Sharpening our Focus (Instructions for a Christian Household)
Notes
Transcript
Husbands & Wives
Children & Parents
Servants & Masters
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.
Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.
Husbands & Wives
Children & Parents
Servants & Masters
Husbands & Wives
Husbands & Wives
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
This is a passage that many people would rather just ignore, but we can’t do that. This is in reality part of scripture, so we must look to it and see what we can learn. Many people have had issues and angst with this passage, and it is no wonder. For many women, this passage represents oppression, the patriarchy, and a man’s world. And for many men, some have weaponized this passage to force women into submission, to wrongfully force their wives to be not only submissive, but to treat them as property.
Sadly, this is to ignore the next verses. I mentioned just the verse to wives because it comes first in the passage, but to point out the potential powder keg we could be opening when we teach this passage. Our world doesn’t like it, our world doesn’t accept it. People will walk out of churches that preach the truth, and this passage is no exception. But the reaction to this passage, the refusal by some women to consider it, and the weaponization by men, reveal what the Bible teaches us in many places, that mankind is sinful! And if we refuse to bend the knee to God in this case, and others, where we do not like the way it is said, or the lessons we are to learn, we are only going after the nature we are born with, the sin nature inherited from Adam, that distorts our understanding of beauty and makes something beautiful into something ugly.
Paul is not singling out women here, to get them straight so he can move on. Rather, he is teaching women, men, and children and single people together, and the overarching point is not just to women, or just to men, or just to children or slaves, it is directed and with the intention of helping Christians to understand their responsibility to live together in community, and the first place of community for most people is in the home, which is why such an emphasis is given.
So let us look first at Paul’s instruction to husbands and wives together, since to focus on simply the wife separately has the potential to divide our attention from the community aspect in the home to the individual aspect. So let us look at the verses again:
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
Now we see that when we evaluate both of these passages together we can have a more full understanding of what Paul is getting at. And by the way, at my previous church, over 7 years ago, I preached through Ephesians, and I preached this passage and I was not stoned, so let’s keep that streak going.
I want to talk a little more about how our sin nature gets in our way in our understanding of this passage. You see, for either husband or wife, the thing that gets in the way of our living out these commands is pride, selfishness, and need for control. Depending on your perspective, you could say the problem is the women who don’t want to be submitted to their husbands. On the other hand, you may say the problem is that men don’t love their wives as Christ loves the church. But it shouldn’t surprise us that both of these are true. After Adam and Eve sinned, in Genesis 3 we find the consequences of that sin. God cursed the serpent, and also mankind. And specifically to the woman he said:
Gen3.16
To the woman he said,
“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
in pain you shall bring forth children.
Your desire shall be contrary to your husband,
but he shall rule over you.”
Now, we can conclude in part from this that women, as part of the curse of the fall, will find themselves in resistance to being led by their husbands. However, some theologians reject this premise. Regardless of how we take Gen 3.16, though, it is clear throughout all of scripture that as a result of the fall, all of humankind, both men and women are, in their natural state, opposed to God, resisting His will, His laws, His precepts for living. So if God commands that wives be submitted in reverence to their husbands, there is an inclination to resist this, and for husbands, who are told they should have such a love and care for their wives as to value them and consider them as they consider their own bodies, that they should love their wives in the same way that Christ loves the church, well, men as well will resist this instruction as well. And clearly, even Christian husbands and wives have the temptation to pride, so that Paul finds it necessary to include in his teachings the necessity for believers to constantly be on guard for the temptations of the flesh, as well as to provide positive encouragement for us to all do better.
Now I want to take a moment to talk about what is not meant here by Paul. First, what he does not mean by submission. He does not mean a wife is property of the husband who must obey him with a slave like obedience. He does not mean that the wife has a lower value or status before God, and certainly should not consider herself nor should her husband treat her as though she has less value or importance. It does not mean that the wife is a sex slave that has to be at the ready for whatever her husband wants whether she is comfortable or not with it. It does not mean that the husband can make all the decisions without regard to his wife’s feelings, her values, or her preferences. In fact, it is quite the opposite. If he loves her like Christ loves the church, then he would never consider acting like that. If a husband wants to be Lord over his wife, let him be like the Lord Christ, who, as Paul points out, gave up himself for his bride, the church, and works to sanctify the church through the Word.
Here is something else Paul is not saying. When he says the husband is to love his wife, he isn't talking about infatuation love, he isn't talking about erotic love, he is talking about cherishing, having affection for, proving one’s love. He says don’t be harsh with your wives.
The New Bible Commentary 3:18–4:1 Behaviour in the Christian Household
Rather, it involves his unceasing care and loving service for her entire well-being. (cf. Eph. 5:25–33 where Christ’s love for the church is to be the model for the husband’s love for his wife.) Christlike, sacrificial leadership by the husband will keep the ultimate good of his wife in view at all times.
So I will ask you to consider this: Wives, would you find it easier to submit to your husband if he loved you more like Christ loves the church? And husbands, would you find it easier to love your wife as Christ loved the church if your wife were submitted, not that you would Lord over her, but that you would take the role of the one who loves and cherishes and protects?
But what happens so many times? The sin nature gets in the way. If you could see what often happens in marriage counseling, or perhaps you have said something like this. A wife may say, “I will never submit to him so long as he doesn’t take responsibility” “I won’t submit to him until he shows me he really loves me” or “I refuse to listen to a man who can’t get his life straight”. and so on.
Likewise, a husband may say, “If she would respect me, I would be able to show her more love” or “If she wouldn't try to be in charge all the time, then I could be more gentle” and so on. The sin nature gets in the way. The man wants his own way, his pride keeps him from seeing things through her eyes, and her desire is contrary to her husband... Sin, sin, sin.
That is the problem. But Paul isn’t writing to people without hope, or people incapable of change. He is writing to the church. He is writing to a people who have hope, who want to live for Christ, who want to get it right. People who still battle their sin nature but ultimately have victory over that sin nature. Paul is writing to those in Christ.
So Paul isn’t writing to wives who will never be able to submit. He isn’t writing to Husbands who can’t love like Christ did. He is writing to people who have been radically changed by the gospel of Jesus Christ, the gospel that is preached without shame because it is the power of God for salvation for all who believe. The people Paul is writing to are the true believers who no longer walk in the flesh but according to the Spirit of God, the Spirit that invaded their livers to quicken them to believe with saving faith, and the same spirit that works in them to empower them to live a holy life. That same spirit lives inside the believer, and that is the same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead.
So let’s not adopt what the world would say about these verses. Let’s not give in to lie that this is misogyny, that this is oppression of women, that this is the patriarchy at its worst. Instead, let us hold up marriage, to see it as it is supposed to be, a sacred institution ordained by God.
Where the family is the center of caring, the wife may be asked to be submissive to her husband—but submissive to his love, not his tyranny; a father has authority over his children, but it must be an authority that is trusted; thus authoritative, not authoritarian. The husband/father is to set the pattern of caring, loving as Jesus loved.
Husbands & Wives
Children & Parents
Servants & Masters
Children & Parents
Children & Parents
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Ephesians6.1-3
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Now, if you started out with this passage with the idea that husbands and fathers have it made, that they are the ones who the wives submit to, the children obey, and if they have employees, or in Paul’s day, slaves, that they were the boss as well, consider this. With authority comes responsibility. And men are called by scripture to a high standard. So if you are a husband and father and wanted to use this passage to your advantage to Lord it over your household, I call on you to use the whole passage, both here in Colossians and in Ephesians, in context.
Children, obeying your parents is required of you by God. However, there are limits. Children are not called on to obey parents if the parents are asking the child to sin. And parents do not have authority to boss their adult children around. I knew a guy that himself was retirement age and still allowed his 90 year old father to boss him around. Frankly, that is sick. It’s like a lifetime of abuse. When your kids are adults, you may give them advice, probably best to let them ask for it first, but you don’t get to make their life decisions for them. Fathers are not to provoke their children.
This is something easy for us dads to do. We know how to get our kids goat, don’t we? And it is easy for a father to tease, to ultimately provoke. Or to embarrass their kids. And I love to tease, I have to be careful here myself. When the kids are starting to get annoyed with us, and we keep on going, we are not obeying this scripture. I’m not talking about discipline and proper instruction for the kids. We don’t stop requiring chores of them because they are frustrated by them. But if we are needling them, or constantly putting them down for having a difference for them.
Just as we must be husbands to our wives with Christ as our example, so we must treat our children as Christ would as well:
Philippians Exposition
What an example we have set before us in the Lord Jesus Christ! Jesus is the divine example of love and self-denial, and as we hope to be saved by Him we must diligently copy Him. He is now exalted to the highest glory as the reward of His voluntary humiliation, and by the same means must His disciples rise to honor. We must stoop to conquer. He who is willing to be nothing shall be possessor of all things.
So if Christ be our example, would he provoke our children to discouragement? no, and neither should we. The relationship between children and parents, much like that of husband and wife, takes effort and constant vigilance.
Servants & Masters
Servants & Masters
Now this next section has been found controversial as well. Some of your translations will say servants, some will say bond servants, some will say slaves. Here is something we need to understand, because passages like this are sometimes used to attack Christianity.
Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.
Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.
Servants & Masters
Servants & Masters
So people will say Paul endorsed slavery. They will say the bible talks about people being good slaves, so the bible is pro-slavery. In history, verses like this have been distorted to justify chattel slavery, the buying and selling of human beings as property. But the bible never endorses this practice. Paul was writing to a society in which as many as one out of three people were slaves. He is not saying this is ok. But the early church included slaves, and also masters.
Sometimes slaves had made themselves slaves. To pay off a debt, rather than be imprisoned, one may say to the one they owe money to I will be your bond servant until I have paid it off. Many slaves were severely mistreated, some were treated well, but Paul is not trying to make a social comment on the good of slavery here, he is telling Christians what it means to live for Christ in whatever context they are in.
He also tells masters to treat their servants justly and fairly. But some people have asked a good question. Why doesn’t Paul just command the masters to free their slaves? Well, we know he did that in one case, he personally appealed to Philemon to take back his runaway slave, Onesimus, “no longer as a bondservant but more than a bondservant, as a beloved brother. So if Paul did made this personal appeal on behalf of one bondservant, why did he not do so in his letters, command all Christians everywhere to release their bondservants from their obligations?
Well, Paul’s first concern was not social restructuring. Paul’s concern was the spiritual state of people more than their physical conditions. This doesn’t mean he didn’t care about those in servitude, but that was not his mission. But the church as a whole has done much in an attempt to reorder society for the betterment of all. Slavery has always existed, and before Jesus set up his church, it was far worse.
But again, Paul was not focused on ending slavery, he was focused on preaching the gospel, which sets people free from the bondage of sin and makes them slaves to righteousness. Perhaps Paul knew that if he were to go about telling slaves to leave their masters, or to tell masters they must release their slaves, that this would have greatly hindered the church and brought even more persecution to believers during that time. Whenever we upset the social order, we become a target. Perhaps Paul decided this was not the time to fight the slavery battle. Whatever he was thinking, he cannot be accused of having endorsed slavery, but he does acknowledge how common it is in his world when he wrote this letter.
So we, in a context of slavery now being illegal, but unfortunately not ended, are faced with how to apply this passage to ourselves. Is there a principal we can draw from this? There is, and I will fo that in a moment. Before I do, though, I want to mention that slavery is not gone. In fact, according to the global slavery index, there are about 40.3 million slaves in the world today. Countries like NK, Iran, Cambodia, and others still have many people in slavery. Even where it is illegal, it is underground, out of view of authorities. And many conditions of forced labor where public officials turn a blind eye or are bribed.
But those are less developed countries, you may be thinking. Well, you may be shocked then, that there are an estimated 58,000 slaves in the US today. Slavery is still around, even if its forms have changed. Sex slavery, the exploitation of illegal immigrants. Slavery still exists. And we should be concerned for people in slavery. It is offensive.
I realize in our congregation there are no slaves or slave owners, though, so how can we apply this passage? What can we learn from what Paul is writing about here? Well, since many he was writing to were bondservants, those working to pay off a debt, then I think it makes sense that we apply this to people today who are working for a wage as well as those who hire them.
The key really is that we can apply 23-24 to anyone:
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.
There are 2 imperatives here. Work heartily, and serve (You are serving) the Lord Christ.
And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Were you a bondservant when called? Do not be concerned about it. (But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity.) For he who was called in the Lord as a bondservant is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a bondservant of Christ. You were bought with a price; do not become bondservants of men. So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.
All believers need to understand themselves as servants or slaves of Jesus. And when we consider this, we must do everything, in word or deed in the name of the Lord Jesus.
Now, this is not service under compulsion, but willing service. You see, back in 18, the wives, when they are told to submit, the grammar that Paul wrote it in the original language indicates a voluntary act of wives to be in service and submission to their husbands, the husbands are to love and not be harsh as a voluntary act. Children are to obey as a voluntary act, servants are to voluntary serve as if they are serving the Lord, and Masters are to voluntarily be kind and just and fair. All of us, all Christians, regardless of what particular relationships we find ourselves in, whether in marriage or in family or at work or in the church, all of us are to be voluntarily submitted one to another out of reverence for Christ. And he is our primary example for this.
So an employer who has a Christian as an employee, even if the employer is not a believer, should rejoice at his good fortune to have a Christian working for him because the Christian works in this way. Likewise an employee who works for a Christian should consider it a wonderful thing because the Christian employer is not like those in the world who exploit and abuse employees. And this is why you often find great loyalty among the employees of businesses that conduct themselves with Christian values guiding them.
phil2.1-8
So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Husbands & Wives
Children & Parents
Servants & Masters
We are called, as believers, to live this way. Some benefits include showing the world how good relationships are done, we will have more peace with our marriages and families. But more importantly, we glorify Jesus when we are obedient to him.