49-42 God's Plan for Your Family--Part 3
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Wives Who Are Like the Church
Wives Who Are Like the Church
I’ve been recently watching episodes of “Leave It to Beaver.” It is quite a picture of what was considered to be the exemplary family in 1957 (1st season). Ward & June are the parents—both highly educated, hard workers (Ward at an office, June at home). June keeps the house in “perfect” condition, always tidy, supper is always on time, she is always dressed attractively and is a loving matriarch. Of course, Wally & the Beaver typically find themselves in a predicament that requires a moral lesson usually from dad. I imagine most people watched those episodes back then wishing they had this ideal family life.
In a Housekeeping magazine from 1955: READ EXCERPT
Now there is no conclusive proof that article ever existed (may have been a hoax) but along with TV shows you have a pretty clear understanding of 1950s Americana. That’s the ideal family (AKA the Traditional Family) and the should be the typical housewife.
The traditional family is gone. Not necessarily a bad thing. Erma Bombeck Motherhood: the 2nd oldest profession—in a chapter entitled “Donna, Harriet, Barbara, Shirley, Marjorie, Jan and Florence” (Donna Reed, Ozzie & Harriet, Leave it…, Father knows best)...
“For two decades during the 50s and 60s they were the role models for every mother in the country. They looked better cleaning their houses than most of us looked at our weddings. They never lost their temper, gained weight, spent more money than their husbands made, or gave viewers any reason not to believe that they were living their lives in celibacy. It was the age of God, Motherhood, flag and apple pie. All you had to do to be a mother was to put on an apron. No one did it better than these prime-time mothers. It was the not-ready-for-primetime mothers who questioned it in the late 60s. They questioned the long days. The lack of fringe benefits. The run and fetch syndrome. The question “What kind of day did you have?” and the answer that fell on deaf ears. It started out as a ripple of discontent, gathering momentum through the 70s. By the 80s the dissidents were a force to be dealt with. Whatever happened to the insulin 7: Donna Barbara Shirley Harriet Marjorie Jane and Florence? They disappeared beneath the tidal wave of reality.”
Now fast-forward 66 years—the picture of the Modern Family Persona (read account—maybe fictional but not uncommon). This is what life, marriage and family is like in a sin-cursed world.
Almost, without exception, when serious problems are encountered in marriage it is usually b/c there has been a major husband/wife role failure—Something Jay Adams says—when roles get thrown up into the air they come down as a tossed salad.
This trouble began in the Garden of Eden as Adam and Eve reversed their God-designed roles. And the consequences were catastrophic and are felt today.
Today, more than ever, there are many unhappy and discontent husbands/fathers and wives/mothers, not b/c they cannot find happiness and contentment but b/c they have never known or understood God’s plan for marriage/family.
Paul’s instruction is intended to bring husbands and wives back to God’s plan, purpose for marriage. And his instruction, though does not guarantee a problem-free marriage, it will produce happiness and fulfillment (which is always the case) b/c following God’s way is always the best way.
This morning the focus will be put on women/wives…that’s where Paul begins: Eph 5:22
Repetition shows urgency:
Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,
Now, this command immediately receives fierce resistance by the world today. But I want you to know that Scripture places infinite value, worth, dignity upon women. What is commonly the manifestation of the sin nature—women are degraded, held in very low esteem, treated without respect and with little to no regard. Paul had a very high view of women, recognizing the greatness of God’s purpose in creating both male and female—both with gender distinctiveness and bringing them together to forge the marital union that would enable them to fulfill God’s purpose in His creation. Far from being disrespected—Scripture places ultimate value on a woman so she can be everything that God has designed her to be, Paul’s teaching however is being rejected by the world b/c it is 180 degrees from how the world thinks the woman should be elevated. When a woman occupies the role God has given her in marriage, she will have exceeding joy. But that is not how the world looks on the Bible’s teaching to women…rejected b/c:
This happens for a couple of reasons:
Sinful rebellion in all human hearts to authority
Knowing the catastrophe of original sin and the propensity of the human heart to rebel against all authority, God has providentially and graciously placed each of us under authority—in several ways: to government (Rom 13:1), to parents (Eph 6:1), in the workplace (Eph 6:5; Col 3:22-25), in the church (for Xns Heb 13:17). God has placed authority over us to keep the rebellious heart in check—It is for our good, and the good of humanity as a whole.
(causes for resistance) Misunderstanding what headship of husband and submission of wives means. It tends to be viewed as the wife does all the dirty work, if she submits she is doomed to a life of misery, and that ultimate fulfillment is found in doing whatever you want to do.
God’s Word does define what marriage should look like, and emphasizes the specific role husbands and wives have in that God-instituted relationship. I want to be clear this morning about 1 thing: we’ll talk a great deal about submission today, but this is not the wife’s role. A role explains the place a person has in that relationship (the position or purpose that a person has) and the biblical roles express a complementarian reality b/t husband and wife. They stand as equals before Christ (Gal 3:28) but by God’s perfect design, there are differences in their respective roles. Submission is not the wife’s role but her joyful response to her husband’s role of loving, servant leadership (we’ll look at next time).
Let me point out 2 specific roles of wives who are like the church laid forth in Scripture:
1) She Is an Honorer (Eph 5:22-24, 33)
1) She Is an Honorer (Eph 5:22-24, 33)
Notice vs 33 “respect” is Gk phobeo (phobia) “to fear”. Paul is not saying wives should be terrified or frightened by the husbands. But “respect” may be too mild of a term. All believers are called to “fear Christ” (Eph 5:21). This means to have reverence, awe, the intent to honor—applied also to the wife toward her husband. It means that she will hold her husband in the highest esteem. She will revere him (not revamp him—not the HS).
Now the way honor is expressed toward her husband is thru loving, joyful submission. Since there is confusion and wrong perceptions regarding submission (the S word), let me point out what submission is and what it is not.
A. What Submission is Not
Putting husband in place of Christ
He is also head of the body, the church; and He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that He Himself will come to have first place in everything.
The husband is not to become an “idol”
“Please say that you are my sister so that it may go well with me because of you, and that I may live on account of you.”
Sarah should have said “no”
But the midwives feared God, and did not do as the king of Egypt had commanded them, but let the boys live.
But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.
If a husband asks his wife to disobey God, she must obey God above all.
Giving up independent thought and becoming intellectually stagnant
Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
Proverbs 1:8 (NASB95)
do not forsake your mother’s teaching;
Judges 13:21-23 (the reasoning of Manoah’s wife regarding the Angel of the Lord)
Giving up all efforts to influence her husband
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
Resources to influence your husband:
Armor of God (Eph 6:10-18); Prayer; godly friends (Pro 27:5-6 “Better is open rebuke Than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” ); quietness, purity, fear of God (1 Pt 3:1-2); overcome evil with good (Rom 12:17-21); Providing a soft answer (Pro 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.”; Pro 25:15 “By forbearance a ruler may be persuaded, And a soft tongue breaks the bone.”); speaking the truth in love (Eph 4:15); reproving him (Mt 18:16); patience (Pro 15:18); sweetness of speech (Pro 16:21 “The wise in heart will be called understanding, And sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.”)
Not giving in to every demand
A wife should refuse submission where there is sin (forbids to go to church, forbids talking to children about the Lord, asking her to commit immorality, asking her to lie or cheat, forbidding her to reprove him when he sins, asking her to violate her conscience).
Letting her gifts lie dormant
An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.
As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.
Doing nothing to protect herself from an unreasonable husband
Church leaders should be ready to intervene and give counsel to the wife in a difficult situation (church discipline may become necessary). The government is also a resource for the wife needing protection since it exists for the punishment of evildoers. Calling the police when she is in danger from her husband is not a violation of submission.
Not based on worthiness of husband
Paul’s instruction is not “submit when your husband deserves it...” He is not infallible…in fact, he will fail many times.
B. What Submission Is
Defining the biblical word
“submission” is a Gk compound word hupo=under; tasso=to place, order, command, station; to place under, to be under command; to be subject to [another].” The word denotes a relationship of submission to authority—a military term “to rank under” an officer. Notice those in Scripture who submit:
Jesus to His parents
And He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them; and His mother treasured all these things in her heart.
citizens to government
Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.
Demons were subject to disciples
The seventy returned with joy, saying, “Lord, even the demons are subject to us in Your name.”
Universe is subject to Christ
For He has put all things in subjection under His feet. But when He says, “All things are put in subjection,” it is evident that He is excepted who put all things in subjection to Him.
Church is subject to Christ
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Believers are subject to God
Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
Christ subjected to the Father
When all things are subjected to Him, then the Son Himself also will be subjected to the One who subjected all things to Him, so that God may be all in all.
Submission is God’s way (perfect, all wise, loving, gracious) of attaining and maintaining function and order in the home.
Let me briefly show you 4 truths about the wife’s submission to her husband:
1. Submission includes honor, reverence, and dedication toward husband
Eph 5:33 is about an attitude toward her husband, desiring him to be elevated in his role as loving leader. Prov 31:10-12, 23
2. Submission is a spiritual matter for the wife:
Eph 5:22 “as unto the Lord”=the manner (as you submit to husband you are submitting to Lord
Eph 5:24 “as the church is subject to Christ”=the model
The church lives for Christ. Christ laid down His life for it—her response is to live for Him—to bring honor to Christ.
For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.
Wives then follow the model, pattern living for their husbands (is ready to give his life for his wife)—she responds by living for him.
Eph 5:18 “be filled with the Spirit”=the means
The ultimate motivation for your submission is b/c this is what honors Christ. You cannot be right with God and withhold submission from your husband.
3. Submission is a volitional matter
This is about your choice to be submissive (hupotasso in middle voice). But the choice you have is not without consequences if you fail to obey God’s instruction. The tragedy of that failure is seen in the widespread destruction that rains down on the family where the roles have reversed and the wife in not the honorer that her husband depends on. It will damage your marriage, your children, and b/c what they observe in the home as they are raised, they will take what they understand to be the functioning of the family into their own families. and it becomes a vicious downward cycle. Wives…you must choose obedience over your natural propensity to elevate yourself over your husband (this is what Eve did, and we know the rest of the story).
4. Submission is a comprehensive matter
Eph 5:24 “in everything” (except sin) means in all categories of life (parenting, finances, spiritual life)
Submission is how the wife exercises her crucial role of giving honor to her husband that stands as an important testimony to the world (your spheres of influence) and especially to your children.
2) She Is a Helper (Gen 2:18)
2) She Is a Helper (Gen 2:18)
עֵ֖זֶר כְּנֶגְדֹּֽו
“Helper suitable” is a reference to God’s provision for Adam when he didn’t find (vs 20) one who was his opposite, proper for him, ideally suited—his perfect complement. This is not just physically opposite (but would certainly include that and restricts the design of God for marriage to be b/t man and woman). As his companion and helper, she is the one who is designed by God to be exactly what the husband needs to fulfill his God-given responsibilities within creation. She is not 2nd class but an absolute equal-created in the image of God.
The wife will find ultimate fulfillment as she exercises her role in using her gifts and abilities to render assistance to her husband.
For a man ought not to have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake.
The wife, who is often tempted to think of herself as an appendage, an afterthought realizes that by God’s design she is an equal, a contributing member of a partnership that will bring honor and glory to Christ and the only true fulfillment she is seeking as a woman, wife, mother.
Biblical womanhood (for those married—wife) is truly a high and excellent calling. The world will always twist and resist God’s purposes for marriage but His instruction to wives to honor their husbands thru loving, joyful submission and to be the helpmate to their husbands will bring lasting fulfillment and stand to temper the destruction of the family that Satan is commited to.