Wedding
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Je suis évidemment très heureux d’être ici aujourd’hui.
Je suis très heureux d’être ici aujourd’hui.
Un mariage est toujours un événement joyeux ; mais un mariage où on connaît l’homme et la femme, et où on sait pertinemment que le mariage sera bâti sur le fondement de l’évangile…
mais un mariage où on connaît l’homme et la femme,
et où on sait pertinemment que le mariage sera bâti sur le fondement de l’évangile…
Ça, c’est une autre expérience encore.
Alors merci de me permettre d’être là.
Ça me fait bizarre d’être ici aujourd’hui, non pas parce que je ne vous connais pas ou que je ne vous aime pas, mais parce que vous étiez présents à un mariage auquel j’ai prêché le weekend dernier. J’ai tendance à dire quasiment la même chose à tous les mariages que je fais, alors j’avais un peu peur de simplement me répéter.
Mais ça ira. J’ai assisté à des centaines de mariage avant de me marier moi-même il y a seize ans, et donc je sais très bien que c’est une chose d’entendre ces choses quand il s’agit de quelqu’un d’autre—c’est tout à fait une autre chose que de les entendre quand c’est vous qui est assis là, à la place des mariés.
parce qu’on sait pertinemment que pendant ce temps,
C’est une tâche difficile que de prêcher à un mariage, parce qu’on sait pertinemment que pendant ce temps,
ce n’est pas du tout à moi qu’on prête attention,
Mais je n’ai pas d’illusions. Je sais que personne ici ne se souviendra de ce que je vais dire, parce que vous êtes là pour voir Roxane. Même vous deux, qui écoutez bien, vous pensez à dix-mille choses en ce moment (c’est une journée chargée, après tout), alors la concentration risque d’être difficile.
ni même au mari,
mais à la MARIÉE.
Et c’est bien: c’est tout à fait normal, c’est comme ça que ça devrait être.
Alors du coup, comme vous le saviez déjà, j’ai prévu pour—je vous ai écrit une lettre.
c’est tout à fait normal,
c’est comme ça que ça devrait être.
Mais tout de même, je me dis à chaque fois que c’est dommage de parler pendant quelques minutes, et de savoir qu’on ne se souviendra pas du tout de ce qui est dit.
Je serai honnête avec vous tous—je sais que pour la vaste majorité
et de savoir qu’on ne se souviendra pas du tout de ce qui est dit.
Et du coup, j’ai prévu pour.
Vous savez ce qui vient—je vous ai écrit une lettre.
[MONTRE LA LETTRE]
J’ai mis la lettre dans cet enveloppe, et je l’ai cachetée.
Vous ne pouvez peut-être pas voir le devant de l’enveloppe, mais marquée dessus, c’est écrit :
Pour Anthony et Lynda-Roxane
Ne pas ouvrir avant le 19 octobre 2029.
Le jour de votre 10e anniversaire de mariage, vous allez ouvrir cette lettre, et vous la relirez.
Mais 10 ans, c’est long—alors pour ne pas vous tenir en suspense, j’ai une copie de la lettre ici, que je vais vous lire maintenant.
alors pour ne pas vous tenir en suspense,
j’ai une copie de la lettre ici,
que je vais vous lire maintenant.
Evidemment c’est plus qu’une simple lettre de félicitations, et j’espère qu’en la relisant dans 10 ans, cela vous fera du bien.
_____
Chers Anthony et Lynda-Roxane,
Joyeuse anniversaire de mariage ! 10 ans déjà—félicitations ! Ça s’est passé trop vite. Je me souviens de votre mariage comme si vous étiez encore assis là, en face de moi.
et j’espère qu’en la relisant dans 10 ans, cela vous fera du bien.
Ça s’est passé trop vite.
Après 10 ans, vous avez grandi ensemble, votre mariage a grandi, vous avez fait des expériences qui vous ont changé—Dieu voulant, pour sa gloire.
Vous vous souviendrez surement du jour de votre mariage.
A Christian wedding is a peculiar event. It’s peculiar because naturally, everything in us wants this event to be about us. As we often say to brides before their wedding, “Don’t let anyone tell you what your wedding should and shouldn’t be; this is your day.”
In a sense that’s true. We are thrilled for you guys, and we’re here to celebrate your joy along with you.
But in another, very real sense, a Christian wedding isn’t about you at all. It’s about something much, much greater than either of you.
Naturally, we don’t like that; and so couples will often ask preachers at their wedding to talk about something general, like love.
They’ll ask that we preach from —Love is patient, love is kind, etc.—and explain what kind of love we should see in our marriages.
is beautiful, and it does have applications for marriage, but that passage isn’t actually about love in marriage, but love in the church.
Or couples might ask us to talk about unfailing commitment. They’ll ask us to preach from Ruth chapter 1, where Ruth says (v. 16-17),
Where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried.
That too is beautiful—but again, that passage has nothing to do with marriage. That’s Ruth talking to her mother-in-law, Naomi, after they’ve both lost their husbands.
Anon, 2016. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version, Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.
Whether we like it or not, the Bible doesn’t say all that much about marriage. It has a lot to say about our relationships, and it says a good deal about love, both platonic and romantic. And it would be easy to want to just talk about those things, because they’re easy to swallow: believers and unbelievers alike enjoy hearing about love.
And it would be easy to want to just talk about those things, because they’re easy to swallow: believers and unbelievers alike enjoy hearing about love.
I am very thankful that you didn’t ask me to do that. We talked about this a while back, and you said very clearly that you wanted me to go straight to the point—to talk about what marriage is.
I love that you asked me to talk about what marriage is, because the Bible’s answer to that question can be completely surprising if we’re not expecting it.
There are a couple of passages which speak about that, and one in particular which is very, very specific. It answers the question of what marriage is, and what it should look like. That passage is .
In , the apostle Paul begins by speaking about relationships in the church, and the mutual submission we are to show one another, out of reverence for Christ.
The Bible’s answer to the question of what marriage is is actually quite simple, but it can be a bit disappointing if you’re not expecting it.
And then, starting in v. 22, Paul applies what he has said, in a very specific way, to marriage. So let’s begin reading in v. 22.
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
According to the Bible, marriage is a picture. One man and woman, living in one home, engaged in one relationship (with each other) until death… All of that is a picture, which reflects a much larger reality.
Marriage is not just a means of expressing your love for each other. It is not just a way to officialize your commitment to each other. It’s not just a way to get a tax break. It is all those thing
That picture reflects a much larger reality.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.
This shouldn’t surprise us, because the Bible is constantly using pictures to help us understand what God is doing. God is not a human being, and his ways and thoughts are so high above ours that if he tried to exhaustively explain what he’s doing to us, it’d be like trying to explain the Internet to an ant. Our tiny human brains couldn’t possibly grasp it.
So he gives us pictures.
And the picture of marriage is actually a tiny portion of a much larger picture.
What is the reality?
Anon, 2016. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version, Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.
So let’s break this down.
In Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, he gives us a series of pictures to help us understand what God is doing; he starts big, and he works his way down to the small. The first picture he gives us is the picture of a PLAN.
He says (in ) that God
…chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5 he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. 7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, 8 which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight 9 making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ 10 as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.
So the first picture is a plan—a blueprint for where God is bringing this world. We see in Genesis chapter 2 that God created the world, he created man and woman, but humanity rebelled against him, and sin came in and corrupted everything. Now, we are naturally separated from God, and deserving of his wrath.
But he says here, in , that God chose us in Christ—when?—before the foundation of the world. That is, before he even created the world, God knew what would happen, and he had a plan to fix what would be broken: and that plan was Jesus Christ.
We have talked about this at great length, Roxane, but I’m going to say this for anyone here who wasn’t there for those conversations.
He sent Jesus Christ, his Son, to live the life we were called to live, and to suffer the death we deserve, in order that he might redeem us, and forgive us, and give us the riches of his grace, and reconcile us to himself.
And what he does in every single one of his children, through faith in Christ, he will one day do for the entire world.
That’s God’s plan.
The second picture he gives us is a BODY. The body is how God’s plan plays itself out.
And as Paul continues on through his letter, he talks about how that plan plays itself out.
:
In chapter 4 of this letter, Paul compares the community of believers to a “body”—:
4 There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
Anon, 2016. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version, Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.
So this “body” he’s talking about isn’t a literal, physical body—the body is a picture of the people of God. Jesus Christ, through his life, death and resurrection, does not create individual Christians—that’s not his end game. Through Christ’s ministry on this earth, he creates a people. A family. A community of believers, with himself as the head of the family.
In chapter 4 of this letter, Paul compares the community of believers to a “body”—
In this body, like in any body, there are a lot of working parts. And that’s our third picture: the PARTS of the body.
Every body has organs. We have arms and legs and fingers and toes. We have a head.
In this picture of the “body,” the family of God, we have individual Christians—individual parts of the body—using the individual gifts God has given them, not to make themselves happy or to fulfill their own desires, but to help each other grow to become more like Christ.
in this family, he says, we have individual Christians using the individual gifts God has given them, not to make themselves happy or to fulfill their own desires, but to help each other grow to become more like Christ. :
And as Paul says, if there are parts to this body, Jesus Christ is the head.
:
11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
So the head of the body of Christ is Christ himself, and Christ takes the responsibility of giving us what we need to grow in him. And that’s the fourth picture: the GROWTH of the body.
The apostle Paul says in :
Many people get upset when they see this first part, because in our culture the word “submission” has a very negative connotation. But we should remember that at Paul’s time, that word didn’t mean the same thing. In the verse just before this one (v. 21), he calls Christians to submit to one another.
Every body grows. You both know my daughter Zadie; she’s sixteen months old as I’m writing this, and she’s adorable. She wobbles around on her little body—tiny legs, huge head. If she stops too fast she just falls right over.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
But as kids grow, they become more proportionate. The body grows stronger. The legs are able to stay under the head, so we don’t fall over. We grow more and more mature—physically, mentally and spiritually.
Now at this point, we have to start to think a little.
Paul has given us a series of pictures which describe what God is doing in his world. His plan, which produces his body (the church), which has individual parts (Christians), which help one another grow together to maturity.
So before we get angry about what he calls you (Roxane) to do here, let’s see what he tells you (Anthony) to do first—it will help us see a little better why what he calls the wife to do here is actually a good thing.
The question is, what might that growth look like? If growth is a picture of something, what is it a picture of?
Paul gives us the answer in the passages which follow—he tells us how the parts of the body are called to work together: what growth in the body looks like.
In he calls us to help one another to put off our old self and to put on the new self—to remind each other that we are not what we used to be, but that Christ has made us new.
In v. 25-29 he tells us to speak the truth to one another, to forgive one another, to let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
In 5.1-2 he tells us to be imitators of God, and to walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
In 5.20-21 he tells us to remind each other of why we should be thankful for what God has given us in Christ, and that we should submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
ALL of that—THAT is what growth looks like in the church. Everything he says there, he says to all Christians, everywhere. This is what it looks like to grow as a body, responding to the initative of our “head,” Jesus Christ, because of the plan God set out before he created the world.
Now at this point it’d be easy to wonder, What on earth does all of this have to do with marriage? You’ve talked about Christ, you’ve talked about the church, but you haven’t once mentioned marriage.
That’s right. Because even though we’re at a wedding, marriage is not the main point of this message. The main point is what God is doing in his people, through the finished work of Jesus Christ.
Marriage is a picture of that reality.
We have the plan of God…
…which created the body of Christ…
…which has many parts, and Christ as its head…
…and these parts help each other grow to maturity, to become more and more like Christ…
It is under all of those realities that marriage comes in. Marriage is a sub-picture of the greater picture. It is a picture that reflects the bigger picture, in a particular way.
And here’s how Paul says it works—in marriage, we are showing a picture of the union between Christ and his church. Between the head and the body. And in this living picture, we have the husband playing the role of Christ, and the wife playing the role of the church.
So just after telling us to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, Paul says in :
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Now I know you two know this, but just in case there’s anyone here who’s freaking out right now—Paul uses the word “submit” here very differently than we use it today. In our day, the word “submit” is a necessarily negative word: it means to be crushed, to be exploited, to be strongarmed into obedience by an oppressor.
That is the furthest thing from what Paul is trying to say here.
Paul has just called ALL Christians to submit to one another—that is, to serve one another, to help one another grow. And the submission he asks of you, Roxane, is that same kind of submission, applied in a particular way.
In other words, submission in the Bible is
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Souviens-toi de la Genèse : Dieu crée l’homme, et l’appel à cultiver et à protéger ce qu’il lui a donné. Et il dit que l’homme ne peut pas le faire seul, alors il crée la femme pour aider l’homme, de la même manière que Dieu aide son peuple. C’est n’est pas un appel qui rabaisse la femme, mais qui l’honore.
If I need my wife’s help, it’s because she has something I don’t. It’s because I know for a fact that in this particular domain, she is better than I am.
Alors dans le contexte du mariage, la soumission de la femme à son mari n’est pas synonyme d’obéissance ; il s’agit plutôt d’un secours sacrificiel.
So when Paul calls the wife to submit to her husband, he’s not talking about obedience to a domineering master. Roxane, you are not Anthony’s employee; you don’t work for him. You are his help.
C’est reconnaître la responsabilité que Dieu a placé sur Alex ; ça veut dire te servir des dons uniques que Dieu t’a donnée pour aider Alex à porter la charge de cultiver et de garder votre famille, parce qu’il ne peut pas le faire seul, et tu as ce dont il a besoin pour le faire comme il faut.
Puis, Alex, Paul s’adresse à toi (v. 25) :
25 Maris, aimez votre femme comme Christ a aimé l’Eglise. Il s’est donné lui-même pour elle 26 afin de la conduire à la sainteté après l’avoir purifiée et lavée par l’eau de la parole, 27 pour faire paraître devant lui cette Eglise glorieuse, sans tache, ni ride, ni rien de semblable, mais sainte et irréprochable. 28 C’est ainsi que les maris doivent aimer leur femme comme leur propre corps. Celui qui aime sa femme s’aime lui-même. 29 En effet, jamais personne n’a détesté son propre corps. Au contraire, il le nourrit et en prend soin, tout comme le Seigneur le fait pour l’Eglise 30 parce que nous sommes les membres de son corps.
Anon, 2016. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version, Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.
Alex, Dieu a placé sur toi une responsabilité immense : celle d’aimer cette femme, et de te donner pour elle. C’est l’opposé absolu de tout type de règne autoritaire et égocentrique—le mari fait ce qu’il fait pour sa femme, jamais pour lui-même…exactement comme Christ fait pout l’église.
Il se sacrifie pour elle ; il place ses besoins à elle devant ses propres besoins à lui ; il pense d’abord à sa croissance à elle, à ses inquiétudes, et à sa pureté. Comme tu prends soin de ton propre corps, tu es appelé à prendre soin de ta femme.
Et tu le fais afin de « la conduire à la sainteté. » Le but de tout ce que le mari fait en aimant et en se sacrifiant pour sa femme, c’est qu’elle ressemble de plus en plus à Jésus. Ce qui implique, bien sûr, que tu ressembles aussi à Jésus.
Et c’est vraiment là, le centre du sujet ici. Il ne s’agit pas d’une simple liste de choses à faire et à ne pas faire pour avoir mariage un mariage heureux.
Regardez à combien de fois Paul fait le parallèle entre mari et femme, et entre Christ et l’église.
Femmes, [soumettez-vous] à votre mari comme au Seigneur.
Tout comme l’Eglise se soumet à Christ, que les femmes aussi se soumettent en tout à leur mari.
Maris, aimez votre femme comme Christ a aimé l’Eglise.
Il [la] nourrit et en prend soin, tout comme le Seigneur le fait pour l’Eglise.
Dans le mariage, nous faisons parti d’un spectacle divin, avec le mari qui symbolise Jésus, et la femme qui symbolise l’église.
Alex, tu n’es pas Christ ; tu n’est pas parfait ou sans péché ; tu feras des erreurs. Ce n’est pas ainsi que le mari est comme Christ.
Le mari est comme Christ en ce que c’est Christ qui a pris la responsabilité de sauver son église. C’est lui qui a pris l’initiative. Il a pris la punition de l’église. Il a pris sa honte. Il n’a pas attendu qu’elle ait tout réglé pour la sauver, mais il l’a fait avant qu’elle fasse quoi que ce soit.
Et Natacha, de la même manière, l’église répond à l’initiative que Jésus a montré lorsqu’il s’est sacrifié pour elle.
L’église est reconnaissante de cette initiative et de ce sacrifice ; l’église promet de se sacrifier à son tour, de travailler avec Jésus, comme son corps, pour proclamer l’évangile partout dans le monde—c’est la mission que Dieu lui avait donné. Avant même d’avoir créé le monde, Dieu avait décidé que l’église fasse partie intégrante de son plan.
De la même manière, tu travailles avec Alex pour manifester la gloire et la grâce de Christ au monde à travers votre mariage.
Now after saying all that, Paul brings us back to God’s plan. He says that this was God’s intention for marriage, from the very beginning.
Après avoir dit tout ça—femmes, répondez comme l’église ; maris, prenez la responsabilité comme Jésus—Paul dit au v. 31 :
C’est pourquoi l’homme quittera son père et sa mère, s’attachera à sa femme, et les deux ne feront qu’un.
Ça, nous avons déjà vu.
Ça, c’est ce que Dieu a dit concernant l’homme et la femme dans Genèse 2—avant que l’homme ait péché, avant que le monde soit corrompu.
Autrement dit : en citant Genèse 2 ici, Paul montre que ce qu’il dit n’est pas un commandement culturel pour l’église d’Ephèse ; son exhortation aux hommes et aux femmes creuse ses racines dans la manière dont Dieu a créé l’homme et la femme tout au début.
Et Paul dit que depuis le tout début (v. 32) :
Ce mystère est grand, et je dis cela par rapport à Christ et à l’Eglise.
Avant la chute de l’homme ; avant le péché ; avant la corruption et la rébellion, le mystère du mariage n’est pas centré sur l’amour qui existe entre époux et épouse. Le mystère du mariage est centré sur Christ et son église. C’est pour cela que le mariage existe.
So you see, marriage is a picture…of a much bigger picture…of the reality that God has saved his people, and that we will be his forever.
Your marriage, as beautiful as it is, is temporary. One day you’ll die. I know that’s a bummer to say on your wedding day, but it’s true. One day one of you will die, and when that happens, this marriage will be over.
You would think that that idea would diminish marriage, make it less important than it is.
But in fact, it’s the opposite. No marriage today is an end in itself. Our marriages are pictures—living symbols of a much bigger reality: the union between Christ and his church.
And that union is ETERNAL.
Which means that our temporary marriages are so much bigger than we think.
Le mariage est tellement plus grand qu’une simple expression d’amour, ou d’engagement l’un envers l’autre. Tout le monde peut faire ça.
Mais tout le monde ne peut pas dire que leur union s’enracine dans des réalités cosmiques, qu’elle reflète des vérités divines.
Alors tout cela dit, en ce jour de votre 10e anniversaire de mariage, souvenez-vous que le vrai sens de votre mariage est tout simplement gigantesque.
Le mariage, c’est l’œuvre de Dieu. C’est lui qui vous a placés ensemble. C’est lui qui a fondé non seulement le mariage en général, mais votre mariage en particulier.
Souvenez-vous de la grande image que vous reflétez dans votre mariage.
Alors, mon frère, ma sœur : souvenez-vous de ce qu’est le mariage.
Natacha : souviens-toi que Dieu est celui qui t’a donné Alex comme tête de votre famille. Souviens-toi du poids que Dieu a placé sur lui ; aide-le à porter ce fardeau ; et soit honorée que l’aide que tu lui apportes, c’est le même genre d’aide que Dieu apporte à son peuple.
Alex : souviens-toi que tu as besoin d’aide, et que lorsque Dieu a pensé à l’aide spécifique dont tu aurais particulièrement besoin, il t’a donné Natacha. Il ne t’a pas donné ma femme, ou n’importe quelle autre : il t’a donné TA femme. Souviens-toi qu’elle remplit en toi ce qu’il te manque, et estime son aide par-dessus toute autre.
Aime ta femme, comme Christ a aimé l’église ; donne-toi pour elle ; sacrifie tes besoins pour les siens, tes désirs pour les siens. Nourris-la, et chéris-la, comme tu fais pour toi-même.
Et alors que vous continuez de vivre votre vie ensemble, alors que vous continuez de bâtir et de grandir votre famille ensemble, souvenez-vous de pourquoi le mariage existe.
Souvenez-vous que le mariage a lieu dans le contexte d’un corps, dont les parties grandissent ensemble à la maturité, sous l’autorité de notre tête Jésus-Christ, selon le plan de Dieu pour le monde entier qu’il a créé.
Souvenez-vous de ce que Jésus a fait pour vous, et de comment il vous appelle à répondre à son amour. Souvenez-vous de la mission qu’il vous a donnés en tant que couple : d’être des symboles vivants de son évangile au monde, et de montrer cet évangile d’une manière unique à vous.
J’ai toute confiance que vous avez fait ainsi avec les premières dix années de votre mariage ; et j’ai hâte de voir ce que Dieu fera des prochaines dix (et vingt, et cinquante, et soixante-dix) années.
Votre frère en Christ,
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.
Anthony, in regards to your relationship with your wife, the most fundamental commandment the Bible gives you is that you love her. But it’s not love in the romantic comedy sense. It’s not, “Buy her flowers and make her feel good.” You should do that, of course—don’t not do all those other things—but that’s not the kind of love he’s talking about here.
You are called to love Lynda-Roxane as Christ loved the church. And Paul goes on to say exactly what that love looks like.
Love her sacrificially. Christ gave himself up for his church. He took the initiative to come to earth and save her. He died for her.
You are called to love her so that she might become holy. Your main goal in loving your wife is that she be more like Christ—which of course means that necessarily, YOU must also be like Christ.
Love her fully. Human beings are naturally self-centered creatures—instinctively, we love ourselves very well. When we’re hungry, we feed ourselves. When we’re dirty, we take a shower. When we’re sick, we take medicine. Paul says that the kind of love you show yourself is exactly the kind of love you should show her. Completely, and fully, cherish her and nourish her. You are called to take care of her, just as Christ takes care of us.
It should be clear—already, from the beginning—that the leadership the Bible calls us to as husbands is the furthest thing possible from the macho, domineering, abusive leadership so many husbands are guilty of. We are to lead as Christ leads.
And if we know the gospel, we know how Christ leads his church. He saw his people rebel against his Father; he saw our sin and our corruption; he saw that we could not save ourselves.
And so he became a man, and lived the perfect life we’re called to live. He took our sin upon himself, and was punished for our sin, in our place. And in exchange, he gave us his perfect life. And because of that, God declares us righteous.
Jesus Christ is the least self-centered person in the universe. He is the polar opposite of an abusive, domineering husband. He does not seek his own good; he seeks the good of his church.
In that first verse, Paul is quoting from the very beginning of the Bible. He’s reminding us of when God created the world. At that point the man and the woman hadn’t rebelled against their God, so the world was perfect: no sickness, no death, no corruption in any way. That’s the world in which God placed the man and the woman. And he brought them together to be married, and he said (): Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
So marriage is an invention of God’s design, and he instituted it before anything bad had ever happened in this world—this is his doing, his purpose, since the beginning.
Paul reminds us of that by quoting here, and then he says (),
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
So he’s saying that since the very beginning, God’s intention for marriage is that it be a