allowed to go outside of the system for help when needed.

3. Parents set clear generational boundaries.

4. Parents assume the role of primary caregivers and children are secure in their role as siblings, children and individuals.

5.

The family recognizes that stressful situations are inevitable and temporary.

6.

They recognize that stress can be positive if handled appropriately.

7. The family works together to minimize stress.

They focus on their strengths as a family and as individuals.

8.

The family works together to find solutions to problems.

Their energy is focused on solutions, not blame.

9. Family members focus on what is controllable.

They make the best of situations over which they have little or no control.

10.

The family develops and revises rules to deal effectively with day to day life.

11.

When they are under stress they work together to revise existing rules and evaluates the results.

12. Family members recognize that decisions and routines are flexible.

Rigid rules and expectations are challenged as a family.

13.

Family members feel empowered as a result of effectively dealing with stress.

14.

They see challenges as opportunities rather than roadblocks.

15.

Family members recognize the difference between the symptoms of stress and the sources of the stress.

They address the source of the stress.

!! III.

Areas that some would say your family is dysfunctional

When your Finances are tore up from the floor up, Dealing with Bebe’s children, Insufficient couple time, Lack of shared responsibility for household upkeep, Inability to communicate with children, Insufficient time for self, Guilt for not accomplishing more, Couple~/relationship issues, Insufficient family play time, Over-scheduled family calendar, Parent~/Child role reversal, Resentment toward the person with the problem, Develop fear of becoming close to others, Fear of losing a primary caregiver, Discount feelings and needs or other in the house, Irrational belief systems, A Mental Illness, An Addiction To Legal or Illegal Drugs, Overly Rigid Religious Beliefs, Couples with different religious beliefs, An Abusive Spouse, An Abusive Parent, A Physical Disability, An Emotional or Behavioral Problem, Responsibility For an Aging Parent, An Infant~/toddler, An Adolescent, An Adult Children Living at Home, Multiple unresolved losses (real, symbolic or perceived) Many families aren't working together well.

Instead of building each other up, they tear apart.

There is much dissatisfaction and stress.

Unresolved problems often end up in abuse or divorce.

So the psychologist and sociologist of our day have come with the term dysfunctional.

Church let me tell you these things ain’t nothing new - many families in Bible were dysfunctional if this is the case.

1)      Adam - sons murdered each other.

\\ 2) Noah - sons dishonored him.

\\ 3) Lot - daughters were promiscuous.

\\ 4) Eli - sons were religious swindlers.

\\ 5) David - sons plotted to kill him (and each other).

\\ \\

One of the worst problems a family can face is that of addictions and the way we handle them.

All kind of addictions tear up families.

The addict's destructive behavior is denied or minimized.

Alcoholism, Sex, Financial, drug abuse and even work and career addictions (This is where the person is just consumed with success and neglect their ability to really function the way God would have you function).

These are all real danger to families.

Either hidden from view or covered with social acceptance.

They are socially acceptable - until your drunk kid wraps car around tree, Until lil’ Suzy come up pregnant at 16, Until Tommy wants to start dressing like a girl just because he has money to spare, Until Dad who is trying to climb the corporate ladder and starts seeing his secretary, and mom is always at the mechanics shop because the money at home ain’t what it used to be.

Family members may actually assist the addiction.

“Well I let him drink at home that way I know he is home safe”, “Well I let her boyfriend stay over here at least I can keep an eye on them.”

These are only crippling cop outs.

When families go down this road and aren’t open and honest.

Rigid boundaries are formed concerning communication outside the family.

Feelings of anger, shame, fear, and sadness are hidden.

Families form a web of behavior patterns, so when addict seeks change, they may resist it.

In many cases the addiction is a known, the change in the person is an unknown.

These patterns shape our future generations.

These addictions can often leads to violence, or the opposite - isolation.

\\ \\ So many in our church and even society would say that "Couldn't happen to me or my house...".

but I hear Paul in the far distance warning us in *1 Corinthians 10:12* “/Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he falls/” and then Someone may say well I will never leave my husband for a unscriptural reason, or I can manage taking in another kid that’s my own, you might have a brother saying I been married to Sister Snodgrass for 37 years and there is no way I would even look at another woman, I will always be faithful, but again in *Galatians 6:1*  “/Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

2  Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

3  For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself/.”

That’s why we as Christians have to be careful not to judge people externally without understanding their circumstances and what trials they have been to.

"If there are drugs available on the other side of street, your daughter might run over you to get them."

She’s the same Daughter that was in treatment center, while you are raising her kids were raising grandkids.

\\ \\ Christians have stood against alcohol & drugs.

Prohibition a "noble experiment" that failed back in the 30’s, But tragedy is still there.

Instead of substance high, get high on Spirit.

*Eph 5:18* “And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;” \\ \\ In a world were violence is glamorized and physical abuse shows whether or not you are da man or da lady is becoming more and more popular.

It is an unspoken tragedy, but common even in Christian families.

Sometime people want to justify it as stern discipline to the children or enforcement of submission by a spouse.

Many women and men have had to be forced into a corrupt form of submission to point of death.

While God’s plan is that the husband love his wife as himself, he is to nourish and cherish her.

If not it affects many their entire life.

It gets so to the point where people are insecure with themselves; and crave attention from all the wrong type of people.