Jamie & Sarah
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Well here we are…after months of waiting, the day has finally arrived.
From a ceremony point of view, there isn’t much more to do. We’ll be inviting Sam and Hannah to come and lead us in prayer shortly, then signing the paperwork and boom! You’re done.
That is, apart from every minute thereafter that you get to embrace and work out day by day what it is to be husband and wife...
Every minute thereafter, when you get to live out the promises that you have made to each other, before God and us who have been privileged to attend this wonderful day of celebration.
Some days that will be easy. Some days, though we pray not too many, it will be more challenging.
If it’s any consolation - many of us here present (I’m sure) will have had those same challenges to.
Part of what has been committed to today is that we your families and friends will support and uphold you in your marriage now and in the years to come.
And I know that the support and encouragement has already been forthcoming.
I know that in the lead up to this day you have received some advice from some. Much wisdom has been shared.
Some serious - some not so, but just as significant…like:
Don’t forget - to laugh and be silly everyday
Sometimes you may have to - play monopoly (J’s loves it, but I hate it!)
Always- leave the fridge door open
Never - stop clicking your toes
(In my hen do quiz these two are what we both said were each others most annoying habits!)
Remember a lasting marriage is based on - letting Jamie win Carcassone and Sharing chores.
Our bible reading, read by xx and XX
comes to us as a form of advice.
Paul, in his letter to the Christians in Corinth, may not be speaking to a couple entering into a life long covenant and union... but one of the main reasons Paul writes his letter is to encourage unity and to strengthen relationships.
So it's a good piece of advice to listen to and take on board, because in marriage, Jesus said that a man and **a woman become "one flesh" -
7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one.
He is of course quoting from Genesis and the words of the Creator as Adam is joined by Eve.
24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
in a relational way the bible says that through this union that we witness today, your whole selves, as husband and wife, get meshed together. And this changes things.
It’s why once a man and a woman are glued together in one-fleshness we say - what God has joined together, let no one seperate - because God knows and we know don’t we - it’s difficult to separate what has been joined together through the intimacy of marriage, where trust and mutual love and respect grow and solidify over time.
Naturally, as two individuals become one flesh, they don't lose their own identity - so inevitably in any relationship such as the one you embrace today, there will be an experience at times of both peace and conflict.
There will be occasions - not too many, but some, that may cause pride and your selfishness to rise to the surface.
If we listened carefully to the promises you made to one another, you effectively promised that when this happens — especially when there’s hurt and conflict — you don’t get to run away. You choose to stay put, to work it out, and to fight for each other.
I expect we have all at some time or another experienced friendships and relationships that seem based only on what the other person can give us - but I think you would agree that they are relationships in the end that are shallow and fickle. They are based on how we 'feel' from day to day, rather than on the truth of all that is good in each other and in the relationship that is shared.
The love outlined in our passage is in the original Greek, agape, and it captures the essence of the love that God shows towards us in and through his son, Jesus Christ. It is the love that is given, even when it hurts the giver; a sacrificial love that is absolute and selfless.
In the bible reading, the Apostle Paul attempts to set before us an expression of what it truly means to love. In fact, did you notice that such is its importance and greatness, Paul writes the gift of love surpasses any of the other qualities we might possess.
Paul says even if we have faith enough to move mountains or if we choose to give all our possessions to the poor, without love as it is expressed in our reading, we are nothing and we gain nothing.
And even though the Apostle Paul wasn't writing to a couple about to get married, this is a very appropriate passage to be read at a wedding; because in marriage couples are encouraged as were the people to whom Paul was writing, to love each other as God loves us.
For that reason, Paul describes what that true love is like: patient; kind; not envious, boastful or arrogant or rude; not insisting on its own way; not irritable or resentful.
It shows us that love never begins with the question: “What’s in it for me?” Instead love starts by asking: “What is best for you? What do you need?” Love’s nature is to seek not its own needs, but the needs of others. And it is only this love that enables us to bear and endure whatever life may bring us.
In our society today I think it is a fair observation that people are becoming less likely to commit to anything let alone to one other person for the remainder of their life.
I’ve got a theory about that - it’s a general statement but I think it's a true one. What stops us from fully loving another human being, what stops us from fully committing to another person is often fear.
The kind of fear that causes us to look inwards - to be self-preserving, defensive, self-obsessed even.
Fear stops us from taking risks, it closes us off from life. It prevents us from making commitments to others.
Love, on the other hand, true love - empowers us to overcome fear and to look outwards.
To make ourselves vulnerable with those we trust and care about. It enables us to embrace life in all its fullness.
The apostle John once wrote in his first letter to another congregation of Christians:
1 John 4:18 (NIV - Anglicised)
18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
Put another way, it has also been observed:
Perfect love may cast out fear, but fear is remarkably potent in casting out love.
So with all the other advice you may have received and hopefully will still have access to from those who have walked the road you are now both on, can I encourage you to add this to your files:
Choose love, over fear, every time.
It might make you feel a bit vulnerable from time to time. It may even mean, for insignificant things, giving in when you are 100% right.
But I kind of think the one who created us, knows what's best for us.
And He has made sure that issues around the ebbs and flows of human relationships have been addressed and counsel given in his word for us to read and take heed of.
Today is a wonderful day, not just because we witness two people marry, but because we have also witnessed that in this step towards a deeper commitment to one another, Jamie and Sarah have chosen love.
I am sure we would all join together in praying that your love will continue to grow as each day passes.
But more than that, I pray that your love for one another will be evident in your willingness to be patient, kind and self sacrificing towards one another.
A love that is not easily angered, a love that rejoices in truth and commitment, that protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres no matter what life may bring.
The apostle John writes “God is love, and those who abide in love abide in God, and God abides in them,”
May the God of love bless you for choosing love over fear and support you as you continue to do so, when faced with decisions and when relating with one another in the years to come.
In the name of God who is Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen