Confidence in the Midst of Conflict
Notes
Transcript
Sermon Tone Analysis
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Emotion
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Language
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Social
Devotion
Devotion
You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.
Prayer
Prayer
Announcements
Announcements
Addressing everyone involved
Addressing everyone involved
1. Addressing everyone I have affected
(God:
5 I acknowledged my sin to You, And my iniquity I have not hidden. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” And You forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah
4 I said, “Lord, be merciful to me; Heal my soul, for I have sinned against You.”
18 And many who had believed came confessing and telling their deeds.
16 Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
As a general rule, you should confess your sins to every person who has been directly affected by your wrongdoing. Since all sins offend God by violating his will, all sins should be first confessed to him.
Whether a sin should be confessed to other people as well as to God depends on whether it was a “heart sin” or a “social sin.”A heart sin takes place only in your thoughts and does not directly affect others. Therefore, it needs to be confessed only to God.
A social sin involves words or actions that actually affect other people. (This may include acts of commission, such as slandering, stealing, or lying, or acts of omission, such as failing to help someone in need or ignoring someone.) Social sins should be confessed to those who have been affected by them, whether it is a single individual or a group of people who were affected by, or even witnessed, your actions [1]
Avoid using if, but, and maybe
Avoid using if, but, and maybe
2. Avoid using if, but, and maybe (blame shifting
11 And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?”
12 Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.”
(blame shifting
“Perhaps I was wrong.”
“Maybe I could have tried harder.”
“Possibly I should have waited to hear your side of the story.”
“I guess I was wrong when I said those critical things about you.”
“I shouldn’t have lost my temper, but I was tired.”
Admit Your Wrong
Admit Your Wrong
3. Admitting specifically what I did wrong
1 Have mercy upon me, O God, According to Your lovingkindness; According to the multitude of Your tender mercies, Blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, And cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I acknowledge my transgressions, And my sin is always before me.
The more detailed and specific you are when making a confession, the more likely you are to receive a positive response. Specific admissions help convince others that you are honestly facing up to what you have done, which makes it easier for them to forgive you. In addition, being specific will help you identify the behavior you need to change. For example, instead of saying, “I know I’m not much of an employee,” you might say, “I know I’ve had a very negative attitude the last few months, which has led me to be critical of others and to disrupt the operation of this office. It was especially wrong of me to criticize your work in front of others yesterday.”
As you strive to be specific in your confessions, make it a point to deal with your attitudes as well as actions. As we have seen, conflict starts in the heart with unmet desires that give rise to sinful attitudes like selfishness, ingratitude, envy, jealousy, bitterness, resentment, self-righteousness, disloyalty, insensitivity, and stubbornness. If you explicitly identify your sinful desires and attitudes, as well as your words and actions, others are far more likely to believe that you are genuinely repentant.[2]
Apologize
Apologize
4. Apologizing for hurting others
18 For I will declare my iniquity; I will be in anguish over my sin.
Example: “You must have been terribly embarrassed when I said those things in front of everyone. I’m very sorry I did that to you.”
“I can see why you were frustrated when I didn’t deliver the parts on time. I’m sorry I failed to keep my commitment to you.”
Sometimes it is helpful to ask the other person how he or she felt as a result of your behavior. This is especially wise when you suspect that the other person was deeply hurt by your conduct but is reluctant to tell you so. Another way to show that you are trying to understand how you affected others is to describe a similar experience from your own life. For example:
“I can imagine how you feel. I was falsely accused by an employer too, and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I’m sorry I have put you through the same thing.”
“I’m sure you were hurt by what I did. I remember when a close friend of mine failed to keep a promise to help me with a business I was just starting. I worked for months, but without his help it just wouldn’t work. I was really hurt by what he did. I’m sorry I failed you in a similar way.”
Accepting the consequences
Accepting the consequences
5. Accepting the consequences of my actions
71 It is good for me that I have been afflicted, That I may learn Your statutes.
12 Blessed is the man whom You instruct, O Lord, And teach out of Your law,
13 That You may give him rest from the days of adversity, Until the pit is dug for the wicked.
10 For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness.
11 Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Similarly, if you have repeatedly violated an employer’s trust, you may need to say, “You have every right to fire me because of what I have done, and I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” Or, if you damaged someone’s property, you may need to say, “It will take me some time to earn the extra money, but I will see that your property is repaired or replaced as quickly as possible.”
Alter Your Ways
Alter Your Ways
Explaining how I will Alter my attitudes and behavior in the future
13 He who covers his sins will not prosper, But whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.
30 “Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, every one according to his ways,” says the Lord God. “Repent, and turn from all your transgressions, so that iniquity will not be your ruin.
31 Cast away from you all the transgressions which you have committed, and get yourselves a new heart and a new spirit. For why should you die, O house of Israel?
Explaining how I will Alter my attitudes and behavior in the future
Another sign of sincere repentance is to explain to the person you offended how you plan to alter your behavior in the future. On a personal level, this could involve describing some of the attitude, character, and behavior changes you hope to make with God’s help. You could mention that you plan to meet with a friend, church leader, or counselor who can offer you advice and hold you accountable for the changes you hope to make.
Asking for forgiveness
Asking for forgiveness
17 Now therefore, please forgive my sin only this once, and entreat the Lord your God, that He may take away from me this death only.”
17 ‘Thus you shall say to Joseph: “I beg you, please forgive the trespass of your brothers and their sin; for they did evil to you.” ’ Now, please, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of your father.” And Joseph wept when they spoke to him.
If you follow the six steps described above, many people will readily say they forgive you. If the person to whom you have confessed does not express forgiveness, however, you may ask, “Will you please forgive me?” This question is a signal that you have done all that you can by way of confession and that the responsibility for the next move has shifted to the other person. This will often help the offended person make and express the decision to forgive you.
Change my attitudes and behavior by: praying for God’s help; focusing on the Lord so that I can overcome my personal idols; studying the Bible; and practicing godly character qualities in a manner that is both planned and spontaneous
Forgiveness is a Decision
Forgiveness is a Decision
To release (4 Promises)
1. I will not think about this incident
2. I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.
3. I will not talk to others about this incident
4. I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship
To replace
· Thoughts
· Words
· Actions
[1] Ken Sande, The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict, Third Edition. (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2004), 127.
[2] Ken Sande, The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict, Third Edition. (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2004), 128–129.