Relationships with those around you.
Book of Proverbs • Sermon • Submitted
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Introduction:
Jesus. Others. and You what a wonderful way to spell joy. (song)
The Proverbs we will look at today are about our relationship with others.
Why do I desire to separate from those around me?
Why do I desire to separate from those around me?
Proverbs 18:1 (KJV 1900)
Through desire a man, having separated himself, seeketh
And intermeddleth with all wisdom.
1 Through desire a man, having separated himself, seeketh And intermeddleth with all wisdom.
People love to speak in terms of introvert & extrovert but we see in the life of Christ that he was not afraid to be alone or around people.
“Let him who cannot be alone beware of community... Let him who is not in community beware of being alone... Each by itself has profound perils and pitfalls. One who wants fellowship without solitude plunges into the void of words and feelings, and the one who seeks solitude without fellowship perishes in the abyss of vanity, self-infatuation and despair.” Bonhoeffer
intermeddleth - interfere improperly.
desire - satisfaction
a man separate himself from the thoughts and opinions of others. He doesn’t want to gain wisdom from others.
What does my inability to listen say about my heart?
What does my inability to listen say about my heart?
Proverbs 18:2 (KJV 1900)
A fool hath no delight in understanding,
But that his heart may discover itself.
2 A fool hath no delight in understanding, But that his heart may discover itself.
Ever found yourself listening to someone to just hear when they stop so you could speak?
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. - Mark Twain
Some questions
Do I ever consider that I have something to learn from listening to others?
When I speak am I looking to help people or just show them I am very capable?
We should be seeking knowledge with our ears
15 The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; And the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge.
Proverbs 18:3 (KJV 1900)
When the wicked cometh, then cometh also contempt,
And with ignominy reproach.
3 When the wicked cometh, then cometh also contempt, And with ignominy reproach.
Contempt is wicked.
Looking down and shaming others is wicked.
Proverbs 18:4 (KJV 1900)
The words of a man’s mouth are as deep waters,
And the wellspring of wisdom as a flowing brook.
4 The words of a man’s mouth are as deep waters, And the wellspring of wisdom as a flowing brook.
The idea isn’t that everyone’s speech is deep and meaningful. Instead, the idea is that we reveal the depths of our heart by the words of our mouth.
What does who I choose to listen to say about my heart?
What does who I choose to listen to say about my heart?
Proverbs 18:5 (KJV 1900)
It is not good to accept the person of the wicked,
To overthrow the righteous in judgment.
5 It is not good to accept the person of the wicked, To overthrow the righteous in judgment.
Don’t set a plate for the wicked.
Not enough to not be that person but don’t give them an audience.
Reasons people accept the testimony of the wicked.
misplaced compassion
desire to please others
some kind of bribe
When allow for the wicked person in our lives then we marginalized the righteous in our lives.
6 A fool’s lips enter into contention, And his mouth calleth for strokes. 7 A fool’s mouth is his destruction, And his lips are the snare of his soul.
When you make room of the foolish in your life you are making room problems.
Gas station in a small town. 3 times the police came. She was stressed. I felt sorrowful for her. Then she started yelling at the police. She may not like her job but she has learned to like drama.
A mouth can really bring destruction upon a person.
Romans 3:13–14 (KJV 1900)
Their throat is an open sepulchre; with their tongues they have used deceit; the poison of asps is under their lips: Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness:
13 Their throat is an open sepulchre; with their tongues they have used deceit; the poison of asps is under their lips: 14 Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness:
Am I avoiding the sin and pain that come from gossip?
Am I avoiding the sin and pain that come from gossip?
Gossip may taste sweet but is not healthy.
All the food at the wedding reception last week.
Proverbs 18:8 (KJV 1900)
The words of a talebearer are as wounds,
And they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
8 The words of a talebearer are as wounds, And they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
innermost - even if what the talebearer says isn’t true or isn’t confirmed it gets logged in our thinking
The excitement we have to share information with others about things that should not be shared is wicked.
Proverbs 6:18 (KJV 1900)
An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations,
Feet that be swift in running to mischief,
18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, Feet that be swift in running to mischief,
God has called us to be peacemaker not to divide friends.
Proverbs 16:28 (KJV 1900)
A froward man soweth strife:
And a whisperer separateth chief friends.
28 A froward man soweth strife: And a whisperer separateth chief friends.
Here are eight diagnostic questions to help you discern with me whether, in talking to others about another person with whom we’re struggling, we’re actually gossiping. (Stephen Whitmer)
If you’re involved in conflict with another person, are you talking to others only about that person’s sin and never about your own? If so, it’s probably gossip.
Is your conversation with friends about this other person intended to prepare you for a productive conversation with the person? If not, it’s probably gossip.
If you’re seeking counsel from others about how to deal wisely with this person, do you keep the person’s identity secret except when necessary? If not, it’s probably gossip.
Do you enjoy sharing this information with your friends? If so, it’s probably gossip. Gossip is tasty (Proverbs 18:8). Seeking counsel in a broken, difficult situation is good, but it is painful, not enjoyable.
The words of a talebearer are as wounds,
And they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
Proverbs 18:8 (KJV 1900)
The words of a talebearer are as wounds,
And they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
8 The words of a talebearer are as wounds, And they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
What’s the tone of your voice and the tenor of your heart? Are you meek, humble, and broken-hearted when you share this other person’s sin, or do you feel angry and righteous by comparison? If so, it’s probably gossip.
Are you talking to God about this person as much as you’re talking to your friends? If not, it’s probably gossip.
Are you limiting the number of friends you speak to? If not, it’s probably gossip. Gossip seeks to spread communication widely, but Jesus seeks to restrict certain delicate communications narrowly (Matthew 18:15–17).
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
Do you think of those with whom you’re sharing sensitive information as passive recipients or involved participants? Jesus’s goal for us in speaking to others is never merely to vent. Those who receive information must be prepared to go with us to the person we need to speak to, in order to serve as witnesses (Matthew 18:16). If you don’t understand your hearers as having this active, participatory role, it’s probably gossip.
But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
We are called to be Peacemakers
18 The lot causeth contentions to cease, And parteth between the mighty.
Many jokes about betting on the UGA game. Casting lots feels the same but not what is happening. It is agreed upon third parties to help resolve disputes.
When an outside authority settles the contention, it can keep mighty warriors from fighting and killing each other.
It is a hard work
Proverbs 18:19 (KJV 1900)
A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city:
And their contentions are like the bars of a castle.
19 A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: And their contentions are like the bars of a castle.
Proverbs 18:13 (KJV 1900)
He that answereth a matter before he heareth it,
It is folly and shame unto him.
13 He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, It is folly and shame unto him.
Proverbs 10:11 (KJV 1900)
The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life:
But violence covereth the mouth of the wicked.
11 The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life: But violence covereth the mouth of the wicked.
When believers are bitterly embroiled in disagreement or coldly estranged from one another, few people will pay attention when we try to talk with them about the reconciling love of Jesus Christ. - Ken Sande
We need to evaluate every discussion in light of truth not just the apparent sincerity of the one telling the story
We need to evaluate every discussion in light of truth not just the apparent sincerity of the one telling the story
Proverbs 18:17 (KJV 1900)
He that is first in his own cause seemeth just;
But his neighbour cometh and searcheth him.
17 He that is first in his own cause seemeth just; But his neighbour cometh and searcheth him.
You do not know the truth until you talk to both neighbors.
If I had to choose between having friends and being right I would prefer to be in the right. -Thatcher
Are we not just honest about others but honest about ourselves when we talk?
Are we not just honest about others but honest about ourselves when we talk?
Do not try to open doors with your words that you do not have the integrity needed to walk through.
Proverbs 18:16 (KJV 1900)
A man’s gift maketh room for him,
And bringeth him before great men.
16 A man’s gift maketh room for him, And bringeth him before great men.
That voice that says “tell them this so they think this”
Desire to change the story so you always look like the hero
Did you know lazy people are also very dangerous?
Did you know lazy people are also very dangerous?
9 He also that is slothful in his work Is brother to him that is a great waster.
Obviously we dont invite the foolish who do not listen or the gossiper to your table but also beware of his brother the lazy.
Why is laziness sin? James 4:17 Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.
Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.
Laziness is theft – you live off the work of others.
Laziness is selfishness – you live for yourself and comfort.
Laziness is neglect of duty – you don’t do what you should.
A man should work to meet his own needs
A man should work to meet his own needs
Proverbs 18:20-21 (KJV 1900)
A man’s belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth;
And with the increase of his lips shall he be filled.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue:
And they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
20 A man’s belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth; And with the increase of his lips shall he be filled. 21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue: And they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
Many of you talk for a living. But we are make our lives by the words we say.
“Hows you day?” Not so good but I don’t want to speak negative into this universe and get it back.
Love it or hate it - it is true. Your work and your words in this world will determine what you eat or receive.
How do you run from these wrong relationships when you are so desperate to be seen and known?
How do you run from these wrong relationships when you are so desperate to be seen and known?
Proverbs 18:10 (KJV 1900)
The name of the Lord is a strong tower:
The righteous runneth into it, and is safe.
10 The name of the Lord is a strong tower: The righteous runneth into it, and is safe.
“You need to be friends with him because he will protect you.”
the name of the Lord as a declaration of His character, His person.
Lord, You are a God of love – so I find refuge in Your love.
Lord, You are a God of mercy – so I find refuge in Your mercy.
Lord, You are a God of strength – so I find refuge in Your strength.
Lord, You are a God of righteousness – so I find refuge in Your righteousness.
1 Lord, thou hast been our dwelling place in all generations.
Bad relationships are created when we look to this world to provide for us only what should be provided by God
Bad relationships are created when we look to this world to provide for us only what should be provided by God
Wealth doesn’t make for a strong fort.
11 The rich man’s wealth is his strong city, And as an high wall in his own conceit.
Finding good friendships require being a good friend.
24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: And there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.