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OPENING
I read a story about a couple, Ted and Bessie, who celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary.
They were in their seventies.
And Ted, the husband, had lost much of his hearing during this time.
And yet they were still getting along together and celebrating this great anniversary.
Their family came from all over and enjoyed celebrating this milestone together.
Finally, toward sundown, all the family went home.
Bessie and Ted decided to walk out on the front porch and sit down on the swing and watch the sunset.
The old gentleman pulled his tie loose and leaned back and didn’t say much.
Bessie looked at him lovingly and said, “You know, Ted, I’m real proud of you.”
The old gentleman turned and looked at her with a puzzled look on his face and said, “Well, Bessie, I’m real tired of you too!” Sadly, far too many marriages reach that same place.
The husband and the wife just get tired of one another and they go their separate ways.
That is not God’s ideal for marriage.
God wants marriages to be strong.
He wants them to last long.
He wants them to be a reflection of His relationship with His Church.
Relationship Matters!
As we said last week, it all comes down to Loving God and Loving People.
So we can really boil down all of God’s commandments and the law of Christ in one word: Love.
Love is the heartbeat of Christianity.
Last week we talked about how to develop the right Heartitude toward God and others.
This week were going to talk about how we live this out in the home, specifically in marriage.
Because as the marriage goes, so goes the home.
And as the home goes, so goes the church.
As the church goes, so goes the community.
You get the point.
Strong marriages and strong homes will result in strong churches and strong communities.
But it begins with us as individuals who are submitted and devoted to Christ in love.
That love then spills over into our relationships with others.
And the expression of love in relationships should begin in our homes.
So today we’re going to discuss, “How to Have a Godly Marriage.”
What does God’s Word say about the marriage relationship?
Now before you tune out and say, “this message is not for me,” let me try to remove that thought out of your mind.
If you are currently married, have ever been married, could possibly ever be married in the future, or know someone who is married, this message is for you!
It is either for you personally, or we’re hopefully going to share with you some of the wisdom of God’s Word concerning marriage that you can share with others to help them in their relationships.
SCRIPTURE
MESSAGE
This is one of those passages of Scripture that some people would just rather ignore.
That’s probably because it is one of the most misunderstood or misinterpreted.
People have used these Scriptures to come up with all kinds of wrong ideas about the roles and functions of men and women in marriage and in general.
But we are not going to ignore God’s Word.
This is one of the longest single teachings on marriage in the Bible.
So we are not going to ignore it.
We are going to seek to understand it so that we have a clear understanding of How to Have a Godly Marriage.
And then, once we understand it, we should seek to apply it to our own lives.
The Biblical Role of the Wife
The Biblical role of the wife in a marriage is to submit to her own husband, as to the Lord.
First of all, we need to define the scope of this verse.
It is about the marriage relationship between a husband and wife.
This statement has nothing to do with:
Men and women in general.
So this verse does not say that women must submit to men.
They are to submit to their own husbands.
It has nothing to do with men and women’s roles in the workplace.
It has nothing to do with boyfriends.
Young ladies, you are not to submit to your boyfriend.
If you are still a young lady living at home you are under the authority of your father.
It has nothing to do with who is more gifted.
I think most husbands would agree that their wives are more gifted in certain areas than they are.
It has nothing to do with intelligence.
I think all husbands would be extremely wise at this point in the service to agree that their wives are more intelligent than they are.
This statement is specifically about the roles of the husband and wife as defined by God for marriage.
So what does this statement mean and, ladies, how are you to apply this Scripture to your marriage?
I’m going to give you four things it does not mean and two things it does mean:
Four Things Eph.
5:22 Does Not Mean
It does not mean that the wife is unequal.
Jesus Himself, though He is the eternal Son of God, demonstrated a submissive heart.
In John 13 after the Passover meal, Jesus takes a bowl of water and a towel and washes His disciples feet.
The Bible says that Jesus did this as an example of the submissive heart we should have toward others.
Jesus also submitted Himself to the Father.
In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus prays, “Father not My will, but thy will be done.”
This doesn’t mean that Jesus is somehow less than the Father.
Both are equally God.
But Jesus understands His role in the Trinity and submits Himself to the will of the Father.
This statement in Verse 22 is a statement of the role and function of the wife in a marriage relationship.
It is not a statement of worth or value.
Husbands and wives are equal before God.
It does not mean that the wife must always agree with her husband.
We are going to get to the role of husbands in just a minute, but wives, you are to follow your husband as he follow Christ.
But you do not have to follow your husband if he is leading you contrary to God’s Word.
The disciples were arrested and told not to preach or teach in the name of Jesus.
Now Jesus taught them to be subject to the higher authorities.
But in this case, the higher authorities were requiring them to do something that went against God’s Word and God’s plan.
So the disciples responded:
Wives, your first priority is obeying God.
But that does not negate your requirement to submit to your husband.
It does mean that you may not always agree.
It does not mean that the wife does not have influence with her husband.
In a healthy marriage, the wife should have input into the marriage.
Tabitha and I work together as a team; in our marriage, in raising our children, in our pastoral ministry.
And I value her ideas and her opinions.
And if I’m being honest, when I’m willing to listen, most of the time she’s right, or she’s thought of the situation in a way I didn’t consider before, or she adds something that improves whatever it is we’re dealing with.
The wife should have influence with her husband in a marriage relationship.
Peter even described how a wife can exert positive influence over her husband that is not saved.
The wife winning her husband to Christ by her conduct is influence.
It does not mean that the wife should ever live in fear of her husband.
A husband should never use his position in the marriage relationship to exert some sort of dictatorship over his wife.
Many people have twisted the meaning of this verse and have used it to justify all types of abuse: physical, emotional, verbal, sexual.
That is totally opposed to God’s design for marriage.
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