Parents
Notes
Transcript
Handout
Intro
Intro
Let’s start by praying for our time together.
Pray
As we are talking about relationships, we need to consider a relationship that we’ve never been without:
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Our Parents. No one has not had parents (or rather, everyone has had parents!).
Even these guys
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Yeah. Even these guys.
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Turn with me in your bibles to Exodus 20:12
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
The first passage of scripture we read is in a section most of us know as “The Ten Commandments.”
The first four of these commandments deal with issues relating to Israel’s relationship to God, and the other six deal with social relationships within this covenant community.
This one is the fifth commandment, which is smack dab right in the middle of the ten commandments. But this is in the old testament night?
turn with me in your bibles now to Ephesians 6:1-4
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Paul is writing this after just admonishing this church in Ephesus to be wise by being controlled by the Holy Spirit. It’s about exhibiting the work of the Spirit not just on Sundays, but in our everyday relationships. The word “Children” actually means children. It’s for those who are young and under their parents care.
He reiterates this in another passage Colossians 3:20-21
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Whether you like it on not, these verses are for you.
What are some things that you notice from these passages?
Wait for some answers. Below are the prompts for some answers
– First commandment means this is a primary commandment.
It is of first importance for children.
–There is also a promise with this commandment.
This is implying that the one who is self-disciplined from an early age (by obeying their parents) can go on to a long life (generally speaking).
–Why are Fathers mentioned here?
Exasperate or provoke to anger by giving unreasonable demands, petty rules, or favoritism.
Fathers should bring them up in the Lord. The Lord should be the center of our relationships and of our parents teaching and learning.
I want to start our time by asking:
What does “honor” mean?
Give a minute for some answers
A: It implies obedience and submission to them. It ascribes “value” to them.
The way I treat something or someone says something about the relationship I have with them right? In this case the way I treat my parents says something about my relationship with them, but also with God since He commanded me to obey my father and my mother.
“What if I don’t like my parents or we don’t get along or they’re ungodly people?”
We’ll touch on that in a bit, but lets spend time talking what honoring our parents looks like.
“do I have to obey my parents forever? For all time?”
There comes a time in every child’s life when they cross into adulthood. In some ways, the moment is culturally defined. For example, in the Jewish tradition, a boy is considered a man at 13. In America, the threshold of adulthood recognized by law is 18.
Age differs from society to society. And an individual’s level of maturity also impacts the journey. But the basic idea is the same: “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways” (1 Corinthians 13:11, ESV).
Normal changes in the parent-child relationship
Once a child becomes an adult, the parent-child relationship should change. You’re becoming your parents’ peer instead of a dependent minor. You’re moving toward a position of self-responsibility and becoming accountable to a higher authority — the authority of God Himself.
In God’s eyes and under His leadership, you transition into a separate and self-determining person. You have the right to leave home and make your own way in the world, whether or not you take immediate advantage of the chance.
At this point, your personal decisions must be based on something more than a matter of simple submission to Mom’s and Dad’s rules. You have to choose to act on the wisdom they’ve built in you over the years and out of an awareness of your personal responsibility toward your Creator.
Honoring Our Parents
Honoring Our Parents
I remember as a kid having some sombreros at my home. It was our parent’s anniversary and I thought “hey! Let’s make a Mexican meal for our parents, and Kayla (my sister) and I can dress up as servers!” We had fake moustaches and sombreros and ponchos and served these terrible burritos and I had the Spanish station on in the background. It was a perfect environment to celebrate an anniversary dinner. We wanted to honor our parents out of a sense of love! It was also fun to do.
Give me some ideas guys, what are ideas/examples of honoring your parents?
(Give some time for ideas)
A: Actions and Attitudes.
And he said to them, “Well did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written, “ ‘This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me;
By listening to their instruction or rebuke we honor them.
A wise son hears his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.
We can say we love our parents but ultimately our actions and our lips should say that.
We can also honor their spoken and unspoken wishes.
Even Jesus honors both His earthly parents and His Father in heaven, and He’s the Son of God!
And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.
And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”
Honoring our parents is following God’s word, Christ’s example, and setting a standard in our heart for how we should approach our heavenly Father.
Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?
“A son honors his father, and a servant his master. If then I am a father, where is my honor? And if I am a master, where is my fear? says the Lord of hosts to you, O priests, who despise my name. But you say, ‘How have we despised your name?’
Dishonoring Our Parents
Dishonoring Our Parents
What about dishonoring our parents?
Let’s turn to Matthew 15:3-9 and see Jesus interact with the Pharisees over this:
He answered them, “And why do you break the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? For God commanded, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’ But you say, ‘If anyone tells his father or his mother, “What you would have gained from me is given to God,” he need not honor his father.’ So for the sake of your tradition you have made void the word of God. You hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy of you, when he said: “ ‘This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’ ”
The Jews valued honoring their father and mother as being so important that anyone who cursed his parents was to be put to death.
But look at what the pharisees are doing:
“They could simply affirm that a particular item had been a gift devoted to God. Then the item could not be used by an individual but was kept separate. This was simply a clever way of keeping things from passing to one’s parents. The person would of course continue to keep those things in his own home where they had been supposedly set aside for God. Such action was condemned by Jesus as being hypocritical (v. 7), for while it appeared to be spiritual, it actually was done to keep one’s possessions for himself.” BKC
This is not honoring their parents. This is not honoring God and so Jesus is rightly rebuking the Pharisees over this.
Are there any good reasons that you might “dishonor” your parents?
God says no! We should always honor our father and mother.
Are there any good reasons that you might “disobey” your parents?
Let’s talk about that:
Help! I have ungodly parents.
Help! I have ungodly parents.
When I was a kid, I didn’t spend much time thinking about my parent’s relationship with one another or with me. I thought everything was fine and our family was good. We went to church pretty regularly and I thought we were all Christians living a Christian life. When I was 10 years old, my parents brought my sister and I to their room and my dad was weeping. My parents told my sister and I that they were separating. That was the beginning of a series of events where I began to understand that my father had been living in serious sexual sin for years. My parents ultimately divorced a couple years later, and I began to stray in my teens, but God still held me firmly in His grasp. I was angry. I hated my dad and was mad at God for placing me under his care. I was also angry at my mom for even marrying him.
My dad tried to get my sister and I to approve of his choices, and would use the bible to coerce my sister and I to obey him by affirming his choices. But here’s the thing, God does not want us to imitate parents who are ungodly!
God speaking to Ezekiel about the Israelites in the wilderness said:
“And I said to their children in the wilderness, ‘Do not walk in the statutes of your fathers, nor keep their rules, nor defile yourselves with their idols. I am the Lord your God; walk in my statutes, and be careful to obey my rules,
I saw my dad last when I was 18. That was 16 years ago. We began talking more in my late 20s, but only when I approached him with humility hoping to somehow honor him as my dad. That doesn’t mean that I obey his instruction. I am no longer a child!
My dad and I will never be fully reconciled because he is not reconciled with God. He still rejects God and would prefer if I did too. However, God can still turn my father’s heart! We talk on the phone from time to time. However, I am still commanded to honor him as my father, who God appointed to be in my life. Ultimately we don’t get to choose our parents, but we are still responsible for how we treat them and see God’s work as a result of their influence and care (or lack of) in our lives.
But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.
“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
I’ve always found this passage encouraging when I see division in families. It shows Jesus’ power and intention. We are here for God and not ourselves. Even in our homes, we are to choose God over our parents or children. Even the institution of family finds its fulfilment in being in the family of God with Christ as the head of our family.
Conclusion
Conclusion
“To honor is to assign value. Regardless of the character of the people who brought us into the world, they are our parents and we are to honor them. They have value because of their part in our creation. We can honor their roles even if we cannot always honor their behavior. When we couple the idea of honor with that of respect, we have a formula for the treatment of our parents. Because of their assigned value as our mother and father, we give them particular attention and special esteem.”
The way we honor our parents will shape the way we see God!
Let’s pray and we’ll break up into groups to talk some more about this.