Raising the Next Generation
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We don’t live in a “family friendly” world anymore. We live in a culture that thinks only of self and how we can advance our careers, obtain the nicest things and demand justice even when we are in the wrong. And a culture like that breeds delinquency and neglect in the next generations that will eventually destroy itself from within.
Though most of us have already raised our children, we can still and should have a positive impact on society through our grandchildren and kids we have contact with, as teachers and mentors.
Text; Proverbs 22:6
6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
Too often we take the Proverbs as promises instead of guidance in wisdom. This is not a promise if you raise your kids right, take them to church, read the bible, say your prayers that we are guaranteed they will turn out right!
The tree follows the bent of its early years, and so with our sons and daughters. If taught to love the world, to crave its fashions and follies in childhood, they are almost certain to live for the world when they come to mature years. On the other hand if properly instructed as to the vanity of all that men of this present evil age live for, from the beginning, they are in little danger of reversing that judgment as they grow older.
Ironside, H. A. (1908). Notes on the Book of Proverbs (p. 303). Loizeaux Bros.
There is a different way to understand Proverbs 22:6 that we have found extremely helpful. Instead of being a promise that if you do right, your children will turn out right, it is a reverse promise—a warning—that if you do not correct your children when they are young, they will run amok wanting their own way as an adult.
Akin, J. (2017). Exalting jesus in proverbs (D. Platt, D. L. Akin, & T. Merida, Eds.; Pr 22:6). Holman Reference.
Solomon is saying that God has a plan for every child and we are to help them find that path.
So what can we do to help Raise the Next Generation to take the right path?
1. Kids need Acceptance;
1. Kids need Acceptance;
No matter the background of a child or the faults and failures they may have, they still need to be loved and accepted.
13 For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
No two people are alike. Each of us have a different DNA. We all have certain things we like and things we don’t. We all have different skills and talents that make us special. All kids aren’t cookie cutter kids! We need to find out the “bend” of each child and help them grow from there.
If a child is not good at math, you shouldn’t force him to be a CPA. If a child is not good at sports, don’t force them to play. If they are good at music, get them the instrument they want to play and pay for some lessons.
The recognition of their God given DNA, skills and talents will help us start them down the right path with the Lord.
2. Kids need the Proper Attention;
2. Kids need the Proper Attention;
Notice I used the word “proper” attention. There is danger in spoiling your kids and making them think they can get or do anything they want. But children need attention so they do not feel rejected.
4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
If you don’t give your children love and attention you will provoke them to live a life of rebellion/wrath. Kids need proper attention!
One counselor reports that most misbehavior on the playground takes place within ten yards of a teacher. Why would kids misbehave where they are most likely to be seen? Because they are saying, “Hey, I’m here. I want attention, and I’ll do anything to get it.” Rebellion and misbehavior says, “Please give me some attention.” If kids can’t get our attention by doing something good, they will get it by doing something bad
Higle, T. C. (2007). Journey into Living Wisely in a Foolish World: A Study of Selected Proverbs (p. 54). Tommy Higle Publishers, Inc.
Most of the kids that act out here are just wanting some love and attention that they might not be getting at home.
3. Kids need to be Appreciated;
3. Kids need to be Appreciated;
It is imperative to discipline a child when he does something wrong. But it is also important to balance things out by praising a child when they do things right.
If all we do is criticize our kids we will certainly break their spirit.
To be discouraged as a child means to think things like, “I’ll never get it right, or, All he does is criticize, or, He’ll never love me.” John Newton [writer of Amazing Grace] is reported to have said, ‘I know that my father loved me—but he did not seem to wish me to see it.’
Instead of looking for perfection in kids we need to look for improvement!
If all “C’s” is an improvement, praise them. Some kids deserve more praise for all “C’s” than others do for all “A’s.”
If their room is clean without having to tell them to do it, give thanks.
If they play hard at a sport and the team still loses, give them praise for giving their all
Endless criticism, emotional and physical neglect, and overly harsh discipline will defeat a child’s spirit. One commentator writes, “Constant nagging produces a situation where children are discouraged either because they cannot please those they love or because they feel they are of no worth to anybody” (Melick, R., Philippians, Colossians, Philemon, Vol. 32, Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1991, p. 315). Such provocation is not of God and will crush a child’s heart to the point of his becoming fearful, timid, and withdrawn. He will grow up disheartened, lacking the necessary confidence to succeed and believe he can be all God created him to be.
4. Kids need/want Authority;
4. Kids need/want Authority;
Whether we believe it or not, kids do need/want structure. It’s the parents responsibility to give them that at home just like it’s the teachers responsibility at school, and mine/yours here at church.
Authority is not punishment but responsibility, respect and discipline. Punishment inflicts pain but discipline promotes change.
24 He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
The word rod refers to a shepherds staff. It was used almost exclusively for guiding not beating the sheep. Authority is to be used the same way, by example!
The following are some suggestions to parents for raising respectful children: [Got Questions]
1. Never argue with a child. Children will protest and argue with authority figures as long as they can in an attempt to gain control of a situation, and if it works once, they’ll try it again. Setting clear boundaries and expecting compliance will stop most attempts to argue. Children should know the consequences of boundary violations and that additional consequences will come if they argue about it.
2. Treat the children with respect. Respecting a child does not imply a buddy relationship or that the child gets a vote in adult decisions. It does mean that parents give careful attention to their children’s thoughts and opinions, and the children know they have been heard. Children will model what they’ve experienced. A parent who treats his or her child with respect can expect respect in return.
3. Talk to children. As much as possible, parents should seize teachable moments throughout the day, explaining life and the difference between right and wrong. When a child has a clear understanding of what Mom and Dad expect, obedience and good decision-making come more easily.
4. Be consistent with discipline. One mistake parents make is threatening discipline that never comes. Threats are not consequences and don’t teach anything. Children need the confidence of knowing that, if they violate a set boundary, there will be consequences every time. Consistency teaches children that Mom and Dad are to be respected.
5. Invite a child’s opinion if he or she conveys it respectfully. Children should be taught that Mom and Dad are approachable. Even in disputes over house rules, children should be able to talk to their parents, if they have thought the issue through and can present their ideas civilly. This trains children to think before they speak and that there is great reward in speaking respectfully with authorities.
6. Teach children that it’s not all about them. Our world promotes a self-centered perspective, and many people grow up thinking that they are the center of their own universe and should have what they want when they want it. The wants and needs of others are disrespected. We must counter that message with the truth that life is not all about them.
3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.
“Twelve Rules for Raising Delinquent Children,” [Houston Police Department]
1. Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow to believe the world owes him a living.
2. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he’s cute. It will also encourage him to pick up “cuter phrases” that will blow off the top of your head later.
3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21, and then let him “decide for himself.”
4. Avoid the use of the word “wrong.” It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted.
5. Pick up everything he leaves lying around—books, shoes, clothes. Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility on others.
6. Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but don’t worry about his mind feasting on garbage.
7. Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children. In this way they will not be too shocked when the home is broken up later.
8. Give the child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his. Why should he have things as tough as you did?
9. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.
10. Take his part against neighbors, teachers, policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child.
11. When he gets into real trouble, apologize to yourself by saying, “I never could do anything with him!”
12. Prepare yourself for a life of grief. You’ll surely have it.